I had just stepped out the door and closed it behind me. "Bobby?" I asked again and all I heard was a sigh. I stood on the porch with one arm wrapped around my waist trying to control the anxiety that had started, and my other hand trying to hold the phone steady. "Bobby, please answer me..." I sighed.
"I..." he started but his voice cracked and he stopped. I could hear the sound of liquid being poured so I imagined he was drinking. "I need to tell you something." He sighed.
"Alright." I nodded my head and was just waiting for him to continue. As I waited I looked up at the sky, it had started to rain again and I closed my eyes. Bobby hadn't said anything. "Bobby you're scaring me." I said.
"Sam's gone." He finally said.
"What?" I questioned quickly trying to keep my voice steady. The arm around my waist squeezed tighter. The knot in my stomach was getting bigger.
"Sam's dead." He said. "And Dean took off, I don't know where he is." Bobby said and just by the tone of voice I could tell he was having a hard time speaking.
"Wait. What do you mean he's dead... the Winchesters don't die." I had to laugh.
"They do when Satan is riding around inside." Bobby snapped. "Sam said yes thinking he could take control and when he did he jumped into the cage!" He yelled and my mind was racing.
"Well how do we get him back?" I asked in a bit of a panic.
"We don't. We can't." Bobby said.
I had to laugh again. "Oh come on Bobby there is always a way."
"NOT THIS TIME! DON'T YOU GET IT! SAM IS GONE, DEAD, NOT COMING BACK!" Bobby yelled and my mind finally clicked to his words.
"Oh God." I breathed out as my hand started to shake. The grip around my waist was making it hard to breathe. "but... he... oh god." My eyes started to burn and the tears started before I could even think to stop them.
"Just thought you ought to know." Bobby sighed. "Goodbye Clara." he hung up.
I couldn't even move. My eyes were wide and tears were just streaming down my face. The phone slipped from my hands and crashed to the ground. I felt very uneasy and when I reached out for the handle around the porch, my knees bucked before I got a grip.
I sat on the cold and wet ground trying to catch my breath. Every time I breathed in pain would just shoot into my chest and my head would start pounding. Soon I couldn't even think. My whole world was just spinning and I couldn't stop it.
How could Sam just be dead and how could Dean just take off! I wanted to scream for someone to answer my questions but no words would come. The rain hit my face as I pushed myself to the edge of the stair case and stared at the ground still trying to get one full breath in. My hands ran through my hair and I tugged a bit just to make sure this was real.
I collected my now wet hair to the side and placed my hands firmly on the ground just to keep me from falling over anymore. My legs were shaking as rain drops hit my bare skin, my heart was pounding and I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't feel anything but pain and anger. Apparently my faith wasn't enough this time.
I stood across the dimly lit street leaning against my car. It was the only thing I had left and I hadn't even thought about where to go. Once Sam was gone I got in and just drove. The rain hadn't let up and neither did the pain. When I finally got to where I wanted to be I was frozen standing in the rain. The lights were on and I knew she would be home. I just couldn't move.
I wanted to go right up to her door, knock, and tell her how sorry I was. I hoped she wasn't mad but I knew she would be. I didn't want to tell her about Sam, I just couldn't tell her what happened. I could hardly deal with it myself, how was I supposed to tell her Sam was gone?
I watched the house for a second and just as I got the courage to take a step the door opened. Clara stepped out with her phone against her ear and an arm wrapped around her. She had a small smile on her face and I just looked at her. So different then when I had left her. Her hair had grown out and faded to a light brown. She was wearing a dress that made her look amazing and she was as beautiful as ever.
I had no idea who she was talking to but as she stood on the porch and her smile fell I knew it was Bobby. I watched as her whole face turned pale and through the rain I could see the tears building in her eyes. It looked like she couldn't breathe as the phone fell from her hand and crashed to the ground. My heart broke into more pieces as I watched Clara completely unravel.
She reached out for the railing of the porch but she collapsed and her whole body shook as she took deep breaths. She placed her hands on the ground and I couldn't bare to watch her in so much pain. I quickly regained my motivation to walk. I crossed the street and I couldn't even feel the rain hit my face anymore.
Clara's eyes were on the ground as she desperately tried to catch her breath. She ran her hands through her wet hair and slowly tried to get up. She sat back down for a second before closing her eyes and taking a very deep breath. She stood, her knees threatening to buckle again but she kept her balance and walked up the stair. She looked over to the side and stared at her car. I watched as she let out a small angry laugh and took her heels off quickly.
With a painful cry she threw her shoes at her car's windows as hard as she could. One cracked the glass and the other went right through. Her chest rose quickly as she took a breath and I opened my mouth to say something but I had no idea what to say. She turned on her heels and picked up her phone and threw it at her car too. I hadn't seen Clara break down in a long time and it hurt too much to watch her in so much pain.
She turned her back and was going to head back into her house when I finally found my words. "I tried." Was all that came out. It barely came out at all, my words were shaky and my voice cracked.
Clara gasped and turned quickly when she heard me. Her eyes and cheeks were puffy and red, you could almost see the pain in her eyes as she looked at me. She tilted her head and took a deep breath. "I know." She sighed.
I looked up at her on the porch and sighed. "I didn't know where else to go..." I said slowly and her arm went around her waist again. I could tell she was having a hard time getting a breath in. "I know what I said...but um..." I had to look down and put a hand over my mouth to stop my tears from falling. I looked up at her and she sighed and before I could say anything else she started to run to me. Down the stairs, into the rain, without shoes, she just ran toward me. I thought she was going to start throwing punches but instead she threw her arms around me and the minute she touch me I put my arms around her and held tightly.
Dean placed his head on my shoulder and I could feel how heavy this was weighing on him. His breathing was slow and shaky and when I hugged him he waisted no time latching onto me. I was so happy he was alive and here but hated why he was here. I started to realize that things weren't exactly going to be the same anymore.
Then I realized it was still raining and I had no shoes on. It suddenly got very cold and when I started to pull away I felt Dean hold on tighter. I smiled as kept my arms around his neck but pulled away enough to look at him. He tried to avoid looking at me but I placed a hand on his cheek and he finally looked at me.
In that second whatever anger I had toward Dean had just melted away. I could see how much he was hurting and how he was no doubtingly blaming himself and I couldn't just let him walk away. "We should go inside." I said quietly and he sighed.
"Really?" He asked like he didn't believe me.
"It's getting pretty late... we're not going to solve anything standing in the rain." I smiled kindly at him.
"Clara I..." He said pulling away from me and I shook my head and grabbed his hand and locked our fingers together so he couldn't turn away.
"You are gonna come inside." I finished his sentence then turned my back slowly. He sighed and followed me. I walked up the stairs first and before I could step inside Dean tugged on my arm and turned with a small smile.
"Thank you." He said quietly as he leaned forward and kissed me gently.
I kissed him back only for a second then pulled away and made him come inside. I closed and locked the door behind us and sighed looking at him as he looked around the house. "Do you want to talk about it or should we just go upstairs?" I asked and he looked at me. He looked a bit confused. "If we are gonna find a way to get Sam back I think we need a good nights rest." I smiled.
"Clara there is no bringing Sam back." Dean sighed.
"Why?" I asked with a sigh. It wasn't like Dean not to have a way to get his brother back. "I mean Cas brought you back maybe he can.."
"No. He can't." Dean shook his head at me. "Look I made a promise and this time I'm going to keep it." Dean said looking at me with sad eyes.
"What kind of promise?" I asked a bit worried. Before Dean could answer the house phone started to ring. I walked over to the phone and looked at the ID. I quickly but it down and turned back to Dean.
"Screening your calls now?" He laughed a bit at me.
"It's just Morgan." I shrugged.
"And you're not gonna answer it?" Dean seemed a bit confused.
"No." I smiled.
"CLAAARRRAAA!" Adrian's voice rang through the house and Dean jumped not expecting anyone else to be here.
I sighed deeply. I thought he would have been in bed by now. "What?" I called back rubbing my face.
"Derek's on the phone!" He called back.
"Hang up." I answered him.
"But he says he needs to talk to you!" He called back again and I sighed as Dean just stared at me.
"I don't need to hear it tonight." I said walking over to the staircase and looking up. He was hanging over the rail at the top.
"He says it's important." Adrian whined and I sighed.
"I don't care." I smiled up at him. "Now please hang up and for god sakes get your butt to bed." I shook my head. Adrian sighed as he hung up the phone and walked away. I turned to face Dean who looked so confused. "Sorry about that." I smiled. "Now where were on bringing Sam back?" I asked changing the subject.
"Who was that?" Dean asked pointing up the stairs.
"Oh that's..." I was cut off by the phone ringing again.
"Clara!" Adrian yelled as he came running down the stairs. "He's not gonna stop calling unless you answer." he said throwing the phone at me.
"He'll stop." I smiled at him as I pressed ignore. "Um.. Adrian.." I sighed looking up to Dean who looked even more confused. "This is Dean." I smiled and Adrian spun around quickly and looked at him. They both looked at each other for a second and Dean's mouth dropped open a bit.
"Hey." Adrian nodded then turned back to me. "So tomorrow I'm going to Terry's to work on that stupid project then am I going to get Jack?" He asked with a sigh.
"Um..." I couldn't believe Adrian hadn't freaked out yet. He had read all those books so many times and he went on and on about Dean and how awesome he seemed to be. I looked between them and Adrian just waited for an answer. "No... we don't have a case." I answered and Adrian nodded.
"Okay." Adrian nodded then took off up the stairs.
I watched him run up the stairs and when the door to his room closed I laughed. "That was weird." I shook my head looking back to Dean who was about to explode with questions.
"You got a kid?" He asked his arms dropping to his sides. "Did you just forget to tell us about that?" he asked with a huff.
"Dean he isn't mine." I lowered my voice with little laugh.. "I just took him in about a year ago..." I said with a sigh. "I was on a hunt and he.."
"You're still hunting?" Dean asked quickly.
"No... I only took one job." I shrugged. "He didn't have anyone else so I just thought..." I sighed and rubbed my face. I was still wet and before I could finish my sentence Adrian yelled from the top of the stairs.
"Oh my god!" He said and rushed down quickly and looked at Dean. "You're Dean..." A smile spread across his face quickly and I knew what was coming.
"Adrian not now." I warned quietly.
"But that's... You... you're Dean freaking Winchester!" He almost yelled as he and Dean stared at each other.
"Yeah... how do you..."
"He's your biggest fan." I smiled and Adrian just smiled back.
"I've read all the books at least five times." Adrian said and Dean sighed. "You are awesome." He smiled.
"Adrian, Dean might be sticking around for a while so you can talk to him some other time... but right now you need to go to bed." I said and Adrian turned.
"But that's Dean Winchester!" He smiled.
"Yes I am well aware of that." I smiled. "Please?" I asked and sighed.
"Alright... It was really, really great to meet you." Adrian turned and quickly shook Dean's hand. Adrian back up just staring at me and Dean. He looked over at me and smiled brightly. I hadn't seen him so happy. I could help but smiled when he almost tripped over himself. He took one step onto the stairs and looked back at Dean. "You're awesome." he pointed to Dean then nodded to me.
"Wow." I smiled once Adrian ran back up stairs and shut his door.
"I'll say." Dean huffed running a hand through his hair.
"I've never seen him so happy." I turned to Dean but he looked very stressed. "What is it?" I asked as he took a step back.
"Um... you got a kid." He laughed nervously and backed up more. "I... I... I have to go." He said heading for the door.
"Dean." I said in a demanding voice and he stopped with his hand on the doorknob. "You came here for a reason." I said walking up behind him. "You made a promise to Sam." I said and he turned quickly.
"How do you know that?" he asked his breath escaping quickly.
"Because I know you and Sam." I sighed. "Every time on of you dies...You make each other swear that you won't do something stupid and go looking for the other, and try to live a normal life." I said and Dean's eyes go wide. "And I know every time neither of you keep your word." I smirked. "So you can either stay here and we can find a way to bring Sam back together or you can walk out... but of you walk out..." I sighed not wanting to finish my sentence.
"You have a family now.. I can't just-"
"When did you stop being a part of that family." I stopped him and he smiled right away.
"You sure?" He asked with a sigh.
I smiled up at Dean. "You remember the first hunt we went on... We were just teenagers and didn't know each other all that well?" I asked and Dean smiled with a nod. "Then you remember the promise we both made." I sighed with a smirk. "We both promised to be there when we were needed." I said and he nodded.
"You've always been better at keeping that promise..." he sighed.
"Well right now we are both needed... so stay." I smiled. Dean closed his eyes for a second and nodded with a smile. I linked my arm around his and lead him up the stairs. "Adrian already loves you and if sat with him for like ten minutes you would love him too." I smiled as we walked into the bedroom and he looked around. "Took me all but five minutes." I laughed and Dean looked down at me.
"You just took him in?" He asked.
"Yeah... he didn't have any other family, demons were after him and I thought I would be better protection then the state." I sighed as I took Dean jacket off his shoulders. "I can put your clothes in the dryer... There are more of your clothes in that bottom drawer." I smiled at him and he looked at me funny. "What?" I laughed. "Like I didn't think you would show up here eventually..." I rolled my eyes walking over and throwing him some more clothes.
"Demons were after the kid?" Dean asked as he peeled his soaked shirts off and handed them to me.
I nodded with a sigh as Dean changed. I looked down at my dress and noticed how went it was. I walked over to my dresser and found some shorts and sweater to change into. I quickly changed and when I looked back to Dean he just looked at me. I realized I hadn't answered his question.
"Oh right..." I smiled. "Um yea Cas took care of one." I sighed as I walked out of the room carrying the wet clothes.
"What did it want with the kid?" Dean asked as we walked down the hall.
"Shh." I said as we walked by Adrian's door. The light was off so I hoped he hadn't heard us. We walked down the stairs quickly and when we reached the laundry room, far away from Adrian's ear shot I sight. "They didn't want anything... Demons just cause chaos. The one that Cas killed possessed Adrian and killed his mother."
"Oh shit..." Dean swore as he watched me throw our wet clothes in the dryer. "Does he remember?" Dean asked in a concerned tone.
"He did at first.. But I asked Cas to erase his memory." I said leaning up against the dryer as it turned on. Dean stood in the doorway and leaned on the door frame. "But apparently he could only do so much. He left the demon part behind." I sighed. "Pretty sure he only did that cause he was mad at me." I could help but laugh.
"What?" Dean asked in confusion. I could tell this story and anything I was saying was keeping his mind off Sam and I was happy to keep talking.
"Well he wasn't very happy I was on a case and not helping with pending apocalypse..." I shrugged.
"Right..." Dean sighed. "I tried to tell him that was my fault but he didn't believe me."
"I'm sure you did." I smiled believing him. "But he was still pissed. So were the demons that came after me because of what Cas did." I shrugged as I walked by Dean and into the living room.
"Seriously more of them came after you?" Dean asked as I sat on the couch first and he sat next to me. "Don't they know better yet." He couldn't help but smile.
"Oh I'm sure they do now." I smiled back. "But then I had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting Crowley." I said and Dean sighed.
"Right... he told us he paid you a visit." Dean shook his head. "He never told us what he talked to you about."
"He wanted to give me the Colt." I shrugged. "I just told him to give it to you and Sam." I sighed. "And I guess he listened..."
"What do you mean?" Dean asked.
"Um... Sam came to see me about sic months ago." I sighed putting my head in my hands.
"Why?" Dean asked. I guess Sam had never told him.
"He came for answers." I sighed looking up at Dean. "He didn't know what to do about Lucifer, and he told me about Ellen and Jo." I said and Dean looked away quickly. "I'm sorry..." I sighed and Dean nodded.
"You and me both." He shrugged.
"If it helps Aaron doesn't blame you or Sam." I said and Dean looked up quickly.
"You told him?" He asked in confusion.
"Yes... He and Ellen were close in his hunting days and Jo was his god-daughter, I thought he should know." I sighed and Dean looked away again. "He doesn't blame you." I said placing a hand on his.
Dean and I sat for a minute in silence. He wouldn't look at me and I couldn't look away from my mantel. I had our pictures up there and the small smiles Sam and Dean had all those years ago were breaking my heart. Then I noticed all the other pictures I had up there. One of me and Jessica, me and Bobby, Ellen and Jo, a few other hunters I knew, my team, Penelope and Derek's engagement photo, Adrian and his mother, me and Adrian, and the oldest one was of me and my father. My eyes started to burn once I noticed the order they were in. Dean was still holding my hand and I sighed looking at the photos.
"What is it?" Dean sighed as well.
"I have a mantle of dead people." I said quietly and I didn't even move.
"What?" Dean snapped a bit and he turned his head and looked at what I was looking at. I slowly put my other hand over my mouth to stop myself from crying and from saying anything.
"Just about everyone up there is dead..." I said in a mumble and Dean held onto my other hand tighter. I shook my head and Dean sighed. I slowly leaned back and placed my head on his shoulder and finally looked away from the photos. Dean however kept looking at them. I closed my eyes quickly to stop the tears.
"Not everyone." Dean sighed as he put an arm around me and placed his head on mine.