A/N: Sorry for the delay, and thanks for reading and reviewing.

Chapter Nine – Day Seven

The sun is warming my face when I awake and I am tucked up all warm and cosy. Wheeler. I think with a smile and reach out for him, only to feel the wooden wall of my cabin.

My eyes fly open in shock, I was sure we had stayed on the beach... I remember waking with his arms around me, and turning to cuddle into him, wanting to hold him as he held me… Was it all a dream? Or did he bring me back here and leave me to wake alone, knowing how scared I was? It would have been better to leave me on the beach.

I choke back a sob and quickly rub the tears from my eyes, I should be used to being betrayed by now.

There is a rising sense of panic in my chest, I know it is irrational, like my dash through the trees, but I cannot help it, I have to get out of here!

I turn over trying to extricate myself rather clumsily from the bedclothes. I finally manage it and stand up, only to stop dead and stare.

My sweet Yankee is asleep in my chair with only the blanket my Grandmuska knitted for me to keep him warm. He must have carried me back here and put me to bed, then stayed beside me all night... I hope it is not too uncomfortable and immediately feel guilty again. I have to stop doubting him!

Not wanting to wake him, I crawl back under the covers of my bed and lay there watching him sleep. It does not sound very interesting I know, but I find it restful.

He stirs a short time later pulling the most adorable face, which makes me giggle. The noise is enough to bring him fully awake and he opens one eye as if to check if it is worth getting up. Then as he sees me grinning at him he opens the other and sits up. "Good morning Beautiful." He says. "Sleep well?"

"Da." I reply honestly. "The best night's sleep I have had since I got home." Actually it is the best night's sleep I have had since I left for Washington but there is no need to remind him.

Despite the sweatshirt he was using as a pillow it is obvious that his neck got stiff, because he is rubbing it and trying to stretch it.

"Come over here." I say, seeing an opportunity to return a favour.

It came out as command but that just seems to amuse him. "Yes Ma'am." he says and comes to sit beside me on the bed. "What can I do for you?"

"Sit straight and face ahead of you." I tell him, moving to kneel behind him with my knees by his hips.

I start rubbing his neck, copying what he did to me last night. I know I am not as strong as he is, but judging by the little noises he is making, he is enjoying it. I continue down over his shoulders, kneading the muscles as best I can finally leaning over his shoulder to ask "Better?"

"Yep. We should make a habit of this, it could come in handy after long missions." He turns his head slightly so that our foreheads are touching.

"Good idea." I agree, not moving away.

He points at the cover he was using. "I hope you don't mind my using that blanket… you brought it from home?"

"Da, my grandmother made it and you can borrow anything, you do not have to ask." He looks at me in surprise, it is out of character and we both know it.

Trying to make light of it and change the subject I say. "Anything except my clothes, I do not think I could deal with that right now."

He laughs. "Don't worry Babe, that's really not my thing." Then he tugs lightly on the top I am wearing. "Though I do have a thing for your wearing some of mine." He recollects himself again and pulls away gently.

I am not going to try to stop him but I am disappointed, not because I want anything to happen, I do not, I cannot think clearly enough for that. I like the closeness though and I do not want there to be any awkwardness between us about anything.

"You wanna come for a run with me?" he asks suddenly.

I nod, "I thought I was supposed to rest though?"

"Actually, light exercise is good for you… don't worry we'll keep it gentle… if you want to that is." He is sounding unsure.

I roll my eyes. "Wheeler stop worrying so much! If I do not want to do something I will tell you." I am not just talking about the run, here is hoping he gets the point!

Ten minutes later though I am not so sure the exercise is a good idea. Normally I could race Wheeler around the island at top speed but even taking it gently right now - and we are - I am struggling to keep up. I am nearly out of breath and my limbs feel like jelly but I refuse to give up.

I stumble and try to steady myself but my legs give out and I fall to the sand.

Wheeler is at my side in seconds looking concerned and asking questions but I am too annoyed to answer. I slam my hand down onto the ground so hard that it hurts. "It is not fair!" I gasp out, still short of breath and further hampered by the tears that are starting to stream from my eyes. "I have always kept myself in shape! What if this is permanent, I will be a liability, maybe the others are right after all and I should just give up."

My friend is trying to calm me but I am not listening, "What has Boris done to me, Wheeler? I do not know who I am anymore." I am sobbing by the time I say that last, I am not even sure he can understand me.

He tenderly strokes my hair from my face, I guess he is not sure of my reaction but once he realises I am not going to start shouting at him, he pulls me into his embrace. My body is still wracked with sobs and I am unable to speak, unable to even think clearly, but I guess I needed to let some of it out. We stay like that until I calm down… I try to apologise then but he tells me to hush and kisses my forehead.

After a while he says, "We'd better pick up our instruments, I had to leave them on the beach last night… I covered them up before you say anything." He adds quickly and I laugh through my remaining tears.

When we get back we both need showers. I take longer getting ready than Wheeler so I tell him that I will meet him in the kitchen.

He has made toast already when I arrive, but he has cut it into small squares and each square has a different spread on it. "I thought this might make it more fun." He explains. I guess he is still trying to find ways to get me to eat, even if he is not going to try to make me.

"Okay." I say, I will play the game, who knows maybe it will work… though I think the combination is more likely to make me be sick again. At least I won't feel guilty letting him clean it up!

"Kwame and Ma-Ti picked up the mail." He says, indicating a small pile of envelopes on the table.

I sit down while he finishes preparing our breakfast and open the first letter. It is planeteer fan mail and makes me smile, I will answer it later. The second letter however, provokes a completely different reaction.

I feel the colour drain from my face and I begin trembling violently. Wheeler has his back to me as he is preparing something, I want to get his attention but I am having difficulty breathing and I do not think I can move. I want to cry but I cannot seem to, 'Wheeler help me please', I beg silently.

"What is it? What's wrong?" He asks, suddenly beside me.

I cannot answer him, the words won't come, I am still frozen. Even when he holds me against him, I cannot release the emotions that are threatening to overwhelm me.

He is still trying to find out what is wrong and I am going to give him my letter, when realise that he cannot read it because it is in Russian.

"…I'll do what I can to make it better Babe, you know that by now right?" He tells me and kisses the top of my head.

How I wish he could fix it! But he cannot, and he must not think like that, there are so many things we do not have control over, I do not want him to feel responsible for everything that goes wrong in my life...

I start to feel really guilty and that is what finally pushes me over the edge and allows me to let go. I have my face against Wheeler's chest as I gasp out the prevalent thoughts in my mind. "Nyet, you cannot make this better. Not this time. This is where my world completely starts to fall apart."

"Then I'll be there to help you put it back together," He states with both simplicity and absolutely certainty.

Does he realise how much responsibility he is offering to take on? "You will?"

"Of course." He replies, still sounding so sure of himself. "I'm not just here to get you part way through this. I'm here to get you through all of it. I'm in this for the duration…and even afterwards…if you still want me to be."

What did he just offer...? It was not so much what he said as the way he said it... Of course I want him to be there forever, right now there is nothing I would like more. To be able to turn everything over to him. To let him make all the decisions. That would not be fair though, and it probably would not work for long once I am better either.

I know part of this is still to do with his guilt over his cousin, and another part is not liking to see his friends hurting, he is very protective and very impulsive. That is why I cannot let him make any promises right now... I know he will always be there for me, that is just the sort of person he is, the sort of friend he is! I do not need or want him to commit himself to something more though, something he might regret when he is thinking clearer.

I must have taken too long to answer because he pulls back and takes my face in his hands, brushing away my tears and looking deeply into my eyes as he asks. "Do you still want me?"

I cannot lie to him when he looks at me like that, with no barriers or bad humour to hide behind, it is just him and me. "Da."

He smiles and pulls me back against him and I snuggle my face back into my favourite spot in the crook of his neck. At the back of my mind though, I am worried.

If he keeps asking me that, how am I going to tell whether it is what he wants or because he feels an obligation? Do not ask me that if you ever change your mind Yankee because though I will say 'no' if you need me to, I really do not ever want to have to lie to you!

"Good…" For a brief second I think that I have spoken out loud but as he continues I realise he is just pleased that I did not reject him. "Now, can you tell me what all this is about? What's got you so upset and what can I do to fix it?"

I look back into my friends eyes. "It is Bor... I mean my Grand... that is my Uncle."

I bite my bottom lip and try to get my thoughts in order. "My Grandmother wrote to tell me that Boris' funeral is in a couple of days."

I swallow hard. I am practically forcing the words out. "She says my Uncle is very distraught and other than bringing Boris' b... Body home and booking the ceremony, is leaving the arrangements to her but he will not tell her what happened, other than that I was there..."

Tears are stinging my eyes and my breath is once again catching in my throat as I fight back sobs. "What can I tell her Wheeler? How do I explain to my Grandmuska that I watched Boris die?! That I was too Blissed Out to save him... that now I too am an..." I sob.

I cannot say it but Wheeler does not need me to. He squeezes me tight and holds my head against him as he kisses my temple again. I can feel his shared grief and anger in the tenseness of his muscles and I return his embrace with renewed strength. Neither of us are alone in this.

"It wasn't your fault. She'll understand, you'll see." I cannot say that I believe him but it does revive a little bit of hope in my heart.

After a while my grief subsides and I begin to relax against him. "You don't have to go you know?" He suggests quietly. "You could just write back to your grandma and say you're too sick."

I shake my head, though since I am so close to him, it is more like I am nuzzling his neck, still he does not appear to mind. "I do not want to go, but I need to go."

I look up at him, my eyes pleading with him to understand. "I loved my cousin Wheeler, I cannot forget the boy I grew up with. No matter what he did, I need to mourn him, I ca..."

Wheeler kisses my forehead as I hesitate and then says softly. "Go on Babe."

"I cannot bear hating him!" I confess, crying the words as if they have been wrenched out of me, my tears beginning to flow once more. "I want to forgive him, I need to forgive him! I just do not know how!"

My body is wracked with sobs once more and I hide my face again as I am filled with shame.

I am being selfish, blaming Boris for all of this, hating him for what he did to me, when he was just as much a victim of Skumm as I was. I should have helped him, I should have saved him, not just as his cousin but as a planeteer! It was my responsibility and I failed, how can I face my family?

"Hush." Wheeler tells me, rubbing my back and rocking me gently. "Babe, it's natural, you have nothing to feel bad about."

"Da I do." I gasp out. "Skumm used Boris to get to me, because I am a planeteer and he used him to try to get rid of us. If Boris had not been my cousin he would still be alive, fighting to recover from Bliss, but alive! I know that but I still resent him! Why? Why do I hate my own cousin when he is the one that paid the price for it?"

"BECAUSE HE SOLD YOU OUT!" The Yankee yells at me and I move back away from him, though I know his anger is not really directed at me. "Damn it Linka, what does it take? He betrayed you, that doesn't make Skumm any better but you're entitled to be angry with Boris!"

He had let his hands slide down my arms as I stepped back but he is still holding my hands. "You love him, the way I loved James, so you'll forgive him for screwing up, eventually."

I somehow get the impression that he thinks that is wrong, like he does not approve of my forgiving Boris... that cannot be right though.

"Give yourself time Babe." His tone is tender again and he is gently tugging on my hands, letting me know he wants me back in his arms. I comply with his request and he continues. "Don't go to the funeral. Please? Don't put yourself through that. When you're all better we can go visit his grave and..."

"Nyet." I stop him, my voice sounding firmer than I expected. "I must go, for myself and for my family."

He is gripping me so tightly now it hurts a little and I get the crazy idea that he is considering locking me up to keep me from going. "I know you're probably gonna be mad at me but I have to say it... you're not ready for this."

I want to be mad with him, I want to argue with him... but he is right. "I know." I whisper. "I cannot go alone." I pull back to look into his eyes. "Go with me? Please?"

His eyes bore into me until I think he is examining my soul and when he finally speaks, his voice is fiercely intense. Not scary, just demanding and it makes me feel warm inside. "Of course I'm going with you! You don't even have to ask! There was never a question of whether I would or I wouldn't." He pulls me against him again, bending slightly so that my chin can rest on his shoulder, and then speaks softly into my ear. "The only way you're going is if I go with you! I don't agree with your decision, but there's no way in hell I'm gonna let you go through this alone!"

I love that he is being so… in charge? It is nice to feel protected, and so when he tries to apologise I stop him by pressing my fingers to his lips. "Nyet, I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that you will not make me do this alone…that even if I wanted to, I cannot get rid of you!"

I say that last teasingly, trying to flirt a little and lighten the mood. I am not sure how it comes across though, I must look a mess! Still, he rests his hands on my hips and nods that I should let him speak. Once I remove my fingers from his lips he says, smiling. "Haven't you figured it out yet? You CAN'T get rid of me. You've been trying to for the past year, but I'm still here!"

My heart flutters in my chest and I pull his head down to place a kiss on his forehead, though part of me wishes I had the courage to place it on his lips.

"And for that, I am forever grateful." I tell him and we stand there, looking at each other until I feel the need to break the silence. "I better start packing."

"Yeah, me too." He says and that surprises me, he is not normally so organised.

I step back out of his embrace, allowing my hands to trail down his arms. He doesn't move, but stretches out with me so that our fingers are touching until the last moment.

I turn and walk away but cannot prevent a small smile as I guess his reaction to my parting words. "And I was not trying to get rid of you… I was trying to resist you."

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 9 of Becks7's Co-Dependents