A/N: So here we go. But like they say every ending is a beginning right? If you've made it this far, then thanks for reading. I highly appreciate it. Please let me know what you think in the reviews or a PM, it helps greatly.
"I didn't know what to say so I bolted" Sophie explained to Ryan with a sigh. Her and Ryan were sharing a chippy while on break from the shop and kebab place respectively. He was going to be leaving soon for Ibiza but he wanted save up as much money as he could. Sophie had told him about Ellie and Hayley. She felt guilty about being such a slapper. What was she doing? This is what she gets for listening to Rosie.
"I've really blown it aye?" she said as she popped a chip in her mouth.
"Soph, Oh stop! It's not too bad" Ryan reassured her.
"Well I don't feel that great about it" Sophie moaned.
"Honestly it's not like you at all. In fact it's more like me" Ryan grinned.
"I did come to you for a reason" Sophie teased. It was true. Sleeping around and kissing girls was what Ryan Connor had been known for, more than any music ability he ever had. There had been a time when they had gone from friends to bitter enemies. She now knew that he didn't mean to be a jerk by cheating on Sian back then. He was just incapable of being faithful. Since her father had cheated on her mother, Sophie had lost her naivety about men and their needs.
"Well I have a theory. Do you want to hear it?" Ryan asked. Sophie nodded.
"Let's see, you're freaking out because you have been seeing this girl, but then you haven't seen her for a while because she has Uni. Then you go and kiss another girl but now you don't know whether to tell Girl #1. Doesn't this all sound a little familiar Soph?" Ryan outlined for her.
Wait. What was Ryan saying here? "WHUT?!" Sophie whipped her head towards him. "Hey don't kick off at me. I'm just pointing out the obvious" Ryan said. Sophie shook her head in disbelief. "You're off your head you are" Sophie countered.
"I just think that the reason that you are freaking out is because you never let yourself off the hook from what happened with her" Ryan explained. "You wasn't there Ryan, so you don't even know…" Sophie said refusing to hear it. "I'm just saying. It makes sense to me" Ryan got up to throw away his chips.
Was Ryan right? Sophie wondered. Thinking about how she had lost her soul mate still caused an ache in her chest. Afterward she had tried her best just to forget about it, as if it had never happened. But maybe that was why she felt so panicked about telling Hayley about hooking up with Ellie. She had tried not to care. It's not like Hayley was her girlfriend, they weren't married. But she couldn't shake her guilt about it.
"Even if that were true, what does it matter? I've not seen or heard from Sian in years. She fell off the earth," Sophie said dejectedly. Sophie had tried desperately to find her for months. After a mainly negative response then nothing, Sophie had given up. It seemed that Sian did not want to be found.
"What if I could tell you where she is?" Ryan said with a cocky smile. "No way!" Sophie said to him shocked. "Yup" he said nodding his head. "Why didn't you tell me?!" Sophie shouted angrily. "Oi! Don't kick off. I was just waiting for the right moment" Ryan winked.
Sophie thought about it. Nope she decided. Seeing Sian again after all this time would just be horrific and awkward. She shook her head, not able to open her mouth. Tears were threatening to prick behind her eyes. Ryan could see that she was getting upset. He put his arm around her shoulders.
"Soph, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. C'mere" he took her into his arms. Sophie broke it up after a minute pulling away from him. She thanked him trying to calm herself down. "Remember Soph, I know what it felt like to lose her," Ryan said looking into her face.
"Yeah we're both daft aren't we?" Sophie chuckled. She was trying to pull herself back together.
"Got to get back, but just think about it Soph" Ryan said as he headed back to the kebab shop.
Sophie sat for a moment and took a deep breath.
Sophie was in the bathroom getting ready for her date. It had been 2 weeks since her talk with Ryan and Hayley had finally called her. They arranged to go to a gig in Manchester with a band they both liked. Sophie had decided that she was going to tell her about Ellie. She had also apologized to Ellie after seeing her at church. Sophie let the girl down easy. She was disappointed but not surprised.
So here she was starting on her eye makeup when she heard a knock on the door. "Sophie are you decent? Can I come in?" her mother shouted thru the door. "Yeah Mum" Sophie said. Sally poked her head in opening the door. She looked at Sophie who was dressed to go out on the razz. "You look nice" Sally complimented. "I've got a date mum, Hayley will be here in 20 minutes" Sophie said excitedly. Even though she was nervous about Hayley kicking off about Ellie, Sophie knew that she still might get laid which gave her a buzz. "I know that I've stayed away from talking to you about dating and sex and all summat" Sally started off. "Mum!" Sophie moaned. She didn't want to have this discussion with her mother now or ever for that matter. "I just have been uncomfortable and to be honest I still don't quite understand how it works for two girls" Sally marched on. Sophie just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole right now. This was her version of hell. She gave her mum a glare that could burn Antarctica. "Don't give me that look, young lady. I just want to say that you are my beautiful girl and you deserve someone who loves you. And if they do love you then she should want to shout it from the rooftops" Sally said putting a hand on Sophie's shoulder. "If this Hayley isn't willing to do that then you deserve better," Sally said looking into her youngest daughter's eyes.
Sophie and Sally had had their moments over the years. Rosie had always been more trouble for her mother, meaning she got more attention. Sophie had felt invisible to her mother before she came out, but after that they had struggled to understand each other. Sometimes Sally could say the most ignorant things, but Sophie knew that her mother was trying. And sometimes that had to be enough.
Sophie's phone dinged with a text message. Sophie checked it.
"Oh no, she's here" Sophie scrambled to finish putting herself together.
"I'll go downstairs. Just think about what I've said Soph" Sally offered.
"Thanks Mum, I will" Sophie smiled.
Sophie and Hayley laid back on the pillows. They had worked themselves up dancing at the gig. Luckily Hayley had already arranged for a hotel room for the night. It was a nice room, although all they really needed was the bed. It had been a few weeks.
"I've got to talk to you" Sophie said turning her face towards Hayley. The other girl sighed "Me too."
"Well I'll go first" Sophie got serious. She had been making this speech in her head all week. This would not be easy, but it had to be done. Sophie ran her hands thru her hair. "Don't kick off, but a few weeks ago I went on a date with another girl and I kissed her" Sophie said nervously. She watched Hayley carefully. She wouldn't be surprised if Hayley slapped her or summat. Instead Hayley sighed and moved closer to Sophie. She placed her hands on Sophie's hips pulling her closer. "Don't worry, Sophie. I wouldn't blame you for doing it" Hayley spoke. "It's just, I hadn't heard from you in a while really" Sophie said snuggling in closer. "I know" Hayley said into Sophie's chest.
Sophie pulled Hayley's face up to look at her. She was so soft and for once felt vulnerable. Hayley had always been full of strong swagger and confidence. American's were always like that. But right now she was putty in Sophie's hands. It made this harder. "When I met you in London, I was intent that I wouldn't get involved again. I was just going to pull a girl and not care," Sophie explained. She paused as she thought back to then. "Well I can't be that girl. I want to be someone's girlfriend. I deserve it and I don't know if you want that" Sophie admitted. "I know. When we had that spat a few weeks ago it scared me," Hayley explained. "I've been distant since then and now I have to tell you something that's terrible" Hayley paused. "Go on babe" Sophie urged.
"I have to go back to America. My Uni program is nearly done and my student visa will run out. And I wouldn't ask you to leave everything and come with me. And long distance is a disaster, so I think that this is it, Soph" Hayley finished.
Sophie finally exhaled. She had been holding her breath waiting to hear. Now that she had she started to give in to the emotions of the moment. Pulling Hayley's face to her own, she crashed into her lips. The kiss was sweeping and desperate. Their tongues brushed against each other and Sophie's hands reached into Hayley's hair. They got lost in each other for a moment. Feeling as if this was their first and last chance to find their real selves.
They did have the room for the night after all.
It had been two weeks since Hayley had left for California. Her and Sophie had traded addresses with the understanding that if Sophie ever came to visit the states she had a place to stay. Sophie had been shocked at how grown up it had all been. She now found herself to be alone again.
She thought back to what Ryan had said. Had she really not gotten over what had happened so many years ago? Was she still stuck in that moment? And how could she get over that? Sophie didn't really know.
Before Hayley had left a few weeks ago, she had gotten a large envelope from Ryan Connor in Ibiza. He had left Weatherfield for some grand dj gig. The teenage girls of the village had all cried themselves to sleep that night, Sophie was positive. Of course he was already shagging multiple girls there who would inevitably find out about each other. Some things never change.
Sophie opened up the large envelope only to find a smaller envelope. In the envelope was a smaller envelope with a post-it note attached. The post-it note said "Only open if you want to know where SHE is." Sophie looked at the envelope stunned. She thought that if she stared long enough it might literally burst into flames. It didn't. She turned the envelope in her hands.
Thinking back to her last convo with Ryan she knew exactly who the SHE was. Maybe Ryan had been right. She could get closure on one of the best worst things that had ever happened to her. On the other hand she knew that it was a Pandora's box. Damn you Ryan Connor. Still a troublemaker, even after he'd gone.
She also thought about Hayley. It had been frustrating that they seemed to connect emotionally just before Hayley was going. It was clear that Sophie still needed that or it wasn't worth having. Perhaps Rosie or other girls could sleep around and not care but Sophie believed that she couldn't. She was still chasing what she had so callously thrown away. Perhaps Ryan was right. She still hadn't gotten over it.
Sophie took the envelope and put it in a drawer. She didn't tell anyone. During the last few weeks, she'd open the drawer and then close it, just contemplating what it contained.
She headed up to the counter to check in. Sophie had only had time to quickly pack one carry-on bag. She wasn't prone to last minute crazy plans like this, but she just had to. Getting out her passport for the authority to see she worried that she was doing the right thing. Well too late to change now Sophie thought.
"So young lady why are you visiting America?" the man asked taking Sophie's passport.
"Visiting a friend" Sophie said with a smile.