CHAPTER TEN
She saved our souls
Bilbo could only watch with mourn as Kili and Thorin pulled Farren up and over the edge with ease, as if she were as light as a feather. She had saved him. She had been prepared to die or be fatally injured for his safety. He was still shaking with fright from the collision and could hear nothing but the howling wind and Thorin arguing angrily with Farren, his protector,
"WHY DID YOU RISK YOUR LIFE? FOR THE HOBBIT!" the king bellowed, his chest heaving and his cheek speckled with blood, though not his own,
"HIS NAME IS BILBO AND I SAVED HIM BECAUSE IT'S MY DUTY TO!" she shrieked back, tearing a piece of her cloak and dabbed her bleeding head, the side of her face and her neck were dyed a ruby colour, "I WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME FOR ANY OF YOU!"
Thorin could not reply to her, instead simply thinking of how guilty he would feel if she were to die in his place. Then he flashed back to the battle of Erebor when he lost his dearest friend who had been determined to keep him alive, the guilt was still eating him away now.
"We could have lost him," she mumbled, drawing her cloak around her shoulders more tightly and bowing her head against the thundering wind,
"He's been lost ever since we left home!" Thorin snapped, "He should never come; he has no place among us,"
Bilbo felt his insides clench and he fought the urge to burst into tears.
Although Thorin had quite demandingly told them not to light fires as to not attract unwanted attention but Farren couldn't resist.
There was a tiny white orange flame dancing in the middle of her open palms, warming her skin and miraculously healing the deep wound above her right eye.
"And where do you think you're going?"
Her eyes were bright gold, and slitted like those of a snake which sent chills down Bilbo's back as he stared at her, shocked that she even heard him pass by. They made his knees weak and he leaned slightly on to his walking stick, yet he could not bring himself to ask her if she was a wizard, like Gandalf,
"Back to Rivendell," he sounded much more confident than he felt, tying his cloak tightly around his neck and hoisting his rucksack higher on to his back,
"No, no, you can't turn back now!" the flame disappeared when Farren leapt up in anguish, "You're part of the Company, you're one of us and if you leave, we will not succeed," Bilbo bowed his head and swallowed awkwardly.
"I'm not though, am I?" he paused to let out a breath of anger and rejection, "Thorin said I should never have come, and he was right. I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins, and I don't know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door," his voice was dangerously quiet, firstly to not wake the others but also because of how angry he felt with himself.
Thorin was right, he always has been and Bilbo should never had left. He could be at home, sitting with his feet up, warming them against a roaring fire and eating the roasted mackerel he never got to try. He could be safe right now.
"I understand; you're homesick," Farren mumbled sadly and Bilbo puffed out in annoyance, his face flushing,
"No, no you don't understand," he pointed his finger at her, "You're a Wanderer, whatever that is, and you're used to this – this life; living on the road, never settling anywhere, never belonging to one place!"
Her eyes flashed gold again and the cave suddenly became very cold, "I'm sorry…I -?"
"No, don't be sorry," Farren hissed although she hardly looked angry enough to make it convincible, "I chose this life, a life of isolation because I didn't belong anywhere but you know what Mr Baggins?"
He could not answer for there were tears in her eyes and her bottom lip was quivering slightly,
"I am as scared as you, if not even more so," she sat back down on the ground in defeat, "I do not know these parts and I do not have the knowledge of what we are up against. I swore to protect you and because I do not know anything; that is what I am afraid of,"
She was vulnerable, and it seemed that she hardly ever felt it or showed it to another.
Someone stirred in the cave and stillness came over Farren, her hands kneading her eyes and she cleared her throat cautiously. Bilbo noticed that her now dry and bright green eyes were directed at his hip, where his sword lay. It was glowing.
"UP! GET UP NOW!" there was a sudden shout from beside them instantly roused the Company. It had beenThorin and Bilbo figured that was the reason why Farren had 'cheered up'.
Of course she didn't want the one creature who hated her most to see her in such a discomforted state of anxiety, but Bilbo noticed the way the dwarf now looked at her – it was different to that of the other times.
Not anger.
Not frustration or annoyance.
Not even irritation
He saw sympathy in the eyes of the king, and large cracks in the floor which seemed to swallow each dwarf one by one, until Farren was only left, staring at the black and now empty cave.
And for the second time that night, Farren found herself floating with her eyes stinging.