Hours late I've tired myself out and have curled up in a little ball. I can feel the cage being moved but I really don't have the drive to do anything right now, I'm feeling very grey. Feeling grey is like, knowing that you should be feeling emotions but they can't reach you. Like you're behind a screen. And it's horrible but amazing because when I feel I feel things at random levels, when I spill a glass of water it literally feels like the world has fallen in but I can be shouted at and feel nothing or very little.
It's weird.
I sit and watch myself being carried. Dum de dum, I hum with the beat of the rocking back and forth. In the end one of the boys becomes irritated and hits the crate.
"Shut up!" So I do. They are, after all, giving me a lift. I laugh at my own joke, it's not that funny but I feel the laugh so I roll with it.
"We're here." From what I can see we're by a big tree, the boys don't seem to want to go near it and back away quickly when Pan approaches.
"I don't want to keep you trapped any more Fay," he crouches so we're face to face, "I'm going to let you go."
"What's the game?" I doubt it's as simple as - set free, get free, leave.
"Just walk out of the cage." He seems too smug for this to not be a trap but I'll be stuck in here otherwise so I get out.
Suddenly my head is filled with regrets, so much I fall to my knees and clutch my head.
"Fay?" Pan seems unnerved, I figured this was part of his plan but his voice makes me think otherwise.
I should have taken more pills. I should have cut deeper. I should never make friends. I should have curled up in a ball and died. I should never have eaten. I should have never taken that shadows hand. I should have-
Air.
I can't breathe.
Something is crushing me.
Peeling my eyes open I can see tree roots wrapping round me, tighter and tighter.
I should have just stuck with Emma, she was mean but so? Now I'm going to suffocate, something I tried to avoid before because lack of air is a torturous way to go.
The more I regret leaving Emma the tighter it gets.
I can hear Pan shouting in the background but not what he's saying, I can feel someone grabbing at my vines.
Have to get rid of regret.
"I'm glad I'm alive." I shout, I try thinking of positive things about being alive. None come to mind so I work with the sticking with Emma one, "I'm glad I left Emma's group. They don't know what they're doing. Pan's kind of nice, but I don't really know. This island is pretty cool." As I shout I find myself being able to breathe more and thank the Gods that I'm not going to die like that. I fall to the floor in front of the tree.
"Pan's kind of nice? He intends to rip out my son's heart." Regina snaps.
Ah, these guys.
"I was trying to save myself from dying like that." I push myself up and stumble away from the tree.
"Well I saved you." She smirks, "I have no regrets, the tree got me and I broke free, freeing you three with me."
I look around and Emma and Mary Margaret have the same panicked expression as I imagine I do.
"Do you trust me yet?" I bend over, panting.
"Not quite."
"Don't cuff me or put me in a cage or I swear I'll leave." I am not being trapped again.
"We're not going to, we'll let you walk freely."
"Why?"
"Why?" She questions, "what do you mean, why?"
"Why do you trust me?"
The three women look at each other nervously, I stare at Mary Margaret giving her my best 'little lost girl' look.
"We're going to take your heart." She caves.
"What?" It feels like my world has dropped out, I try running, my legs not really doing what I want so I look more like I'm in some Monty Python sketch but I manage get far enough away. Suddenly I hear screaming, I look behind me and Mary Margaret has been strapped back to the tree - she either regrets telling me or regrets the idea and I don't want to stick around to find out.
"You save her. I'll get the kid." Emma comes charging into the woods after me, a deep fire in her eyes.
"You've got fire, I like fire." I smile as I dance out of the way.
"Come back here, you little-" she stops herself from swearing.
I sprint off, I'd become really unfit after going into hospital and I'm beginning to wish I'd started exercising again. They stopped us in the hospital because we had anorexic girls who were over the weight for ed wards.
My mind begins to wander but I come back in time to realise I'm about to run into a tree.
"Oh damn." I say standing up, I don't know what it is but accidental pain just sucks compared to self inflicted. It's strange.
I stand up and put my hand to my head, I may have a concussion but I have to keep going.
"Just keep swimming just keep swimming," I sing as I jog, trying to motivate myself.
How can they want to take my heart? That's crazy!
My brain starts to become heavy and black dots dance before my eyes.
The last thing I see before I black out is Pan's face.
A/N I recently watched the last episode of season 4, oh my god! I have no friends who watch the show someone freak out with me?