A blood curling scream vibrated off the walls of the apartment. It was earth shattering the pitch sounded like someone was being murdered. It was only when my senses came back to myself that it was me who was screaming. I can't take this, without looking at Eric I rose from the couch and walked very shakily towards the bathroom.

Once I was threw the door, I leaned back to try to get my breathing under control. My chest was heaving so much that it was making my legs shake more violently. Eventually gravity took over and I slump down the door and sat on the floor. My tears were burning down my face; I tried to muffle to sound because I know who would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

I am not sure how much time as passed as I lay curled up on the bathroom floor. My tears have since dried up and I lay there feeling numb. I get up and move over to the bathtub and start the water. I am so sorry baby I never wanted your life to be a lab rat. I love you too much for that to be your life.

Once I have taken off my clothes I gently sink into the tub, the water slightly burning my skin as I go down deeper. My mind is still in a cloud trying to decide which way is up.

I don't even remember how I came to have a razor blade in my hand. I look at the small shiny object and I can vaguely see my reflection in it. I turn it away immediately I don't want to see how pale my face is.

Contemplating what I could do with this silver object in my hand, I drag it lightly across my skin and Goosebumps form in its wake. I can see the slight red line form on my ivory skin. The pain is none comparable to what my heart is feeling right now; it is as if it has stopped beating. I close my eyes once more to drown out the voices screaming in my head. Yeah right like that could get rid of me that easily? I shake involuntary to get the snarky comment my subconscious has provided me.

I become aware that the water has started to turn cold, but that still doesn't give me enough will power to get out. Fumbling with the shiny blade I cut deep across my wrists and fall into an unconscious state. My mind turns black and it feels like I am currently weightless. It is only in this state of mind that I am not thinking about anything, I feel nothing. I sink deeper in.

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My eye lids are heavy, I try to pry them open but they won't. I strain my ears to try to see if I can pick up on any sounds around me. All I hear is breathing, whether it is only mine I have no clue. I don't smell any chemicals or harsh cleaning products of being in the infirmary and that only adds to more of my confusion. I take in a deeper breathe and smell lavender from my comforter. Am I in bed?

I have enough strength to turn over so I am lying on my side while my equilibrium catches up with me. Come on eyes open! I repeat this mantra until eventually I have them half open.

I can tell that there are no lights on, so adjusting to the darkness is a welcome to my sore eyes.

I feel a bandage around my wrist and I am brought back to my own reality. Shit what happened? My only logical conclusion is that Eric must have found me. But why would he take me to bed and not the infirmary? I am only left with more questions as I growl in frustration. I suddenly feel the bed shift and I roll over meeting those grey eyes. I am still mad at you. My snarky subconscious tells him. I don't say anything; I won't be the one to start this unbearable conversation.

As I look over at him lying on his side facing me, I see him bring his hand up only to stop mid air unsure if he should continue. I keep a neutral face because I don't want to show him the emotions that I am currently feeling. He gets enough courage to continue and move his hand lightly up and down my arm only to stop and hold me at my bandage.

I look down at the light pink that has gone through. I look back over to him to determine what he is feeling only to see that he has let a single tear run down his cheek. He doesn't bother to wipe it away not in the moment.

He clears his throat, "Why Tris? Why did you think that was the solution?"

I flinched at how heartbreaking his voice sounded. It was as if I caused him that pain. Well in a way you have! You tried to kill yourself and his child! In my mind she is shaking her head in a disapproval manner while her arms are crossed over her chest at me.

I don't have the heart to speak just yet because I know my voice will betray me. I just shake my head lightly before placing it back on the pillow. I close my eyes to feel him caressing my face before letting it rest on my back.

The feeling of small circles draws me into an unconscious state as I drift off to sleep once more.

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I am not sure how much time has passed but I certainly know from what my body is telling me I need to get up and use the rest room. I groggily open my eyes to see Eric watching me from his side of the bed. I can tell by the dark circles under his eyes that he had little maybe no sleep last night. A sharp pang of guilt hits my stomach as I get up and make the silent trek to the bathroom.

I come back out after to see Eric sitting up in bed with his legs crossed looking at me quizzically. I glance over to the night stand to see that the clock says nine thirty; this instantly brings the alarms in my head going off as to why he's still here and not at work.

"Before you even ask, I called Max and told him we both wouldn't be coming into the office."

I nod in acknowledgement and walk over to his side. I silently ask permission to sit next to him. He gently grabs my hand and pulls me into his lap. I stiffen involuntary because I don't know what to expect.

I look up and I see his brows furrowed as his eyes are stormy. I give a frail smile as I bring my hand up to cup his cheek as hold it there while he closes his eyes at the physical contact.

I may have done some unspeakable things over the last twenty four hours however; I want him to know that I won't ever attempt anything like that again.

"Eric, I…" My voice trails off, do I apologize? Should I still be angry and hurt? Even my subconscious hasn't made an appearance this morning to guide me in what I should be feeling. "I am sorry for the pain I caused you. I wasn't thinking clearly and I was hurt."

"I can't lose you. I promise I won't get angry and fight, that won't help either one of us right now. What I do need is for you to let me in on why I found you in the bathtub like that last night? I was so scared." He pulls me in a little tighter as he kisses the top of my head.

It would not do us any good if I only tell him half the truth so here goes nothing. "Eric, I was so scared for the life that peanut would have. I don't want it growing up thinking its 'normal' to be Erudite's lab rat." I felt him shiver as I said that, so I put my head on his shoulder and just sat there with him holding me.

"Tris I don't know what to do. I don't even know if there is a way out of this." His voice once again is shaky not holding conviction. He is just as unsure as you are! Oh so now you want to show up to the party? I sigh in exasperation.