A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys. As someone pointed out I had Anonymous reviews disabled, I have now enabled them so feel free to tell me what you think, good or bad.

Chapter Twenty – Day Ten, Morning

I wake on the floor of my cabin, the sun sneaking through the gaps in the shutter. I groan softly as I sit up and try to remember what happened, wrapping my arms about myself in an attempt to stop the shivering.

Oh… I managed to get back to my cabin and lock the door before I passed out, but I guess I did not quite make it to the bed.

Everything aches, my muscles, my joints. It could be from sleeping on the floor but I do not think so… I think the withdrawal is really kicking in, just when I have lost all support. Or maybe because I have lost all support? Could my own determination to be okay have been keeping it at bay? Because that has gone now too.

I force myself to my feet and head for the bathroom, maybe a hot shower will ease my aches and pains. My head is still throbbing as well so I put my hand up to my temple to hold it and ouch! I look in the mirror, there are the beginnings of a bruise there, I must have hit it when I fell. Maybe I should be worried but I just cannot bring myself to care, my body is falling apart and I think I might just let it.

Stripping off, I quickly get into the shower so that I will not see the reflection of my emaciated torso. The water is almost hot enough to scald but it only warms the outside of me and once it has been turned off I am shivering again.

I dress myself in my planeteer outfit, I will not wear anything of Wheelers, no matter how cold I get.

Sitting on the edge of my bed and staring at the floor, I try to decide what I should do. What I want to do is go to bed and sleep… and not wake up again. And to be honest, if I thought I would find that peaceful oblivion, that is exactly what I would do. However, I am fairly sure that the others will not leave me alone that long, if only to salve their own consciences.

The other thing is Wheeler. Just thinking about those things he said last night makes my energy drain away, but should I just give in? Let him think that I am so worthless that I would do anything for pills… because that is what he was saying, that I would have done whatever was necessary to get him to let me stay in his room. I guess it is lucky things did not get out of control. Not even my pride is strong enough to make me live on with him thinking that… not after we had… this is not getting me anywhere.

I need to think about it logically, which is hard to do with a throbbing head, nausea and aching limbs. I cannot accept Wheeler's help anymore, he thinks I am an addict that would deceive my friends and do anything for a fix. But I cannot do this on my own anymore either, he has convinced me of that… I am not even sure I want to get better! Can I stay here after what has happened? Can I go back to being a planeteer knowing what the others think of me? I do not feel like a part of them anymore and I do not believe I ever can again… but I cannot go back to the USSR either.

I have an idea. It might seem a bit petty but I do not have a choice anymore. He thinks I am acting like a drug addict, using my friends to get what I want, so maybe that is the answer. If drugs got me into this, maybe drugs can get me out. I do not need anything to give me a high, just something to stabilise my feelings until the physical effects of the Bliss wears off…

I am thinking clearly now that I have something to focus on. Everything else, the pain, the cold, has all faded into the background. I know that if this does not work it will all come back with a vengeance, so I will just have to make it work.

Thankfully it is still early. Kwame will be tending his garden but the others will not be up yet so I have time to put my plan into action.

Stage One. Do the washing.

I know that sounds pointless, but it is not. I need to let Wheeler know that his help is no longer required and since I do not want to speak to him, I figure the best way to do it is to return his things.

There is no sign of Wheeler but when I take his things out to hang them on the washing line, I am greeted by Gi looking disapproving. "Hi Linka! Wheeler hasn't got you doing his washing has he?"

She is playing right into my hands!

Stage Two - Make them pick sides.

"Hi Gi." I say cheerfully. "Nyet, I borrowed these from him, I just thought I should wash them before I return them."

"Oh okay." She replies. "Does that mean you're not cold anymore."

I hesitate, just a second too long, knowing she will pick up on it. "I just thought that it would be better if I got some warmer clothes of my own. I was going to ask you if you felt like a shopping trip?"

Her eyes light up. Gi loves shopping and it would be unreasonable of her to refuse me when all I want is some jumpers. I know I should feel guilty but the freedom is exhilarating... They all think I am lying anyway, so why not do something to deserve it.

"I'd love to, if you are sure you're up to it." She waits long enough for me to nod and then leads us back towards the kitchen. "I just need to grab some breakfast, have you eaten yet?"

"Da." I lie, "Just some toast, but we can always grab something on the mainland."

"Are you going somewhere?" Ma-Ti asks as he enters behind us.

His sudden appearance shakes my resolve momentarily, but Gi is caught up in our plans and quickly explains them to him.

He does not see anything wrong... that is why Wheeler was really the only one who had a chance to control me, he looks for lying and cheating, it is a part of his upbringing, whereas the others are all too naive.

That does make me feel guilty, and incredibly sad, that I am proving Wheeler right about people. He told me once that everyone ultimately looks out for themselves, I was appalled and determined to show him that I am different... I guess he convinced me instead.

Gi is finishing her breakfast. I have done my best to appear cheerful, I need them both to believe I am getting better.

"Oh, Ma-Ti," I say as Gi and I prepare to leave. "Could you do a favour for me please?"

"Of course Linka." He looks pleased.

"I borrowed some of Wheelers things while I was not well. They are on the washing line, would you mind collecting them when they are dry and returning them to him?" I try to sound casual, but deliberately do not make eye contact, knowing that Gi is watching me intently.

Ma-Ti nods. "Sure, no problem. Have fun shopping."

Once we are in the geo-cruiser and in the air, Gi says suddenly. "Okay, spill."

"Sorry?" I ask, my thoughts having been elsewhere.

Gi gives me a knowing look. "There's something you aren't telling me, and it's to do with Wheeler right?"

This is it, the point of no return. I can tell her the truth and probably still win her over, but that is not what I planned. I need to keep Wheeler away from me. "Oh... Nyet I... Um... Everything is fine."

"Linka! Come on you can trust me!" She emphasises... where have I heard that before?

Here goes, "It is stupid... It was my fault."

"Go on." she says encouragingly, trying to sound sympathetic at the same time.

I make myself sound nervous, hesitating in all the right places. "We had an argument last night... I... I was cold and feeling lonely. All I wanted was some company but... he kind of got the wrong idea..."

"He what? Linka you aren't saying he tried to..." It worked, she is shocked.

I am still making excuses for him, I need it to sound realistic, I am the victim here. "It must have been the way I said it or something... only,"

"Only what?" Poor Gi.

"He accused me of using him... Like I had been leading him on all this time." I look intently into Gi's eyes, knowing that I can tell the absolute truth. "I would never use him Gi, I thought he was trying to help me out of friendship, and whatever he thinks I would never have betrayed that friendship." I look away. "I guess he thought it would turn into something else afterwards."

Gi looks furious. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this Linka! Kwame was worried about that all along, we should have listened to him!"

He was? Bozhe' moy what have I done? I thought they would think he just got carried away! I actually have to stop myself from protesting, Wheeler would not press his advances on me! But I have gone too far to back down now... He hates me anyway for what he thinks I did, what is one more reason? At least this one I deserve!

Gi sees my ashen face and misinterprets it. "Don't worry Linka, we will keep him away from you."

I nod, but so far from finding her words comforting, I am sinking further into despair and it only gets worse as I unconsciously slip my hand into the sleeve of the jacket I put on. I did it because my fingers are numb and I am trying to warm them, but I automatically began to play with the delicate chain on my wrist and the small charms it holds...

I do not know how I made it through this morning, I never realised how much stamina it takes to go clothes shopping!

Finally, Gi notices that I am about to fall down, (quite literally as it happens, but she does not need to know that,) and suggests we get lunch.

I feel queasy but I actually need to eat and replenish my spent energy. The hot chocolate I choose helps more than the food, which is fortunate because Gi is watching me closely. At least Wheeler did not treat me like a child who needs to finish their vegetables!

"Are you okay Linka?" Gi asks with concern.

Stage 3: Find a chemist

"Da, I just have a headache." I say, pulling a face. "Wheeler would not let me take anything for it, like I could get high on Aspirin even if I wanted to!"

Gi rolls her eyes. "Talk about over protective."

"I do not suppose there is any chance you could get me a painkiller?" I ask pleadingly. "Just one, I will not even touch the packet."

She hesitates but I know Gi, she wants to think she knows better than Wheeler… I should feel guilty because I get the impression she is a little jealous, in the sense that she really did want to help me, but I have chosen my course, there is no turning back.

We find a pharmacist quite easily. What I want is behind the prescription only desk though and Gi, though not really keeping an eye on me, is not about to leave me alone. I am close enough to hear the chemist explain one of the anti-depressant drugs to a customer. I can see which box it is from here, though I am pretending to listen to Gi, what I cannot see at the moment, is a way to get it.

While we are queuing up, Ma-Ti calls Gi and her attention is absorbed fully. She is annoyed, they are talking about Wheeler… good Gi has strong opinions, she won't be watching me. I wander away, pretending to look at some hair clips, all the while getting nearer to the prescription desk. I am not really thinking about what I am doing, there are too many things going on that I need to pay attention to, too many people that could be watching…

Now! The chemist has gone into the back and Gi has turned away, probably to say something that she thinks might upset me. I take the chance and reach over the counter, grabbing a box and stuffing it quickly into my jacket pocket. Then I grab a set of hair clips and head back to Gi.

Not a moment too soon, she was beginning to look anxious. "Sorry, I could not resist these, they are so cute!"

Totally vacuous but she falls for it, agreeing with me like I knew she would. We are almost at the pay desk, it is going to work! For a second I think I hear Ma-Ti, but I must have imagined it, after all there is no reason I would not hear him, other than I really do not want to.

By the time we get outside, I am feeling light headed with the exhilaration of what I have done. I know I will feel bad later, I feel bad if I forget to take a library book back on time… but right now I do not care and the anti-depressants will take care of later.

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Chapter 20 of Becks7's Co-Dependents