Marla's eyes followed Chakotay for a moment as he made his way to the serving hatch to return his plate and she failed to prevent her brow furrowing slightly before she looked down towards her meal again. The two women continued to eat in silence. The slightly forced light-heartedness that had surrounded the table a few moments before appeared to have had departed with Voyager's first officer.

Eventually, Gilmore's gaze left her food to rest on Janeway's face and she offered tentatively, "I'm glad you were able to contact the homeworlds of all those ships so easily."

"With two of the ships it wasn't easy at all actually," the Captain replied. "We were just lucky that Ensign Kim still recognised the particular warp signatures of those vessels. It's months since we passed through their sector."

"Oh, yes, I see," Marla faltered, "of course. Well, I'm just glad it's over then."

Janeway nodded in agreement. "Yes, so am I. It was galling to see how easily someone could exploit our reputation."

"And how easily it could be damaged by their behaviour. I…" Gilmore failed to complete her sentence, but found herself unable to tear her eyes away from Janeway's cool blue gaze. Voyager's captain looked down to select another forkful of salad and the moment passed.

Eventually, Janeway initiated conversation. "So, how did you think we compared to our impersonators? I have to admit I was quite taken by tiny Tuvok and his incessant quoting of Starfleet protocol."

"Yes, he was very entertaining, Captain." Gilmore agreed, grateful that Janeway had made an effort to lighten the mood again. "And perhaps the most convincing of the three."

"Oh? You didn't think much of my other little sidekick then? I thought he had the tattoo just right, wouldn't you say?"

"I guess," Gilmore replied. "But actually of the three, I thought he was the least like the real thing."

"I see. And what about 'Captain Janeway'?"

"Well.. I… She was nothing like you, Captain. She didn't have your… presence at all. She was all about appearances… obviously. All bluster and insincerity, with no real content to what she said."

"Thank you. It's good to know that at least to my crew she didn't seem like a Starfleet captain."

Janeway's inclusiveness caused Marla to smile for the first time since the Captain had seated herself at the table. The engineer studied Janeway's face for a moment before she addressed her. "Thank you for allowing me to become part of your crew, Captain. I can't tell you how grateful I am for this second chance. I know I don't deserve it."

Janeway's level gaze met hers. "Lieutenant Torres is pleased with your work."

"She's the best chief engineer I've ever worked for. I count myself very lucky to be part of her team."

Janeway sat back and took a sip of her drink before she spoke again. "You were chief engineer on the Equinox."

"Yes, but only by default." Marla was acutely aware of Janeway's appraising eyes boring into her and she felt as if she should try and explain herself. "After our chief engineer was killed in that first attack by the Krowtonan Guard, I had seniority in engineering, so Rudy- Captain Ransom put me in charge, but I wasn't always comfortable with it. I prefer to have someone on hand to defer to."

Gilmore took a small mouthful of her dinner and finished it before continuing. "Sometimes I find it hard to… to stand up to people." Her eyes left Janeway's to stray towards the viewport as she continued. "But I imagine you already know that."

"It's never easy, expressing a view that will be unpopular."

"No, it's not." Gilmore forced herself to look at Janeway again. "But I'm sure you don't have problems putting your points across or making yourself heard."

"And you do?" Janeway immediately deflected. "You did, with Ransom?"

"Captain Ransom was a charismatic person. I was eager to please him." Both women continued with their meals in silence for a minute or so, before Marla spoke again, her voice lowering slightly in volume. "But he wasn't the problem on that ship."

Janeway's level gaze remained focused. "Burke?"

"Yes. Max was a hard person; he could be ruthless if he thought the situation required it. He was the one who pushed for us to continue those… experiments. Once he'd decided on the course of action he wanted us to take, he pushed and pushed until he took Rudy with him."

"And then the rest of you followed?"

"Yes, we did. I did." Gilmore paused a moment before adding, "If we'd had a first officer like Commander Chakotay then maybe things would've been different."

"I think you'll find the word 'maybe' has no place in that sentence, crewman." Janeway's steely tone sliced through the semblance of geniality that had reigned between them until that moment.

Duly chastised, the other woman closed her eyes for a split second. "Of course. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" Gilmore's voice trailed off and Janeway arranged her cutlery on her plate.

Then the Captain pushed her abandoned meal to one side slightly, her gaze drifting towards the viewport. "You weren't the only ones who encountered a potentially deadly species from another realm. We had to deal with life forms from 'fluidic' space. The Borg refer to them as species 8472. Even though they had sworn to 'purge our galaxy', Commander Chakotay argued that it was wrong for me to ignore their rights. When I proposed a tactic that would've given the Borg the means to annihilate them, he fought me every inch of the way. He wanted to go around Borg space - add years to our journey rather than harm this species from the other realm; so, yes, I think we can safely say things would have been different." Janeway tore thin strips off the bread she had chosen and ate them one by one as Marla looked on.

Several minutes of uneasy silence elapsed in this way before Gilmore spoke again, and when she did, she was hesitant - unsure as to whether she should proceed at all. "I know it's hard for you to believe, but Rudy was a good man... before. Max, he was different. He was already hard - in a way that Rudy wasn't. None of it seemed to get to Max; he didn't seem to struggle with any of it. And then no one could see a better solution. Once we'd accidentally killed that first creature, the damage was done."

The Captain completed the slow shredding of her slice of bread and then fixed Marla with her penetrating gaze again. "To be frank, from where I'm standing, it doesn't seem as if you tried very hard to find a better solution."

Marla swallowed, feeling the full force of Janeway's contempt, just as she had when she had stood to attention in the briefing room with her four crewmates on the day their ship had exploded, only this time Marla had to bear it alone. She had seen flickers of similar emotions pass through the expressions of other members of Voyager's crew on occasion over the past few months and she never felt antipathy towards them. She understood their discomfort, their disgust with what she had done. She shared it.

She decided this might be the best opportunity she was likely to get to risk asking the question that had withstood all her attempts to banish it from her mind for months now. She forced it out in spite of the sense of trepidation still plaguing her. "I… May I ask you something, Captain?"

"Go ahead." Janeway replied evenly.

"Have you ever wondered what would you have done if it had been your ship? If Voyager had been in such a desperate state, would you have immediately dismissed a power source with that potential?"

"Yes, I've thought about it and no, I doubt I would have immediately dismissed something like that." Janeway's eyes left Gilmore's to look out of the viewport once more at the unfamiliar stars streaking past.

The engineer noticed the fingers of the Captain's right hand contracting into a fist as she continued her answer.

"I would've explored other possibilities with the Ankari. I would've explained more of those desperate circumstances and I would've explained what a source of nucleogenic particles would mean for us, rather than beginning covert experiments on the beings. But even if we had accidentally killed one of them somehow, I would still have gone back and tried to explain it to the Ankari. I would've asked them to negotiate with their spirits of good fortune on our behalf. I would've tried to find an alternative, non-sentient source of nucleogenic particles in their realm – the equivalent to plant life perhaps. Or I would've tried to find out how they dispose of their dead, for example. I would've tried to discover if we could've offered them anything that might've induced them to trade for a source of the particles."

The fingers of her right hand uncurled slightly and her gaze moved back to the woman who had been watching her intently throughout this speech. "In fact this was a strategy I discussed with my senior staff in the days after the Equinox had been destroyed. But by then even the most optimistic of my officers had to agree that the diplomatic situation had been irreparably damaged."

Gilmore blanched, her pale complexion taking on a haunted look. "I can't believe that in all the time I've thought about this, and believe me, I've thought about it a lot, that option has never occurred to me. Once it all started, I thought it was kill or be killed." She smiled weakly. "Guess that's why you're the Captain and I'm a crewman."

A small mirthless smile curled Janeway's lips. "There's nearly always an alterative course of action, it's just not always easy to see."

"No. I guess not."

Both women had finished their meals now and Gilmore sensed that Janeway was about to leave. The pale blue pudding-like dessert the engineer had decided to risk looked even less appetising now than it had earlier, and rather than pick up the dessert spoon to start on it, Marla pushed the plate to one side.

"I don't expect you to understand, Captain. I'm not even sure I understand it yet myself. How I came to do those things. Before all this, before the Delta Quadrant, I always thought of myself as a gentle person. I try not to think about what my friends and family will say if- when they find out about what happened."

Marla felt Janeway's eyes on her face for a long moment before the Captain replied.

"No doubt there will be some difficult conversations awaiting many of us. I'm sure this quadrant has taught us all some uncomfortable truths about ourselves."

"It still shocks me, when I think of what I was capable of. Before… I was someone who made good choices."

"We've all been pushed to our limits out here. It doesn't do to dwell on your mistakes. What's important is that you're able to focus on making a positive contribution now."

The discussion had become decidedly less comfortable for Marla Gilmore and she was acutely aware of the fact that Voyager's captain seemed keen to terminate it. Nevertheless, the engineer couldn't seem to stop herself from risking yet more questions while she had this chance, even as she felt it slipping away.

"Yes, Captain. I am. But I worry about what will happen if we make it home, when we make it home. Dishonourable discharge? Or will there be a court martial? Will they go ahead and prosecute us? What do you think Starfleet Command will decide to do with us?"

Initially, Janeway's tone gave away nothing of her own feelings. "I don't know." Then the temperature in the vicinity of the two women seemed to drop and Gilmore looked on helplessly as the Captain continued. "But it seems likely you'll have plenty of time to consider the arguments you intend to use in your defence."

As soon as she'd finished her sentence, Janeway stood, pursing her lips and swallowing as if trying to get rid of an unpleasant taste in her mouth. Members of the crew could often be found with similar expressions on their faces in this room, but Marla felt sure that just this once, Neelix's cooking wasn't to blame.

"I still have some reports to read this evening, so I'll leave you to your dessert. Good evening."

"Good evening, Captain."

Janeway turned and made her way out, leaving Marla Gilmore alone with her insipid blue pudding and her thoughts; the latter even more unpalatable than the former.