The first month that she hadn't heard from Sian at all, Sophie just assumed that the other girl was processing what she had said. Sophie still had tried to call, text, email, everything. If she could have tried sending carrier pigeon she would have. Still nothing.
It started to physically hurt during the second month when the excuses were running out.
She had laid out her soul on that platform. She risked it all in true Webster fashion and she had blown it. Why couldn't she just keep her big gob shut? Sophie had broken their unspoken rule. She had pushed Sian too far, too fast. And now she had run away again.
It was a familiar pattern. Sophie screwed up, whether it be school, jealousy, or stealing her dad's money, and Sian disappeared off the earth. At least when in the past it had just been to Southport or her dad's house or the library, but now...Well Sophie couldn't just jump on a plane. She didn't even know if she deserved to have her back. Sian had been so angry. It was all Sophie could think about at night when the lights were off. It consumed her.
She tried throwing herself into her schoolwork. This couldn't derail her like it had in the past. It was too important. She wanted to show everyone that she could do it alone. And for herself.
It still didn't stop her from getting mardy. Beware any shoplifter who dared to enter Dev's when Sophie was there. If she caught you, then she'd rip off a layer of skin with the strength of her hiding. She had made some of them cry. Dev had had to pull her back once or twice.
"Do I have to remind you that you were once their age? And that you had taken penny candy on occasion?" Dev reminded her.
"I still knew it was wrong. These kids are just not bothered," Sophie said in a strop.
"But still they have parents, and those parents will shame them properly. Like parents should" Dev smiled.
"Whatever, I still contend that Amy Barlow needn't take after her mother. The mouth on that girl…" Sophie said with contempt.
"Hey we don't judge children based on their parents or family. Imagine what people would say about you if that were so" Dev argued.
"Oh trust me, they already have" Sophie said pricing some soybeans a little too forcefully.
"Maybe you should get some rest, I've got the shop, take off early" Dev offered.
"Dev, you needn't do that. I know that I was being a cow, it's not because I'm tired," Sophie said. She looked at him across the counter.
"Still, take some hours off. On me" Dev smiled.
"Okay but only because I do have a paper to work on" Sophie handed over her pricing gun.
Sally Webster approached her youngest daughter's door. She had heard the sobs off and on every night for days. That and her daughter's mardy behavior had her deeply worried. Ever since her trip to Southport she had grown distant. One word answers. The majority of her time spent in her room. When Sally asked about it, Sophie just said that she was working on homework. Sally was overjoyed that her daughter was so involved with her schooling again. She wasn't so sure of this "teaching" idea but Sophie seemed to think that nobody would care about her sexual preference. Sally wasn't so sure, but then again what did she know. Nobody else seemed to care about it anymore on the street. Everyone just accepted that it made Sophie no different. Sally still struggled with that, but at least she was trying.
It had broken her heart a little when her smart daughter had given up on college the first time. She still felt that it was all her fault. Sophie just always fell by the wayside by the very nature of being in the same family as her other daughter. Rosie always demanded more. It was the night that Sophie fell off the roof that Sally swore to herself that she would not let her youngest daughter down again. Her heart physically ached to think about seeing her daughter in such a state. And she hadn't even recognized how far over the edge she had gone. It was for that reason that she knocked softly on the door.
"Sophie, can I come in?" she asked as she eased the door open slowly. She saw Sophie looking at her laptop on her bed. Looking up she quickly shut it, put it aside, and turned her face away.
"Yeah mum, what is it?" Sophie asked turning back toward her mother having quickly wiped her eyes.
Sally leaned against the doorframe.
"Was just wondering how you're doing?" she sat down on the bed opposite where Sophie was sitting. Facing her daughter she could read the telltale signs of a girl in bits.
"We've both been so busy. Haven't had a chance just to sit down and chat" Sally said gently.
"Mum" Sophie looked away. She didn't want to talk about it. She had been intent on looking over her essay when she sat down, but inevitably she had just ended up looking over old emails from Sian. Of course she had kept them all. Her file folder went far back. Then her mind just started to go back to the dark, painful places and the tears had come. It was amazing how when she thought that her tear ducts had to be dry, they found a new reserve. There was just so much pain. When she heard the knock at the door, she had tried her best to pull it together. Of course her mother just barged right in. When Sally wanted something there was no stopping her.
"Sophie. What happened in Southport?" Sally asked gently. As much as she wanted to infringe, she knew that a softer tact would work better.
"Who said anything happened in Southport?" Sophie turned back to face her mother directly.
"Sophie, I'm not barmy. Come on" Sally urged.
"Okay you want to know what happened? I blew it. Your daughter blew it. She couldn't wait" Sophie started her voice rising. All of the thoughts that she had been struggling with alone. And once the floodgates opened, there was no stopping it. "She couldn't give her the space that she asked for. Nope. And now she's gone" Sophie finished it.
She was so angry with herself. It was so typical that she would screw it up with her own need to have it all. Goddamnit.
"Sophie what did you say?" Sally asked.
"Everything. I told her all that was in my heart, mum. And Sian…" Sophie dropped her head in her hands. It was the first time that she had spoken the girls name aloud and it stuck in the air between them. "Well she doesn't want it" Sophie's voice broke.
Sally placed her hand on Sophie's head as she sobbed. It was hard to see her daughter this way. Sophie could be so tough seeming. She would take on the world if she had to, much like her dad. His strength had been how he would never give up till the bitter end. He loved life so much. And found it hard to understand that sometimes things didn't work out. However instead of fighting back, Sophie tended to crumble much like now. Sally sighed.
"Oh Sophie, your heart is so big" Sally pulled her daughter's chin up. "You need to remember that it's not necessarily over, that this is a small part of a bigger story. If you two are meant to be then you'll get her back" Sally wrapped her arms around her daughter.
"It's just so hard" Sophie choked out. "Every Time I'm happy something goes wrong. Mum, maybe It's not them, maybe it's me. I'm the problem," Sophie said rambling between sobs.
"Oh Sophie, this isn't like you. I'm so proud of you" Sally squeezed her shoulder. "You've grown up so much over the last year. Any girl would be dead lucky to be loved by you" Sally reassured her.
Sophie was the first to pull back. She wiped again at her eyes.
"It's really soppy isn't it?" Sophie grinned.
"The soppiest Soph" Sally laughed back.
"Adele would write a song about it" Sophie laughed.
"Come on let's get you some tea," Sally said pulling her daughter up and leading her downstairs.
Sally had come home from a day at the factory. She was tired, but it had been a good day. She was looking forward to sitting down to her tea. Perhaps she could catch up with Sophie, who seemed to be turning a corner from her earlier strop.
Seeing a note on the table she went to pick it up. Reading it she choked back a sob.
"Went to London. I had to get away -S" was scrawled in a strangled script. She went to grab her phone. Rosie.
This was too much like what had happened before.
Sophie went right to the counter. This was a lot easier now that she was over 18.
The letter burned a hole in her pocket. Luckily the endless shots of whiskey had dulled everything else.
Her first response after reading the piece of mail 5 times quickly, putting together what it all meant had been escape. She had instantly needed to get away from everything that reminded Sophie of Her. She marched right down to Streetcars and ordered a taxi to the train station. Buying a ticket, she picked up the phone to call her sister. She needed her sister now. Of course her sister hadn't picked up her phone. Trying to leave a voicemail had been nothing but a soppy disaster, so she finally gave up.
She also needed to find a way to stop all the pain. It was alcohol or alcohol. So Sophie chose alcohol. They sold it to her on the train. And now they'd sell it to her at this corner shop. The shopkeeper barely even looked up at her face. So typical of the "Big Smoke". Nobody paid attention to anybody around here.
Rosie had been coming home from a shoot. She had been getting a lot of good work lately. It meant that when her roommate had to leave to move in with her boyfriend, then Rosie had just decided to live on her own. Mainly not to have to share the bathroom. I mean come on, Seriously.
She looked at her phone. There was one message from Sophie that was just a garbled mess. She turned it off after 2 seconds. Sophie had become a bit of a mess lately. Rosie meant to talk to her about it, but she had ended up being so busy. Maybe this weekend.
The phone rang. It was her mum.
"Mum! What's happening you never call" Rosie laughed.
"Rosie, it's Sophie. She left a note saying she's gone to London, have you seen her?" Sally said in a panicked voice.
"No! Why is she coming here?! Did you two get in a strop?" Rosie asked. Sophie in London?! Why was she coming here? Rosie remembered the incomprehensible message that Sophie had left for her. The reason must be in there somewhere.
"No Rosie, I don't know why but she skipped out on her shift this afternoon without telling Dev and that's just not like her. I'm worried, it just reminds me of before" Sally said winding herself up.
"Okay, mom calm down. Something must be going on for her to come all the way here," Rosie said as she walked up to her flat.
Then she saw her sister was sitting on the stoop in front. She was hunched over with her head down.
"Mum she's right here" Rosie told her looking Sophie over. She didn't like what she saw.
"Oh thank god" Sally sighed with relief.
"I'll get it sorted, call you back" Rosie said hanging up the phone. "Oi! You scared mum half to death! What are you doing here?" Rosie said as she hauled her sister onto her feet. It was then that she saw the bottle of whiskey and smelled the booze coming off her.
"Rosie, I'm so sorry" Sophie said leaning into her older sister so that she'd be able to stand.
"Let's pull you back together. Mum's going out of her mind" Rosie said softly as she opened the door and led her in. She hadn't ever seen her sister in such a state and it scared her. What could have led her to this? Rosie would get it out of her.