Chapter Thirty One – Day Fourteen Continued
There is just over an hour until Wheeler expected to be home. I woke a short while ago feeling ridiculously excited and happy and now I am doing my best to prepare a welcome home lunch for everyone. Admittedly there is only really one of them I want to welcome, but I need the others to see that I am getting better.
When I hear the Geo-Cruiser I want to run out to it, throw myself in my Yankee's arms and never let go. Fortunately I am still in command of my senses…. Well mostly. I did run to the kitchen door before I stopped myself and forced my legs into a more dignified pace. Just friends, I say to myself over and over, needing to be reminded every step of the way.
As I approach the group just alighting from our craft, Suchi comes streaking down from the trees and straight into Ma-Ti's arms, how I envy his freedom.
I allow myself to meet Wheeler's gaze and smile at him, before turning to the others. "When you all get settled, come to the kitchen, I have prepared a Welcome Home lunch for you."
"For all of us?" Gi asks.
"Da, of course for all of you! It would be rude to welcome just one of you home when all of you have been gone doing such hard work!" And you do not have any idea what a strain it is, I am afraid I am being overly bright and cheerful to compensate. All I want is to settle in Wheeler's arms and let everything else disappear.
"That sounds wonderful. I am starving," Kwame says.
"Me too," "Uh huh," Ma-Ti and Gi agree.
They all begin to head towards their cabins but as Wheeler comes level with me I take his hand and squeeze it, tugging on his arm to get him to lean down. I want him to hug me… actually I want him to kiss me but despite the things we shared in our telephone conversations, I know that is not what he wants. Still, when he keeps his head turned away, obviously expecting me to whisper to him, I press a gentle kiss to his cheek. A friend's gesture, da?
"Welcome back," I tell him.
"I think you mean 'Welcome home,'" he corrects, tucking his arm around me.
"Da, welcome home," I agree, smiling up at him, he is very welcome and the distinction he just made… da, this is our home. I study him closely. "Are you sure you are feeling ok? You still look sickly."
"I'm fine. Much better now that I'm back here." He gives me reassuring squeeze.
I am still not convinced though, I feel very protective of my sweet Yankee right now, he will not be going away again any time soon! "If you say so. But if you would rather just go and lay down, I will bring your lunch to you."
"No, really. I wanna eat with everyone." he says, "That was really nice of you to do that."
"I wanted to show them that I am not useless…that I am capable of doing things." I explain.
"Good idea." He agrees.
I nod and tell him. "I will see you at lunch."
Then I disentangle myself from my companion, and head towards the kitchen to finish preparing lunch. I am a little disappointed that he insisted on us all eating together, I was hoping we could have some time alone, but he is right we do need to do things as a team again.
It is only that I am not yet ready to do without him and the closeness we have built up… I guess I will have to sometime, but not yet.
I like cooking. Though there was a while back in Russia when I refused to do any, as I remember, it was shortly after my brother declared it to be women's work.
It is not long before Wheeler joins me. My back is to the door and he enters quietly, probably wanting to make me jump, but I know he is there... as if I can sense his presence.
Okay, I am probably imagining that because he keeps talking about our 'connection', though it could be possible for me to sense my ring.
But I do know he is there, and it is confirmed a few moments later when he slips his arms around me and leans over to place a small kiss on my cheek.
It feels so natural. I know he said he is different with me than with his past girlfriends but I cannot help wondering what it would be like if we were really a couple.
Turning in his embrace – slowly so that I do not give him the idea that I am trying to get away – I put my own arms around him, securing us together.
"Hi," He says, and I smile up into his loving gaze.
It is loving, and I find myself wishing it held more than the open affection of a good friend... it hurts to remind myself that it does not. But my Yankee is a tender-hearted boy who has been waiting for a long time to find someone it is truly safe to love, even as a friend, and I will not let myself do anything to jeopardise that. We both need each other too badly.
"Hi, are you hungry?" I ask, figuring it is a fairly safe topic.
His response amazes me.
"Yes," he replies, and before I can say another word, leans down and joins our lips together.
I do not know what to think.
It was not the passionate embrace of a couple who have been apart for days, but then we are not a couple. It was not the loving kiss a couple share at the end of a movie, to show that they are going to be together either. It was... nice.
If he had not told me that he is not usually affectionate in this way, I would assume that it was merely a token of friendship and support... except that it lasted a few seconds too long for that.
It must have meant something, but what, I cannot tell. At the very least it has disordered my thinking once again and while these confused ramblings are running through my brain, he is waiting for a response.
I smile at him and press myself closer into his embrace, tightening my grip. "I am glad you are back."
"Me too Babe." He replies and I smile up at him, only to see tears shinning in his eyes.
"What is wrong?" I ask, reaching up to gently cup his cheek.
"Nothing, I'm just happy to be home."
I wish I could be sure of that, but he distracts me by lifting me onto the counter, so that our eyes are level. He steps forward and I let him part my legs so that he can move closer.
Now people say that women plan their weddings from childhood, that they imagine and fantasize every detail... sometimes including their future partner. I have never done that – not until I met Wheeler anyway – my dreams were always about personal accomplishments rather than romance, and I have always thought that it was just something cynical men say.
I do not know if it is something about the way Wheeler does it, but when he takes my hand to return my planeteer ring, I find myself picturing another scene... a different ring, a different finger.
My heart speeds up and my breathing becomes shallow... does he know the effect he is having? I hope not. I do not want him to start avoiding me because he thinks I am trying to trap him...
Am I imagining this? He kissed me before and now he is kissing my hand like I am a princess or something... like if the ring he had just given me was...
Stop it Linka! I admonish myself, I have already made a fool of myself once by letting my feelings show. He is just being a gallant friend.
Still, the moment is charged and I cannot resist the urge to run my fingers through his hair.
Wheeler must feel it as strongly as I do because he moves as if to kiss me again... I do not know what he wants from me anymore, but my own feelings will not let me pull away.
I close my eyes, waiting. Ready to let happen whatever is going to happen as a result of this.
"It smells great in here." Gi calls as she enters the dining area.
We both automatically pull away... I should have known we would be interrupted, but for a brief time I forgot the others even existed.
Wheeler sighs and rests his head on my shoulder but even that is too intimate now. I quickly push him away and drop down to the floor, practically running from the kitchen.
"Gi! Hi! I hope you think it tastes as good as it smells!" That sounded way too bright and cheery but hopefully Gi will put it down to my being alone the last few days.
I know if she suspects anything that she will start asking questions, but right now I do not have any answers for her... I need time to think. I need to know what Wheeler is thinking!
Wheeler is quiet all through lunch, I know there is something wrong but I cannot tell what, and I cannot ask in front of the others.
Our friends do seem to enjoy the food, which pleases me, but I must admit I find the conversation a little painful.
I do not want to hear about their trip. They left me behind and managed perfectly without me and not one of them has even considered how I might feel about that... except perhaps Wheeler of course.
I try to help Wheeler clean up but he insists that I rest. I am guessing he wants to get me away from the others so that we can talk properly so I do not make a fuss. It is his turn to clean up though so I hope he can get away soon.
When he does leave the kitchen, he goes straight to his cabin. I am watching from my window and it surprises me… maybe he thought I would go there though, I did leave some of my things in his room. When he does not re-emerge I make my way over to peep inside.
He is not in sight so I guess he must be in the bathroom and I slip inside. "Wheeler?"
"In here," He calls and walks out of the bathroom to join me
Now that I am standing in front of him I start to worry again. He obviously was not expecting me… maybe he just wanted to get rid of me earlier, if he is feeling bad about kissing me…
Feeling the need to explain my intrusion, I begin to babble "I thought you would come to my room when you finished cleaning up…but then, I saw you come here and thought maybe you were expecting me to be waiting for you here…so I came here,"
"Uh, yeah, I didn't really want to disturb you…if you were resting." He says awkwardly. He cannot believe that can he?
"I am not tired…but perhaps you are? Should I leave you alone?" There, I have given him a way out, but if he takes it… I can feel my heart begin to pound in my chest…
"No, I'm not tired." He says quickly, and then continues tripping over his words more badly than I did. "You don't have to leave… unless you want to… I don't want you to think you've gotta stay here."
"Why would I think that?" I ask, genuinely confused.
Apparently I am not alone either. "I don't know…I don't know what I'm talking about…"
"You were quiet at lunch," I offer, trying to give him a chance to tell me what is really wrong.
"I guess I had a lot on my mind…and everyone else was talking…getting along. It's been a while since things were like that. I was just taking that in…seems like things are starting to get back to normal around here."
I do not believe him. He is lying to me, I know he is… I thought we were past that. "Wheeler, are you ok?"
"Yeah, I just…don't know what to do next." He confesses, clearly embarrassed.
It takes a couple of seconds but then something finally clicks inside my brain… he wants to know how to act now, after the kiss. Of course if I had any sense I would tell him to forget it happened and carry on the way were just before he left… If I had any sense.
The trouble is that where Wheeler is concerned, common sense goes out the window.
I know I should keep my distance, I know this will end in heartache for me and possibly him too, I know I should walk away while I still can… so naturally, I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his neck. "Then maybe we should just pick up where we left off in the kitchen?"
He pulls me to him and lifts me once again so that he can nuzzle into my neck. When he puts me down again, he puts his hands on my hips and rests his forehead against mine, while I trail my fingers through his lengthening hair.
"Have I mentioned lately that I missed you?" He asks, being just a little silly.
Responding in kind, I reply. "It has been a few hours."
"Oh. Well then I guess I'm overdue… I missed you," He whispers.
"I missed you too," I whisper in return. "It was too quiet around here without you."
I cannot tell if he is really upset as he responds. "Hey!"
"I did not mean it like that…" I tell him quickly. "I meant that it was boring without you. You keep me excited."
"You only want me for my massages," I know he is joking but still…
I shake my head decisively. "Nyet,"
"Well, I know it's not my cooking skills," He is still making jokes.
I need him to be serious. "Wheeler…" I say in a no nonsense tone.
"Yeah?" He is almost whispering.
I work up the courage to say what I want him to know but I cannot look at him while I do. I look down but as I do, at the corner of my vision I see an expanse of red where it should not be. "Bozhe moy! Wheeler! You are bleeding!"
To be continued…
A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 31! Let us know what you think!