Chapter Five – Distance
Bo walked into the Clubhouse and saw Kenzi sitting at the kitchen table.
"Hug," Bo demanded, standing in the foyer. She held her arms out to her best friend and felt the tears welling in her eyes already.
Kenzi jumped off the chair and raced to her best friend, wrapping her in a tight hug. The raven-haired girl rubbed her back lovingly.
Bo had only returned to grab a few items, pack a bag and try to shower off some of the grime she felt had built up on her soul in the past twelve hours. Lauren was in with the Doctors, getting stitches and having MRI's done, Bo wasn't allowed in since they weren't technically family. She knew after her girl came out, she wouldn't leave her side so she decided to pack some things, knowing she wouldn't be back home for a while.
"How is our girl?" Kenzi asked, her cheek pressed into Bo's chest, trying to soak up some of her hurt.
Bo's voice tried to laugh in disbelief but it caught in her throat, her eyes stinging with tears. She shook her head. "The last time I saw her, alive. She's getting stitches and having scans done, I wasn't allowed in so I came home to pack some things."
"I could've done that for you sweetie."
"I know but I wanted to shower too. I feel… dirty, and not in the good way." The two friends chuckled sadly.
"Do you want to talk about things?" Kenzi asked, lifting her head off of Bo's chest.
Bo shook her head, tears streaming down her face. She untangled herself from her friends embrace and staggered, exhaustedly towards the couch. She flopped down on to it and Kenzi joined her.
When Bo couldn't seem to find any words, Kenzi started. "That was some heavy stuff that Telep-ass said before you murked him." She gave her friend a half smile, as always trying to ease the tension with a joke.
Bo continued to shake her head, tears spilling from her eyes still. "I know I c-can't break right now, but i-it's all I want to do." The brunette's words caught between sobs. Cry-talking was probably her least favorite thing in the world. She laughed at herself, at how pathetic she had become, it was a quick laugh full of pain.
"You can break with me Bo Bo, I'll put you back together." Kenzi said as she rubbed her friends arm lovingly.
Bo looked at her best friend and tried to smile, no matter what was going down, she was eternally grateful to have Kenzi in her life, her rock.
Bo wanted to talk more, wanted to pour her heart out but she dissolved into a fit of uncontrollable sobs before she could speak another word. She crumbled into the couch, laying her head in Kenzi's lap as the sobs ripped through her body. She completely lost it, totally and utterly no longer in control of herself.
Kenzi just held her friend tight and rubbed her back, waiting for the storm to pass.
A good while later, Kenzi had made tea and brought it to Bo who was still laying in the fetal position on the couch, "Hey babes. Drink up. It's one of Tricks extra special relaxation teas… I think it's just chamomile but who knows. There could be some unicorn horn in there for all I know." Kenzi shrugged and when Bo didn't reach for the tea she set it on the coffee table. Her bestie had a glazed over look in her eye, as if the lights were on but no one was home. That might even be a good thing at this point, Kenzi thought to herself.
"Okay, talk because we both know you're going to get going soon and you still need a shower cause no offence honey but stress makes you stink." Kenzi joked but she truthfully wanted Bo to talk to make sure she wasn't comatose, the look in her eyes right now was scaring her, it was something Kenzi had never seen before in her strong-as-iron best friend.
"It's all my fault." Bo started talking without even thinking. Something like a stream of consciousness took over her body, knowing she had to vent or she might implode.
"What're you talking about? It's not your fault that some Telepath went balls to the wall crazy."
"I knew something was wrong the moment we went in there. I should've made you guys leave, I knew it wasn't safe. Hell I shouldn't have even brought you in the first place."
"What do you mean? You needed us. You may be the baddest bitch I know Bo, but you still need backup."
"I know but – you're only human." Bo's words hung in the air like an atom bomb. She'd finally said it out loud, Kenzi's worst fear, that one day her best friend would outgrow her, because after she was 'only human'.
Kenzi tried not to make it about herself because she knew Bo wasn't herself right now, she'd never seen her friend like this in the years that they'd known each other. "Wow. What happened to 'these humans are the strongest people I know'? Listen Bo, I know you feel guilty right now but you shouldn't. Lauren and I have minds of our own and we choose to do this, fighting Under Fae and protecting you and humans and the Fae, for our own reasons. Not because you invite us along but because we want to do it for ourselves, we want to fight, we want to be a part of something great and saving the human race on a daily basis is pretty great as far as I'm concerned. We've been fighting together for years now and nobody has ever gotten hurt before. I wouldn't call that luck, I'd say we all know what we're doing. Yeah today, maybe we made a few mistakes. We all went in a little blind but that was all of our faults, not just yours Bo. Just trust me on this, the last thing Lauren wants right now is your pity because she's 'merely human'. She made her choice just like I did and she's strong, give her some credit."
Bo lifted her head from her friends lap and rubbed her eyes, nodding. "You're right, I don't even know why I said that. That Telepath just knew all the buttons to press and my mind is racing a mile a minute still. I know you guys make your own decisions but I do feel guilty because if anything ever happened to you guys, life wouldn't be worth living."
"Well that's how we feel about you too, but we don't stop you from fighting because we know that's who you are. And like it or not it's who we are too."
"You're right."
Kenzi nodded. "What about the other thing?"
"What other thing?" Bo played coy but Kenzi pushed the matter, she knew they had to get it all out now so Bo could put on a brave face for Lauren.
"The mortality thing," Kenzi said plainly.
Bo sighed deeply, "I don't know what there is to say. It's not something I can ignore forever but it's also not something I can make a decision about right now. Does it affect things in our relationship right now? No. Will it in the future? Most definitely. I don't know what that means for us all I know is that I love her more than life itself and I want to figure it out."
"Well good, now go get ready and go take care of your girl. Text me if you need anything. I mean it!"
"Yes, Mother."
Lauren had been out of the hospital for a few days now, Bo had spent every moment by her side, at the hospital she'd slept on a cramped chair in the corner and when she moved back to her apartment, she'd slept on the couch. Lauren had insisted she come sleep in her bed but Bo refused, not wanting to bump or jostle her in her sleep and cause any undue pain. She hadn't taken any jobs or even gone to the Clubhouse once, when she needed clothes or anything, Kenzi had brought them to her.
Lauren woke up and came downstairs, Bo was awake on the couch. "Sorry babe, I haven't made breakfast yet I didn't think you'd be awake for a bit."
"Look, we have to talk about this," Lauren said before Bo could get up. The blonde came and sat on the couch, trapping her legs and grabbing her hand in both of hers.
"About what?"
"About you treating me like I'm made of paper, I'm not going to break and I don't need you doting on me so much. It was a minor traumatic brain injury, otherwise known as a simple concussion. I got a few stitches, I'm fine Bo. Just because I can't heal in an instant like you can, doesn't mean I'm going to drop dead. And I swear if you sleep on the couch one more night, I'm going to kick you out and send you home." The blonde gave her girlfriend a half smile to show she was only kidding.
Bo tried to smile back but it didn't reach her eyes, as it hadn't in many days. "I know babe, I just wanted to give you your space but be here in case you needed me."
The silence between them was deafening and Lauren sighed, realizing she'd have to be the one to bring it up. "Is this about what the Telepath said?" She probed gently.
Bo refused to meet her gaze, her eyes betraying that her mind was a million miles away in that moment. "No. Maybe. I don't know." Bo shrugged and shook her head.
"Look, you've barely spoken to me in days. I can feel the distance between us growing and it's making me sick. I know we have to figure out what this means for us eventually and obviously we've both been trying to ignore it for now but it's not working. We can't go on like this Bo. When was the last time you fed?"
"I don't know," Bo replied sheepishly, still refusing to meet Lauren's eye.
"I can see that you're weak. Obviously you've stopped feeding from me because you think I'm going to break apart. You need to feed, we've talked about this and I'm okay with you feeding from others as long as it's not Dyson. But this – this distance is hurting me too much, especially with you staying here, acting like a shell of who you are. I think maybe the best thing for both of us is real space right now."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean maybe we need some distance. You need to go home and see Kenzi and sleep in your own bed, feed and regroup. I'm going to be fine. I'm feeling a lot better and I can look after myself now. I need to think about things too and I think you do too. We obviously can't go on not talking about the elephant in the room, not if we want a healthy relationship, not if we want us back."
Bo turned her head to the side and closed her eyes in pain. She knew Lauren was right but it didn't hurt any less. Without having any better solutions in this moment she knew the best thing she could do was obey her girlfriend's wishes. Plus, she was hungry, maybe hungrier than she'd ever been since learning she was Fae. She was constantly dizzy lately and had a pounding headache and an insatiable ache deep in her belly.
She turned back to Lauren and cupped her cheek in her hand, her thumb grazing over her porcelain skin adoringly. "You know how much I love you right?" Bo asked, her eyes would've welled with tears if she'd had any left to shed at this point.
Lauren blinked her own tears away and nodded, taking a moment to nuzzle into Bo's warm hand. She felt the energy flow between them, energy that had nothing to do with Bo's ability and everything to do with their connection together.
"You're my light in the darkness and I don't want you to ever forget that, no matter what happens that will never change Lauren." Bo didn't want to say much more for fear that it would start to sound too much like a goodbye. "Okay, I'll get out of your hair. Kenzi will be glad to have her drinking buddy back," Bo joked.
Lauren chuckled, her voice a little thick with unshed tears. "I love you too Ysabeau." Bo coughed the lump in her throat out and nodded, pulling herself off the couch. Without saying much more, she grabbed her bag and left, steeling herself as she walked out the door, telling herself no matter what, she was done crying over this. It was time to get her head right again.