Sophie slowly opened the door to their bedroom. She saw Sian looking out the one window with her arms crossed. It was a defensive posture. Sophie knew from experience that at this moment she had to choose her words and actions very carefully. Having known Sian for as long as she had, hell since they were practically kids, she could read her girl like a book. The wrong word or action right now could lead to an almighty row. And those were never good between the two them. Rowing led to falling off church roofs or crying in the street as a car drove away.
Sophie knew that she had to tread very carefully as she approached her girl. She sighed as she wrapped her arms around her waist from behind. Resting her chin in the crook of her girls shoulder she was afraid to say the first thing. Upon first touch she had felt Sian tense up, but then in the next few moments relax into Sophie's embrace. During her back injury and physio Sophie had begun to know very well the various muscles that compose the human back. So she knew, and could name, each muscle as Sian slowly gave in to leaning on Sophie for support. Still Sian remained with her face forward, looking out onto the street as if she was looking into an endless ocean.
Finally she spoke, barely above a whisper.
"Is she gone?" she asked.
"Y'know she is" Sophie said softly into her girlfriend's shoulder.
"You told her to do that didn't you?" Sian asked knowing the answer. Sophie just nodded.
"See I knew that she didn't mean a word of it. Why did you do that Sophie? Rosie can't lie when it comes to you. If she's not sorry for defending you, then she's not going to be able to make anyone else believe it. She's not that good an actress" Sian asked and explained.
"I just want you two to get on. She's supported us from the beginning and I just thought that if you could see that her intentions were good" Sophie trailed off as Sian pulled away from her and sat herself down on the bed. She still couldn't look Sophie in the face. All she could do was look at her hands as if they held something her voice couldn't let out into the air.
Sophie moved to sit down beside her. She was unsure what all this was about, but it had to be about more than just Rosie's shenanigans. She put her fingers underneath Sian's chin and moved it slowly toward her face. She saw in her girl's eyes so much loss and insecurity that she couldn't help but try to reassure her. She leaned in and covered her lips for a moment. At first she didn't respond but slowly her lips began to move.
The two girls had been kissing each other for so long now that Sophie knew when to push her lips and when to just respond. At this moment she knew that it was up to her to act as physical reassurance. Her girl was unsure what ground they stood on relationship-like and couldn't find words to express it. Physically Sophie knew that she could make it clear to Sian that she really didn't give a fuck about whether Rosie had done this or that. And she honestly didn't care whether the two women made up or not as long as it didn't lead to arguments over the Christmas table. Sophie really just wished that everyone would just play "happy family" but if it came down to it then she would pick Sian every time.
She wanted Sian to know that it was okay if her and Rosie didn't get along. Sophie would always choose Sian first in these circumstances.
Sian pulled away from Sophie's lips and looked away. It was as if she was ashamed of summat, which was not okay.
"What's wrong babe?" Sophie said in the smallest weakest voice. She was earnestly worried. Clearly Sian had to know that she cared more about her soul mate than her sister. But still she stayed silent.
"Baby, I don't know what to do if you don't talk" Sophie said a little insistently. Honestly she couldn't participate in a one sided discussion.
After a moment she felt her girlfriend physically let go of that defensive wall. Sian let out a breath which meant she was getting ready to let loose. Sophie pulled her defenses up in her mind and literally her spine did shoot straight up.
"I wanted to hurt you" Sian said in a near whisper. Sophie nodded her head in a way to indicate that she just didn't understand.
Looking again out into empty space Sian tried to explain. "You had to use those words. When we were on the train platform you said that I was where you wanted to be all the time, only me, and it was just like before and it brought it all back. Do you remember what you said when you proposed to me before?" Sian asked, knowing that Sophie remembered every word.
"Of course I do" Sophie said in the softest voice. Bringing her self back to that moment cut her to the bone. It stripped her of every defense that she had developed as a person. She had meant every word as she had said them, but then it had all spun out in a bizarre pattern that as a 17 year old she had been afraid of. But now she didn't see what this had anything to do with her girlfriend and Rosie, her crazy sister.
"On that train platform you said that I was where you wanted to be all the time and it took me back to when you asked me to marry you and all those feelings came back" Sian said softly turning away.
"I could feel history repeating itself and I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice, so I walked away. I found a bloke and I said I would be his wife even though I felt nothing. It meant that I could stay away from you in America and I could study law. It meant that my dad would finally be proud of me, even though I had never done anything wrong. But most importantly I knew that I could hurt you emotionally and physically with Jay and make you feel so much less than nothing" Sian narrated as a tear trickled down her cheek.
Sophie instantly wiped it away.
"Look, I know Sian, I know. Tit for tat. I get it" Sophie put her arm around Sian's slumped shoulders.
"But I wanted to be in control of your humiliation Soph. As fucked up as that is," Sian explained. "I wanted you to feel as powerless as I did while that car drove away from you. I saw you collapse on the cobbles. And I was happy thru my tears because I knew that you were in pain. And when you came to find me in California and I saw in your eyes that you still loved me. I knew exactly how to get you back and then hurt you more. But damn you Sophie Webster" she sighed. Her eyes turned towards Sophie for the first time since Sophie had entered the room.
"I've loved you since I was 16 years old. And I feared the power that you had over me. But I also loved it because I knew that no matter how much we hurt each other that we'd end up back at the same place. Still I hate myself for wanting to see you in pain. Can you forgive me Soph?" Sian stated into her eyes. Her lower lip was quivering, just on the urge of falling.
Sophie pushed a piece of blonde hair behind Sian's ear tenderly. She looked her directly in the eyes. Straight on.
"Sian, I won't ever put you through that again. I've learned my lesson. Soon you'll be back in school, learning to be some hot shot attorney, and I'll be in school learning how to make young minds discover the difference between your and you are, but we're older. We'll learn from our mistakes. I can't be held responsible for something that I did when I was 16 years old. I'm nearly 20 now. If I don't learn from my mistakes then you have every right to dump me. But know that I will not put up with you being with anyone but me. Do you understand? It's just you and me babe" Sophie finished up grabbing Sian's waist with both hands.
"Against the world" Sian said leaning in closer.
"Forever" Sophie uttered. Her voice husky as their lips connected. It was the kind of kiss that burned entire worlds down. And suddenly words became superfluous. As did clothing, which soon spread all over the room. Sophie's blouse was tossed across the top of the dresser. Sian's bra dangled from Sian's bedside lamp. Well, you get the picture.
The next set of screams that were able to be heard from the street did not include the high pitch squeal of Rosie Webster. It was more the sound of two women in love. And nowt caring who knew it.