Chapter Forty Three – Day Thirty Four – Continued Part 2

After about half an hour, I cannot stand it any longer and I kneel down beside him to stroke his hair with one hand while shaking him gently with the other. "Wake up and say hello sleeping head, you should not be snoozing too deeply."

Nothing.

Typical Wheeler, he is out like a light! Giving in to a sudden urge I dip my head and press a light kiss to his lips, allowing it to deepen a little as I feel him respond. As I pull away, his lips try to follow me but find only empty air, making me giggle.

"Huh?" He half opens his eyes. "Did you just…?"

"I think you were dreaming Yankee." I lie. "I was just checking on you."

He sighs. "Oh… yeah I guess."

"Go back to sleep, everything is okay." Feeling a little guilty, I give him a peck on the cheek, making him grin as he settles back down.

Wheeler falls straight back to sleep and after a while I become a little self-conscious, just watching him like this… I need to find something to do. As I look around his room, I spy his guitar and that gives me an idea.

Standing up, I am about to open his desk drawer and look for some paper when I remember that night all those weeks ago. A lot has happened since then and I know we have built up a lot of trust, but what would happen if he woke up and found me searching his room? It just would not seem right and I cannot wake him to ask so I will just fetch some from my room.

He will be fine for a few minutes alone, but I will make sure that I am not gone long enough for him to miss me.

I have never tried to write a duet before, let alone one for a piano and a guitar… but it does not seem as hard as I thought it might be. I started by trying to describe myself in music – the part for the piano – and somehow it ended up a formal piece, measured and tightly controlled. The music I began for Wheeler's guitar came out faster, warmer, more unpredictable, but more fun. It should not work but somehow, at least in my head, they fit together… the guitar dancing around the austere piano, entwining with it and softening it while the piano makes the piece stronger, more organised. I guess we will not really know if it works until we try it…

Wheeler groans in pain and my attention is immediately back with him. I sit down on the bed beside him, supporting the back of his neck with my hand and gently beginning to rub the muscles there. "How are you feeling?"

"I hurt…all over." He complains.

"Do you need to take another pain pill?"

He is being stubborn. "No. Well, yes…but I don't want to."

Or maybe he feels bad about me… "Wheeler, do not be brave and noble on my account…they take away your pain. They will make you feel better in ways I cannot…I am not as good at this whole 'comforting' thing as you are…take the pills,"

I fetch him a glass of water and he picks up the bottle of pills… either he was so out of it he did not think to hide them or he trusts me now… I would prefer it to be the later so I think I will just decide to believe that.

"What were you doing at my desk?" He asks, still sounding half asleep.

"I was writing." I reply openly.

He cannot be that tired because he is in a teasing mood. "Love letter?"

"Nyet. Music." I do my best to respond in kind. "I thought we could make music together."

"Mmm, beautiful music," He agrees, though I really think he will go back to sleep any moment. "Come here."

"I am right here." I tell him

"No, I mean sit in bed and write." He clarifies.

I am only too happy to oblige him. "Ok."

After collecting my writing things I make myself comfortable next to my Yankee and smile as he cuddles into me. "Sorry, I'm not very good company."

I stroke his head, letting my fingers brush through his hair. "Shh Yankee…rest."

Did I say writing music was easy? I just cannot get this bit right. I scribble out another mistake and exclaim in frustration. "Chyort voz mi!"

"Hmm?" I must have disturbed Wheeler, but that is okay, I would need to have woken him again soon anyway.

And now he is awake, he can help me…. I need to clean up my music and the end of my pencil has already been worn down to nothing. "Oh good. You are awake…do you have a rubber?"

"Nightstand…top drawer," he murmurs in reply, but when I open the drawer I cannot see what I am looking for.

Then another item draws my attention and though I blush and gasp, I cannot help but laugh as I realise what he thought I meant… though what he thought I was going to do with it just then… "Nyet Yankee…like this,"

I show him the rubber, or lack of rubber on the end of my pencil.

"In America, that's called an 'eraser' Babe!" he tells me. I did know that, I had just forgotten.

"Well, we are not IN America," I argue.

"No, but you're talking to an American…you ask an American for a rubber and you're gonna get…well, what you got!" He laughs and my cheeks get redder still.

I do not think I will forget to ask for an 'eraser' ever again… especially from Wheeler. And though I am trying not to think about it, the ramifications of his having a box of condoms at all… I mean you do not buy them if you are not planning, or at least hoping, to use them… right?

"It's ok…there's 12 in a box and all 12 are still there if that's what you're wondering." He sounds a little offended.

Bozhe 'moy, I do not want to have this conversation with him. "I was not…it is not any of my…"

"I'm not embarrassed Babe…what's on your mind?"

I know Wheeler has never been shy but it takes all my courage to stagger out my question and then I wish it unsaid because it does not really address the problem. "How long…I mean…when did you…get them?"

He hastens to assure me that he did not get them because he was hoping something would happen due to our current relationship… but surely we have never been close enough before that he would think I might… was it just wishful thinking… no apparently he was not thinking about me at all, he was just hoping to… 'get lucky'.

I do not know who I am more angry with, him or myself. "Da. I guess that is the…um…responsible thing…to be prepared if you should ever bring a girlfriend to Hope Island…or just any girl."

"You know what… These are just taking up space…it's not like I need them." I have obviously hit a nerve because he gets up, throws away the offending package, rips off his bandages and then heads for the bathroom.

"Wheeler, wait." I am more concerned with his wounds at this point, I hate that our arguments make him reckless. "It is not that big of a deal…I am sorry. It is none of my business."

He calls back through the closed door. "Yeah, it is your business actually."

"Jason…" I stop as I hear the shower go on. It is my business? Then he was thinking about me… wishful thinking obviously, but at the same time, it was probably his way of being responsible.

I actually consider retrieving the box from the bin and returning them to his nightstand and even get as far as reaching for them… but I stop myself. It would send the wrong message… even if I thought it could work between us I am not ready to… to make such a physical commitment. There have been times when I thought I was, I admit… there have even been times when I wanted to be with him so badly I did not care whether I was ready or not… but the doubts keep creeping back in.

Still staring at the box, I reach a final conclusion… they have been there for months and could be there for years before they are used. I do not know if they have an expiration date but since rubber does decay, I think they must do… therefore it would be better to let him buy new ones when he needs them.

Having reached a logical conclusion I return to my previous position on the bed and pick up my writing things. He is mad at me though… but even if he meant well, it was presumptuous of him, he could at least have waited to buy them until after we had started dating… but he made a point of saying they were all there because he did not want me to think he had been with someone else and I…

Arghhh this is not getting me anywhere. I will never know what goes on in that Yankee's mind, and if I found out, I probably would not like it!

I stare down at my work, it is still covered in crossings out.

Wheeler's pills are on the nightstand so I guess if he comes out while I am searching for an 'eraser', he will not suspect me of looking for anything else. I find what I am looking for in his desk and sit back on the bed, making myself comfortable and wishing I could rub out all of my mistakes as easily as I do those on the page.

"I found an ERASER in the drawer of your desk." I tell him as he exits the bathroom, hoping that he will follow my lead and let the previous conversation drop.

Was he expecting another argument? "Uh…ok. Good."

I look up at him and worry overshadows everything else anyway. "You are bleeding. You should have had them look at it in the hospital. They would have been able to stitch it up so it can heal properly."

He tries to stem the flow of blood from his re-opened wound with some tissues, and he is clearly still annoyed with me. "Don't worry about it. I got it."

"You need to keep pressure on it and put the salve on it to stop it and bandage it…you cannot do all three at once. You need my help." I argue, needing to help him just as much.

I pull him over to the bed and get him to lie down before fetching more gauze and replacing the tissues. "Now hold this here."

I am getting to be very expert with the ointment Ma-Ti provided, and no wonder considering how often this Durak hurts himself… I do not mean to get short with him but he worries me, why does he not take care of himself? I re-dress the wound and make sure the clean gauze is secure. "Done."

"Thanks." He says quietly

"You are welcome." My hopes that our argument can be forgotten are dashed by his continued silence… somehow I need to show him that I am okay with… his purchase, however precipitous it might have been.

He usually responds well to humour… "Soooooo,"

"Linka…" I forge ahead before he can cut me off.

"Extra large eh Yankee?" My cheeks are just a bit pinker than normal but he looks so surprised I do not think he will notice.

"Huh?"

I cannot help a small laugh, though it is partially embarrassment. "That is a bit…generous, nyet?"

That makes him laugh but he catches on, adding a fast rejoinder. "Hey, you've seen for yourself, besides, it's my understanding that you don't have much to base your opinion on anyway!"

My cheeks blaze. I had been trying not to think about the time I walked in on him in the shower, but the truth is I have not forgotten what I saw. "True. I guess I will have to take your word for it then."

He hides his face in his hands but we are both laughing. The moment has passed though I am still kind of wondering if we will have this conversation again someday…

To be continued…

A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 43! Let us know what you think!