A/N: Thank you very much to the people who are still reading and reviewing, it's very much appreciated.

Chapter Forty Four – Day Thirty Nine

"If you do not want to come with me, do not bother, I will go on my own." I try to keep my voice casual but there is a sharpness to it that sounds like anger, though in truth it is fear.

Wheeler glares at me, a sure sign that he knows I am better and for a moment I think he is going to say okay. "You know I'm not gonna let you go on your own."

Relief washes over me but the more my strength returns, the more aware I am of how much control I have given him and the need to assert my independence makes me belligerent. "I do not need your permission. I am not sick anymore and I am not going to put up with you in a bad mood. Besides, I think I can spend one night with my family without you babysitting me!"

"Really?" He says sarcastically. "'Cos that's what we thought last time and look how that turned out!"

I wince like he slapped me and, to my great annoyance, feel my eyes fill with tears.

Wheeler sighs, his temper draining away. "Sorry."

I shrug, fighting to get my emotions under control.

Getting up from the kitchen chair he'd been lounging in, my Yankee walks over to me and rubs the top of my arms, before pulling me into his. "I am sorry."

I snuggle into his now familiar embrace and nod my head, still not trusting my voice. The trouble is, it is just so much easier to let him look after me, than to do everything for myself.

"It's too soon Babe." He begins to explain. "I know you're practically over the withdrawal and I'm amazed by the strength you've shown, but as much as we'd both like the bad stuff to be over, we've still got a long way to go."

He is referring to the fact that the doctors do not consider a drug user to be free of their addiction until they have been clean for two years. What that means is that, although I am recovered, I am in danger of relapsing by seeking some form of substance if I am in a situation I cannot handle.

I do not believe that for a moment! The only thing I go looking for when something upsets me is Wheeler, but I know under that calm exterior, the fear that I could relapse frightens him, so I just accept his words.

"I know you want to go to this memorial dinner or whatever it is, I just don't think you should put yourself through it... And all the added stress." He gives me a hug.

I squeeze him back and say, "By added stress, I assume you mean my Uncle."

"He's part of it sure... a big part of it. But there was a whole bunch of things you had to deal with at the funeral and I don't want to see you go through that again." He nuzzles my head and I try to ignore the sudden chasm that has opened in my stomach.

"Then you should stay here." I say quietly, meaning it this time. "I have already put you through more than any friend has a right to ask. I will be okay on my own."

Wheeler's grip has tightened while we speak. "No way in hell! If you go, I go!"

"But..." He shh's me and kisses my hair.

"Believe me Babe, what I'd go through here, worrying about what you're going through..." He laughs but it is not real amusement. "We'll both be better off if we stick together, no matter what we have to deal with."

I look up at him, relief and happiness shinning through my tears, and agree with complete certainty. "Da."

We had been putting off the discussion about going to Boris' memorial dinner, neither of us wanting to have that argument, and the only reason we had it now is that we ran out of time, it is tomorrow. To be honest I do not think Wheeler would have been happy about my going if it had been a year from now.

Despite my confidence earlier, as the day wears on I begin to grow nervous. I have no idea how Uncle Dimitri will receive me and you cannot put a timeframe on grief, it could be years before he can think about this without resentment… maybe never.

But it is not just my uncle that has my stomach doing back flips… it is the sleeping arrangements. I have not mentioned it to Wheeler, but there is no way we can share a room in my grandmother's house, let alone a bed! Ironically if we were a couple it would not bother me so much, but that is not the reason we are sleeping together… what if I start having nightmares again?

And what if I do not? Then we will not have a reason to continue sharing a room, it will be over… and I am not sure I am ready for that. I am not going to say anything though, I will leave it to him, if he comes to my room when we get back I will be happy, even though I know I should not be so selfish, I do not want to give him up.

The result of all this is that I will not let him out of my sight all day. I want his attention, I want him to make me laugh, I want his arms around me. I am probably irritating him like crazy, not to mention convincing him that I am far from well… but I cannot shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen… that it is going to be my last day with him.

"We should have an early night." I say at last. "We will have to leave very early in the morning."

He sighs but tries not to show it, no doubt because we are half way through a game of chess that was also my idea. "Do you want to go to bed now, or can we finish the game?"

I am restless but I smile and say. "I meant after the game."

After another couple of minutes and some very stupid moves on my part, (I cannot concentrate,) Wheeler sighs again. "Let's call it a night Babe, I don't think either of us are in the mood for this."

"Okay." I reply quietly, feeling a little guilty, and watch him as he begins putting the pieces away.

We do need to be up first thing in the morning, but it is actually a bit early to be in bed, it is still light out and I am not even tired. I do not care though, I suppose this was what I have wanted all day, to cuddle up in his arms and forget the outside world, and perhaps make up for the time we must spend apart.

My mind keeps going back to the fact that this might be the last time I get to do this with him and I find myself trying to memorise every little detail; the way his skin feels against mine, where he places his hands and how his thumbs unconsciously rub against me as if he is continually offering comfort, how his arms make me feel secure, the way his leg is over mine so that every part of me is surrounded by his warmth and protection… and the way he kisses my head every so often. Natural affection? Added comfort? I do not care, it is a part of the memory and I will cherish it… the question is, can I bear to let go?

To be continued…

A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 44! Let us know what you think!