Chapter Fifteen – Going Home/The Greatest Secret
Lauren had done a lot of thinking in the past few days. After telling Trick that Tue was going to be fine, to his utmost joy, she'd returned to her apartment and locked herself away in hiding, trying to think about everything and what this meant for her. She even had her whiteboard out so it was clearly serious business. It was covered in notes and a bubble chart.
She had decided it was in her best interest to keep the fact that she was now Fae a secret for the time being, she didn't want to be forced to align for many reasons but the main reasons were, if she aligned with the Light, she was aligning with the same people who'd kept her imprisoned for years. If she aligned with the Dark she knew with certainty that she would be tortured for her information on the Light elders and everything she knew about the Light research, the Dark had been dying to get their hands on her for years and she wouldn't be the one to go and hand herself over to them.
Staying unaligned and hidden would not be easy, she had considered packing up her things and going on the run, but she'd already been forced to do that so many times in her life that she couldn't find it in herself to run again, not when she'd finally gotten everything she didn't even know she'd ever wanted.
The last and most important reason that she wanted to keep her being Fae a secret was that she didn't want Bo to find out and have it affect who she chose to be with. There was more to their breakup than just what Lauren had said to Bo when they'd last talked and those things hadn't changed, she doubted they ever would.
After days hiding in her home, she decided it was time to let loose and grab a few drinks. She was starting to feel more at home in her new body and really thought she had a handle on things. Though she knew that she had to keep things a secret for now, part of her was eager for it to be public so that she could finally be of use to the Fae's that she cared about out in the field. She'd finally be able to heal without needing to do research and sometimes even at the cost of failing. She'd be a huge asset to the team – she knew she already was but this was different. She still felt giddy about her new abilities. She was a new Lauren and the world better watch out, she doubted they were ready for Doctor Fae-Hotpants.
When Lauren walked into The Dal, she noticed that Dyson was standing predatorily at the bar next to Bo while she sat on a stool, totally engrossed in her drink. She didn't seem to be listening to him talk as she fiddled with the straw in her brightly colored drink thoughtfully.
Dyson saw Lauren first, looking up at her his eyes flashed angrily and she stood in her tracks for a moment, confused at the look she saw on his face. He seemed almost angry, maybe it was whatever they'd been talking about but Lauren had thought she'd only seen that look in his eye as soon as he'd seen her. She shook her head, maybe she was imagining things, these new gifts must take more getting use to than she thought.
She avoided the bar, sitting at a table behind the pair. She waved Trick over so she could order a drink. He beamed at her and came over to take her order, when he was done he patted her lovingly on the shoulder and she covered the hand on her shoulder with her own for a second, looking at him with love. It was undeniable how much closer they'd grown in the past week after everything with Tue, the way he now looked at her was how she'd seen him look at his only Granddaughter, adoringly. It melted her heart to know he might care for her that much.
Dyson was still brooding at the bar, his elbows resting on it, facing her. When she caught him staring he turned his back to her and slid his arm protectively around Bo's shoulders. She seemed to squirm a bit under his touch but from here, Lauren couldn't tell if it was from pleasure or discomfort.
Lauren sighed to herself, she should've stayed home and drank alone. She raked a hand through her hair, feeling the desperate urge to run to the forest, her forest.
As if Bo seemed to sense a 'disturbance in the force' as Kenzi would say, she turned around and her eyes locked directly on Lauren's. Lauren wanted to look away without reaction but she couldn't bring herself to be that cold so she shot Bo a half smile and occupied herself with nervously color coordinating the sugar packets on the table.
Suddenly there was someone at her elbow, she looked up into the chocolate eyes that she had once loved – that she still loved. Lauren refused to be the one to speak first and Bo seemed content just being near her for a moment so time seemed to stand still for a few seconds as neither of them spoke. Lauren did her best to look mildly uninterested but it didn't seem to work.
Something about Lauren seemed different to Bo, she had always been the most beautiful thing that Bo had laid eyes on in her life, from her bright, caring eyes to the little dimple in her chin that was only really visible when she was excitedly geeking out or lost in deep thought. But right now, in this moment, Bo was certain she was the most beautiful thing on earth – that was or ever had been. There was something ethereal about her beauty, there always had been but now it was different, stronger, a force to be reckoned with.
"I need to talk to you," Bo said. Lauren gave her a calculating look of confusion.
"What could you need to talk to me about?" Lauren asked, it came out more cold and callous than she intended but she knew it was for the best. Bo didn't seem to notice her tone.
"It's private, can we go downstairs?"
Lauren sighed, raking her fingers through her golden locks again she pushed the sugar packets away and slowly stood up. "Lead the way."
Trick motioned to her and she retrieved her drink from the bar and smiled at him sheepishly, knowing he'd noticed the exchange between the two, he smiled warmly and nodded that it was fine for them to go downstairs.
Lauren sat on Tricks desk, legs crossed adorably, swirling the rocks in her whiskey around with the toothpick that had just been in her mouth, she'd picked one up from the cup on Tricks bar as they went downstairs. She was looking into her drink like it held the world's deepest secrets.
"Did you get magic powers while I wasn't looking?" Bo asked, amusedly.
Lauren looked up, eyes wide, her throat suddenly dry. Not only did she suddenly have the inability to make spit she also seemed unable to form sentences. She settled for, "What?" Smooth Lauren, clearly Doctor Fae-Hotpants has the same way with words that Doctor Human-Hotpants did.
Bo laughed at her, "Your drink, you look like you're trying to divine the secrets of the universe."
"Oh," Lauren let out a relieved and forced chuckle. She took a deep swig from her drink, thinking it could only help with whatever talk they were about to have, she set the drink on the table and returned the toothpick to her mouth, chewing on the end of it nervously. Her hands settled on the edge of the table, gripping it harder than she intended as she nervously waited on Bo to speak. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"
Now it was Bo's turn to seem nervous. Lauren thought about how rarely she'd ever seen Bo nervous, apart from Kenzi being kidnapped, there weren't many other instances that came to mind. Lauren found it adorable when Bo was nervous but she pushed the thought from her mind so she could think more rationally.
Bo started to pace back and forth in the basement as she spoke, "I've been thinking a lot about everything lately and there is just this – emptiness inside me since we broke up. I know it's because you're not in my life and I've just been thinking, if I feel so empty without you now, why are we doing this to ourselves? Why aren't we just together? Why don't we make 100 years' worth of memories together and I'll worry about the emptiness after that."
As much as Lauren wanted to run into her arms in that moment, she knew that things hadn't changed for her. "Bo, I'm sorry but you haven't given it enough of a chance yet. You still don't know what's out there for you. You're just sad because we really cared for each other and I think another part of it, is that none of your other lovers have every left you before, it's always been the other way around and maybe that's harder for you to deal with than you'd like to admit."
Bo seemed stunned, her pacing a hole in the basement floor stopped and her eyes locked on Lauren, obviously completely in shock at her words.
Lauren ducked her head, hiding her eyes so she could remind herself of the other reasons she couldn't be with Bo, the reasons she couldn't say out loud. She didn't want Bo to find out she was Fae before giving being single more of a chance because Lauren was really sure that there could be another Fae out there for Bo – hell there could be plenty if she really knew Bo. And if that was the case, she wanted to save herself the heartache of finding that out in the future. She couldn't lie, the fact that Succubi were notoriously unfaithful, due to their genetic makeup and their predisposition for sex and lots of it, had always worried her deeply. She hated to admit that she might be that insecure but facts where facts and as much as Bo claimed to care for her, one day it was very likely that she be unfaithful. She couldn't continue to give her heart away to someone that she wasn't 100% sure wouldn't just leave her, cold and empty and broken. It wouldn't even be Bo's fault if she did, it was who she was, it was her nature, the other person probably wouldn't even mean anything to her but that would just make it hurt all the more. It wasn't fair to Lauren to be in a position like that, where she was totally vulnerable with someone who had one foot out the door.
Lauren ignored the irony that Bo was the one being totally vulnerable in this moment because she told herself, right now, Bo really didn't know what she wanted, she couldn't. She hadn't given being single enough of a shot to know yet, she was still just reeling from the fact that they'd broken up but with more time, she would grow to miss Lauren less and less and she would be able to return to her old Succubus ways of jumping from bed to bed – then Lauren would finally be able to move on as well, knowing that what she'd been to the brunette was an intense but passing phase. Just another notch on her bedpost, one that she'd uncharacteristically cared for deeply.
Bo seemed to register that Lauren was serious and a tear dropped from her eye but she wiped it away before the blonde could see. "Look, I know what you're doing."
Lauren got nervous again at her words, she chewed harder on the toothpick and gripped the edge of the table until her knuckles were white.
"You're worried that because of what I am, I'll be unfaithful to you. But you have to know better than that. You're supposed to be this brilliant Doctor and if you don't know how much I care about you… how much you mean to me, then maybe you're not as smart as I thought."
Lauren laughed, a little offended and in disbelief at her words. She shook her head and raked her fingers through her hair, a nervous habit she had that Bo seemed to bring out in her the most. "Well you know what Bo, maybe it's just that I don't care for you as much as you think I do."
She felt her words do the trick, she knew she had to end this hope in Bo's mind to get the brunette to fully move on. She saw the look of pain and confusion mar the features of the woman she loved deeply, but she refused to back down, this needed to happen and obviously Lauren was the one who needed to make it clear or else all of it would be pointless.
"I- I can't believe you could say that to me… what has happened to you?" Bo asked, wondering if Lauren was maybe under the effect of some kind of Fae magic.
Lauren laughed again and shook her head. "Nothing is wrong with me Bo, just that I'm thinking clearly."
"No, you're different, you seem different."
Lauren panicked, knowing this line of questioning could undue everything she needed to desperately keep secret. "I'm not different Bo, you obviously just don't know me as well as you seem to think you do." She stared at her coldly, void of emotion though it was making her break inside. Lauren knew if she let the tears that wanted to fill her eyes come, she'd be made, so she forced them down and pulled strength from the forest, standing as solid as an oak. She lifted her chin, daring Bo to argue the point.
The brunettes shoulders slumped and she relented. "Obviously I don't. I'm sorry to have come crawling back to you so pathetically when we're clearly over. It won't happen again."
Lauren could've driven the point home but she knew she'd done enough damage and she didn't want to cause any more pain to her love than she had to. The pain in her heart was burning so hot she knew she might break, so she pulled more strength from the trees, feeding on them heavily. She managed to nod at her Succubus and Bo let her head fall to the floor, turning to leave the basement. When Lauren heard the door at the top of the stairs close she slid off the table and dropped to her knees on the floor, dissolving into a puddle of hysterical tears.
Okay, literally, everyone needs to chill the FUCK out! Lmao. Literally someone cussed me out for this chapter, calling me a Lauren hater. Lmao. Obviously, this IS a Doccubus story and I will be explaining even more about why Lauren is doing this, though I did explain that she fears that one day Bo might give into her Succubus ways, despite how much she loves her, I mean I don't know about you guys but I definitely got that feeling on the show, *spoilers* especially in season 4 when Lauren comes home and Bo is still hooking up with Dyson. So CHILL OUT people, lmao. Stick with me here, I promise you that everything is about to get really good. (That's always the way, it's always darkest before the dawn people).