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Chapter Forty Five – Day Forty
My grandmother is waiting for us when we arrive, a huge smile on her face as she hugs us both, and looks me over. "I am so glad you both made it."
"You have taken good care of my granddaughter, just as you promised." She adds approvingly to Wheeler, but shows her concern as she asks me, "Are you all better now Little Bird?"
I nod and smile at her, hoping my Yankee will not contradict me. "Da, I am fine now."
"Good, good." She seems so happy as she leads us into the house. "Wheeler you know where to put your things?"
I give him an apologetic, guilty look and follow my Grandmother further into the living room.
"Is Mishka here yet?" I ask, looking forward to seeing my brother again.
Grandmuska shakes her head sadly. "He has exams, and it costs too much for him to travel here."
"We could have picked him up." I argue. "He should be here... for Boris."
She smiles sadly at me. "You know he was not as close to him as you were Linka, but he would be here if he could. And we have Wheeler, da?"
I cannot help smiling at that, and give an embarrassed chuckle. "Da. We do."
"I must return to the kitchen, we have a lot to prepare. Do you need to rest or would you like to help?" It is obvious my grandmother wants me to go with her, perhaps because some of our friends and relatives are already here, helping out. She wants them to know I am better.
"I would like to help if that is okay?" I tell her, smiling when I see that she is pleased. "But you will need to find something to keep Wheeler busy too or he will fuss."
She takes me into the kitchen and after I have been greeted by all the people there, which seems to take forever, I am given some vegetables to chop.
Wheeler joins us a short time later and hovers in the doorway. I knew he was there the moment he entered, I am still very aware of him and I like to think that is because of our connection, the one that lets us use each other's rings, and nothing to do with how much time we have been spending together.
At first I expect him to come over and stand behind me to wrap his arms around my waist and I wonder for a second if I can stop him doing that in front of my family… but he does not and I am irrationally disappointed. In fact he does not look happy, oh he is smiling, but I can tell. I suppose it is the sleeping arrangements… nyet actually I hope it is the sleeping arrangements because I have not forgotten that he did not want to come here.
"Wheeler." My Grandmother comes to the rescue. "Would you mind helping Alexei set up the table in the other room? It is best if we have everything set up before we go to church."
"Uh sure…" He looks at me and I give him a quick smile before he is led away.
It really is helping, Alexei is our neighbour and he is getting on in years… another reason Mishka should have come home. I do not know where Uncle Dimitri is and I do not like to ask.
The women busy themselves around the kitchen, talking away in a cheerful fashion despite the occasion. I am surprised at the slight mental adjustment I have to make to listen to them… I have begun to think almost exclusively in English. It is not much though, and I find I am even able to enjoy the friendly noise now, though I cannot join in because I am so much out of touch.
"So that American is your young man, Linka?" Mrs Kutzenova asks. She is one of my Grandmother's closest friends and I have known her for as long as I can remember, but I still feel as if I am being interrogated.
I look down at my work, my cheeks beginning to glow. "We work together. He is a good friend, that is all."
"Oh I see." I look up to see her smiling knowingly at me, and a couple of the younger women are laughing quietly.
I can feel the anger rise in my chest but Grandmuska must see it in my eyes because before I can reply, she reminds me that the service will not be long and that I should go and change. I nod to her and say 'excuse me', before leaving the room, forcing myself not to run.
Wheeler is outside with Alexei, bringing in a table we are borrowing, I can see them through the window. I hurry on into my bedroom, not wanting to have to explain what has upset me. It would be different if it were true, I would love for them to tease me then… but I am very aware that it is not and besides, I do not like being disbelieved!
I sit on my bed and rub my hands over my face, then lie back and stare at the ceiling. I do not want them thinking we are a couple, even if it were what he wanted, which I am not at all sure it is, I still do not think it would work.
Sometimes I think he is perfect for me, that I could not want anyone else… but then he will say or do something so stupid that I wonder why I even talk to him. Over these last few weeks he has become more than a friend, and I do not mean in a romantic way though my adolescent feelings often betray me. He is now central to who I am… and I could not bear to ever lose him from my life.
A more intimate relationship would be fun for a while but actually turning it into something we could build our whole lives around… it would end badly and then I would lose his friendship too. It would be safe enough to remain as friends… but…
Why does it have to be so complicated?
At least I do not need quite so many layers to make my clothes fit now, but I could still put on a bit more weight. I have just finished re-doing my makeup when there is a knock at my door. "Come in."
"Hey." Wheeler smiles at me, and I cannot help smiling back… and I still like the way he looks in his suit. Before he has time to ask, I walk up to him and begin tying the tie he subtly left hanging around his neck, while his hands rest comfortably on my hips. "Thanks Babe."
"You are welcome Yankee." When I am done we just stand there looking at each other, but it is a comfortable silence… at least I am comfortable. After a while, I take a small step forward and wrap my arms around his waist. "Thank you for coming with me."
Wheeler returns my hug and rests his head against mine. "You're welcome."
He feels a bit tense, which is my fault for putting him through this again! I am just about to ask if he wants to stay behind when my Grandmother enters the room… without bothering to knock.
"Oh I am sorry! I did not mean to interrupt!" She says, looking amused as I quickly pull away from him.
I shake my head. "You are not."
Grandmuska smiles that knowing smile again, I wish she would not. "It is time to leave, Dimitri will be waiting for us at the church."
"Can't keep Dimitri waiting!" Wheeler mutters under his breath and I blush furiously, looking over at my grandmother in alarm… but she does not seem to have heard, I hope she did not.
I glare at Wheeler and follow Grandmuska, deliberately not making contact with him. I know it is not easy for him but he does not have to make it harder for me! I dread to think what he is actually going to say to my Uncle, this is exactly the sort of childish behaviour that sets us apart.
A few of our friends are remaining behind to finish getting the dinner ready while the rest of us go to the church for the service. Wheeler offered both Grandmuska and I an arm to hold as we walk. She accepted it, I did not. He probably thinks I am trying to prove something but I am not, I am just annoyed with him.
We walk in silence until Wheeler asks. "So, tell me again what the forty days is about?"
He does not really want to know, it is just his way of making me talk to him because if I refuse to answer I will be the one being unreasonable. Grandmuska must know it too because she remains silent.
"Forty is a symbolic number. In this case it represents the end of the period of mourning." I explain, refusing to look at him. "It is the day the soul of the deceased leaves Earth and goes on to the next world, that is why we offer special prayers today, to help them find their way into heaven."
I do not mention that the service and the feast that follows are repeated on the anniversary of the death… I do not want him to feel he has to accompany me, I will see what the situation is between us when it is time.
He does not say anything but I can feel his gaze on me. Finally I sneak a peek up at him and find him regarding me intently… he looks worried. I cannot leave him looking like that and as usual, at least lately, I give in. Rolling my eyes, I loop my arm through his and try to ignore the way my heart soars when his face is covered by a soppy grin.
My grandmother chuckles, something else I intend to ignore.
Uncle Dimitri is waiting at the church entrance with Father Koslov. Gone is the larger than life man whom I have known for as long as I can remember. He is quiet and pale and greets us politely without ever making eye contact, in fact, I am not sure he even knows who we are.
I feel desperately sad. It is not just my cousin I am mourning, I have truly lost my uncle as well. I think if I could murder Skumm, at this moment, I would do so without hesitation. Instead, as we take our places, I slip my fingers into Wheeler's and lean against him, resting my head on his shoulder as he squeezes my hand in return.
They will probably talk about us but I really do not care, I am lucky to have such a friend and the rest… it does not matter for now, it will be time enough to deal with it when we get home.
To be continued…
A/N: And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 45! Let us know what you think!