"I'm going to do it this time, bastard. Just let me go."

"Lovi, you don't have to go. I can go, it's no problem," Antonio said. Lovino let out a weak sigh as he shoved his feet into his brown boots. They had been in the inn for three weeks now. Once every three or four days, someone volunteered to go out to get more supplies. Lovino had jumped at the chance to get out into the fresh air. This was all too similar to being locked up.

"No, dammit. Let me go, I said! Did you not hear me?"

Antonio shot Lovino a pissy look and crossed his arms before saying, "Why are you acting this way? You're being, well, an ass. You have been for the past couple days."

Lovino scoffed, let out a fake chuckle, and tied his cloak around his neck. "Gee, I wonder why? It couldn't be because I've been stuck in this fucking inn for three weeks, could it?"

Roma grabbed Lovino's shoulders and said, "Lovino Vargas, if you don't stop this attitude, I'll bust your ass. I love you, figlio, but my lord, you've been in such a bad mood lately. We're all sick of being here. Antonio, let him go. He needs a little air. And he's a smart boy, he'll do well out there."

Antonio looked like he wanted to interject, but after hearing Roma threaten his grandson, he really didn't want to question the man.

.

Lovino checked his basket again. It looked like he had everything but wine. They could always use more wine. Even cheap wine was better than no wine.

He entered what looked like a shoddy tavern and approached the counter. He could see an elderly woman arranging bottles. She dusted a few off and watered down some. Lovino made a face and cleared his throat. "Excuse me, I'm looking to buy a bottle of wine. I don't care about the kind or the taste. Just as long as it can make me drunk out of my mind."

The woman didn't look up until he dropped a palmful of coins onto the counter. She nodded and shuffled somewhere off in the back. Lovino tapped his fingers and noticed a little flyer hanging on the wall next to the window. He immediately recognized it as their wanted ad. He wanted to tear the thing down, but that would look suspicious.

"You looking at that wanted ad? Pretty damn awful, aren't they? How stupid of them to run away, too. They caught 'em, you know. Did you hear?"

Lovino turned white and his tongue felt like sandpaper against the roof of his mouth. "What? I mean, uh, who, uh, are they in Barcelona?"

The woman dusted off a wine bottle. "Mhm. They thought they had 'em a few times already, they killed some people thinking it was them, but this has got to be them this time. This'll be the third bunch 'o guys, I'm pretty sure. Or fourth. They're not real different looking, I guess. I personally think they're having these guys turned in that are in the Jewish community so that they can go on and finish 'em all off with an excuse."

Lovino's lips twitched. "An excuse?"

"Oh, yeah, the excuse of them being those three guys on there. You know? 'oops, we just killed Jewish Joseph, thought he was one of those boys, darn we didn't mean for that to happen.' But that's just my theory."

Lovino grabbed the wine bottle and forced a smile. "Oh. You might be right. Would you look at that, the sun is already going down, I better be going. Thank you."

He left the woman before she could ask why he looked like he was going to cry.

.

"Lovi, what is wrong, querido?"

"Talk to me, figlio."

"Don't cry. It'll be alright."

"No," Lovino said through bitter tears. "No, it won't be. They're killing them in Barcelona. They're killing innocent people because they can use the excuse that they 'thought it was us'!" Lovino's breath quickened. "I can't breathe. I can't breathe, Grandpa."

Roma wrapped his strong arms around Lovino and gave him a loving squeeze. "Hey, calm down, figlio. You can breathe. You're just panicking. They don't have us, right? We're safe."

Lovino pulled away from Roma and grabbed a bucket from the other room.

Antonio and Roma could hear that Lovino was clearly sick. Every minute or so there would be a gagging noise and a splatter. Finally, Lovino came back out.

"Feel better?" Roma asked.

Lovino nodded and sat down at the table. "I have to go back. I have to turn myself in."

Both Antonio and Roma were silent.

"Lovino, you don't have to go back. It isn't your fault that lives are being lost," Roma said. Lovino buried his face into his forearms. "Yes, I do. It's our fault because we're giving them an excuse. It wasn't as easy to kill Jews before. I'm going back. I'm not keeping this guilt forever."

"Figlio, can you accept the consequence? They'll kill you. And they'll be careful this time. There will be no saving if you go." Lovino's stomach lurched and he got up to vomit again. Ultimately, he nodded. "Of course I'll accept it. I'd rather die than sit back while others are slaughtered for my folly. I've accepted death. At least when it comes, I'll be with mother again. Right?"

Grandpa Roma wiped away a tear of his own and nodded. "That's right, figlio. But I don't want you to go. What about Feli and I?"

"You'll have each other. And maybe Antonio will stick around, too. You guys can figure out a way back to Italy. I won't mind. I have to do this. Do you understand?"

Grandpa Roma shook his head. "Yes. It's for your soul, figlio. Go. I can't control you. You're a better man than I. If I didn't have Feliciano, I'd join you. But I can't leave him in this cruel world alone."

"I understand. Feli needs you. This world needs you. I don't belong here anymore. This is my fate. I," Lovino choked back tears. "I should have died at the Auto." Lovino looked down at the table. He didn't believe that. He'd thought that he was meant to be saved. He was so sure his fate was turning into a good one. But he was wrong.

"Don't say things like that. I'm so happy I got to spend these weeks with you. When will you leave?"

"In a fortnight, I think. I'd like a little time to live."

Roma nodded weakly and stood. "I think I need to lie down." He shuffled off to his room and closed the door behind him quietly. Lovino hated himself for making his grandfather feel this way.

"Lovino."

Lovino glanced at Antonio, who looked almost as weak as Grandpa Roma. "Yes?"

"You can't go back. I can't save you again."

"You shouldn't have saved me in the first place." Lovino poured himself a glass of wine and drank it all in three gulps. Antonio glared at him and sat across from him as Roma had.

"You regret seeing your grandfather again? You regret everything that's happened since I saved you?"

Lovino was silent as he poured Antonio a glass of wine. Antonio raised an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair. Lovino watched him. He was expecting an answer, he guessed.

"No. I don't regret anything that's happened. This hasn't been bad. I've enjoyed my time with you, bastard. But it's time for me to move on. I have to die."

"No, you don't."

"I can't let innocent people die."

"I love you, Lovino. What am I supposed to do without you? You are my world."

Lovino felt warm tears dotting his eyelashes. Antonio was and always would be his world, too. He pushed his own wine away and buried his face in his hands. "I have to go. You need to understand that."

"I don't! I don't understand why you're willing to give up your life for nothing! I want you to stay here with me. How can I live without you in my life? I want to marry you, Lovino, and go see Italy with you. I'd move there if you asked me to. And it could be just like that painting. Don't leave. Live to show me Italy."

Lovino looked up, eyes squinted and face red. "I can't stay. You think I don't want to see Italy? You think I don't want to stay here with you? You're not the one dying. I am. And it won't be for nothing."

"Oh? What's it really for?"

"It's for them!"

"Who? They're just Je-" Antonio stopped himself.

But Lovino wasn't deaf. And he wasn't stupid. His eyes burned with a fire rivaled only by the devil himself. "What the fuck did you just say?"

"Lovino, wait, I-"

"No!" Tears streamed down his face. "Do you still fucking think like that you fucking ass?" Lovino stood up with Antonio, who had paled.

"I didn't mean to say that. I don't think like that anymore, but I did for so long, it's hard-"

"You know what's fucking HARD? HAVING THE ENTIRE COUNTRY AND HALF OF EUROPE HATE YOU!" He punctuated his sentence by throwing a glass at Antonio's head. He easily dodged it. Lovino jumped across the table and punched Antonio in the face as hard as he could. He wished the crack he heard would have been from Antonio face and not from his finger. Angry tears fell onto the floor as he cradled his hand. "Fuck you. Fuck. You."

Antonio touched his own cheek. Lovino had hit him before, but it felt different this time, and not in a good way. Lovino hated that he didn't do more damage. But he was too exhausted.

"Lovino, I'm so sorry, I'll do anyth-"

"You now what's even more fucked up?" Lovino let out a forced laugh and sat back down. "I still fucking love you. Even though you're a fucking prick. I can't even fucking hate you. I'm so pathetic." Soft cries escaped Lovino's throat. "Just let me go."

Antonio watched with wide eyes. He felt dead.

"Lovino, it's your decision. If you want to go, you may go. Save every person you can. I'm . . . I'm so sorry."

Antonio subconsciously locked himself in the other room and tried (failed) to ignore the darkness falling in on him.

To Be Continued . . .