She's been suffering for seven minutes now. Seven minutes of progress into her drama homework, seven minutes of reciting Shakespeare's dry plays.
Noodle was pissed.
2D always was quite fast at replying, and after three weeks of constant talk, seven minutes was too long for one to wait for a reply.
"I have come to bury Caesar! Not to praise-" her practice was brought to a close, as her phone flashed with life, notifying her of the fact a certain someone snapchatted her back.
"Finally!" She yelled excitedly, her script being flung across the room in abandon to open the picture.
It was just a picture of his dog. No caption or anything.
"Ugh, bastard..." She huffed, she'd sent him a real fire selfie and was hoping for a compliment or something. But just got a pug dog instead. Brutus was cute and all, but not what she wanted right now.
Wait.
He'd sent her another snap! She beamed, pressing down on the tile to allow her to view it.
She screamed.
Her phone flew out of her hands and smacked into her bedside table after they pulled back in shock.
She'd just seen...
A rather disappointing penis.
By 2D? Oh lord, why would he do that? They hadn't discussed anything to lead to this, and they were just really friendly towards each other.
After a few moments of internalizing this complicated situation in her head, she picked her phone back up to reply with a picture of her foot, captioned with many question marks.
He opened it, but didn't reply. Confused and kind of scared, Noodle decided to face this head on. She called him.
"Whot?" He answered, sounding exhausted.
"What the hell was that?"
"Ay?"
"That..." Noodle was now unsure how to word it, not really one to use the crude English slang her friends use at school.
"...that-That dick pic! You sent me!" she said anyway.
"I didn' sen' yew no dick pic!"
"You did!"
"Hold on, luv, just..."
There was a bark on the line, and 2D hushing his dog. After a couple moments, he came back with a distraught apology.
"'M sorreh! Dat wasn' meant for yew." He wailed. Noodle scrunched her brow. He hadn't told her he was talking to other girls. Unless it wasn't some other girl...
"Who was it meant for?"
2D began to stutter. "N-no one!"
"2D..." She warned, hoping he wasn't talking to the woman that broke his heart, again.
He didn't reply.
"2D, was it meant for Paula?"
"...yeah."
Noodle sighed.
"She's no... good for you, 2D."
"But, she jis' asks for pictures 'n' it makes me feel, well, yew know..." He sounded so dejected, it was hard to tell him off.
"But isn't the hurt too much to bear, in the end?" She carefully asked.
"I really did love 'er, Noodle."
"She's leading you on, you can win this-"
"'M scared!"
Time to use some metaphors.
"2D, put your hand over your heart. Can you feel your pulse?"
"...Yeah."
"If you keep torturing youself like this, you won't feel it anymore."
"She'll kill me?"
"No! Well, depends. No, but she'll-you'll rot on the inside." she struggled to find the right wording.
"Awh nuuu, I'll become a zombie?"
Noodle slapped her forehead, letting out a low groan.
"I suppose! Do you want to feel like a zombie for the rest of your life and become an empty shell of a man?"
"Uh... S'pose not..."
"Remove her from your life. You'll feel like a legend."
"How?"
"Because... Then... You've got the power?" She tried to make it sound as cool as possible.
"...that'd be neat."
"Yeah?"
"But-"
"She'll cheat on you again when she meets someone who flirts with her again, because she's a greasy bitch."
"WOW."
"Block her."
"Wait, when did 'er 'air come into dis?"
Noodle was sometimes flabbergasted on his slowness.
"That's not what I meant by greasy."
"Oh..."
No one talked for a while, and it was deafening. Really, anything that needed to be said was out, but whether 2D absorbed it or not is a mystery.
"'M back."
He was gone?
"You were gone?"
"Blocked 'er on everythin' after tellin' 'er te sod off."
Noodle tried not to scream out with the amount of proudness swelling in her chest.
"You did good, 2D."
"Fanks, Noods."
That reminds her...
"I'll just forget about that picture now."
"Awh nooooooo, 'm sorry!" he began wailing again.
"It's fine, 2D, you're not the first person to do that. I can handle a dick."
"..."
"2D?"
"Tell me their names 'n' addresses, dey're gettin' their arses absolutely stomped."