On the other hand, I had promised Edward that I would be here. He was waiting for me and he would be disappointed if I turned around and went away. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
It opened instantly, and revealed Edward, looking nervous. "Will you come in?" he asked, stepping back to give me plenty of space.
I followed him into the lounge, and was surprised to see that we were the only occupants. "Will you sit down?" he asked me again. He still seemed nervous of me, as if he was expecting me to run away any minute.
"Were you standing in the hall waiting for me to knock on the door?"
"Yes, I heard you drive up. When you didn't knock, I thought that you might have changed your mind. I thought that you might not come in. Um . . . would you like something to eat or something to drink? Have you had lunch yet?"
It was three o'clock, but I hadn't eaten my lunch yet, I'd been so busy talking, and then arguing, with Jake, that I hadn't thought about food. It was odd that the friend who ate had forgotten to feed me, yet it was the first thing that occurred to my vampire boyfriend.
"Actually I haven't, but I'm not that hungry," I lied.
"That's a shame," Edward said, "Esme made you sandwiches, you know, just in case you were hungry. If you're not hungry, I guess that they'll go to waste."
"If there are sandwiches going to waste, then I'm sure that I could eat something."
"No, not if you're not hungry. You don't have to eat just to please me."
I smiled at him, he was teasing me. "I'm hungry, Edward, alright, Jacob didn't offer me anything to eat. You make a much better host. Now, can I have some lunch?"
He grinned that crooked grin that I liked and dashed off to fetch my lunch. The sandwiches were cut into triangles and arranged prettily on the plate, with a fussy salad on the side. There were spirals of carrot and stars cut out of cucumber. It looked like something a posh hotel would serve. Edward was obviously enjoying playing at being a waiter, he put the plate in front of me and poured me a glass of orange juice with a flourish, then he stood opposite me, watching me eat.
"Aren't you going to sit down?"
"I'm waiting for my dressing down," he said meekly, "you warned me that you were only coming here in order to give me a well-deserved scolding. So, I thought that I shouldn't get too comfortable."
"I'd forgotten about the flowers," I admitted.
Edward sighed, "that's quite a good punishment," he said, "I had hoped to make you happy. Being forgotten is painful."
"I didn't forget about you, only about the flowers. The phone is excessive."
"I bought it for my piece of mind, so it doesn't count as a gift," he argued, "besides which, you have already used it today, so it isn't a complete waste." He was surprisingly serious. He must have been genuinely worried about my reaction.
"You have to ask me before spending money on me."
"But, if I ask, then you tell me not to. Sometimes it's easy to ask forgiveness than permission." He stopped and seemed to worry that he might not be adequately repentant. "I'm sorry I made you cross" he added.
"You're not sorry enough to stop doing it."
"I'm sorry enough not to buy you another phone" Edward offered.
I sighed. It was annoying when Edward spent money on me, but the reality was that I was giving up on that battle. I was never going to win. If I could make him restrict himself to occasional, small gifts, then that was the best that I could hope to achieve.
"And no more flowers, either." I said firmly.
Edward's face fell, "but, I want to buy you lots of flowers. Can't I at least get flowers on special occasions? I'll be sparing with the flowers. That has to be enough. Please, Bella?" Of course Edward being Edward had noticed my reaction to his cute, hangdog expression yesterday; he produced it for me again now. Combined with his sweet 'please, Bella', he was invincible.
"Whatever you want, Edward," I said dazedly.
He grinned at me and knelt down in front of me so that he could kiss his way up my arm. "I love you, Bella," he said, "I want to buy beautiful flowers to show how beautiful you are. I want to buy fragrant flowers, because you're fragrant." He kissed along my collar bone and up my neck. "I want to express my love for you by sending you nice things. Let me buy you flowers and gifts. Let me love you, beautiful Bella." He placed a wonderful, cool kiss on the back of my neck.
I sighed in pleasure. "Oh, Edward. I love you. You can have anything you want."
He'd reached my face now, and he kissed along my jaw line and up my cheek "I'll buy you lots of flowers, my Bella," he assured me gently, before brushing a light, perfect kiss across my lips.
"Oh, good, thank you, Edward." Then he wasn't kissing me anymore, he was sitting back on his heels laughing at me. "That's not fair," I told him.
He shrugged, "I agreed not to buy you another phone, but you can't be so cruel as to stop me buying you flowers. If you're cruel to me, I don't have to be fair. I have to defend myself."
"Your power only works when you're actually kissing me," I told him, "I can be angry with you as soon as you stop."
"That's easily solved," he leant forward again to give me a long, lingering kiss on the lips.
"That is very, very nice," I told him, trying not to be disappointed that he'd stopped. I knew that he had to stop kissing me. He always had to stop kissing me.
"Can we talk about the other thing, while I'm still ahead?" he asked.
"What other thing?"
Edward sighed, "I'm only bringing this up because I don't want you to remember it when I'm not around and get cross without being able to take it out on me. I'd rather be in trouble now, than risk your avoiding me later. When I was on the phone with that mutt I said something that made you angry and you said that we would talk about it later."
"What exactly did you say to Sam?"
"I wasn't talking to the dog, I was talking to Jasper and I said, 'Bella's not only meeting with the dogs, she's spying on us for them', um, I know that wasn't a very nice thing to say. Should I start grovelling now?"
He deserved to suffer a little bit before I let him off the hook. So, instead of telling him that he didn't ever need to grovel for my forgiveness, I said "I don't think that you know how to grovel, Edward. It doesn't sound like a very Edwardian thing to do."
"Really? I thought that I spent most of yesterday grovelling."
"You spent most of yesterday sulking" I corrected sternly. "I don't want you to tease me or kiss me, Edward. I want you to answer a few questions honestly. Alright?"
His eyes opened widely, but he nodded.
"Why did you say something mean about me to Jasper?"
"I don't have very good control of my temper. I was angry because I thought that you were choosing to side with the . . . with Sam and Jacob against me and my family. I was hurt that you went to see Jacob Black rather than coming to see me. I was worried that the only reason you came here yesterday was in order to gain information about us that you could pass on to them. So, I snapped and said something disrespectful about you. Can I say how sorry I am and how much I wish I could take it back?"
"I have another question." Edward swallowed nervously. I didn't even know that vampires did that. Still, I guess this was the first time that I'd made a vampire nervous. Emmett had been right: I had changed while they'd been away. I was more confident now and I was going to make Edward see me as his equal. "Have you said that kind of thing about me behind my back before?"
He grimaced and looked down at the floor. "Do you need anything else to eat or drink?" he muttered.
"I want you to answer my question."
"Rose and Emmett are coming downstairs" he said into the floor again.
"I don't care. Your entire family have heard every word that we've said since I got here. It doesn't make any real difference whether they're in the same room as us or not. Stop stalling and answer my question."
The door opened and Rosalie and Emmett walked in. Emmett was carrying a huge wooden chest, which he set down triumphantly in the middle of the room. Rosalie began moving sofas and chairs around to clear a big space in the centre of the room. I wanted to ask them what was going on, but I wanted even more to finish this conversation with Edward, so I turned back to him.
"I'm going to answer," he said quickly, before I could prompt him again, "I'm working out how to say this. When I first came into contact with you, I didn't know anything about you except that I couldn't control myself around you, and I wasn't very nice about you in my mind or in the things that I said to my family. I'm truly sorry for every disrespectful thought that I have ever had about you. Please don't get up and leave me."
"You're the one who left, Edward. I never left. I ought to have abandonment issues, not you. For heaven's sake, every time I say anything even slightly critical, you start begging me not to leave you. It looks as though you don't trust me." I reached over for his hands and he let me take them and hold them inside mine. I held his gaze as well, as I said "listen, I will not leave you, ever, but I would like it if you could stop assuming that I'm constantly on the verge of walking out."
He visibly relaxed. "I'm sorry for seeming to doubt you. I just worry that when you realise what I'm actually like, you'll have to run away. Yesterday you were surprised to hear that there was anything I couldn't do. I worry that you only love Perfect Edward and that if you knew how imperfect and unpleasant I really am, you would want nothing to do with me."
"Please try to give me some credit," I said. It was getting difficult to concentrate on our conversation, because Rosalie and Emmett, in their plan of rearranging the furniture, had picked up the sofa on which we were sitting. As I talked, they carried it across the room, put it down, walked around frowning, then picked it up and moved it over to a different position. Determinedly, I got out most of what I wanted to say, before I gave up, and stopped trying to have this serious chat with my overly-emotional teenage vampire. "I do know a little bit about you by now. I have actually noticed your temper before. I am painfully aware of your over-confidence in your own opinions and of your habit of running away when things get emotionally tough. I do know you, Edward, and I still love you and I still want to be with you. Now, you have to tell me what Rosalie and Emmett are doing, because I just can't pretend to ignore it anymore!"
"Ask them" he responded curtly, obviously annoyed that his siblings had effectively ended our conversation.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
Emmett grinned at me, "we're setting up the living room to make a stage-area so that we can all show off our amazing juggling skills. You're going to be really impressed, Bella. Well, you're going to be really impressed by most of us. There is one member of the family who can't be bothered to learn to juggle and can't even manage a simple toss juggle with three balls." He shook his head sorrowfully, "but that's ok, because there's enough of us to make an impressive display." Finally happy with the space that they'd created, Emmett opened the chest and he and Rosalie began rifling through it, choosing their implements.
"You can't juggle," I reminded Edward, it was one of the first items on the list that his siblings had created for me yesterday. He frowned at my bringing it back up again. "I can't juggle either," I comforted him, "we'll just have to cuddle up and watch the show together."
Edward put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close, "I'm starting to enjoy not being able to do things" he said.
While we'd been talking, Alice and Jasper had slipped into the room and joined Emmett and Rosalie at the juggling chest. They were all conducting a whispered conversation about who was going to stand where and who was going to do what. They were giggling and pointing and gesturing wildly, which was unusual.
I looked quizzically at Edward. "They're excited to have an audience," he explained, "due to the absolute necessity of protecting our secret, they've never been able to perform before. Apparently, I'm not a very discerning spectator. Alice says that you're going to be a lot more appreciative."
"Alright, pay attention, the show's about to start," Alice stage-whispered to us.
I looked over at Edward's siblings and noticed that they were all stood in a loose square formation, each holding four brightly coloured balls in their hands. Emmett winked at me and they all began to juggle. It was a beautiful sight, all four of them tossing and catching their juggling balls. Rosalie had pink, Alice yellow, Jasper green and Emmett blue. They had dressed up for the occasion and were all wearing shirts that matched the colour of their chosen balls.
Edward whispered in my ear "they couldn't agree on who got to begin the show, so they're going to start with a joint effort."
Suddenly Alice grinned broadly and threw one of her yellow balls to Jasper. He smirked and juggled five balls for a moment, before tossing one of his green balls over to her in exchange. They performed the whole thing without a hitch.
I gasped and clapped. I saw everyone turn to look at me in surprise (though none of them dropped a single ball). So I stopped clapping instantly and said to Edward, "is that distracting?"
He laughed at me, "no, that won't distract them. They're surprised you clapped because they haven't started trying to impress you yet. Keep reacting that enthusiastically and everyone will be thrilled."
As if to emphasise his point, Rosalie and Emmett did a quick ball-swap of their own, letting their balls cross each other in the middle of the square.
I gasped again, but I didn't get a chance to clap because they had obviously decided that now was the moment to ramp up the skills. Jasper threw one green ball to Rosalie and one to Emmett. Emmett threw one of his blue balls to Alice, whilst catching the green ball from Jasper. Rosalie did the same, tossing Alice a pink ball and catching a green. Alice caught both balls and proceeded to juggle all six, before throwing two pink balls over to Rosalie, who caught them and passed one on to Emmett, whilst at the same time switching his green ball with Jasper's green ball.
Now they were all juggling one ball of each colour. There was a brief pause and I clapped enthusiastically. Then they all tossed their blue balls into the centre at once, the balls bounced off each other and returned to the people who threw them. That deserved a real round of applause, but I was too shocked to clap, I just gasped and said "Wow, Edward, did you see that?"
He laughed at me, "it was very good," he said, "though Rosalie threw slightly wide and Alice had to compensate."
"Don't smack him, Bella," Alice called out, "we want to finish the show here, not in the emergency room while you get your broken hand treated."
I frowned, I had been about to hit Edward, I made do with hissing, "you can't juggle at all, you certainly don't have any right to criticise."
Edward laughed again and said, "I'm sure that Rose will get her revenge."
As if in retaliation to Edward's dismissive reaction, they doubled the trick this time, tossing the green balls and the yellow balls into the centre to bounce against each other. The green balls met slightly lower than the yellow ones, producing (for the instant that they hit) a flower-like effect. This time I was almost expecting it, and I was able to clap, "amazing!" I said.
It was obviously time for the finale of this bit of the show, so they all began to juggle faster and to juggle across one another. Jasper and Alice were juggling together and Emmett and Rosalie were juggling together. Then Rosalie was juggling with Alice and with Emmett and Jasper was Juggling with Emmett and with Alice. Then Alice was also juggling with Emmett and Jasper with Rosalie and balls were flying over and under and around the square in every direction, so fast that I couldn't see who was throwing what. The balls blurred into ribbons of colour joining the performers together.
I was absolutely speechless, with my jaw hanging open. Then, the colours began to define into single ribbons of pink, yellow, blue and green and they were all back with their original holders. They stopped juggling with each other and instead each seemed to be spinning a circle of a single colour around their hands. They gradually slowed down until they were all just juggling the same four single-coloured balls as they had been at the beginning. Then, they all, at one instant, stopped, and gave me and Edward a neat bow.
I clapped and clapped, "that was incredible, you're amazing, wow!" I said, "I've never seen anything like that. It was so brilliant and it looked so beautiful."
They all grinned at me, then looked over at Edward. He shrugged, "it was alright," he said, "almost faultless. But it made Bella very happy." Jasper nodded cheerfully, I wondered if my happiness was affecting him, or if his was affecting me.
"It's not over yet," Edward told me, "now Emmett is going to demonstrate juggling as many balls as he can. In order to get you properly impressed, I'm going to tell you that the record is twelve, and that's only catching each ball once. For sustained juggling, the record is only ten. Emmett will start off slowly so that you can count how many he's got."
Emmett began juggling with his four balls from before. Rosalie tossed him one of hers. Then Alice did, and then Jasper. Now Emmett was juggling seven balls at once. I started to clap again, but Emmett shook his head at me, "Edward told you the world record, don't you realise that I'm going to beat it?"
I laughed and stopped clapping. Jasper tossed over another ball, so now Emmett had eight in hand. Then Rosalie and Alice threw him one each. "Hey!" Emmett protested, "I thought that we agreed one at a time!"
Edward laughed and told me that Emmett had almost dropped them, but I hadn't noticed that myself, he must have regained his balance too quickly for me to see.
"That's the record," I whispered to Edward, "can I clap yet?"
He smirked and shook his head. Emmett grinned widely, of course he'd heard me whispering, it was pretty pointless in the Cullen house, unless it was one of the vampires trying to talk without my over-hearing them. This time Rosalie and Alice threw their balls in one at a time, followed, after a short pause, by Jasper.
"Wow! I said, that's thirteen."
Rosalie smiled at me, she liked me being impressed by her Emmett, "nearly there," she said, "if he can catch this one, then you can applaud, Bella."
She tossed Emmett one more ball and even I saw the slight wobble, I held my breath, but Emmett recovered and he juggled all fourteen balls! I clapped as hard as I could, until Edward said, "Bella, you'll hurt yourself," disapprovingly, "you have to remember to breathe and not to clap so hard that you injure your hands."
"But, that's amazing! Look at what Emmett's doing!"
"Fine," Edward sighed, "I'll clap and then you won't hurt yourself." He, of course, clapped much more loudly than I could, without making any effort at all. So I slowed down. The others all laughed delightedly.
Then Emmett began to throw the balls back to the people who'd given them to him.
When he was juggling the original four again, he said, "here, Eddie, catch" and threw one straight at us.
Edward hissed, but he caught it easily. "If you can just do that a few hundred more times, you'll be juggling, Eddie," Emmett teased.
"That's not funny," Edward said, "if you're going to throw things anywhere near Bella, I'm going to take her out of the room. I won't let you endanger her."
"He's right, Emmett," Jasper said, "you mustn't trust in Edward's catching ability to protect Bella. This isn't his forte." Jasper had gone to stand in the centre of the space, where Emmett had been, the other three were standing beside the open chest, whispering to each other again.
"Huh," Edward snorted, "now Jasper is going to show you his party piece. Emmett can juggle lots of balls at once, but Jasper can juggle almost anything."
"But, Edward won't let me try it with you," Jasper said, "which is a shame, because juggling humans is always impressive."
"If you wanted a human to juggle," Edward told him, "you should have brought your own. Bella's not moving from my side."
Jasper was holding three clubs in his left hand and he began to toss them casually into the air. He was juggling in a lazy, slow way making it look as though he wasn't really thinking about it at all.
He didn't even look up as Alice threw a frisbee at him, he just plucked it from the air and continued with his slow, easy manner. Rosalie tossed him a plate next and he responded by throwing one of his clubs back at her, but he kept that calm serene smile on his face.
Emmett threw over a big glass jug and Alice a bowl. Jasper juggled on for a bit, then threw his last two clubs back at them. He tossed the frisbee over to Rosalie and stood there juggling a plate, a bowl and a jug. It was amazing. Jasper made all these things look as though they were just floating in the air, as though he wasn't tossing them and catching them, he was merely guiding their perfect orbit.
He looked over at Alice now and grinned wickedly before throwing the plate at her head. Alice caught it neatly and giggled at him. Then she reached into the chest and took out a bunch of flowers, tied with a pretty ribbon. She threw it to Jasper, who caught it easily. He threw back the bowl, and Rosalie tossed him a vase instead. Jasper juggled the flowers, the vase and the jug. Then he frowned theatrically and threw the jug over to Emmett.
Emmett caught the jug, laughed and replaced it with a bottle of water. So now Jasper was juggling flowers, a vase and a bottle of water. That seemed like the perfect combination, so I laughed and clapped.
Edward whispered to me, "watch this closely, I don't know if he can do it slowly enough for you to see properly."
So I watched intently. Edward was right, I wasn't absolutely sure how he did it, but one moment, Jasper was juggling a vase, a bunch of flowers and a bottle of water and the next moment, the bottle of water was in the air and open, pouring its contents into the vase, that Jasper held still in his right hand. Then the flowers, which had been in the air, over the bottle, landed in the vase and he snatched the empty bottle out of the air. He handed the vase of flowers to Alice with a low bow.
"Wow!" I said again. I was not full of sparkling conversation this evening. I felt Edward's hands around my wrists, stopping me from hitting them together.
"Gently," he said to me, "please?"
He was so overprotective. I don't think that there has ever been another boyfriend who was concerned that clapping too hard could cause serious damage. I frowned at him until he released me. Then I clapped as hard as I could, which Jasper seemed rather pleased by.
"The final act," Edward told me, emphasising 'final' as a message to his siblings, "is a double act. Alice and Rose are going to do something with clubs, but they're going to keep them a long way away from you."
The only one who had thrown anything anywhere near me was Emmett, so I wasn't sure why Edward was making a point of warning his sisters not to involve me in their act.
"Tut, tut, Edward," said Rosalie, lifting the clubs out of the chest "you heard perfectly well what we were going to do, and we said that we wanted Bella to come and help us. We didn't say that we were going to stay away from her."
"Come on, Bella," Alice added, "this is a Cullen Girls Spectacular, you have to be a part of it."
"I can't do anything," I told her, "I don't want to ruin the show, Alice."
"You won't ruin it," Alice said, "trust me, it'll be perfect." She grabbed my hand to pull me from the couch, but Edward looped his arm around my waist and held me tight.
"Let her see what you plan on doing, before you invite her to get involved," he ordered Alice.
She looked over at Rosalie and nodded. So Edward held me tightly and his sisters set up their show-piece.
They stood opposite each other, holding three clubs each. Then they began to throw them one to another. They bounced them on the floor and caught them, they span round on the spot between throwing and catching. They tossed the clubs over-arm, under-arm, through their legs, over their heads, and span them round their waists. Then they began to dance. They kept throwing the clubs between themselves, but they moved as they did it, spinning round in a circle, dancing towards each other and then away. Wherever Rosalie went, Alice threw the clubs towards her. Wherever Alice went, Rosalie tossed the clubs for her to catch.
It was different to either of the boys' performances. It was more like a dance, the clubs almost seemed incidental, most of the beauty was from the way that Alice and Rosalie were moving. Gracefully, they span to a halt. Then Alice ran back to my side. "Will you help us?" she asked, "it'll be perfect!"
"I definitely can't do that," I said, "you're both amazing dancers as well as brilliant at juggling. I can't do either of those things."
"All you have to do is stand there," Rosalie said, "you'll be fine."
Edward was still holding on to me, "just tell me what you're planning," he said, "I don't like you wanting to do something with Bella and blocking your thoughts so that I can't see what's going on."
"You just saw," Alice protested, "you even saw that there was a safe space for her to stand."
Edward groaned, "there must be more to it," he said, "or you would let me see your vision."
"Bella wants to help us," Rosalie told him, "you've got to stop being so controlling, Edward."
"Come on, Edward," I said, "just let me go."
As soon as I asked him, Edward let go of me. Alice dragged me up and stood me in the centre of the stage. She returned to her starting position for the dance.
The next thing I knew, Edward was growling and I realised that this time, Alice and Rosalie were juggling with fire. They had lit their clubs and they were proceeding to toss them over my head, and around my middle.
As they danced, the fire streaked around me. I stood as still as I possibly could, terrified that the slightest movement would result in third-degree burns. Alice and Rosalie's dance had looked beautiful from where I'd been sitting with Edward, but the view from where I was now was even better. I wasn't just observing the dance, I felt as though I was in it. I felt the cool wind as the clubs flew past me, and the warm fire as they reached me. I could hear the crackling fire and the whistling flight of the clubs. I could see the intricate steps of Alice and Rosalie's dances, which complimented each other perfectly. They moved faster and faster and they threw faster and faster. It was like being surrounded by a wall of fire.
"Oh!" I gasped out, once more demonstrating my extensive vocabulary, "it's so beautiful!"
Slowly the dancing wound down, I could see Alice and Rosalie again and I could see the clubs gliding through the air. At last, they reached the end, they tossed their clubs to one side, where Emmett caught them and put out the fire. Then they ran up to me and grabbed my hands in theirs.
"Wasn't that fun, Bella?" Alice asked.
"It was amazing!" I said.
Rosalie grinned, "and you're glad that Edward didn't stop you?"
"Definitely."
Edward came up then, wrapped his arms around me and span me round in the air. "I'm so glad you're safe," he said, "that was terrifying."
"You liked how pretty she looked," Jasper reminded him.
"Maybe a little," Edward admitted grudgingly, "but I always like how Bella looks and I'm happiest when she's a long way away from anything that might hurt her."
"You're all amazingly talented," I said, looking around and Edward's family. "When on earth did you learn to do all that?"
"We've been around a long time," Jasper explained, "we have to do something to keep ourselves entertained. We went to a circus once – we were testing my control around large groups, before I tried attending school for the first time – we saw some jugglers and we thought that we could do a better job. It turns out that we were right."
"They don't get to show off a lot," Edward told me, "so you shouldn't encourage them too much, or you'll have to attend every performance."
"We'll put some new things in before we show you again," said Alice.
"You'll be able to join in properly soon," Emmett said, "you three girls could do a group show."
"Unless I carry my clumsiness through to my life as a vampire," I said.
They all laughed at the idea of me as a beautiful, super-strong clumsy vampire.
"Perhaps that will be your special talent," Emmett said, "you could trip over and confuse anyone who tried to attack you. Nobody expects Bella the Clumsy Vampire!"
"It's time for Bella to go home," Jasper said, "we have to arrange how we're going to distribute the family tonight. If four of us meet with the wolves, that only leaves one person to guard Bella and one to guard Edward. That's not really ideal in either case."
"I should meet with the wolves," Edward said, "you may need me. That would leave three people available to guard Bella."
Jasper shook his head, "you're not leaving the house, and you're definitely not meeting the wolves. You've not regained full control of yourself yet."
"We could keep Bella here," Alice said, "if I call Charlie and ask, he won't mind Bella spending the night having a sleepover with me. Then we can guard Bella and Edward together."
"In the same house," Rosalie corrected, "they don't have to be 'together' all night long."
I sneaked a glance at Edward and was pleased to see that his face lit up as brightly as mine did. I'd really missed his arms holding me at night. For eight months I'd thought that I would never feel his arms around me again. Now with this new arrangement, I could only see him for a short time every day. An extra night together would be wonderful.
"I'll call Carlisle," Jasper said "if he agrees, then we'll ask Charlie to let us keep Bella tonight."
Jasper and Alice went out to make their phone calls, while Emmett and Rosalie sat down with a couple of packs of cards and began a game in voices too low for me to hear. Edward and I settled back down on our sofa.
"There was one last thing that I wanted to talk to you about," Edward said. "I'm worried about you spending time with Jacob Black, and I don't want you to see him anymore."
Last time I saw Jacob, I had pretty much told him that I didn't want to see him again, but I wasn't sure that I would be sticking to that. Besides, I didn't want Edward to think that he could come back into my life and start telling me what to do.
"Werewolves are dangerous," he continued, "they're not in control of themselves. Jacob could easily hurt you, even without meaning to."
"So could you," I reminded him, "and of the two of you, you're the only one who ever has hurt me. Perhaps I should be more wary of you than of Jacob."
He growled at me, "this isn't a joke, Bella. This is serious. I don't mind you being assertive over silly things like flowers and cell phones, but you can't take a stand on something like this. I know that you don't like it when I say that I know better, but in this case you have to accept that I do. I know what werewolves are like, and you don't. I know how dangerous Jacob Black could be to you, and you don't. I know better and I say that you can't see him again."
I stared at him in shock and I heard both Emmett and Rosalie say, at exactly the same time, 'you are such an idiot, Edward'.
Alice came running back into the room, "you have to stay, Bella," she said, "we'll put Edward in the basement if you like, but I just got off the phone to Charlie and he will think something very strange is going on if you turn around and go back home now. Don't you want Charlie to trust me?"
"Of course I want Charlie to trust you, and I'm not going to go home. Why did you think I was? I didn't even consider it."
Alice pulled back and thought for a second, "no," she agreed, "you didn't consider it. But, I would have done. Jazz is way older than me, but he knows better than to boss me around like that. I wouldn't stand for it."
"I want to stay here and talk it through with Edward," I told her, "you can all relax. I'm not going to leave and he's not going to hurt me. We can handle a disagreement."
Alice sighed, "he's not going to hurt Bella," she told her family, "and Bella isn't going to go home, she's absolutely right."
"Then we should let them have this conversation in peace," Jasper said.
Alice laughed, "alright" she agreed, "I'll stop interfering. Sorry, Bella."
"Am I allowed to interfere?" Rosalie asked, "someone ought to give Edward a clip round the ear."
"Nobody is hitting anybody else," Esme called out. She quickly followed her voice into the room. "I'm going to make Bella some dinner, you rascals can play something quietly and let Bella and Edward talk to each other, without jumping into the middle of things. Would you like pasta, Bella dear?"
"I can make something myself," I said.
"Oh, I know. But I'd really like to do it. It's so nice to have a guest." Esme smiled at me and at Edward as she drifted back out of the room.
"Right," I said, turning back to my slightly confused looking boyfriend, "where were we?"
"I'd just said: I know what werewolves are like, and you don't. I know how dangerous Jacob Black could be to you, and you don't. I know better and I say that you can't see him again."
It wasn't such a shock this time, in fact it made me laugh. A human would have used the break in our conversation to amend what they'd said and tone it down into something more acceptable. Edward just repeated the exact statement that he had made beforehand.
"What is it that you think gives you the right to order me around?" I asked him.
He was confused again, "exactly what I just told you: my superior knowledge and greater experience in this matter."
"You've met werewolves before, Edward, but I know Jacob. I know that he wouldn't hurt me."
He shook his head fervently, "you may know that he wouldn't hurt you deliberately. Fair enough, your greater knowledge of his character can be of service to you there. But, werewolves can hurt the people they love completely accidentally. If he phased when he was standing too close to you, Bella, he could seriously hurt you, without meaning to at all. I've seen it happen." When Edward said that, I remembered Emily's face. I remembered how frightening it had been when I had witnessed Jake phasing as he leapt towards Paul and I winced. There was a pause, as Edward noted the change in my expression, and he said, "you've seen something like that too, haven't you?"
I nodded dumbly.
"Have you seen him phase? Has he already done that around you?"
I felt defensive of Jacob all of a sudden. It was unpleasant to hear Edward sound so shocked and so angry. I didn't want to look at him, I looked at my hands and muttered my answer, feeling as though I was admitting to something shameful. "Only once, and there was a reason."
"Bella, you could have been killed! You must never see that Jacob Black again." He put his hands either side of my face and forced me to look into his eyes, "do you understand me, Bella? You must never, ever see Jacob Black again."
I tried to escape his grip, but his hands were like rock. Usually Edward noticed when I was trying to move some part of him and he complied with my wishes. I didn't remember him ever holding me against my will before, it was frightening. It was so easy for him to stop me from moving. I could feel how easily he could hurt me, or even kill me. I froze.
Edward must have noticed my fear, or heard it from Jasper, because he let go instantly. "I'm sorry if I scared you, Bella. But, that's what you don't seem to realise: I'm dangerous and I've have years to build up my self-control. Jacob Black is almost at strong as I am and he's barely realising what he can do, he's nowhere near ready to control himself yet."
"I don't like you ordering me around" I repeated. Though it sounded like a pretty lame argument, even to me. Here was Edward warning me that something might be deadly, and I could only complain that I didn't like to take orders.
It must have sounded pretty lame to Edward as well because he smirked at me, "I'll beg if you would prefer," he said, "if you would feel more in control of our relationship, I'll get on my knees and beg you not to see him again."
"That isn't what I meant. That's just ordering me about in a different tone of voice. I want you to accept my ability to make my own decisions. I chose to be with you, even though you're dangerous, and now we're utterly happy together. Aren't you glad that I ignored your safety advice, then?"
"I was right," he said stiffly, "I told you that being around me was dangerous to you, and look what's happened so far: you were almost killed in Phoenix, you were almost killed in Italy and now there's a bereaved vampire looking to revenge her mate's death by killing you. You're not safe now that you're with me. Of course I'm glad to have you – selfish monster that I am – but I can't agree that your endangering your life was a great decision."
I knelt up so that I could kiss his furrowed forehead. "I almost died," I told him, "I haven't actually died yet. And soon Carlisle will turn me and then I'll be much less fragile and we'll live happily ever after. My point is, that it was my decision – which you were very much against – that brought us to the brink of our happily ever after. You ought to trust my decisions a bit more."
He held me to his chest and shook. Pulling me close against himself, so that I could feel his gasping breaths as well as hear them, he buried his head in my hair. We sat like that for a bit: me still and quiet, Edward shaking and clinging to me as if he was afraid that I was going to be snatched away at any moment. Then he began to talk again, quietly, in broken snatches, that seemed to be hard for him to say. "I'm scared to lose you. My beautiful, fragile Bella. I don't want you to be hurt. Nothing, nothing has ever mattered this much to me. I can't stand to remember your pain, your suffering, your danger. Please, be safe. I'm so scared."
I wriggled a bit and he gradually let me move my arms out of his vice-like hold, so that I could reach up and stroke his cheek. "I am safe," I told him, "I'm here with you and I'm safe. You're not going to lose me. Don't think about the other times. Don't be sad. Don't be scared. I'm here, right now."
"Your decisions always seem to lead you into more danger," he said softly, "you decided to go and find James alone. You decided to jump off a cliff during a storm and almost drowned. You decided to come to Italy and face down the Volturi. You make dangerous choices that scare me. If we're going to be equals, you have to protect me sometimes. Please don't do things that scare me."
This was much more painful than seeing him shout at me. I was afraid to see Edward frightened and shaking. This was the second time in two days that I'd found myself soothing him and assuring him that everything was going to be ok. I wondered if the new confident Bella was too much for Edward, maybe I'd broken him. Maybe I should go back to the old, shy Bella who did whatever Edward said and didn't initiate physical contact.
"It's ok," I told him, running my fingers through his hair, "everything will be fine. I don't want you to be scared. I'll try and take care of myself. You don't need to worry anymore. Hush now, hush now."
"You'll stop seeing Jacob?" he asked me, still pressing his cheek against my head so that I couldn't see his face.
"I'll stop seeing Jacob," I agreed, with a defeated sigh.
"I love you, Bella. I'm sorry that I'm so pathetic. I just came so close to losing you once too often and I can't stand the idea of putting you at risk ever again. I want to be with you all the time, guarding you, but my family won't let me, and I get so worried when I can't see you."
"It's going to be alright," I told him again. I turned my face up to meet his, and he pressed his lips to mine, kissing me as though he needed me to breathe. Always too soon, he pulled away from me.
I looked up to see Esme holding a tray and smiling wryly. "You'll have to get off Bella, Edward, she needs her mouth now so that she can eat her dinner."
I blushed bright red and Edward peeled himself off me, muttering some apology to Esme that I couldn't hear. Esme settled the tray on my lap and Edward curled up on the floor by my feet, so that he could lean his head against my leg whilst I ate.
The pasta was great, of course, I wondered how Esme managed to be so good without ever tasting what she was cooking. She lit up when I complimented her cooking and assured me that there was plenty more. The Cullens found it difficult to work out how much they ought to feed me at a sitting. That made sense, really, one meal for them was an entire lion or a bear, no wonder they were surprised that a little plate of pasta would sustain me.
I had finished my pasta and was just polishing off the panetonne that Esme made me for dessert, when Carlisle came home. I guessed that he had pulled up outside because the card game stopped and Esme ran out into the hallway. Alice took away my empty plate and Edward put his head on my now empty lap. This new, vulnerable Edward was rather sweet, when he wasn't desperate for reassurance; he settled his head on my lap and I stroked his hair gently, listening to his soft sigh of pleasure. It was one of those moments of absolute peace that sometimes follows a messy row.
"It's good to see you, Bella," Carlisle said, walking in, "and it's nice to see Edward looking a bit calmer."
Emmett and Rosalie had rearranged the furniture again, so that the whole family could sit in a semi-circle. All the couples settled down, leaning against each other comfortably.
"So," Carlisle began, "four of us are going to meet with the wolves. Who should go?"
"You and me," said Jasper, "definitely. I spoke to them this morning, and you made the treaty with them years ago."
"I still think that you should take me," Edward argued, "you need to know what they're thinking."
"I've managed plenty of negotiations in the past without having a mind-reader by my side," Jasper responded. I felt Edward stiffen against my leg, he didn't like Jasper dismissing his usefulness so flippantly. "I think that there's still a risk of you attacking the Black child, and we don't want to start a war."
"You should stay here and take care of Bella," Esme told Edward, more gently, trying to help him make peace with being left behind. I let my fingers trail down his cheek and felt him lean back in against me.
"There is a risk that this will turn into a fight, even without Eddie's help," Emmett said, "which makes me useful."
"I want to go with you," said Rosalie, "however small the risk, if there's a fight I want to be by your side, Em."
"And I want to be with Jasper," Alice pointed out.
"I'm stronger," said Rosalie.
"And I can see the future."
"But not when the wolves are around," Rosalie pressed, "which makes that a moot point."
"That's not what I meant" Alice responded, "I can see that I'm going to go with the boys."
"Why would that be, Alice?" Carlisle asked, "we don't doubt your visions, but we're not going to leapfrog over the discussion."
Alice pouted and Jasper chuckled at her expression, "be patient, darlin', I'm sure that you'll get your way soon. You always do."
"We're not only considering who'll be meeting the wolves," Esme said, "we're also talking about who'll be here with Edward and Bella."
There were serious nods all around and I bent down to give Edward a kiss on the cheek. I didn't want him to be upset again at his family's lack of faith.
"He's not disobeyed you since the night he got back from Italy," Carlisle said to Esme, "I think that you have more sway over him than I do when he gets upset."
"I'm right here," Edward muttered, "and I'll behave myself tonight. You don't need to worry about me."
Rosalie laughed suddenly, "I see," she said, "this is where we replay the argument from before. Someone has to help keep an eye on Edward and Alice would be able to see what he was about to do, but she might not stop him. I'm stronger and I'm determined not to let him hurt Bella in any way. So I stay behind and watch him."
"I wouldn't let him hurt Bella," Alice said, "it's just the stronger thing. You and Esme would be able to restrain him until the rest of us got back."
"If you hurt my wife," Emmett said, suddenly realising what the evening's plans would mean, "I will destroy something that you love."
There were a lot of gasps, but Edward only laughed. I leant back from Emmett, as deep as I could get into the cushions of the sofa. I didn't think that Edward would hurt Rosalie, but it was still a terrifying threat.
"He means the cars," Edward told everyone else, "he's threatening my innocent Volvo." He sighed. "It isn't necessary, Emmett, I really am in control of myself and I care about Rose. Even that night, I didn't hurt Rose, did I? I was only trying to get to Bella, I wasn't trying to hurt anyone."
Emmett shook his head. "You didn't attack the girls," he agreed.
"Is that settled?" Carlisle asked, "I'll go with Jasper and Emmett and Alice. Esme will stay with Rosalie and Edward and Bella."
Everyone nodded. "Alright, that's that, those of us who are going will meet in the hall at half past eleven. We don't want to keep the wolves waiting."
The family meeting melted away. Rosalie and Emmett disappeared back upstairs, Carlisle and Esme slipped out to have a bit of privacy. Alice and Jasper curled up on the sofa opposite Edward and myself.
"So, we're all back at school tomorrow," Alice said cheerfully.
I sighed, but Edward did look genuinely pleased, and Jasper smiled.
"Am I the only person here with a normal attitude towards school?" I asked angrily.
"You're the only one of us four who isn't excited about going back tomorrow" Alice said, "Jasper's going to be working in the Library and we're going to have a lot of fun! He's never worked in a school while I was attending before. I think it's going to be pretty entertaining. Maybe you should try it after you're changed. Edward can pass for fifteen, when he tries, and you could easily be in your early twenties. You could take one of his classes, I think that you'd enjoy that!"
Edward shifted uncomfortably next to me. I hoped he wasn't regretting how old I already looked. At least I was going to be changed soon, and then I would stop getting older. "Well, I'm not attempting to teach you yet" I told him. "So, why are you pleased to be going back?"
"You're going to be there," he said, "I'll be around you all day and you won't have to go home. I'm looking forward to spending some time with you."
"Well, that part of it might be kind of nice," I admitted, "I'm looking forward to spending time with you too."
"What are you going to wear tomorrow?" Alice asked me.
"Oh, I don't know. I haven't thought about it. I'd better go home and get some of my clothes."
Alice shook her head, "it's no good, you don't have anything remotely suitable."
"I don't have anything suitable to wear to school? Alice, I've been going to school for years. I'll just wear one of the many outfits that have served me fine for many a school day in the past."
"Well, setting aside your habit of wearing the same outfits time and time again," Alice said with a very tasteful grimace on her pixie-face, "lots of people are going to be staring at you tomorrow, so you need a confidence-boosting outfit. Luckily, I happen to have a few in your size upstairs."
"Of course you do," I sighed, "is there any chance that I will be able to resist your attempt to dress me?"
Alice squinted for a bit, then she sighed and then she smiled, "you won't let me try them out tonight," she admitted, "but you will put my favourite one on tomorrow morning. That will have to do."
"If you're not otherwise engaged, Ma'am," Jasper stood up and held out his hand to Alice, "might I request the pleasure of your company upstairs?"
"Oh, Jazz, yes, that looks good. Try and think about something else for an hour or two, Edward!" Alice called the last sentence over her shoulder as Jasper dragged her up stairs at a run.
"Um . . . where am I going to sleep tonight?" I asked Edward, now that we were alone in the room again.
"I put a bed in my room," he said, "is that ok?"
"You didn't have to do that just for me."
"Well," he looked down at the floor, "my room needed a bit of work anyway after the night before last when something – well, I – happened to it. So I used it as an opportunity to try and redesign it into something that you might like and find more comfortable."
"Really? Can I see?"
He grinned and swept me up into his arms, so that he could run up the stairs with me. I was amazed when I saw his room, it was completely transformed. The main feature of the room was now a huge four-poster bed, with light purple drapery shrouding it. The walls had been repainted in a very pale pink, which matched the bedspread There was a huge, luxuriously deep piled, purple rug covering most of the floor. Edward's music collection, which used to dominate the room, had been banished to a light oak fronted cupboard, stood next to a wardrobe of equal size. Either side of the bed were neat little bedside tables, each holding a reading light and a carafe of water. Edward's leather couch was gone, replaced by two soft swede armchairs, with a tiny table sat between them. Under the window were two matching desks, with straight backed chairs pulled up to them, and brand new computers sat on them both. The room was designed for a human to use as a bedroom / study. It would easily hold two humans.
I stared at Edward and said, "where's all your stuff gone?"
He shrugged, "it didn't fit with the theme." Then he winced, as if he could hear something that I couldn't and he didn't like it.
"What's wrong?"
Edward carefully put me down on the bed. "Alice has provided a wardrobe for you here," he said, "your things are on the left. There are nightclothes for you on the bed. I hope that I haven't missed anything."
"Why did you wince earlier? What were your family saying?"
He laughed at me, "how do you know that my family were saying anything? You can't read minds."
"No, I can't. But I can read you, and I know the face you pull when your family say something that you don't like. What were they saying?"
He sighed, "they were reminding me that only some of my old stuff had to be disposed of because of the redecoration. I destroyed most of my possessions when my family were holding me here the night before last. They didn't think that I ought to conceal the full extent of my loss of control from you. I'm still hoping to convince you that I'm not going to hurt you again."
I patted the bed next to me, and he sat by my side. Then I leaned against him and snuggled into his shoulder. "I love you," I reminded him, "it's ok that you went slightly crazy. You don't have to be perfect for me. I kind of like it when you're fallible."
It probably would have been more romantic and convincing if I could have gotten through the entire sentence without yawning. However, it had been a long day, and I was ready to collapse with exhaustion.
Edward grinned at my sleepy slurred speech. He picked me up again and ran with me out of the room. He put me down, a little bit dazed, in front of the bathroom and handed me a pile of toiletries and nightclothes. He steadied me on my feet and said, "go, get ready for me to carry you back to my bed."
He sounded so happy that I laughed at him. There was no reason for him to be thrilled to be taking me to bed. We both knew that I wouldn't be getting anything more exciting than sleep in his bed.
I brushed my teeth and my hair, and then I thought that I'd better take a quick shower. One of the downsides of spending so much time with vampires is that you start to get a bit self-conscious about your smell. Being the only one in the house who ever sweats, ever needs to blow their nose, every actually uses the house toilets, it can make a girl develop a bit of a complex. In order to ease the feeling of being a disgusting troll, I'd taken to showering twice a day. I considered wearing antiperspirant to bed, but Edward would have noticed the smell, and he probably would have asked me what I was doing. He never liked it when I changed my scent.
When I was finished in the bathroom, I unlocked the door to find him standing there waiting for me. Of course, he looked perfect in his neat pyjamas, with his perfect tousled hair. He had to look like that when I was standing in front of him, awkwardly clutching my day's dirty clothes, wearing a nightgown and shorts that cleverly emphasised my knobbly – and slightly grazed – knees. I'd tried not to get my hair wet in the shower, so it was hanging down my back in that lifeless way that it does when it's just a little bit damp. Edward looked like an angel and I looked like a tramp who had recently been caught in a rainstorm.
"Your clothes smell nice, but don't you want them washed? Will you put them in the hamper, or do you plan on bringing them to bed?"
I scowled at his light tone, why did he have to act so casual? "I didn't realise that you had a laundry hamper," I said, "do vampires even do laundry? I've never seen any of you wear an outfit more than once."
"Of course we do laundry," he said, "do you think that we would donate dirty clothes to Goodwill? Not that we'll give your clothes away, of course," he added quickly, "I know that you'll want them back."
I heard a loud groan from Alice and Jasper's room.
Edward smirked, "I won't let Alice near them," he promised, "Esme agreed with you that I ought to help out more around the house, so she's got me doing all the laundry anyway."
I could feel my cheeks heating up. This was awful. Not only was my perfect, never oozing any stenches or emitting any waste products from his body, vampire boyfriend standing here and talking about the necessity of washing my dirty clothes; he was actually suggesting that he personally would handle them, sort them and put them into the washing machine. Didn't he know that I'd got underwear in this pile? How could he possibly imagine that I was going to be ok with him handling my underwear at all ever, let alone my dirty underwear? Why couldn't the world just swallow me up? Where was a homicidal vampire when you needed one? I was seriously considering yelling 'Victoria, Victoria, I'm over here, come and get me', but I knew that it would only worry Edward more and then we would be discussing my dirty clothes and my obvious insanity.
Instead I said, "um . . . I don't want you to wash my clothes."
He was baffled, of course he was, he probably had no idea what dirty laundry was. He thought that people washed things on principal. None of his family's clothes ever needed washing. "Alright," he said, "I think that you probably need to go to sleep. How about we just put your clothes down somewhere, and you go to bed?" He was talking slowly and gingerly, as if he really did think that I was losing my mind. Perhaps calling for Victoria to eat me wouldn't have made any difference after all.
I was still clutching my dirty clothes to my chest, as if I was afraid that he would snatch them from me. I really had the whole 'crazed tramp' look down to a tee. "You don't understand me," I wailed at him. In fairness, I really was very tired.
"No, I don't understand you. But, that's probably my fault. I'm sure that you're making perfect sense," he offered hopefully, "maybe I'll understand better in the morning, after I've had a night to think about it."
But I knew that if I didn't say anything now, I would never be brave enough to bring it up again. Right now, he already thought that I was crazy and was probably trying to decide if he ought to ask Carlisle to sedate me. Right now I had nothing to lose. So now was the time to press ahead and try to get him to see what it was like to be a human dating a vampire. "I'm disgusting," I told him. He looked frightened now, but he seemed to think that interrupting me might exacerbate the problem, so he let me speak. "I sweat and I bleed and I do all sorts of other things that are too horrible to even talk about. And you never do anything like that. It's hard to be the troll girlfriend of an angel. I don't want you to even look at me. I don't want you to see how gross I am."
Edward seemed to be fighting a smile, which really didn't help.
"You think I'm a joke," I could feel the tears pricking behind my eyes now, "you think that I'm a disgusting, snivelling, stinking joke."
"No, no, Bella, please don't say that, please don't think that, please stop crying, Bella." He reached out and tentatively patted my shoulder. "May I hold you?" he asked.
I nodded, "why not, you can smell me from where you are anyway."
"Oh, pretty Bella," he said, pulling me into a tight embrace, "I'm sorry that I laughed. I didn't mean to imply that I thought badly of you. I adore you. Do you mind if we finish this conversation in my room? Um . . . the hallway isn't the best of places."
I let him guide me gently to his room. He walked behind so that he could keep his arms around me and kiss the back of my neck. He sat us both on the bed and curled his body around me, holding me upright.
"I shouldn't have laughed," he said, "but it seemed funny to me. I mean, you were saying that you were disgusting because of all the things you do that show you're alive. All the time, I'm standing here and I'm actually dead. I hunt animals and drink their blood. I've killed people and I still think about it sometimes. Not all that long ago, I seriously contemplated killing you. I walk around full of non-functioning organs, looking seventeen for almost a hundred years. And you think that you're disgusting. It's just so incongruous that I laughed."
"But, you smell nice, and you always look clean and tidy. You can't really think that you're disgusting. I find you beautiful, like an angel."
"You know that I'm not an angel," he said softly. "Bella, you smell glorious to me, you know that. I don't just mean that you smell good enough to eat. Your scent is wonderful, the most pleasant fragrance that I have ever smelt. When you've worn clothes, their infused with your scent and I find them extremely appealing, in a way that isn't at all proper or gentlemanly You're truly celestial, Bella, my beautiful, fragrant, amazing Bella."
"You don't like the smell of human food. Surely you find my eating disgusting?"
He smirked at me, "Bella, do you find my hunting disgusting? You can't bear the smell of blood."
"Oh," I'd never thought about it like that before. Could he really accept my differences from him in the same way in which I accepted his differences from me? "Do you really not mind?"
He stroked my hair and then, looking up to check my expression first, he pushed his face into my hair and inhaled deeply. "You are delectable," he said. Then he pressed his ear against my chest, to show me that he was listening to my heartbeat. "You're alive," he said, "your living, breathing, eating, excreting, growing, real body is the most wonderful and beautiful thing in the world. You are what is natural and right. Everything about me that makes me different from you is just another sign of how unnatural I am. Do you understand, Bella?"
"No," I told him honestly, with another big yawn, "but I like that you love me and I like that you don't find me repulsive."
"Silly Bella," he said, twisting around and sliding me under the covers as he spoke, "you're enchanting and enticing and alluring and oh, so tempting. Sometimes you're frustrating and surprising, but never have you been repulsive." He kissed my forehead as I lay, snuggled in his bed, with his arms around me, keeping me safe and making me feel loved and desired. "Goodnight, my enthralling Bella."
I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.