A loud knocking woke me quickly. I sat up and looked around. The sun was peeking through the windows and Dean was laying next to me. I was really hoping last night was just a bad dream but apparently not. I sighed when the knocking came again. Dean jumped up quickly.
"wooh." I said putting my hand on his shoulder. "Relax... go back to sleep." He sighed as I got up.
"What is that?" He asked rubbing his eyes.
The knocking came again and a voice calling out made me sigh. "Clara come on I need to talk to you!"
"It's just Derek." I sighed.
"What is he doing here so early?" Dean asked sitting up straight.
"Probably here to beg for forgiveness." I laughed. "Go back to sleep." I smiled at Dean and he looked at me oddly. "I'm gonna go see what he wants, you got back to sleep." I said walking over to him quickly and kissing his forehead.
Dean watched me walk out of the room and I closed the door behind me. I huffed as I jogged down the stairs. Derek knocked again and I slid on across the floor on my socks to answer the door before he banged again.
"What!" I said loudly as I opened the door.
"Clara.. I am soooo sorry." Derek said quickly before I could shut the door on him. "I was drunk and I had no idea what I was saying... I don't know what came over me." He sighed and I could tell he was sorry but I was angry.
"You should have stopped when I warned you." I said putting one hand on my hip and the other resting on the door.
"You're right. I should have... I didn't mean the things I said." He sighed.
"Yes you did." I narrowed my eyes at him. "When people are drunk... especially you, the truth always comes out." I said shaking my head at him.
Derek sighed. "I don't know what to say."
"Goodbye Morgan." I said turning to close the door.
"No wait!" He said stepping forward placing a hand on the door. "Please... Penelope made me sleep on the couch last night... I know I screwed up." he sighed. I watched as he sighed and looked down. Penelope loved Derek and she must have been really angry if she made him sleep on the couch. I couldn't help but smile. "Look..." He said running a hand over his head. "I know you've had it pretty tough this past year and I know Dean leaving you is none of my business but... Clara come on..." he paused.
"What?" I asked.
"We... I was just worried you were never going to get over him." Derek sighed.
"and why is that your problem?" I asked crossing my arms.
"Oh come on you have got to be kidding..." He said with an exhausted sigh. I just looked at him waiting for an explanation. "You go missing for months, you come back beaten and burned, you say you have things to take care, we don't hear from you for another two months, then all of a sudden you just come back..." Derek said all in one breath. "I've studied people for a very long time and I've never met anyone I can't read... until you walked in being the walking mystery you are." He huffed. "And I'm not even going to mention Adrian." He sighed.
"You better have a point for I'm gonna do more then punch you." I said my body filling with anger. I stood up straight and balled my fists at my side.
"Don't get me wrong what you did for that kid is amazing but you can't keep going like this." He said. "You are a ticking time bomb of anger and hurt... and one of these days you are going to implode." Derek said loudly, he was getting very impatient.
"You don't know what you're talking about." I shook my head.
"Oh really?" Derek laughed. "Then explain that..." He said stepping back and pointing to my car. I had completely forgot about my break down. "That car is one of your favourite things in the whole world." He said and I sighed closing my eyes.
"That has nothing to do with this." I said quickly looking away.
"Bullshit." Derek called me out and I stepped back into my house and shook my head.
"Go home." I sighed looking down with a sigh.
"Not until you tell me what happened." Derek shook his head.
"I'm not telling you anything so please... just go home." I sighed. "I can't deal with your judgment right now okay." I said trying to close the door on his again.
"Judgement?" He asked. "Clara I want to help."
"You can't!" I finally snapped. "You can't help, no one can! Get that through your thick skull Derek I don't need your help. Nothing you or anyone can do or say will fix anything so please...just stop." I sighed looking down. "No one is asking you to do anything so go home and just worry about yourself for a change." I shook my head. I felt awful I was yelling at him for his concern but he couldn't help.
After a long pause, Derek just stared at me with anger in his eyes. All of sudden his apology had turned to complete irritation. He shook his head at me. "Fine." He said stepping back. "Don't let anyone help, just keep it all in. But one of these days Clara you are not going to be able to keep your head up and your brave face is going to fall. And when it does all your walls are going to come crumbling down and no one is going to be there to help you pick up the pieces because you push us all away." Derek shook his head.
I didn't know what to say to Derek after his little speech. He was right but I didn't want to say anything. He sighed deeply and quickly walked away. He got into his truck and sped off quickly. I knew he was sorry what he said last night but I didn't care. I closed the door quickly and pressed my back on the wood and covered my face with my hands. I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath.
"Is everything alright?" Dean's voice made me drop my hands and force a smile.
"Of course." I lied as he walked over. "He was just... apologizing for last night."
"I heard." Dean said crossing his arm and leaning on the railing of the stairs. My heart jumped a bit. had he heard all of that? "He doesn't think to highly of me does he?" Dean smirked a bit. I just shrugged pushing off of the door. "Well I guess I can't blame him..." Dean sighed as he walked over to me and I smiled. "I'm not the greatest-"
"No." I stopped him before he could finish. I placed a hand over his mouth and I could feel him smile. The smile on my face dropped a bit. "Morgan has no idea who he is talking about... He doesn't know you like I do so he can keep his opinions to himself." I smiled again and dropped my hand. "Because I happen to think you are pretty great." Dean smiled as I stepped into him and placed a light kiss on his lips.
I could tell Clara was holding back a lot of anger and pain when she smiled at me but I wanted to believe she was just trying to be strong for me. I couldn't help but smile at her compliment and I sighed with happiness when she kissed me.
I had heard everything Derek said and I was both angry with him and angry with myself. For the most part he was right but he didn't need to throw it all in her face. She was trying so hard to keep everything together now that it seemed just cruel to remind her of last night. Clara might think she is trying not to break down for my sake but I know she was holding back for herself. I would be insane to think I'm the only one who cared for Sam. He and Clara had been through a lot and despite the fall-outs and the yelling I knew how much Clara cared for Sam and I knew Sam cared even more for her.
My mind was racing when she pulled away from me quickly. "Oh shit... what time is it?" She asked looking down at m watch and grabbing my hand to see the time. "Ah I'm gonna be late." She jumped dropping my arm.
"For what?" I couldn't help but laugh at her panic.
"I told Penelope I would meet her for lunch but I also promised I would go to her fitting before hand." She said and ran past me and up the stairs. I quickly followed her.
"Um fitting for what?" I asked walking into the bedroom as she disappeared into the closet. Clara didn't answer right away. "Clara?" I question and as I walked over to the closet door a bag with a hangar on it came flying my way. When I caught the bag it was very heavy. "Jesus what is in this?" I asked as another bag came flying at me.
"Um that one is a wedding dress... and that one is a maid of honour dress." Clara said pointing to each bag.
"Are you getting married?" I asked with a nervous laugh.
"Oh your funny." She rolled her eyes at me. She walked over and took the bags and threw them on the bed. "Penelope is." Clara smiled as she ran her hand down the larger bag flattening it out.
"Wow." I said when I noticed her happy smile. It wasn't just a fake one or forced it was a genuine happy smile. "When?" I asked.
"About a month." She smiled over at me. "Which gives us both about three more weeks to fit into those." She laughed.
"Why wouldn't she just get a dress in her size?" I could help but ask as I walked over to Clara's side as she looked down at the bags.
She let off a small laugh. "Every bride wants to look her best on her wedding day... which unfortunately mean losing like 20 pounds."
"What?" I said quickly. "What are you doing starving the poor girl?" I asked and Clara looked up at me and shook her head. "That's insane." I said and she sighed.
"I know, but hey I do what I'm told." She laughed. "Penelope and Derek have been together so long that she wants everything to be perfect." She sighed.
"Right... Penelope is marrying Derek?" I remembered Clara telling me that almost a year ago. "Well I never saw that coming." I couldn't help but laugh and Clara did as well.
"Yea it was a shock to us too... but it makes sense." She sighed.
"How's that?" I asked as she turned and walked over to the closet again.
"Well I don't know. They've been friends for years, they flirt like there is no tomorrow, and well they love each other." She smiled coming back out with two shoe boxes under her arms. "Makes sense to them so why should it matter what else is going on right?" She shrugged placing the boxes on the bed.
"I guess." I shrugged with a small smile. I looked up at her as I sat on the bench at the end of the bed just in front of her.
She looked at the bed then her eyes met mine. Her smile fell quickly and she suddenly looked very guilty. "I can reschedule you know." She said her voice in a bit of a panic. "I can do this some other time. I should stay here and..."
"What are you talking about?" I asked and she looked down at me with a sigh. "You don't have to drop you're entire life because I'm here..." I said tilting my head not understanding her guilt.
"Yeah but-"
"No buts." I cut her off as I stood up. "You don't need to babysit me." I shook my head. "I'm a big boy I think I can deal myself."
"But you shouldn't have to." She sighed.
"Clara... Sam's gone." I said clearly and sighed. "Now I have to live with the promise I made him. Normal life, and all that jazz." I said taking her hands and she looked up at me with sad eyes. "I don't like it and I'm never going to be okay with Sam just-" I paused. "But I have to live my life right?" I asked her and she nodded. "Ever since we were kids you've trying to get me to live my own life... well this is my chance." I smiled and she quickly jumped forward and hugged me. She held on tight when I put my arms around her. Clara held onto me for a long time. "I thought you were late?" I smirked and she pulled away.
"What are you going to do?" She asked.
"How about you don't worry about me for today... Do what you need to and I'll see you later." I smiled and leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She sighed as I walked out of the room. Once I reach the bottom of the stairs I heard the shower turn on and I couldn't help but smile.
Once Dean left I sighed. I had no idea where he was going or what he was going to do and that scared me. He seemed to holding up pretty well since last night and it was weird. It was like he had already accepted Sam being gone. I however didn't. I knew there had to be a way to get him back.
I showered, dried my hair, curled it, put some make up on and got dressed. Jeans and a blouse with a pair of low heels and I was headed out. I knew I couldn't drive my car, seeing as I had smashed on of the windows so I decided to walk. It was about a fifteen minute walk from my place to the seamstress and the entire time I walked my head was racing.
My phone ringing cut my thoughts short. "Hello?" I asked quickly.
"Hey." Adrian's voice made me smile.
"Hey kiddo what's up?" I asked.
"Nothing, I'm just gonna stay at Terry's for a little longer then I'm headed home." he sighed.
"Something the matter?" I asked.
"No... well yeah." He sighed.
"Alright out with it." I laughed a bit.
"I read something last night and I... I'm really sorry about Sam." Adrian's words made me stop dead in my tracks. People walking behind me almost ran into me.
"How do you know about that?" I asked quickly stepping off to the side.
"When Dean showed up last night I figured something had to be wrong. In the books he always shows up after something has gone wrong... there was a new book on the Supernatural website." He whispered. "I'm really sorry..."
"Yeah." Was all I could say. I sighed looking around and seeing Penelope just up the street. She looked annoyed as she paced outside the store.
"Clara are you okay?" Adrian asked after I paused for a while.
"Yeah I will be, but hey can you do me a favour?" I asked as I started to walk again.
"Yeah anything." Adrian answered quickly.
"Lay off the questions. I know how many you have for Dean but how about you write them down and keep them to yourself just for the time being." I sighed.
"Already a head of you... I got this journal from school. I've already got like three pages." Adrian laughed.
"Oh wow." I couldn't help but laugh. "Hey bud I gotta go, Penelope is waiting for me and if I make her wait any longer she'll have my head." He laughed. "I'll see you later okay?" I asked.
"Yupp... bye." He hung up.
I shoved my phone in my pocket and rushed over to Penelope. When she saw me so looked so angry. Her arms were crossed and she was tapping her foot on the ground. "I know... I'm sorry." I sighed.
Penelope took one look at her and her anger faded. "No I'm sorry..." She looked down quickly. "WHat Derek did was inexcusable and I should have stopped him..."
"Hey that's not on you." I shrugged. "He's the one who opened his mouth."
"Yeah but-"
"Garcia." I stopped her. "I'm not mad at you." I smiled. "I've just about forgotten about it. So can we just drop it?" I asked with a long sigh.
"What's wrong?" She asked quickly taking her dress from me.
"Nothing." I laughed as I headed for the door.
"Clara..." She said as we both walked in. "Are you sure?" She asked.
"Good afternoon ladies." A women came out of no where and cut her off. "Do you have an appointment?" She asked.
"Uh yes... Under Garcia." Penelope smiled kindly but then looked over at me.
"Stop looking at me like that." I shook my head.
"Follow me you two." The women said and we did as she asked. I could feel Penelope's eyes on me the whole time. "So who s first?" She asked.
"She is." Penelope pointed to me and I sighed.
"Alright, go on in there and get dressed then let's have a look at you." The women nodded as she opened one of the changing rooms. I nodded and quickly skipped inside. I didn't want Penelope to ask anymore questions.
"So you just not gonna tell me?" She called out and I sighed as I changed.
"Tell you what?" I asked.
"What you're hiding and why you broke your window in your car." Penelope huffed.
"How do you know about that?" I asked as I opened the door and walked out holding the strapless dress up.
"Derek called me. Said something was wrong with you again." She said looking me up and down.
"Nothing is wrong with me." I rolled my eyes as the seamstress walked around me and looked at the dress.
"Oh my..." She sighed. "We are going to have to bring this in a bit." She sighed as she started to pull at the fabric.
I looked down quickly to avoid the stare I was getting from Penelope. Instead I looked into the mirror and sighed at my reflection. It was obvious I was tired and I didn't even stand straight, no wonder she didn't believe me. I took a deep breath and looked at the dress. Simple, strapless, flowing baby blue gown that stopped just after my knees. As I looked into the mirror I got a glimpse of Penelope standing in the background with a small smiled and I had to look away. She looked too much like Jessica at that moment that I couldn't take it.
All I could think about was Jessica sitting up in the clouds waiting for the day she could be with Sam. But Sam was nowhere near heaven and it scared me. I tried to take a deep breath but my lungs failed me.
"Clara..." Penelope said in a cautious tone. I knew she could see the pain on my face.
I closed my eyes trying to block out her voice and memories of Sam. I was taking his death a lot harder than I thought. I could feel my knees shaking and every time the women pulled at my dress to tighten it I felt as if I was going to fall. What was wrong with me? I never got this upset or emotional about people dying. I thought I was used to it.
"Hello?" Penelope's voice was suddenly closer. My eyes shot open and she was standing in front of my waving her hand in front my face.
"What?" I stepped back quickly in a bit of a defensive tone.
"Seriously Clara what is up with you?" She asked looking at me like I was insane.
"Nothing." I snapped. "Please stop asking me." I said looking away.
"Okay..." She said with a sigh.
"Great can we change the subject." I said looking up at her. I could see the worry in her eyes as she looked at me. I knew her mind was working over time to try to pin point what was wrong but I just wanted her to stop.
"What... what do you think of the dress?" She finally asked stepping back and looking at my reflection in the mirror.
"I think it's a dress." I smirked and she rolled her eyes with a smile.
"You are gonna be stuck in this all night... so you better like it." She warned with a kind smile and I sighed.
"Um the point is for you to like it." I pointed out and Penelope nodded.
"You are right." She smiled as she walked around me her eyes going up and down slowly.
"What?" I asked when I saw her face scrunch. "I don't exactly have the figure for this thing so... just..." I sighed.
"No that's not it." She said. "It's just... can you make it tighter?" Penelope turned to the seamstress who was waiting by my side with needles and a measuring tape.
"Tighter?" I nearly laughed. "I can barely breathe or walk now... you want me to roll down the isle?" I laughed.
"No... but if it's tighter it compliments you better." She smiled. "Because let's face it, baby blue is just not your colour."
"Oh well thank you." I rolled my eyes as the seamstress started pulling at the fabric again.
"Alright... I think it should be good... go change and don't touch any of the needles." The women warned me and I nodded. "And you go get into your dress." She smiled over at Penelope who smiled brightly.
I did as I was told and when I came back out in my own clothes I sighed as I looked at my reflection again. I didn't have to wait long before Penelope came out with her eyes closed. I gasped with a smile when I saw her. She looked so beautiful and I tried not to cry.
"Why are your eyes closed?" I asked with a laugh.
"I'm scared." She whispered.
"Why?" I asked walking over to her side as she kept her back to the mirror and her eyes closed. She didn't answer my question so I smiled shaking my head. "Well if you ask me you might just give that fiance of yours a heart attack when he finally sees you." I said quietly and she smiled.
"Really?"
"You will bring the big and strong, SSA Derek Morgan to his knees." I laughed a bit and she jumped with a giggled. "So you gonna just take my word for it?" I asked.
Penelope started crying the minute she saw herself. I was confused and stepped next to her. She looked at herself for a long time before she said anything. She turned to me and smiled. "I'm really glad you're here." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly.
"Me too." I smiled as my eyes started fill with tears. Half because of what she had said and everything else just weighing on me. I sighed as I fought back the tears and took a breath.
"God I'm so nervous." She laughed as she wiped the tears away from her cheeks.
"Why?" I asked with a bit of a laugh. "You and Derek are kinda meant for each other." I nudged her as she looked at herself.
"We've haven't been getting along great..." She sighed. "And after last night... I made him sleep on the couch." She laughed.
"You didn't have to do that." I said.
"Are you kidding... I didn't want him next to me after what he said about Dean." Penelope looked up at me with big eyes. "I don't know Dean or Sam as well as you to but I know neither of them are what people think. They are heroes." She smiled. "I just couldn't deal with how he talk to you... and I know how much you love those boys..." She sighed and I had to look down before I started to cry. "But you know Derek he can get so protective and full of himself... and I don't know how to control that." She sighed.
I was quiet for a minute. I knew if I spoke to soon my voice would crack and she would start to worry again. I took a deep breath and when I spoke I whispered. "Maybe you don't have to." I finally looked up at her. "No one can control everything right?" I asked and she nodded. "Well maybe you just need to talk to him... maybe get him to tone down his attitude." I shrugged.
"But what if he doesn't? What if-" She stopped as all her anxiety started to creep up.
"If his protectiveness is your biggest problem I think you two are gonna be okay." I smiled.
"He went out after you left the restaurant." She sighed. "he didn't come home till like three..."
"Well I did hit him pretty hard. I bet he just had to walk it off." I winked. "Come on Garcia you can't seriously be doubting him now..." I sighed. "As much as I dislike Derek at the moment I know deep down he loves you and nothing is gonna stop him from marrying his baby girl." I smiled and so did Penelope.
"You're right." She smiled.
"Of course I am." I smirked and she reached out and hugged me tightly.
"Okay, I'm gonna get out of this before I cry some more." She laughed as she pulled away from me.
I watched as Penelope quickly turned and went to change. We both left our dresses with the seamstress and left once we were done. Penelope said she need to go talk to Derek and that she would call me later. I hugged her and told her everything would work out just fine.
Once Penelope left I headed back home. Adrian wold be back and he would get hungry eventually. I walked quickly down the street while my mind wandered. I tried not to think about Sam but it was hard. Dean wouldn't tell me what had happened last night but I knew it was bad. Some lights were on inside and when I reached for the door knob I sighed when I cold turn it.
"Seriously." I huffed as I opened the door and walked in. "Adrian what did I tell you about the door!" I called out as I closed it behind me.
"Always keep the damn door locked!" He his voice rang through the house with a laugh.
"Watch you mouth smart ass." I laughed as he came racing down the stairs. "Why is the door unlocked?" I asked.
"I literally just got here and I thought you would be only a few more minutes." He shrugged.
"Adrian." I said sighed.
"Alright... I'll lock it behind me every time." he rolled his eyes at me.
"Thank you... was that so hard." I laughed.
"Yes." I smirked and I walked into the kitchen. "So..." he started and I looked back.
"So what?" I asked and he looked at me.
"Are we just gonna pretend like nothing is wrong?" he asked.
"Pretend?" I asked with a nervous laugh. "What do you mean?" I asked as Adrian looked at me.
"Penelope called a few minutes ago... said you were one breath away from collapsing back at the store." Adrian said.
"Adrian..." I warned him. "I was just tired and rushed." I shrugged.
"Really?" he shook his head. "I think you're lying."
"Can we not talk about this." I asked as I walked by him. For a 15-year-old he should not be this concerned about me. Adrian sighed as he walked over to me as I sat down on the couch and tried to look away from him. He sat right next to me and stared at me. "What?" I asked with an annoyed tone. Adrian just kept staring at me. "Seriously kid what?" I asked pushing him back a bit with a small laugh.
"You're devastated aren't you?" He asked with a sighed.
"About what exactly?" I asked sitting back and looking over at him.
"Oh gez your worse than a kid." He huffed.
"I don't know what you are talking about." I laughed at him and rolled my eyes. Adrian stared at me again. "Okay enough of this... you hungry?" I quickly got up.
"Is Dean gonna bring Sam back?" Adrian asked and I stopped in my tracks. It had now gotten to the point my heart hurt every time I heard his name. I was seriously not taking this very well. "I mean that's what they do right?" He let off a laugh and I said nothing, I didn't even move. "After Jake stabbed Sam Dean sold his soul... then Castiel brought Dean back... so what's the plan?" He asked. "Clara?" He asked.
When Adrian finished speaking I took a deep breath, well at least I tried. My lungs started to sting and my head started to buzz. I shut my eyes quickly begging my body not to freak out. "I don't know." I barely spoke and Adrian walked over to my side quickly.
"Clara..." Adrian spoke softly and I felt him reach out for my hand. I opened my eyes and looked down at him. He looked scared and I forced a smile. Adrian saw right through my smile and quickly wrapped his arms around my waist. A gasp escaped me when he held on. Adrian had never hugged me. I hesitated before I put my arms around him. A real smiled broke through the fake one as Adrian looked up. "It's gonna be okay." He whispered and I couldn't help but laugh through the tears that had already started to fall.