Well hello all you lovely readers! I hope some of you are still with me because I have a new chapter for you! I am soooooooo sorry about the late update but I sorta hit a wall and was only able to break it a few days ago! I want to stress how off this chapter might me... Clara just lost Sam and she isn't handling it very well so you have to be a bit compassionate.
I would like to dedicate this small little chapter to HippyElephant!You really inspired me with your message and I really hope you and everyone else likes this...
I have more, believe me so much more and it shouldn't be long before I update again! Please review or message me if anyone has concerns, comments, or anything to offer! I would love to hear from anyone!
Thank you for your patience!
Dean hesitated to knock. He had driven around all day just trying to get his mind sorted out. He had so many things running through his brain at once he had to pull over a few times just to concentrate. He was trying to keep himself busy so he wouldn't think about Sam. It was hard enough losing his brother now he was worried for Clara.
She had completely broken down last night and he had no words to comfort her. All he could do was hold her and just hope things would get better. But this morning was like Clara had swallowed all her feelings and just put on her brave face and ignored everything she was thinking and feeling. Dean though she was doing it for him but he didn't need her to hold back her own pain just for him.
He was now at a point in his day where he had literally no idea where to go or who to talk to. He couldn't call Bobby without hearing the sympathy in the old man's voice. Bobby was hurting as well and when Dean had told him Clara was alive he was both happy and angry. But once Sam was gone it was like Bobby forgot about Clara for a minute. Dean couldn't call Cas because he had gone back to heaven to sort everything out. He wanted to call Cas down and make him bring Sam back but he knew that wouldn't work. So he went to the only person who might be able to help.
When he got to the door he noticed how quiet it was inside. He didn't want to knock so he hesitated. He took a deep breath and knocked quickly. When the door opened a small smile came to Dean's face as he was greeted with a less than happy expression.
"Oh no..." Penelope's face fell. "Dean?" She questioned with a sigh. "I knew something was off." Penelope sighed as she stepped to the side and let Dean in. He nodded to thank her and she slammed the door behind him. "What is it now?" Her voice trying to be angry. "Ghost? Demon? What the damn apocalypse wasn't enough for you?" She asked crossing her arms quickly.
Dean turned around and faced her. He sighed at her anger and understood. He looked down and rubbed the back of his head. "Oh trust me the apocalypse was enough... but we stopped it." he shrugged still looking down. "But... uh..." He paused.
"Oh God..." Penelope gasped. "What happened?" Her anger turned to pure worry as she took a small step closer.
"Sam..." Dean could barely say his name.
"Is he..." Penelope didn't want to finish that sentence and she didn't have to. Dean nodded and her arms dropped to the side. "I am so sorry." She said walking over to him and pulling him into a hug quickly. Dean couldn't help but smile at how tight Penelope squeezed. He hugged her back gently and when she pulled away she looked up at him. "Is there anything you can do?" She asked and Dean shook his head. "Dose Clara know?" Penelope gasped again.
"Yes..." Dean nodded and Penelope sighed.
"That's why she was so shaky today." Penelope sighed as she walked over to the couch and patted the seat next to her.
Dean smiled as he walked over and sat next to her. "She isn't handling it very well..." Dean sighed sitting forward placing his elbows on his knees.
"Dean she isn't handling it at all..." Penelope looked up at him. "I've never seen her so distracted and uneasy." She sighed and shrugged.
"What do you mean?" Dean asked. "We were talking this morning... she was fine?" He questioned.
"Not when I saw her. She was quiet, pale and very dizzy."
"Dizzy?" Dean questioned again.
"She almost passed out... She took one look in the mirror, her eyes dropped and she almost fell over." Penelope said and Dean shook his head.
"I don't know what to do." Dean shrugged.
"Oh come on... you're a Winchester!" Penelope smiled brightly. "There isn't anything you can't do." She said placing a hand on his. It was quiet for a while. "If you need a hint... just don't leave." She whispered and Dean smiled.
Penelope and Dean sat with small smiles for a second before the door opened. "Hey Baby girl... look I-" Derek's voice spoke as they both looked up and when he stopped he was looking at them. "What the hell is going on?" He asked slamming the door behind him.
"Derek..." Penelope warned as she let go of Dean's hand.
"Get away from her... right now." Derek ordered and they both stood. "I will not have you corrupt her as well." Derek shook his head.
"Corrupt?" Dean questioned taking a step away from Penelope. "Look... I just came to talk is all." Dean shrugged.
"Talk huh?" Derek asked taking slow steps closer. "That's all you came to do?" He asked and once he got close enough Dean sighed. He thought he was in for a few punches.
"Derek." Penelope barked and he looked over at her. Dean exhaled quickly. "He just came to talk to me. You need to calm down."
"Calm down?" He laughed. "How am I supposed to be calm when I come home to find my wife to be holding the hand of the guy who broke Clara's heart and shattered it to pieces?" He asked with a laugh. "What you come to step on those pieces and hurt her even more?" Derek turned to Dean and narrowed his eyes.
"No... I never meant to hurt Clara. What I did was for her own good." Dean tried to defend himself but that only seemed to make Derek even more enraged.
"Her own good? And how the hell would you know what is good for her! You just up and leave when ever it is convent and then show up and expect her to take you in with open arms?! Oh no not this time." Derek shook his head again.
"No offence agent but you do not know Clara the way I do and you have no idea the kind of shit we have both been through." Dean fired back loudly and he heard Penelope sigh. The way Dean mocked Derek was not a good move, but he rolled with it. "Just because you don't understand that doesn't give you the right to knock her door down and tell her she is a ticking time bomb." Dean used Derek's words from this morning. Derek stepped back a bit. "That's right. I was there I heard everything." Dean sighed. He didn't want to fight but it looked like Derek just wanted to throw a punch. "Now I understand why you all would hate me, hell I'm not to fond of myself half the time but for some unknown reason Clara doesn't, and now she is literally the only thing I have left in the whole world." He had to take a breath. "And I'll be damned if I have to spend one more god damn minute away from her because of you." Dean said and Derek's eyes opened.
"Dragging her down isn't going to solve anything." Derek said and Dean just shook his head in confusion. "You show up and it's like she is a completely different person. Someone who keeps secrets and doesn't trust anyone. Then you and your brother ride off into the sunset never to be seen and she is left here, alone." Derek said.
"Well I've got news for you. My brother and I won't be riding off anywhere, anymore." Dean sighed looking away. Derek looked over at Penelope in confusion. She just shook her head. "I left Clara almost a year ago and I can honestly tell it had been one of the worst years of my life. Now I don't plan on leaving any time soon so you better get used to the fact that I am sticking around." Dean stood up straight.
"And if I don't?" Derek shook his head.
"I don't think that will matter much. Clara never does anything she doesn't want to. If she didn't want me, she wouldn't have let me in last night and whether you like it or not I doubt she will be kicking me out." Dean shrugged.
Dean looked over at Penelope who sighed looking at him with big sad eyes. He gave her a kind smile and a nod and headed for the door. "You really are a piece of work Winchester." Derek mumbled.
Dean didn't satisfy that with an answer. He just opened the door and left quickly. Derek was left with a small smirk on his face and when he looked up to Penelope she was not so happy. Her arms were crossed and she looked pissed. "What is wrong with you?" Penelope asked.
"Me?" He questioned. "Nothing... He's not a good guy." Derek shrugged. "Baby girl come on-" He tried to reach for her and she pushed past him quickly.
"Don't you Baby girl me." She snapped. "I don't know what has gotten into you this last week but it really needs to change... soon." Penelope said heading for their room.
"What are you doing?" He asked quickly as he followed her.
"I'm packing my bag and I am gonna go stay with JJ or Clara." She said throwing some clothes into a bag.
"Why?" Derek asked angrily.
"Because I am tired of you!" She snapped as she turned to face his surprised face. "You are so worried about Clara that you don't even see what you are doing! You are just insulting her and making her push away from us!" She yelled. "She was gone for so long Derek and we finally have her back! Sure she is a bit unhappy but she is allowed to be!" Penelope shook her head. She started packing more clothes and grabbed her bag. "Dean is a good guy, but you will never see it because for some reason you have it out for the guy. They love each other and are meant to be... trust me on that." Penelope had to laugh as she passed Derek quickly. "Don't call me or follow me." She demanded as she headed for the door. "We may have to work together but I will not stay here another second." She said opening the door.
"Penelope wait!" Derek cried and she shook her head.
"I'm not coming back until you find my knight in shining armour again, the man I fell in love with." She shook her head and slammed the door behind her. Derek jumped at the sound of the door and was alone. He sighed as he ran a hand over his head and closed his eyes. He wasted no time heading for the liquor cabinet.
Dean jumped back into the Impala and headed back to Clara's. When he pulled into the drive way he noticed she had gotten the window of her car fixed. He smiled as he looked around his car. He drove into the open garage and parked his car. When he got out he pulled a tarp over it and locked the trunk and doors. He took one last look at his beloved car before he headed inside.
Dean stepped inside and hung his coat on a hook. The sound of voices came from the living room so he followed them. The TV was on and Adrian was sprawled across the couch just staring at the screen. Adrian laughed a bit before he realized he wasn't alone. He jumped to his feet and turned to face Dean. A big smile spread across his face.
"Hi." He tried not to sound to excited.
"Hi..." Dean smirked a bit at the kid's expression. It was like watching a little boy meet his hero.
"I know I'm not supposed to say this... and don't tell Clara I did but... um... I'm like your biggest fan... and you're awesome." Adrian smiled with big eyes.
"Um... alright then?" Dean nodded not really knowing what else to say.
"Oh." He said loudly and then sighed. "I'm really sorry about Sam." He looked down.
"Yeah me to kid." Dean answered. "Clara around?" Dean asked.
"Um.. well..." Adrian paused. "She is and she isn't." He shrugged.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Dean asked shaking his head.
"Well she is here but I'm not supposed to tell anyone she is. She is kinda busy." Adrian said.
"Doing what?" Dean asked.
"Um... yelling for Castiel." He sighed looking down. Adrian knew Clara didn't want him to say anything but he couldn't lie to Dean.
"What? Where... for how long" Dean asked.
"For about an hour now... she's in the back yard." Adrian sighed. "You might want to stop her before the neighbours call the cops."
"Castiel get your feathery ass down here!" Clara's yell echoed through the house just as Adrian finished.
"I've tried to get her inside but she won't." Adrian said as he led Dean to the back door. The sliding glass door had a view of the small back yard. Clara was standing in the middle screaming at the sky. It was slowly getting darker and colder but she didn't seem to care.
"Castiel!" She cried and Dean sighed.
Dean sighed deeply as he watched Clara yell out. "Alright I'll see what I can do." Dean shook his head as he slid he door open and closed it once he stepped outside. He only took one step outside and he watched Clara's back tense up. She looked down quickly and stopped yelling.
Clara could feel Dean's eyes on her the moment he opened that door. She had told Adrian not to send him out here but on some level she knew he would. She took a deep breath but didn't look at him or the sky. She kept her back to Dean and as he stepped closer she crossed her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing out here?" Dean asked quickly.
"Nothing." She answered right away.
"Really? A whole lot of yelling for nothing." He shook his head as he walked around to face her. "You wanna come inside or you wanna keep yelling for someone who isn't coming."
Clara looked up at Dean quickly and narrowed her eyes. "How do you know he won't come?" She asked.
"Last time we spoke, Cas was headed back upstairs." Dean shrugged putting his hands in his pockets. "Said it was chaos up there now that Micheal was in the cage." Dean spoke and Clara listened. He could tell she was trying to hide the hurt building up inside her. "You wanna tell me why you are yelling for Cas?" Dean asked.
Clara rolled her eyes. "You know why." She mumbled and Dean huffed.
"I told you Cas can't bring Sam back." Dean said and when he mentioned his brother's name she flinched and closed her eyes. "What was that?" he pointed it out. She said nothing. "Clara come on, I know losing Sam sucks but I've never seen you so shaken up by someone dying."
"You see that's just it." She shook her head at him. "I thought that I was used to losing the people I care about most and that when it happened again I could just..." She paused and smirked. "get over it." She finished and her eyes started to glaze over. She looked up quickly. "But I am so tired of losing people I care about." She turned her back. "Especially when I could have done something to stop it." She shook her head trying so hard to stop the tears from falling.
"Clara trust me. There is nothing you could have done." Dean sighed. Why did she always manage to blame herself, guess she got that from him.
"Maybe not... but that isn't gonna make the hurt go away and I know you feel it to. I see it every time you look at me." She finally turned back to him.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"You Winchester boys have a knack for hiding your feelings but you take one look into your eyes and you can see it all. Dean your brother is dead and there isn't anything we can do about it." She said and he looked down. "I know you said you were fine but I've known you long enough to know you aren't. I'm not either" She shrugged. Dean watched as Clara looked at him. Her eyes so full of tears and fear. "And every time I look at you all I can see is Sam. And when I see Sam all I can think about is Jessica." She said with a slight breath. She had to cover her mouth to stop from breaking her sentence.
"Jessica?" Dean questioned.
"She loved Sam so much." Clara shook her head. "He thought that they could live a normal life... and look what happened."
"Clara that isn't gonna happen..." Dean sighed taking a step closer.
Clara quickly stepped back. "How do you know?" She raised her voice.
"You were there when I put a bullet into Azazel's head." Dean tilted his head.
"I'm not just talking about Azazel." Clara sighed. "I'm talking about every other evil thing out there that has a hate on for you and me." Her voice raised again and Dean could now hear the panic in her. He thought she was just upset about Sam but that had sparked a whole other problem. "I'm talking about everything else that might come after us." She sighed. "And we can't run forever. Hell I have Adrian and the rest of my team to worry about... and now you." She sighed.
"Clara nothing is going to happen to them, or us." Dean said trying to take a step closer again.
"You can't make that promise." Clara said taking a step toward him. "Sam made that promise." She said quietly looking down.
Dean sighed as he thought about what Clara said. "You're right." He nodded taking another step closer and placing his hands on her shoulders with a small smile. "I can't make that promise because sooner or later something is going to try and kill us." Dean sighed with a small smirk. "Whether it be a demon, spirit or old age..." He paused as Clara smiled a bit. "I would still rather be here." He sighed and Clara looked up at him. "I can't promise you that nothing will ever go wrong because let's be honest when has that ever worked out in our favour? But I did make Sam a promise which I intent to keep no matter what." Dean said and Clara just looked at him. "Alright?" Dean asked.
Clara was quiet for a minute before she pulled Dean into her. She latched on to his waist tightly as he put his arms around her shoulders. She buried her head in his chest with a sigh. She only let one tear fall and that was it.