The Interrogation Specialist 6
Logan's Last Stand
Logan waits for Veronica inside her favorite coffee shop. He sips his coffee waiting, fiddling with a packet of sugar. That is the only outward sign that he is nervous. He has been waiting over an hour now and he will wait until Veronica arrives. He is determined to talk to her.
His patience is rewarded when an hour later she walks into the coffee shop. He sees that her FBI training has her automatically checking out the other customers. When she notices him, she quickly and walks back out the door turning up the sidewalk towards her home. Without thought of what anyone watching might think, he stands and chases her out the door of the building, his longer legs catching her only a few feet down the sidewalk. He steps in front of her halting her progress.
He jumps in before she can speak, "Veronica, I can see why you are upset about Dick's part in the failed company and his deal with the DA. I think you are wrong about my part though."
She looks at him obviously frustrated that he is invading her morning off work. Annoyed she answers, "Don't make me find another coffee shop. I like it here."
Bending his head to look directly into her face he pleads, "Please hear me out."
Blunt and to the point she asks, "Why?"
He steps closer he answers so only she can hear, "Because it really matters to me what you think." He continues his voice a little quieter, "It matters to me what you feel." He reaches out and puts his hands on her shoulders finishing, "You matter to me."
She looks at him and sees that his brown eyes are soft with emotion. Her anger fades away leaving her frustrated and worried. She told herself that she was happy without him. She had a good life; a career that was very fulfilling, good friends, a wonderful family and dammit ,she dated. She dated handsome, interesting men. Now with one twist of fate, one ridiculous, against the odds situation, her neat little world collided with hurricane Logan. The walls of her house have been blown away and her plan of immersing herself in her career has been exposed as the fraud that it is. She has to face the hard fact that if this much time has passed and her feelings are still this strong, she may never get over him. Why couldn't the powers of the universe just leave them alone and why does Logan have to be so stubborn? Why can't he just let it go? If he didn't seek her out, it is unlikely that fate would be an ironic bitch and make their paths cross again. LA is a very big city and they definitely don't run in the same circles. Sadly she tells him, "Logan there is no point to this conversation."
He takes both her elbows and pulls her closer to him. Logan requests, "Ronnie please come and listen to what I want to tell you." He follows her gaze as she looks up the sidewalk towards the coffee shop. Some of the people sitting at the tables outside are looking at them curiously. Others obviously recognize them and are taking their pictures with their phones. Squeezing her elbows gently, he tells her, "We can't really talk here. Please come with me." When he sees she doesn't want to come with him, he adds earnestly, "Veronica, this request isn't for the Logan you knew in the past, it is for the Logan I am now." Watching her closely, he can see that she heard what he said and she understands what he is asking. She takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh. He knows her well and can sense she is weakening so he finishes big, "Please Ronnie, it is important to me."
Meeting his gaze she says with an edge of exasperation in her voice, "I am going to have to learn to say no to you." Knowing victory is close, he gives her the puppy dog eyes and finishes hopefully, "But not today?"
Caving she asks with an edge of annoyance present in her voice, "Does your mansion have a good coffee maker?"
He smiles a little as he answers, "It does."
Turning her back to the people sitting outside the coffee shop she tells him, "OK let's go there. The press doesn't know where I live…. Yet." She looks at him and adds firmly, "When I am ready to leave, you will take me home without argument."
He nods his acceptance of her rules and then takes her elbow without further comment and escorts her across the street to his car. Ignoring the people taking video and pictures, he assists her in and then goes around and gets in. He drives her to his place knowing that they can talk privately there.
He notes that she is not surprised at the route he took to get to his home or the fact he lives in a gated community on the ocean. Then he remembers that she was probably there when she interviewed his security guard and his housekeeper.
Once in the kitchen, Veronica sees that Logan has a very expensive coffee maker. Without comment she asks for her regular morning caffeine fix and quietly thanks him for it when he passes it to her. Surprisingly he just takes a water from the fridge and in answer to her questioning gaze tells her that he already drank a couple of coffees waiting for her.
Shaking her head at his persistence, she walks over and looks out the floor to ceiling window at the view of the ocean.
He goes over and stands beside her. He observes, "I think I bought the house for this view."
Looking out at the amazing ocean view she can see why anyone, but especially Logan, would want this house. She comments sincerely as she looks down the beach, "It's beautiful!"
He looks over at her and sees the pensive expression on her face. After their last disastrous and very public altercation, he has thought long and hard about what he would say if he got another chance to talk to Veronica. He is determined that he take his best shot at telling her how he feels and if she shoots him down, he will know he tried. Still now that he is here alone with her, he can feel the fear heavy in his chest. Taking a deep breath and gathering his courage, he starts, "I want to talk openly and honestly with you. I have a lot to share with you." He turns her to face him. He crouches a little and looks into her eyes and says, "Let's really talk."
"Why Logan?" she asks, "Why do you want to put us through a conversation that can only open old wounds and cause us pain?"
Disconcerted that although she agreed to talk to him, her mind is still very closed, Logan decides to get to point quickly in case she shuts their conversation down before he can tell her his heart. "Because Veronica I still think we belong together."
She doesn't think she could be more surprised. She had not expected that.
He gently takes her hand and pulls her to a coach in the living room. Purposefully he takes her coffee cup and sets it on the coffee table . He waves her to sit and then sits on the cushion next to hers and turns slightly to face her. His voice is soft and sincere, "Veronica I know you checked me out; where I live, my credit cards, cell phone, tax return, investments and possibly even my personal life."
She nods but doesn't say anything.
He tells her honestly, "I don't like it but you were working a case for the government so I understand." He is a little disconcerted that she hasn't said anything yet. He looks at her giving her time to talk.
Still she remains quiet waiting for him to continue. She did investigate his life once it became clear that he went with Dick to Vegas and the box of files. He checks, "You didn't invade my privacy before the case, did you?"
She frowns at him and shakes her head telling him a little indignantly, "I didn't." She adds, "Look, it is just the last year I have been on the west coast. I work long hours then I see my friends and family on my time off. I don't frequent the places you and your friends have access to."
Getting back on track to what he wants to make sure she understands, Logan explains, "I am not a rich party boy any more Veronica. I have more direction in my life now. I graduated from college and I work from here mostly as a screen writer." He adds as he looks around. "I rarely have parties and I haven't dated anyone steady for a few years." He grimaces a little and explains, "That is why the tabloids have me as a confirmed bachelor."
Veronica looks at Logan and sees he is sincere but doesn't understand why he is so set on her believing that he doesn't party that much now. He and his friends still probably party more than the average working stiff. After all she doesn't take off mid week for an impromptu trip to Vegas like he, Casey and Dick did. Logan just doesn't understand that the average working Joe gets two weeks per year at first and eventually works their way up to a month after years of service.
Logan sees the disbelief and he is frustrated that she is so set on seeing him as a rich, spoiled young man. Changing tactics he shares, "It really threw me that you compared Dick to his father and Cassidy." He leans a little closer and says, "I don't see Dick like that." He takes a deep breath and explains, "I know even your father questioned your friendship with Weevil. The thing is, you really didn't see Weevil as just the leader of a bike gang. You saw more."
Thinking about it, Veronica has to admit that Logan has a point. Her father hadn't approved of her friendship with Weevil and her friends had not understood. She admits, "You're right. You have known Dick for years. You know him better than anyone." Pausing she gathers her thoughts before she adds quietly, "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that." Shrugging she tells him, "It's none of my business really."
Logan gently lifts her chin and says, "Veronica, I helped Dick get the best deal he could with the DA. All of his friends with money and influence put pressure on the Attorney General and the DA on Dick's behalf." Looking at her closely he continues, "That only means we are helping a friend, not that we think what he did was right."
Again Veronica finds herself without anything to say. She knows Logan is loyal and that he would support his friends no matter what.
Thinking about how to word his feelings, he finally continues, "You know my history. When the world thought I killed Felix, Dick stayed by my side and supported me. I have had very few people who are there for me and Dick is one of them." Gently he takes her hand and holds it in his. "It's no excuse but he has always had my back and I have his."
There is a long pause where Veronica elects not to say anything and Logan can feel that she is withdrawn from him. Logan finds he is worried that she doesn't even want to debate the issue with him. Either she really disagrees or doesn't care enough to give it any thought. "Look," he starts, "In high school Eli and I were enemies. I think that we were able to put our past behind us and be civil."
"Well Eli is a skilled investigator who is a huge asset to Mars Investigations. He helps a lot of people at work and in his personal life." She meets his gaze and points out, "Dick got involved in a scam that hurt thousands of people. I saw his finances and he hasn't given one penny to help anyone. Suffice to say that most of the people I interviewed don't have a lot of positive stories to relate about him." Facing off with him she tells him, "Eli talked to you respectfully and treated you professionally. Dick's first words to me were that the bathroom walls predicted I would be working on my back. Then he proceeded to tell me to go fuck myself."
Logan grimaces and then admits, "Sometimes Dick can be hard to defend."
Veronica puts up her hand and stops the conversation. She says, "I really don't want to talk about Dick anymore. He hasn't done anything to make me change my view of him but I acknowledge that you are his friend. Can we please just leave it at that?."
It is clear to Logan that Veronica is beyond weary of this conversation. She has a very negative view of Dick and nothing he says is going to be able to change that. So far this talk has not gone well. Veronica still thinks he is a party boy and she doesn't agree with the deal Dick got from the DA. She thinks he should be in jail.
"I actually want to talk about you and me." He leans over and gently caresses her cheek. "I have a lot of regrets about what happened to you after Lilly died, my fight with the PCHers and the tendency I had to get drunk and have meaningless sex when I was unhappy." He finishes regretfully, "I was so out of control back then."
Logan is really unsure what the expression on Veronica's face means. She looks upset but he is not sure at what. He tells her, "I guess I wanted you to know that I have changed since that time. I problem solve a lot better and I have a lot better control of my emotions." Pausing he finishes, "I think I am a better person now. I am stronger now."
Suddenly she stands and walks over to the patio door. Leaving Logan in the living room she opens the patio door and goes outside in the fresh air.
Worried at her mood, Logan follows. He finds her on the deck by the railing looking at the view of the ocean. He stands beside her but doesn't touch her. She is taking deep cleansing breaths.
After a few seconds she turns and looks at him. She says, "I can be a selfish bitch sometimes." Logan looks at her surprised that her upset is with herself and not him. This conversation with her is taking a lot of twists and turns. He waits for her to explain her comment. He is a man who knows when a woman has laid landmines in his path. Agreeing or disagreeing with her last comment will lead him down a path he doesn't want to be on.
After another deep breath she carries on, "I guess I never really made you understand how much I admired you back then. All you saw was that you had to change to please me." Meeting his gaze she tells him honestly, "I am really sorry about that."
She looks back out at the view and says almost conversationally, "I think that at times I am way too judgmental. It is partially a byproduct of my past and partly the job. At work I am trying to find out the truth in the situation; seeing who was involved, who is lying, who is the victim." Out of the corner of her eye she sees that he is watching her and listening carefully.
He nods to let her know he follows her train of thought so far. Slowly she turns to look at him and changes tactics, "Look Logan, how I feel about my rape and that time doesn't have anything to do with you. We've talked about it. It's in the past."
Nonplussed Logan starts, "It has a lot to do with me."
Immediately she shakes her head and firmly interrupts, "No it doesn't Logan." Realizing that her tone is too forceful, she gives him an embarrassed smile and explains her emotions, "Dick didn't set me up to be raped because of you. He set me up because I was drugged or too drunk to stop him." She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Finishing her thought she carries on, "Life is really about the decisions we make." Meeting his gaze meaningfully she explains, "Almost every case I work on involves a number of people who have had to make an important moral decision. Most often they weren't the person or persons who set up the situation but once they become aware of it, they had to decide what to do. Some just leave the situation and say nothing. Others pretend they didn't find out what is going on and continue to reap the rewards all the while telling themselves that they aren't doing anything wrong. The ones I go after the hardest are the people who don't see anything wrong with hurting others to get what they want."
Interested in her perspective about her job Logan half turns to face her. In turn she shifts her position a little and looks at Logan saying, "In Dick's case we became aware of the company because a man who was hired to work as an investment counselor saw what was really happening and reported it to us. So many of his colleagues were hired, saw what was happening and just said nothing because they 'needed the money'." She raises her hands making quotation marks around the excuse.
Stepping a little closer to Logan she quietly drives her point home, "You know that a lot of people knew what was happening to you and looked the other way to keep their job or stay in Aaron's good graces. Some were bought off or threatened. Some knew and just didn't fucking care." She puts her arm on the one he is leaning on the railing. She says earnestly, "Different levels of guilt."
Logan slowly sucks in a breath as he understands Veronica's point. He says, "In order for evil to flourish, all that is required is for good men to do nothing. (Edward Burke)."
Nodding her agreement of the quotation, she says, "Yes, that's it." She has always been impressed at how intelligent Logan is. She summarizes, "You are only responsible for the choices you made. You are not responsible for other people's decisions." Sighing a little she gets back to her original point of how Dick's choices are just that; Dick's choices, "Look Logan you felt genuinely bad about what happened after Lilly died. You asked me for forgiveness and I have forgiven you. You were the only one of all the 09ers and the school who ever said they were sorry and asked for forgiveness." She adds meaningfully, "That includes Duncan."
She turns and looks at him repeating, "The 09ers and students at the school who chose to follow you, did just that; they chose to harass me." Taking a deep breath she adds, "The truth is I admire you more because of the guilt you felt, or I guess you still feel, about that time. It tells me a lot about your character." Stepping closer she admits looking at him honestly, "I never told you and that is on me."
Logan looks at her and doesn't really know what to say. He is thrown by her open approval of him. He can't believe that she doesn't think of him like she does the other students in high school and she actually admires him more than she does DK. He comes back to her voice. "I rarely think about that time." Sighing a little she explains, "Seeing Dick, John and Casey again I guess reminds me of that time and brings those feelings back to the front."
Logan nods in understanding. Veronica squeezes his arm and asks, "Why do you want to talk about that time?"
Shaking his head he says, "I don't really." He pauses and then tells her, "I guess your outburst the other day made me think." He takes her hand off his arm and turns it gently running a finger on the lines on her palm. He adds, "I really hate to think you think I am the type of guy who would hurt others to get what I want. I guess I was hoping you looked me up for this case and you could see what kind of man I have become."
Veronica watches him touch her hand. She tells him, "I don't think you hurt others Logan. I am impressed at how you have been writing and the work your foundation does for charity. I guess I was disappointed that you were getting Dick out of the trouble he got in when so many people don't have a rich friend to help them." She looks up at him and sighs before she admits, "I shouldn't have gotten upset at you. You are a good friend and Dick is lucky to have you. It's not my business." A little sheepishly she tries, "I guess it is that judgment flaw coming to the front."
Logan is so confused and relieved at how this conversation is going. He really expected to try and have to explain how he feels; to justify his loyalty to Dick. The conversation had started that way but she seems to have gotten weary of the conversation and now she looks tired and well sad.
Looking at Logan she says, "Logan I think less of the 09ers who found out they were wrong but never apologized but I never really apologized to you for how I treated you."
Logan looks shocked and goes to tell her she doesn't have anything to apologize for. She shakes her head and starts before he can, "I was like one of those pets that has been abused and then rescued." Puzzled at the analogy Logan listens carefully trying to piece together the meaning of her comparison. She continues, "They are grateful for any nice treatment but they never really trust again."
She bites her lip to hold in her emotions as she continues to explain, "Things go well and they try to love their new owner but in the back of their mind, they are waiting to be hurt, abused. The first sign that something might be happening, they over react and attack some innocent person; often someone who has shown them love."
He is horrified to see tears in her eyes and he immediately pulls her into his arms to comfort her. She takes a deep breath and continues with a quiver in her voice as she fights the tears, "You did nothing but love me and take care of me. I felt so good with you but deep inside I was like that dog or cat in the shelter. I was waiting for you to turn on me and hurt me. I couldn't trust in our relationship and what we had." Despite her best effort, the tears trickle out. She takes a deep breath and carries on, "I am so sorry about how much I hurt you back then. I just couldn't trust anyone. Deep inside I was too damaged."
"Veronica, no," he says. She looks up at him as he gently takes her face in his hands, tips it up so he can look at her and then wipes her tears with his thumb. Her beautiful blue eyes are huge in her face as she earnestly meets his gaze.
"I hope you understand that I really wanted to trust you. Deep inside I was too afraid," she whispers.
Wanting to comfort her he leans his forehead to hers and reassures her, "It wasn't just you. I had a lot of issues." He adds quietly, "It was a really bad time for both of us.
Swallowing hard she gently leans her face closer to his. She admits, "It was mostly me Logan. I get that now." She leans back a little and using her index finger traces his forehead to his cheek bone to his chin.
He stands there barely breathing allowing her touch. The conversation between them is open and honest and he is amazed. She continues, "I have come to understand that you are truly a special man. You never had security growing up. You were made to feel like you were to blame for your parent's problems. Yet when away from the situation you threw yourself into our relationship and opened yourself up for the love while I was so concerned about getting hurt that I just stayed closed so I could protect myself."
"I ended up hurting you and hurting myself." She finishes sadly, "I was such a wreck back then; reacting instead of thinking things out." She sighs and says regretfully, "I wish I had apologized instead of running. I wish I hadn't been so scared."
Logan is reeling from their conversation. His head is spinning and he is uncharacteristically at a loss for words. He has so many thoughts running through his head. He is not sure what to say right now. He had anticipated a few different ways a talk between them could go but a Veronica who feels badly about how she treated him and apologizes was not one of the options he planned for. He is really thrown.
Before he can even sort his thoughts, her phone rings startling both of them with its abruptness and volume after the quietness of the last part of their talk. Of all things, it is the theme song from CHIPS. Veronica looks apologetically at Logan and says, "I have to take this."
She steps back, pulls her phone out of her pocket and depresses the button. Putting her phone to her ear she says quietly, 'Brad."
Logan hears a male voice but can't understand what is being said. Veronica questions, "What time are you supposed to go in?" Then after she hears the answer she says, "No, it is not a problem." Finally she tells Brad, "I am about a half hour from home. I'll go home first, it's on the way. I'll be there in an hour." As she hangs up, she sighs before she looks at Logan who is still standing by the deck railing. She tells him, "Logan I have to go."
Logan is really disappointed and upset. He and Veronica are finally talking; really talking. She is being open with him about her feelings in the past and they are finally putting it behind them. Now she has to run off and he doesn't know when he will see her again. A little unnerved at her absolute belief that if this guy calls, she has to go, he questions, "Is this guy someone important?"
She shakes her head and tells him, "I am not dating anyone right now if that is what you are asking." She puts her phone back in her pocket and adds, "Brad is one of the agents I work with. His wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is pretty weak and sick right now. He works extra as a body guard to pay the bills. I need to stay with Jeanne while he is at work." She adds quietly, "We all take turns. This is my weekend."
Logan reaches in his pocket for his car keys and says, "I understand you need to go but I wish you didn't have to leave. I really want to finish this conversation."
When she looks at him her face softens with her feelings. She admits, "I'm glad I got the chance to apologize. I always felt badly that I left you with the idea that you weren't a good boyfriend."
Logan says ponderously, "You know for the second time now, I haven't had a chance to tell you how I feel."
"That must be a different experience for you," she teases.
Smiling he agrees, "It is." Stepping closer he tells her, "I don't want to have to accost you at your coffee shop again. This time I think you should call me when we can finish this talk." He holds up his hand and says, "I've listened to you and I think it is only fair that you listen to me."
After a few seconds, she nods but says, "It's just that..." The rest of what she was going to say is muffled as his lips are on hers.
He doesn't physically touch her anywhere else but she feels connected to him. The feel of his lips, his smell and the emotions are all so familiar and at the same time, so new.
When the kiss is over and their lips part he tells her, "That's why Ronnie."
She looks at him and has to smile. He knew she was going to tell him that they didn't have anything more to talk about. With that kiss he showed her that there are still feelings between them. It is so like him to bypass the discussion and just show her.
Logan is relieved to see that she is seeing the humor in his kissing her to stop her talking. She sing songs, "Well if we are going to kiss…" Again the rest of what she was going to say was stopped by their lips connecting; only this time she initiated their kiss.
Without pause Logan pulls her into his arms wrapping them around her waist and back. Veronica puts her arms around his neck holding his head to hers with one hand. They both just fall into the kiss. It has been so long and it feels so right between them. When the need for air becomes too much to ignore, he takes a few deep breaths as he kisses down behind her ear to her neck. She keeps her arms around his neck; her eyes are closed as she says, "I have to run." He notices that she makes no motion to move from his arms.
Smiling he lifts his head and prods, "And you'll call me when you have time to finish our talk?"
She nods and says, "I definitely will but in all likelihood it won't be today. Brad works until after midnight and I will probably stay there and let him get some sleep tomorrow before his shift." She adds, "On Monday I will be leaving town for a few days on a case." Meeting his gaze she promises, "I will call you when I get back.'
Logan leans in and gently kisses her and then keeping one around her, pulls her gently towards the door. He knows she has to go and he definitely doesn't want to get in between her and her obligation so he backs off for now. He says, "We'll hit the drive through on the way home. You never did get the coffee you wanted this morning."
She smiles. She had almost forgotten how good he was at looking after her.
After he drops Veronica off at her condo, Logan sits on his deck. It is a beautiful day and he enjoys the relaxing view. His mind keeps going back to his conversation with Veronica. Her comparison of her behavior to that of an abused animal really struck a chord with him. When he was angry with the PCHers for shooting at them, she began to withdraw and then when they broke up, she went back to Duncan. He had never understood her behavior until now. She had a nice secure childhood and when her life fell apart, she was insecure and afraid inside. He grew up used to being afraid when his father was around. It hurt him when she choose Duncan over him but now he understands that she was a wounded girl who deeply needed to feel safe. Now he can see that it wasn't that she loved Duncan more and it means a lot to him to know that. It changes how he thinks of that time.
The second thing that struck him was her admission that she really admires him for the guilt he felt for his actions after Lilly died and how he is the only one who really apologized is shaking the foundation of his feelings and thoughts about that time in his life. The idea that she thinks he is strong and special for how he was wounded and recovered from that time is amazing and wonderful.
Veronica's opinion matters to him. Her approval or disapproval is important. Today he learned that she has really grown up as well. She apologized for getting upset with him over his support of Dick and she acknowledged it was not her business. Logan wanted her to see he has grown up and changed but he has to acknowledge that she has changed as well.
Logan thinks about how Veronica has such a negative view of people who are wealthy. He is not proud of how he grew up. He doesn't expect Veronica to understand how he and the other 09ers grew up entitled and how they got used to the special benefits they received. Lilly understood that her father's wealth gave her perks and she did not hesitate to take advantage of them but Veronica always balked at taking what the rest of them felt was their due. She saw things differently.
His mind keeps going back to the fact that Veronica included Duncan in the group of guys who never admitted they were wrong and never apologized. It really sounded like she thought less of the guy that up until today Logan thought might be the guy who 'got away' for Veronica.
Veronica is his girl that 'got away' and now he is contemplating the idea that he might be Veronica's guy that got away. He smirks a little as he savors that idea and lets it roll around his brain. He would really like to be the one that Veronica misses, thinks about and wishes she could have another chance with. Oh he can't even verbalize how much he would want that!
He is shallow enough to admit that he would also really be thrilled if Veronica would choose him over Duncan Kane. The thought that someone as wonderful as Veronica would want him and not the rich, handsome, good guy Duncan Kane is amazing.
Logan stands and stretches. He is going to head into his office and work on his latest project. He wishes he could have finished his talk with Veronica today but he is happy at the progress they made. The kiss between them was everything he remembered. It is clear to him that the feelings are still there between them. The only thing remaining to find out is if she is willing to give their relationship another try.
He will have to wait until she is free to talk again. He contemplates sending her a text with his office addess in case she is ready to talk to him during one of the days he works at his office. In the end he decides to just go about his life as usual. Veronica Mars is a freaking federal agent. She will absolutely be able to find him when she is ready to see him. He just wishes it would be soon.