Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of the books in the 'Twilight' series. But, I do own copies of the books, and I shall make do with those.

He tossed me down onto his bed and threw himself down next to me. The mattress bounced with the impact of Edward, making me laugh.

"So," Edward said, "I thought that I might see if I could give my other hand a chance to win back its place in your affections."

"Alright," I said, "what did you have in mind?"

Edward smirked, "let me show you," he said. He rolled over onto his side facing me and began to stroke his arm up and down my side.

He started with gentle, feather strokes, moving onto circles and spirals round and round my back. He'd never done anything like this before, so I wasn't sure why it felt so familiar and right. Edward carefully pulled me onto my stomach and knelt up next to me. He let himself use both arms and began to knead my back gently. He rubbed my shoulders. Then he let his hands trail down my sides again. He danced and drummed his fingers down my back, he traced my spine delicately. He caressed my legs, and worked his way all the way down. When he reached my feet, I realised what he was doing. He'd taken everything that he'd learnt from rubbing my feet and scaled it up. He was using what I'd told him about what I liked, to give me a glorious full body massage. It felt amazing. It felt as though he already knew my body. His touch was smooth and confident. Every now and again he would whisper something like 'I love you, Bella,' or 'you're beautiful'. I was beginning to drift off into a light sleep, when Edward slid his arms under me and span me over so that I was lying on my back instead. He continued in his task: massaging my front, gently and delightedly. I heard him croon in appreciation as he swept his hands up and down my figure.

He finished with my face, trailing his fingers gently over it, then leaning in and kissing me over and over again, long, lingering kisses on my lips, whisper-light kisses along my cheekbones, quick pecks on my chin and forehead. I looked up at him, it felt like waking up after a wonderful dream.

"Does your arm hurt?"

He looked at it as if the answer was going to be written there, "not really."

"Take off your shirt, let me look."

He smiled that crooked smile, "is this just an excuse to get me to take off my shirt?"

"If it makes you feel better, I'll take off my shirt too," I offered.

Edward looked conflicted. Then he sighed, "I don't think that I'm ready for that," he said. But, he did take off his own shirt.

His chest was flawless, ridged with muscles, like a snowy mountain range. I skied my fingers over his rib cage, slaloming around his belly-button. Edward watched my fingers carefully, ready to grab them and call time-out if he was enjoying himself too much.

I stroked his injured arm gently, examining it for any sign of damage. "It must have hurt a lot when Emmett did that" I said, squeamishly avoiding saying what Emmett had done.

Edward twisted his arm around, wrapped it around me and pulled me close against him, showing that his arm was as strong as ever, though I knew that he could do far more impressive things with it than picking me up. "My kind heal fast," he said. "You're concerned about me, but seeing us fight must have been terrifying for you. I shouldn't have let Emmett goad me into that fight."

I couldn't deny the fear. But, I wanted him to understand that I didn't mind. Dating a vampire means seeing scary things sometimes. I don't know if I'm always brilliant at it, but I am trying to love Edward as he is: a super-strong, super-fast creature that feeds on blood and has to work to stop himself slaughtering innocents. I don't want him to have to hide himself around me all the time. He once said that it was easy to be himself around me, I wish that he really could.

"You needed to let off a bit of steam. It obviously helped. Look at you now, curled up with me and not worrying about anything. Perhaps you should spend more time fighting with Emmett."

"I think that my current mood is more thanks to you than it is to Emmett. I'm happy because you're letting me do this." He lay me down on the bed, my arms stretched above my head, my full length laid out for him to admire. Then he pressed his face to my skin and popped tiny kisses all the way down my arms, around my face, on my lips, under my chin. He pulled my top up and kissed a thin line skirting over my hips. Then he kissed back down the line, back under my chin, on my lips, around my face and back up my arms.

I let him do as he pleased for a while, but the third time he leaned it to kiss my lips, I grabbed him and pulled myself up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pressed my face to his and kissed him back. I took charge of the kiss, pushing his lips with mine, carefully stroking my tongue against his bottom lip. We explored one another's lips. I hummed happily and I heard Edward purr back at me.

"You're amazing," I said.

He grinned at me, "amazing enough for you?" he asked.

"Easily," I said, "I'm lucky to have you."

Thinking about what had happened earlier, I asked him "You have a perfect memory, don't you?"

Rather than waste his mouth on replying, Edward nodded a 'yes' whilst dusting my clavicles with his tongue.

"Can you remembered what things feel like – physical sensations – as well as things that you saw or heard?"

Again he nodded, using his mouth now to blow gently at my hair, making light strands dance around my ears, tickling them.

"Mmmm." I wished that I had one of those perfect memories. I would like to lie in my bed at home remembering the feeling of his tongue on my skin. "Can you remember what it felt like when I had your arm earlier? I mean, now that it's attached do you have the memories of the things it felt when it wasn't?"

Finally he was forced to look up, "no," he said, "I can't recall the feeling of Emmett painting my nails, nor of you washing my arm in a sink. Does that disappoint you? Am I less marvellous than you thought?"

It was an unexpected question. I had only been curious about how his body worked. It wasn't as though I had an emotional investment in his answers. "I think that I'm getting used to some of the differences between us. I would like to understand them better. You know what it's like to be human - you have some memories and you live around humans all the time. You can read the minds of humans whenever you want. I don't have any of that. I just get curious about your vampireness from time to time."

"My vampireness?" he laughed at me.

It wasn't that long ago that the word 'vampire' had been so new and frightening that I couldn't bear to say it. The human mind really is very good at adjusting to new realities. Already I was used to the idea of vampires and werewolves, I could talk about them all with perfect calm.

"Can you change your mind?"

Edward looked suspicious, "about what?" he asked. I wonder if he thought I was going to beg favours for kisses.

"Not about anything in particular, just as a general point. I know that you can learn things as a vampire, you have done so. So, even though you say that your body doesn't change, your brain must somehow build new synaptic connections. What I wanted to know was whether your could change your mind. For example, you said that your favourite thing to eat was mountain lion. Will that be the same forever, or could it change?"

Edward thought about that for a while. "I don't really know," he said, "I think that I've changed my mind about things, but that's always been because of new evidence. I don't know if my tastes could change. Obviously, I could one day hunt something new and prefer it to lions. But, that wouldn't be the same as changing my mind. I once thought that I was content to be alone, but then I met you and that changed my mind. I have gone off musicians over time. There are pieces that I liked once, and don't particularly like now. So, I suppose that it is possible for me to change my mind. Why are you so curious about me today?"

"I guess Emmett made me think."

He chuckled and kissed the back of my neck, making me shiver. "Don't tell him that," he whispered, "he doesn't aim to make people think."

Wanting to make him feel the same shivery pleasure that he gave me, I twisted around and kissed the back of his neck. He tasted sweet and nutty, like baklava. I heard a very satisfactory groan from Edward, so I did it again.

He responded by stroking the nail-side of his fingers down my spine. I copied that too.

Edward made a humming noise. Then he sat up a bit so that I could see his face. He was grinning at me. He liked this game. He pulled his hand through my hair. I pulled my hand through his hair. I liked this game too.

We played for a while. Edward stroking, kissing, licking, teasing; and me responding in kind. Each of us enjoying the feeling of touching and being touched. Edward was probably carefully cataloguing every detail of my responses to him. He would be able to recreate any one of these wonderful feelings at will. I tried to do the same, but it was harder for me. I kept getting distracted by an unexpected kiss. I did learn that Edward liked my hands in his hair and my lips on the back of his neck very much indeed. He also seemed to like it when my hair brushed over his arm. I liked it best when his face was close enough that I could feel his breath – the only warm-feeling part of him – against my skin.

"This is wonderful," I said, "I would like to lie here, kissing you, and being kissed by you forever."

He smiled at me, "you can," he said, "if you marry me."

I gasped and Edward did too.

"That really isn't how I intended to ask that," he said, "um . . . can I try again?"

I put my hand over his mouth, "Edward," I said, gently, "shall we just say that you were carried away, and leave it at that. I'm not ready to have this conversation. You've not even been back for a full month yet."

I saw pain in his eyes, but he nodded at me.

When I took my hand away he said, "sorry, Bella, did I ruin a lovely moment?"

Well, yes, I thought, of course you did. There we were happily kissing and you asked me to marry you! I'm not even nineteen yet, and you're eternally seventeen. Why are you even thinking about marriage? Yes, you ruined a pleasant moment.

But, he was looking at me with his hurt eyes, the way he did when he was afraid that I would leave him. I couldn't hurt him any more. The only reasonable thing to do was to console him. The only decent thing to do was to tell him that it was all ok. The only loving thing to do was to hold him close and kiss him.

So that's what I did. I wrapped my arms around him, held him really close and said "no, not at all. It's sweet that you want me forever. I want you forever too. I love you. I love kissing you. Let's just carry on with that."

We carried on kissing. Eventually I lay back, tired and satisfied, just wanting to lie side by side and hold hands.

Edward was always willing to do that with me. But this time he waited until we were both lying back with our eyes on the ceiling, and brought up the same awkward conversation from before. "Would it have gone differently, if I'd gone down on one knee and offered you a ring?" he asked.

"No," I said desperately. I really, really didn't want him to do that. It was one thing to have refused a blurted out half-intended proposal. It was another, and a much worse thing, to refuse a real down-on-one-knee, ring-in-a-box proposal. And I knew that I would have to refuse him.

There was silence.

Perhaps Edward had expected a bit more. I turned to look at him. He hadn't moved at all. He was still looking up at the ceiling, he was even still holding my hand. He must have known that I was looking at him, but he didn't respond.

"Sorry," I tried, "it's not that I don't love you."

"It's just that you don't want to marry me" he said in a dead voice.

"I don't want to marry anyone," I offered, but I don't think that it was a great deal of consolation.

"Oh," he said.

There was a knock on the door. Neither of us answered. Whoever it was knocked again and said, "Edward, Bella, are you alright?" it was Alice.

"Come in, Alice," Edward said, in a version of his normal voice.

Alice opened the door, "um . . . it's time for Bella to go home," she said, "do you want me to give you a lift, Bella?"

I sighed, I didn't really want to leave Edward right now. He was obviously hurt and would probably stay in his bedroom and sulk until school the next day.

"Give me five minutes," I said to Alice, "then I'll come downstairs."

She nodded at me, and closed the door.

"Right," I said, sitting up and looking down at Edward's blank face, "what can I do to cheer you up in five minutes?"

He looked at me and sighed, "tell me that you were joking?" he suggested.

"Any other ideas?"

"Tell me that I can ask you again," he said earnestly, "I'll wait. I'll wait until you can trust me; I'll wait until you're older. But, tell me that I can ask you again."

"Not tomorrow," I checked.

Edward rolled his eyes, "no, Bella," he said, "I won't ask you again tomorrow."

"Well, alright then, you can ask me again." I said.

He smiled again, "thank you, Bella."

"That was easy," I said "and I still have a bit of time."

He grinned at me now, "you have four minutes and twenty seven seconds," he said precisely, "was there anything that you wanted to do with that time?"

I did my best imitation of a vampire crouch, then I pounced on him and kissed his neck.

Edward laughed and rolled over so he was pinning me down, "that was nice," he said, "but I like this idea better," he covered me with kisses, deliberately tickling me and making me wriggle.

Too soon, Edward looked up, as if someone had called his name. Of course, they probably had.

"Alright," he said, "it's time for you to go, Bella."

He carried me back down the stairs and kissed me goodbye. I got into Alice's car and breathed a sigh of relief. I had refused to marry Edward, and he hadn't gone completely crazy. I think that counts as a success of sorts.

"So," I asked, turning to Alice as soon as we were on the road, "is he going to be alright?"

She grinned at me, "it's cheating to try and sneak peaks into the future of your relationship" she scolded me, "don't you know that we have Family Rules about that?"

"No, I didn't know, what are they?"

Alice smirked, "when couples fight, I'm not allowed to tell anyone how they eventually make up with their partner. It all gets too confusing if people try to settle arguments before they're meant to."

I scowled at her, "but that wouldn't apply to Edward, of course, since he can see your visions, without you telling him. So, all I'm asking you to do is even the playing field up a bit."

"True," Alice allowed, "but I don't need both of you mad at me."

"Is Edward mad at you already?"

She nodded, "he's going to be furious when I get home. He was sure that you would say 'yes' and he thinks that's all my fault. He ought to know the weaknesses inherent in my gift by now, but he doesn't always think straight when you're involved."

"You've seen me agree to marry him?" I asked, pretty shocked. I had never, ever decided to do such a thing. I'd never even considered marriage until a certain ultra-committed vampire blurted it out today.

Alice was confused, "actually," she said, "that's the one thing that I've never seen. I've seen you marry him, lots of times. I have my favourite wedding dress of yours; which is presumably the one that you wear if you decide to listen to my fashion advice. I've seen you become one of us, too, sometimes before you marry him and sometimes after. But I have never actually seen the moment at which you accept his proposal. Maybe that means something."

"Um . . . Alice, please don't suggest that Edward forces me to marry him."

She laughed delightedly, like a little piccolo, "he hasn't considered that for days," she consoled me, "even when you said 'no' this afternoon, he managed to keep himself from planning to kidnap you." She clearly thought that this was a great show of restraint on Edward's part, but my mind was reeling from the thought that he ever had considered kidnapping me.

"No," Alice continued, as cheerfully as ever, "what I was thinking was that perhaps he hasn't thought of the right way to ask you yet. That's why I can't see you accepting his proposal, even though my visions of your wedding make it pretty clear that you do love him and want to be with him forever. Anyway, Jasper says that I'm not to interfere. The dress that I choose is much nicer, though, Bella, will you promise me that when – sorry, if – you do agree to marry Edward, you'll wear the dress that I pick out for you?"

She seemed so eager, almost as eager as Edward had been, when he'd tried to get me to agree to marry him. Hmm . . . perhaps there was some way in which I could use this eagerness to my advantage. What could I get Alice to promise me in return? To give me an all-access pass to Edward's plans? I could ensure that his proposals (I was pretty certain now, that there were going to be more) never took me by surprise again. Maybe this was my opportunity to escape a few future makeovers. I could let Alice choose my wedding dress in exchange for being allowed to choose my own outfits for school.

"Don't bother," Alice said, before I'd decided which bargain to go for, "I can't strike a bargain with you on this. I'll just wait and ask you again later."

Conversations with Alice could be kind of annoying at times.

Finally, she dropped me off at home, and I went indoors. That night I dreamt about hundreds of Edwards, following me everywhere I went, demanding that I agreed to marry them. I didn't sleep well.

Jasper noticed my weary look in the morning and asked if I was ill. Before he could answer, Edward responded that I couldn't have a virus, because I smelt fine. He added that my temperature was normal and my heartbeat steady.

I think that Edward would have gone on for some time, analysing my body's condition, if I hadn't glared at him and asked him to shut up.

"Oh," he said, looking a bit hurt, "you are a bit grouchy, Bella, perhaps you didn't sleep well."

Part of me wanted to tell him that I was absolutely fine, I didn't like him being able to tell so much about me so easily. I felt vulnerable with him analysing my scent all the time. The other part of me thought that the best revenge would be to tell him that it was his fault I hadn't slept well. I would never be able to make him feel guilty for noticing how I smelt and chatting to his siblings about it, that was normal behaviour for him and it would be impossible for him to understand my objections. He would, however, be utterly miserable if I told him that he'd given me nightmares.

Maybe that was too cruel. I didn't want Edward to be utterly miserable, just a bit chastened. He was far too good at beating himself up for me to risk making him feel guilty deliberately. I should just be quiet and leave him alone.

I heard a slight groan from Alice, "that was funny," she said, "and you made it go away."

Fine, I thought, you asked for it. "Fine," I said, "I did have nightmares last night, happy now?"

"No," Edward and Jasper said at the same time as Alice said "much better."

"Alice," Jasper protested, "it's not funny that Bella is having nightmares. Perhaps you should talk to Carlisle about it," he said to me, "it must be very stressful for you, knowing that Victoria is still out there. Carlisle could give you something to help you sleep."

"Wait for it," Alice muttered.

"I didn't have nightmares about Victoria," I said, scorning the idea that something as paltry as a death threat would disturb my sleep, "I had nightmares about Edward."

Alice started laughing, "see, that is funny!" she crowed.

"No it isn't" Jasper and Edward spoke together again.

"About me?" Edward asked me softly, though I wasn't fooled, I knew that Alice and Jasper could hear him perfectly clearly. "What do I do in these nightmares?"

"You keep asking me to marry you," I said.

Edward sat back as though I'd slapped him. "I won't bother you," he said quietly, "please don't let yourself be upset over my persistence. I won't be a nuisance to you. I won't ask again until you say I may."

He closed his eyes and didn't say anything for the rest of the car journey.

Alice and Jasper stepped into the breach and kept a conversation going between the two of them, while I sat there and hated myself for hurting Edward's feelings, yet again.

He sulked all day at school.

Actually, that isn't fair at all. I wish that he had sulked, it would have been easier to handle. If Edward had sulked, then I would have had reason to be annoyed, we could have had a fight and then made up and perhaps everything would have gotten back to normal. Edward didn't sulk. He was exactly the same as always. He carried my books, he bought my lunch, he talked to me when we walked between classes. He didn't tease me or argue with me, or even pester me with endless questions. He talked about minor inconsequential things for the entire day. He was cheerful and smiling and sweet and affectionate.

He was also very unhappy. It was obvious that he was smiling in order to please me, that he was talking about nothing, because he wasn't allowed to talk about the one thing that he wanted to discuss. He was the perfect boyfriend all day. But, I knew that he was unhappy because he didn't ask me if I would come over and visit him this evening and he didn't once ask me what I was thinking. I don't think that we'd ever spent a day together before without him asking what I was thinking. Usually he was desperate to get inside my head. Today, it was as though he'd decided not to risk it.

Alice and Jasper didn't join us for lunch, which wasn't a big surprise. I could only guess how miserable Edward was feeling under his far-too-believable smile. It must be giving Jasper a headache.

It was a surprise when the day finally ended and we were back in Jasper's car. Nobody bothered to ask me what my plans were, Jasper drove to my house and dropped me off. Alice and Jasper said 'goodbye' in perfectly normal voices. Edward walked me to my front door and kissed me sweetly on the cheek. Then he walked to the Mustang and got in, without once looking back.

Charlie was surprised to find me home alone, but he didn't say anything. I suppose he was worried that, if he interfered, I might change my mind and run off to see Edward. We ate dinner together and talked about the ridiculous college acceptance letters that I'd been receiving lately. Charlie didn't think that they were ridiculous, well, he didn't say that. But, I knew that there was no way Dartmouth had offered me a place without a fairly hefty bribe. I wondered if I would ever get to see the essays that Edward had sent in on my behalf.

Being alone for the evening was actually kind of relaxing. I caught up, and then I got ahead, with my homework. I played a couple of games of checkers with Charlie, and then I had a long, relaxing bath. Finally, I took myself to bed.

That was when the guilt really hit. First I'd refused to marry him. Then I'd told him that his proposal had given me nightmares. Still, I hadn't apologised for the way that I'd hurt him. Edward had said that he wouldn't 'bother me', so he was probably waiting for me to call him. I remembered how upset he'd been when I'd forgotten about him for twenty minutes. What kind of a state was he going to be in now that I'd ignored him for an entire evening?

I ought to call him and at least wish him 'goodnight'. Of course, being a vampire, Edward wasn't going to sleep any time soon. I could call him in a few minutes, or even in an hour. I could take a bit of time to work out what I was going to say to him first. I didn't want to make things worse.

I lay back on my bed and tried to think. What would cheer him up? Short of accepting his proposal, what could I offer that would reassure him that I really did love him and wanted to be with him forever?

Surely the greatest proof I had of my desire to be his forever was that I wanted to become a vampire. I didn't care if I was going to loose my soul (though, I couldn't really believe that I would); I didn't want a soul if I couldn't have a soul-mate. But, that was not the right thing to say to cheer Edward up; that would just be jumping from one argument into another.

Would it help if I told him what I thought marriage was? Would he understand if he could see marriage from my perspective? If his parents had split up, would he want to marry me now?

But, he could easily turn that back around and ask me why I didn't bow to his greater experience of life. So I had one set of parents who'd been divorced. He had one set of human parents who'd had a happy marriage, one set of surrogate parents who were happily married for eternity, and two sets of surrogate siblings who were happily married again and again forever. My experience paled into insignificance.

I could sort of see why Edward liked the idea of marriage. But, that didn't change anything. Marriage is a terrible thing when it goes wrong. But, I couldn't say that to him either. I couldn't say: I don't want to marry you, because I love you and I don't want to end up yelling, throwing plates and then storming out and leaving you. That would make him more upset not less. He would think that my refusing to marry him revealed some deep-rooted uncertainty about our relationship.

I fell asleep, trying to work out what to say.