"So this is my fault," I said.
When would I stop hurting him? When would he stop needing to protect me? That was all supposed to be over now. The change was meant to be enough. I was supposed to be strong now, invulnerable. Edward was never supposed to get hurt trying to protect me ever again!
"No!" Edward said, grabbing my hand. Then he glared at Jasper, "see, I said we shouldn't tell her. I knew she'd be upset."
That reminded me - I seemed to require frequent reminding at the moment, my new mind flew around topics too fast to follow anything to it's proper conclusion - Edward had been keeping things from me again. That was another thing that was supposed to have stopped now.
"You think it would be better if you lied to me?" I asked him.
Edward was flumoxed, "well . . . yes?" he tried.
I glared at him.
Confidently, he explained himself, "if Iying would prevent you worrying then . . ." he saw my furious expression and bit his lip, "lying would still be wrong, and I'm very sorry," he finished in a much less strident tone.
"Well done, Eddie," Emmett said, "you held your ground for almost twenty seconds there."
"Alice!" Edward said irritably, "I don't think that sort of language sounds very pleasant."
Alice tutted, "I wasn't speaking aloud, Edward."
"Well, you have a filthy mind," he groused.
"True," Jasper said, winking at his wife, "but impolite, Edward."
"I was going to use slightly different terms when I spoke aloud," Alice explained, "not that there are any minds here that I am likely to corrupt, but I know how delicate you are, Edward."
"There's no need for you to explain aloud," Edward said, "in any form of words. I heard already and I don't like it."
"It's not only up to you, though, even if you really meant that, which you don't. Bella, I have an idea of something that might help Edward. It's worked before and I don't see why - if Edward here would stop being so stubborn and preventing me checking it out - it couldn't work again. Do you remember the last time he managed some" she winked at me, "precise movements, without trembling? Perhaps you could help him relax like that again."
I did recall those 'precise movements' as a matter of fact, and would very much like to repeat them. A lot of my human life was hazy, but those moments were crystal ckear. If Edward didn't want to, however - or wasn't in the mood, or whatever the problem was - then I certainly didn't want to insist.
Alice giggled before I said it.
"I'm not going to try and force myself on Edward," I said.
The rest of his siblings giggled after I said it.
"Degenerates," Edward muttered.
"Well, you two should have a bit of privacy," Rose said.
"Are we going to get privacy?" Edward asked.
"Well . . ." Rosalie said, "some privacy, within reason. We'll stay in the cottage, if that's what you're asking."
Edward sighed.
"We'll put the TV on," Emmett offered.
"It's not as though we all want to eavesdrop," Rose said, "as long as everything goes well, nobody wants to hear. We only want to be on hand if you or Bella need help."
Emmett chuckled.
He didn't say anything out loud, but Edward barked "just shut up," at him anyway.
Jasper took hold of Edward's shoulder and steered him into the bedroom. I followed them in. Jasper walked Edward into the centre of the room.
"I'll let you two have a bit of space," he said, walking out, shutting the door behind him.
I looked at Edward, wondering if he would leave. There was nothing holding him here.
He didn't leave, he sat on the bed and put his head in his trembling hands.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know why things can't ever be simple between us. And I'm sorry that I couldn't hold it together for just three days."
"Ssh," I said, sitting next to him and pulling him towards me. It was still strange to feel him tumble into me, unable to resist my tugs. "You have nothing to be sorry about."
He continued to shake against me. I held him close, wrapping him up in my new, strong arms.
"I'm sorry," he said again, noticing my tightening grip, and reading disappointment into it, "I can't stop."
"Let's see if we can stop it together," I said, rolling us over so that he was pinned beneath me on the bed.
Edward lay on his back, looking up at me.
I darted my head down to give him a kiss.
His eyes darkened and he smirked.
"Worth a try," he agreed.
I tugged at his shirt. It ripped easily, like paper.
Edward raised a questioning eyebrow. "I didn't pack many shirts," he said.
"Good," I grinned. The only thing better than a shirtless Edward under me, is the prospect of a shirtless Edward for the next few days.
He reached up and grasped at my shirt. His hands struggled and fumbled with the buttons. Edward groaned in irritated defeat. So far, this didn't seem to be helping him at all. If anything, it was making him feel worse. Now he wasn't only unable to control his hands, he was really frustrated about being able to control his hands.
I brushed him away and pulled my shirt off over my head.
Before he had a chance to try and force his disobedient fingers through undoing my bra, I grabbed his wrists easily with one hand and pinned them together. I pushed his hands above his head and held them down on the mattress. I felt a not unpleasant thrill at being able to pin Edward's hands above his head.
"Don't move," I said sternly, releasing my hold. His hands remained in place.
Edward groaned again, but this time it was with pleasure and anticipation. Nothing like a stern order to get my Edward in the mood. Ah, yes, he did love to be told what to do.
I began kissing him all over: his face, his neck, his chest, enjoying the taste of him and the new softer texture he had underneath my own vampiric touch. I kissed a trail down to his hips then, when I heard his breath catch with excitement, I reversed direction and trailed kisses back up to his neck.
He twisted around to kiss me back. That wasn't part of my plan at all. So I pulled away and tutted. I had told him not to move.
"No precise movements?" he purred, he must know how tempting his voice is. He must know how hard it is to deny him anything when he asks me in that low, rumbling voice.
His arms were still stretched above his head, wrists still pressed together, held by my command more firmly than they could be by any physical restraints.
"No movements at all," I told him, "you don't want to be a bad boy, do you?"
Edward smirked, "maybe. Do bad boys get punished?"
I laughed at the eagerness in his voice, my masochistic vampire. "Well, yes," I agreed, "but good boys get," I ran one single finger tip from the top of his forehead all the way down, feeling him buck under my light touch, "rewarded," I finished.
Edward's breathing was coming faster now. "I'll be good," he promised.
I resumed kissing and licking and Edward held perfectly still. He didn't even shake.