I'd expected that we'd head back to Forks as soon as Jane left. So I was rather surprised when, instead Carlisle and Esme arrived at the cottage.

"Bella!" Esme said, walking in and immediately embracing me, "how are you, dear?"

Carlisle was talking to Rosalie in low tones.

"I'm fine," I said, "I didn't think vampires could ever get sick."

Esme smiled, "you're right, of course. But, I meant emotionally. This didn't happen quite the way we planned it. It must have been something of a shock. I know there were some things you wanted to do before your change."

I was grateful for my newfound inability to blush.

"I think I covered the most important things," I muttered.

"Of course," Esme said, "you can graduate any time, quite possibly more times than you would ever wish."

I laughed, remembering how jaded Edward and his siblings all were about high school.

"Have you hunted yet?" Esme asked.

I nodded.

"How did it go?" she sounded excited and worried for me all at once, as if she was asking me about the vampire equivalent of a first day at school.

"I'm not sure," I admitted, "I don't think that I like deer very much. And I may have attacked Edward a couple of times."

Esme looked sympathetic, "it's easy to get caught up in the excitement of the hunt. That will get easier, I promise. And, as for the deer, well, hopefully, we'll find something you like a little better, but I can't promise it will ever taste exactly good."

I sighed, "I'm so glad I got to try your home cooking before I stopped eating."

Esme hugged me again, "me too," she said.

Finally Edward and Emmett walked in.

Edward looked a bit calmer than before, but a lot dirtier.

"What have you been doing," I asked him, "rolling around in the mud?"

"More like getting pounded into it," Emmett answered me, with a big grin, before sweeping Esme up into a bear hug, "aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"

Esme laughed and hugged him back.

"Good to see you too, Emmett."

Carlisle and Rosalie broke up their tête a tête now.

Carlisle strode over to Edward's side, "well?" he said.

Edward scowled at him, "you heard everything from Rosalie."

"I know, will you let me take a look? Can I see your hands at least?"

Still looking irritated, Edward pulled his hands out of his pockets, and held them out to Carlisle, palms facing up.

We all looked carefully. The left hand was still trembling.

"Rose did say," Carlisle began, but Edward cut him off angrily.

"Come on, Carlisle, please! That's the sort of question I expect from Emmett, not you."

Carlisle looked down and rubbed the back of his neck, "well, I was going to phrase it more delicately," he said.

"I would prefer you not to phrase it at all," Edward snapped.

"As you wish, perhaps we'll talk about your hand later, Rose also mentioned that you were struggling to filter out thoughts."

Edward nodded, "true enough. Everyone seems to be louder than usual."

Carlisle nodded slowly, "have you been using the concentration techniques we devised?"

Edward bit his lip, "a bit. I've been . . . distracted."

"Yes, I realise that there's a lot going on," Carlisle said soothingly. "But, I was wondering if perhaps the techniques that helped you gain some relief when you were younger might be of service again now. It seems that the problems you're encountering are familiar ones."

"Rose," Edward exclaimed, exasperated, "shut up!"

"How about," Rosalie said, "until you can distinguish between thoughts and speech, you just keep your big mouth shut?"

"Oh, Rose," Esme admonished.

But Edward gave a slight smile and said, "you're right, Rose, of course, and so was she."

"She?" Carlisle asked.

"Esme's mother always said that if you can't say anything nice you shouldn't say anything at sll.," Edward explained, "I am having trouble containing my temper as well as compartmentalising my gift. I guess I need a time out."

He sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the wall.

"We have plans to make," Carlisle said, "Bella, it would be safest if you went further afield for a while."

Safer? I couldn't understand what he was saying. Hadn't all the dangers gone at last? We'd defeated Victoria and her entire army, we'd seen off Jane and, hopefully, lessened the Volturi's interest in us, we'd even taken the final step to eradicate Edward's instinctive desire to kill me. What was left to worry about?

"What do I need protecting from now?" I asked.

Carlisle gave me a weak smile, "it's more for the protection of those around you, Bella. It would be better for you to be away from human settlements until your bloodlust is under control."

"Oh," I understood all at once and felt stupid for missing it, "of course. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Don't be sorry, dear," Esme said, "it's a lot to get used to. So, how do you feel about a trip to Alaska?"

I wasn't sure how I felt. I glanced over at Edward, but he was still sat on the floor with his eyes closed, still taking his self-imposed time out, not ready to be a part of the conversation yet.

"I guess that sounds safe," I said, "when do we go?"

"We won't all be going," Esme said apologetically, "some of us will have to stay and . . ." she hesitated, "tie up some loose ends here. Perhaps you, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper could go."

Of course, my death needed to be arranged and respectably mourned, those kinds of 'loose ends'.

I looked to Edward again, wishing he would respond somehow.

Carlisle followed my gaze. He looked sympathetically at his eldest son.

"He was like this a lot in the early days," Carlisle told me, "I only hope he'll have an easier time this time around. At least he has some idea of what he needs to do this time." He sighed heavily, and he looked so sad I wondered what on earth it must have been like that first time, when it was just him and Edward, struggling to understand and cope with Edward's intrusive gift.

Esme held Carlisle's hand and rubbed the back of it with her thumb.

"Music!" Carlisle said suddenly, "that was the best thing." He pulled an iPod from his pocket and placed it in Edward's hands.

Edward opened his eyes and stared at him.

Carlisle smiled encouragingly, "focus on the music," he said, "shut out everything else."

Edward looked at the little box and smiled, a ghost version of his usual crooked smile, "what's on here?" he asked.

Carlisle rolled his eyes, "Bach," he offered, "Handel."

Edward smirked slightly, "and?"

Carlisle quirked his own lips upwards, "you need me to speak out loud now?"

"I want you to," Edward said, his smile solidifying. I wondered what music Carlisle had on his iPod that he wouldn't want to tell everyone about. Whatever it was, it must be embarrassing to make Edward smirk right now.

"Just turn it on," Carlisle said, "I'm not going to stand here while you mock my musical taste."

Edward shrugged and plugged himself into the music, obviously deciding that teasing Carlisle was slightly less desirable than finding a bit of mental peace.

Carlisle shook his head, muttering, "everyone's a critic."

"None more so than Edward," Alice said cheerily, as she and Jasper finally joined us.

The Cullens were well practised in the arts of quick packing and hasty getaways. Even though I was as quick as them now, I was still surprised at the speed with which things moved.

Edward was loaded into the back of an opaque windowed car that I hadn't seen before. It had a thick partition between the front and the rear, which I guessed had been sourced in the hopes of giving him some semblance of quiet.

Carlisle was to drive Edward. Esme and Alice travelled in a separate car and were taking a different route. They were hoping that Edward might be able to relax with fewer voices in his head, so intended to keep at least five miles away from him, so that he could be spared their thoughts at least.

Before I had really gotten used to the idea that Edward and I were to be separated, he'd given me a perfunctory kiss and gone.

There was no reason to hang around in the cottage, so a few minutes later, the rest of us piled into Emmett's car and set off on our own road trip.

Jasper drove, Rose sat next to him, Emmett and I rode in the back. I suspected this was because he was the biggest and would have the best chance of holding onto me if I smelt a human and tried to make a break for it. As they drove me away to the desolate north, Jasper leaving his wife behind, even Emmett and Rose unable to sit together, the full force of what I'd done hit me.

My choice had forced half of the Cullen family to camp out in the middle of nowhere. Once the wolves worked out what had happened, none of them would ever be able to return to Forks again. My parents would think I was dead. Edward, Alice, Esme and Carlisle would have to sit through my funeral. All this because I wanted to be with Edward forever and, now he could read my mind, he didn't even want me anymore.

Alice was right, there was no harsher critic than Edward, and now he could see inside the shameful corners of my mind.