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I made my way back to my house in a daze, climbing the steps to my room until I fell face first into my bed, unable to feel anything but … nothing. Shock had taken over my body at this point and I laid like this for nearly a half hour before everything came rushing back and the tears fell.

I wasn't good enough. Despite everything I'd done for Riker, everything we'd worked to build together in the last few months, a few simple words said I was wrong. I wasn't good enough for the blond boy who I'd fallen for. There is nothing worse than hearing your boyfriend's parent say you suck.

Normally, I would have gone back at Mark. I would have screamed and argued, swore that he was wrong. But there was still that little voice in my head that said 'maybe he's right'. Maybe this had happened before. Maybe Riker had met someone in the past who he thought 'hey, this girl might be the one' and it blew up in his face. In reality, I knew that was not the truth, but insecurity was planting little weeds in my head. I wasn't good enough. I would never be in his eyes, probably.

I glanced toward my window, trying to see in Riker's room. The lights were off, and nothing moved in the shadows. I ached for him to enter, so we could at least pathetically stare at each other, but I never got my wish. Wherever he was, his parents had him under close watch. I could only hope they knew what they were doing. Because if it was killing me, it probably felt the same way to Riker.

The next morning at school, I bumped into Rydel. I had never been more happy to see her, and more afraid. I tried to think of what to say, but she seemed to understand. We made our way to a less crowded part of the room and she hugged me. "I'm so sorry for everything he said to you," she whispered into my ear. "It's not true. You have to know that. No one but my father believes that. You're everything to Riker. He misses you so much."

"Why isn't he here?" I asked lamely, knowing they probably kept him home. Better keep him away from Remy, the horrible, not good enough girl.

Rydel smiled sadly. "They're keeping him on close watch. You do have to understand." Her eyes clouded momentarily, taking her back to a place that I wasn't there for. "We almost lost him in the Spring. He's worried. But he's taking it too far."

I nodded, as if I did understand. I got the fear his parents felt. I just didn't get the idea that he couldn't even have friends. It just seemed cruel. "I'm just glad they didn't decide you were needed at home, too."

She grinned. "I can play messenger, if you'd like. They took his phone, but I can totally send letters between you. We'll be careful. We won't get caught."

The gleam in her eye made me smile. "Maybe. Just… for now… tell him I'm sorry. And that I miss him."

"Will do," she said eagerly. "Would you mind giving me a ride home after school?"

I nodded as we parted to different classes. Normally, at this point, I'd be heading toward class with Riker. Instead, I walked alone. Somehow, even though the Riker part had only come within the last few weeks, I somehow felt like the entire idea of sitting through classes alone seemed foreign.

I drove Rydel home and quickly changed at my house after school for work. I stole glances constantly at the window, hoping to see him at least looking back once. Instead, all I saw was the Fall Out Boy poster staring back at me. At least they didn't make him change rooms.

On the way to work, my phone dinged. I didn't have a chance to check when I ran inside, as they were short staffed and apparently had some low name actress coming in today with a camera crew that would show on some no name website that according to my boss, would get us great press. I lamely put on my nametag, hoped whoever it was would leave quickly, so I could go home and mope.

It was two hours into my shift that I remembered the text.

I picked up my phone and saw Rydel's name on the screen. Flicking it open, to my surprise, I saw the following, I miss you so much. Rydel let me borrow her phone. I'm sorry for all of this. If it makes you feel any better, I've been picturing you in my arms.

It made me feel worse, but I didn't dare tell him that. I texted him back within seconds, but I knew the moment that Rydel had stolen for us was long gone. Without a doubt, they were watching Riker's every move and I didn't dare get him into more trouble. Instead, I spent the night alone, wishing that life didn't suck so much.

In movies and TV shows, things go a lot quicker. By the next night, Riker would have snuck over my house, we would have made out on my bed, and by the end of the week, we'd be sneaking dates when his parents weren't looking. Unfortunately, my life wasn't a movie or a show, and not even a crappy romance novel. I spent the next two weeks leading up to the holidays alone.

The lights outside screamed 'be merry' and all I could think was 'bah humbug!' as I watched them blink and dance, deer remain arched and blow ups fall over. My parents had decorated our house too, to the point where everything was either incased in red and green, or screamed Christmas cheer.

I had since given up finding a present for Riker, considering not even the merry love of the season would let his parents give it up. I remained perched in my window, stealing glances of sadness with him on the rare occasion he was alone in his room. He would often sneak in there when his father was in the shower, put a heart up to me and blow me a kiss. It worked for a while. Now I just felt pathetic again.

"I miss you," I mouthed two nights before Christmas Eve, feeling completely unhappy with myself.

He nodded sadly and I watched him turn to cough into his hands. I wanted nothing more to be there to cuddle with him, make him feel better, if only temporarily.

He motioned for a second, and then left the room. What did that mean?

He entered again a second later, holding what looked to be mistletoe. He grinned for a second, holding it above him and then motioned with his lips. I opened my window, and smiled. "You're an idiot," I called to him through the distance.

He nodded. "Your idiot. Who is waiting. I might need saving. Reverse fairytale, you know?"

"I don't think I can get past the dragon," I called back lamely. "Maybe I'm not meant to have a fairytale ending."

He shook his head. "Lies!"

His expression changed immediately and I knew he heard something I didn't. He waved, closed the window and the blinds went down. I could hear his father's voice through the air, speaking in polite tones. They weren't on the best of terms, either. He asked if he wanted the physio done now, or later. I heard Riker say Rydel could do it for him.

The door closed. I knew he wouldn't risk talking to me again. We were only a few feet away from each other, but we couldn't be farther apart, it seemed.

Christmas Eve would be a day I wouldn't soon forget. I suppose I should have kept my mouth shut. I suppose I should have been happy for the chance I was given… but you see… I have my downfalls. I'm nosy. I talk too much. And I'm pretty much an idiot. Thankfully, Riker doesn't mind that. So when Stormie knocked on my door that morning, asking me to come over for their holiday party that night, I nearly jumped on her as a thank you.

She had smiled, wished me a happy holiday and said see you later.

That meant I had to call Laura… and Rydel. Who couldn't come over, but offered help from the phone while we tore apart my room for an outfit in what I was originally planning to be a night full of hot chocolate and another crappy book. Laura worked miracles over the next two hours, finding me clothes and getting my hair to agree with me for once. If Riker would be seeing me that night, I had to look perfect.

"I swear, I think I've gone through an entire bottle of this crap," Laura muttered, spraying it under my hair this time. "It's like fighting with a monster."

"My hair isn't a monster," I argued, but smiled. I was proud of my crazy curls.

"I disagree," she muttered, shaking her head while Rydel giggled on the phone. "You're lucky that Wes isn't expecting me for a few more hours. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love you but if I was stuck with my own problems right now, you'd be on your own. And lucky for you, Riker seems to like you when you're a mess, so you would have been good, but I just made your day."

I rolled my eyes as she finished and stood up, looking in the mirror. "Rydel, how important is today?"

She remained quiet on the line.

"I need more spray," I demanded to Laura.

When I showed up at his house later that day, the road covered in cars, I wondered just how much alone time that he and I would have. Maybe if his father was too busy entertaining guests, he wouldn't be able to watch us. Unfortunately, the wrong male in the house answered the door. He didn't say a word to me as I entered and I felt his eyes on my back as I walked down the hallway, to the living room where everyone was. At least two dozen people turned to greet me when I walked over and immediately, I felt self-conscious. That was until Riker wrapped his arms around me, in front of everyone and whispered, "I have waited almost three weeks to do that."

The chills that went down my spine he had to of felt.

I turned to greet him, no longer caring if his father was standing there and I pressed my lips to his. "I missed you so much," I said.

A throat cleared behind us a moment later, breaking us apart. It was clear, I was in the testing ground. Tonight would change everything, or leave me alone with my books until I was unable to talk anymore.

"Are you hungry?" he asked as we tried to get away from the stares.

I shook my head. "I was until your father answered the door."

He grinned weakly. "I'm sorry about him."

I again shook my head, holding his hand as we sat down on the couch. It was like we were some new thing as people stared at us. Riker tried to keep my attention, but I felt it. I was there for Riker, and it was apparent that he didn't get that often. "So…" I trailed off. He smiled at me appreciatively. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," he admitted. "I'm going stir crazy in here. They won't let me out."

"I'm sorry," I said, like it was my fault. "But… just hold out. He can't keep you in here forever."

"I'm not so sure about that." His expression seemed like he meant it.

I felt terrible. I took his hand and squeezed it. And then the music started and everyone began to look away, back to the party and the food, leaving us relatively alone in a crowded room. We talked for hours, it felt like, about nothing and everything that had happened over the last few weeks.

Rydel came in suddenly, smiling widely at us, dropping a box in Riker's lap. "As you asked," she giggled, waving at me as she darted off with some people.

He handed it to me. "What's that?"

"Your present," he said, as if it were obvious.

I felt like an idiot for the first time that night. "Oh. Riker… I didn't think to even get you anything. I figured we wouldn't see each other… I feel so stupid."

"Don't," he said easily. "Open it."

I did as requested, taking my time and opening the relatively small box in front of me. At least it wasn't jewelry, that much was clear and I was thankful that he knew it was something I wouldn't really appreciate. He watched me with warm eyes as I finally got down to the object inside. "Imagine Dragons," I gasped out, my voice cracking at the sight of two tickets for the show in a few months time. "Riker… these must have cost a ton of money!"

They were floor seats, good floor seats. I couldn't imagine him buying them, especially not knowing whether or not we would be able to even see each other. "I don't care if they tell me no, I'm going to this show with you," he said evenly. "I promise you that."

I nodded gratefully. "These are amazing. I can't believe you did that. Thank you."

He kissed me. "You're welcome." He pointed to the date. "Valentines Day."

I grinned. "You romantic."

"Only the best for such a beautiful girl," he explained.

"Who is she? I want to meet her," I joked. He pushed me and I turned to face him, no longer caring if anyone was watching. I pushed my hand to his chest and pressed my lips hard onto his, sucking on his upper lip for a second, as his parted and his tongue found his way into my mouth. I whimpered under his touch and giggled involuntarily as our eyes opened for a second. We were definitely the star of this Christmas tree.

"Get a room," I heard Rydel snort, and I didn't care. I missed him so much.

We remained locked together for nearly a minute, breaking apart on Riker's behalf, as of course, we had gained an audience member that we did not want. And it was working its way over here, eyes fuming. He stopped in front of us, pointing at Riker, then at me. "The kitchen," Mark snapped. "Now."

Riker went to protest, but there was a new kind of fear in his eyes when his father simply narrowed his eyes and pointed. We followed him into the empty kitchen and waited to be screamed at. "Don't worry," Riker said, squeezing my hand. "It's going to be okay."

The kitchen was eerily quiet as the door slammed and he pointed a finger at me. "You don't know how to stay away, do you?"

I blinked. "You invited me?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I don't mean literally. I mean, I walked back into the room after five minutes away and you're all over my son. In front of his family and friends, acting like a famished animal, not a teenage girl."

I felt my cheeks turn pink at the insult. He sure knew how to make someone feel like shit.

Riker spoke up, "Dad, really? I care about this girl and you're talking to her like she's a hooker or something you caught me with."

"Riker, be quiet," he edged. "This isn't about you. Tonight was a test and you just failed it. I thought maybe I could invite you over, let you guys see each other because he's been moping around for the last two weeks." I wanted to interject that that was his fault, but kept my lips closed. "And you're not even here a half an hour before you're on top of him. Does that seem like a good way to please a parent to you?"

I shrugged. "Honestly, I wasn't aware I was under inspection." Rydel had told me tonight was something of the sort, but I didn't think he would care if we kissed each other. How ridiculous was he being right now?

Riker, however, had other ideas. His face was bright red and his eyes were fuming. He stepped forward before I could stop him and started to scream, "Why do you want to ruin my life? Why are you so dedicated on taking the one good thing in my life other than my family and making her go away? I care about this girl, dad. She's everything to me. She knows there is a defect in me and she doesn't care." He paused, and looked at me before adding, "I love her."

His father snorted. "YOU'VE KNOWN HER FOR THREE MONTHS, RIKER! Think about what you're saying? You're young and on limited time, and you're speaking from lust, not from true love. I knew your mother for almost five years before we even got engaged!"

"Well, maybe you're just slow, ever think of that? Maybe you were too busy worrying about stupid shit than actually listening to your heart!" I backed up and watched the two go at each other. I was too busy thinking about what he just said, anyway. He loved me. Riker loved me. My head did the thing where it swam and my knees went weak and despite the situation, my smile spread wide across my face.

"YOU ARE A CHILD. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." He pointed at me and swore. "She's going to leave you the moment you enter the hospital for an extended period of time. Think she can deal with there being a tube down your throat when it gets bad? Or a g tube when you need help getting food down? Do you understand that people don't get that? People DON'T care about things like that. She's going to want to get married one day, settle down and want kids. You can't give her that!"

Riker went pale. He glanced at me and I felt the smile fade and tears form. I didn't know he couldn't have kids.

"What are you trying to do? Make me hate my life? Maybe I should just off myself now and save everyone the trouble!" he snapped and then the coughing started. He was standing upright on second, and the next, he was on his knees, coughing harshly into his hands, gasping for breath. Mark looked like he wanted to help and went to put a hand on his son's back, but he shoved him away with one arm. I bent down next to him, and rested my hand on the same spot his father did. "Calm down," I whispered, squeezing his shoulder. "Calm down. It's okay. Come on, breathe, Riker. Calm down."

He gasped hard, and the coughs became harder, if that was even possible. I noticed mucus slipping through his fingers at this point, and his father seemed frozen, like he knew he had just caused that. I stood up, and walked over to the counter where I saw paper towels and grabbed some, and kneeled back down. "Here," I said quietly.

He nodded to me, looking grateful.

"Do you need an inhaler?"

He shook his head. The coughing continued, but I stood back up. "Mr. Lynch," I said quietly, loud enough that only the man standing in front of me could hear. "I don't know why you seem to hate me so much, but I love your son. I love him. He's everything to me and I'd never hurt him. You might not realize, but I've seen more of his disease than you think. You claim I've hurt him, but maybe I've helped him. He seems happier when I'm around. Maybe that makes me seem conceited, but it's true. And with all due respect, I'm not the one who just caused him to have a coughing fit on the ground."

Mark eyed both of us, and then turned his head in what I couldn't decide was a shake or a nod. He left the room then, looking haunted, and leaving us alone. I sat back down with Riker, who had stopped coughing at this point and began to wheeze. "Are you okay?"

He nodded miserably. His hands were sticky and gross, and he looked weak. "Can you stand?" I asked.

He again nodded and with help, stood though wavered several times. "If you can make it upstairs, we can go lay down," I said quietly. "I don't think he's going to bother us rest of the night."

We got up the stairs, and into his room, with little interruption. Riker collapsed onto the bed, and I noticed he was still breathing heavy. I lied down next to him, laying my head onto his chest. For a moment, he played with my hair and held me, and we didn't say a word. Then, "Great life I lead. Up in my room on Christmas Eve, exhausted while my family is partying down stairs."

"Riker," I started.

He shook his head. "Sorry. It's just… it's supposed to be a happy day."

I just lied back down.

"I didn't mean it," he then added.

My heart hammered in my chest, thinking back to the 'I love her'. I thought he was going to say he only said it to make his father shut up, but what came out of his mouth was the farthest thing from what was on my mind, "About killing myself. I didn't mean it. I don't want you to think I'm suicidal, because I'm not. I was just… mad."

I softened. "Riker, you don't have to explain. Even if you were, I wouldn't judge you."

He just shrugged. "I don't want you to think I'd leave you intentionally."

"I already knew that," I said in a happier tone. "Oh, by the way… I love you too."