Broken and Beloved (4)
Artist Statement
After sending pictures of each other's schedules through their phones, Elsa and Jack agreed on a time when she could come visit one of his classes.
Elsa only half-listened to her professor as he lectured. Though she maintained the air of a studious and attentive student, Elsa found herself spacing out as she wondered what kind of art Jack made.
'He seems like the spontaneous type...the opposite of me, I guess.'
She dabbled in art when she had been homeschooled. While her parents fostered her creative freedom and let her pursue it if she wished, Elsa never really had it take flight. Her drawings were restricted to shapes and patterns, taking inspiration from the intricacies of Gothic architecture to the patchwork products of Cubism. She wanted the shapes she drew to have meaning, to serve a purpose. Elsa found that through the study of architecture.
She left class early so she had time to make her way to Jack's school. As usual, she had to pull a wheelie to get the front of her chair over the doorframe barring her way.
'I need to ask the professor if he can do something about that doorframe. It's so annoying.' Elsa was about to turn a corner when a low, smooth voice stopped her.
"Leaving so soon? What's the hurry, Miss Arendal?"
She stiffened in her chair, but she didn't need to turn around to see who was talking to her. "What do you want, Pitch?" she asked brusquely.
He caught her at a time when the hall was vacant, save for her and Pitch. He glided up to her without a sound, like a snake slithering in the shadows.
"You were lucky last time. You must be so happy to make a new friend." Pitch's flat yellow gaze flitted down to her legs. "Healing well? Pity. I might have to try harder next time."
Elsa gritted her teeth. "It's none of your business. You're keeping me from my next class."
A deep chuckle escaped his wide grin. "You make a poor liar, Arendal. But if you insist, I'll let you go." He stepped aside to let her pass. But not before leaning in and whispering, "Remember, I know your little secret. Does he know it too?"
She stiffened in her seat. Elsa tried to fight back her fear and turned away as if she never heard him. She wheeled down the hall as fast as her arms and chair together could take her. To her relief, he didn't follow. It was bad enough that Pitch knew about her powers. She couldn't ever let Jack know too, otherwise it'd be the end of their friendship. Even if he liked winter.
She stopped for a moment, her hand lingering over the handicap automatic door button after pressing it. Would Jack understand if she told him? Or would he react with disgust and fear, just like anyone else would? She didn't know what to think. She hadn't even known him for a week. It would feel somewhat wrong to entrust him with the secret when Anna didn't even know.
'Some things are best kept secret,' she thought with a sigh. She wheeled through the open automatic doors.
Elsa pushed aside her apprehension as she slowly and steadily crossed the campus. Thankfully Pitch didn't hold her up for too long. At Jack's school, Elsa was relieved to see ramps she could cross, as well as elevator access to reach the third floor. She looked forward to seeing Jack and what he could create.
Jack wasn't looking forward to seeing Elsa at all. Disappointment and anger at himself welled in his throat like bile. Getting chewed out and blatantly criticized during critique was far from pleasant. Few things were as bad as being told you sucked at the only thing you were good at.
Jack's figure drawing instructor had always been blunt and straightforward, but earlier today she had only a few scathing words for his efforts. He wasn't great at drawing people, that much he knew. He could never quite get proportions right, and his habit of drawing cartoonish features impeded him from aiming for the realism his teachers always wanted from him. His forte was landscapes, not people.
He sat in his next class, silent and sulking as he hunched over his sketchbook. His pencil meandered across the page in incoherent doodles, reflecting the aimless, uninspired turmoil in his mind. Tooth, Bunny, North and Sandy shared studio hours with him, but they sat a few desks away to give him some space. They knew better than to try consoling him when he was in a bad mood. He needed time to himself and time to calm down before he welcomed any company. He could sense his friends giving him occasional glances of sympathy from their workspaces.
Jack wanted to groan aloud. 'Of all times to have Elsa come over...'
He was definitely not in the mood to show off his art to her. Not with his deflated ego and ruined day. If his instructor didn't like his work, what would Elsa think? Doubt and insecurity gnawed at him like a dog chewing at a bone. The last thing he wanted was to embarrass himself further. Jack started to fish out his phone from the front pocket of his hoodie.
'Maybe I should tell her not to come.'
And just as he thought that, a gentle rap on the door made him look up. Elsa was across the studio room, wheelchair and all. It had been kept open so she could wheel in with no problem. Jack didn't know whether to smile or cringe.
She noticed the expression on his face, and her soft smile faltered. "What's wrong, Jack?"
He tried to shrug it off as he managed a little polite grin. "Kind of had a bad day," he admitted. He crossed the room to help her wheel through the floor splattered with paint and egg tempura. Elsa's arrival attracted a few looks from other art students, but they quickly returned to their work and music playing from their headphones. Someone had his metal music on a bit too loud. Elsa could hear the faint buzz of screams and thrashing guitar riffs from the far corner by a huge window.
She could see the frustration etched on Jack's face. "What happened?" she gently prompted.
Jack plopped down behind his desk, blew out a gusty sigh and ran a hand through messy white hair. Finally, without the usual energy and cheerfulness in his voice, he said, "I'll tell you later. Let me introduce you to my friends first." Jack turned to where they worked. "Guys, Elsa's here."
They had been so busy that they failed to notice Elsa until now. Tooth looked up from her Cintiq tablet and made a little gasp. She flitted from her desk like a hummingbird. "Hi, Elsa! It's so nice to see you again!"
"Settle down, Tooth," North said with a chuckle. "Inside voice. Our classmates are working."
She made a dismissive wave of her hand. "Everyone's listening to their music, anyway."
Jack turned to Elsa with a crooked smile. "Well, you already know Tooth. The big tough guy with the beard is North, the one with all the sand is...well, Sandy...and, last but not certainly not least, the tall ugly one is Eastyn Aster Bunnymund."
Bunny chortled. "Ugly yourself, Jackson Overland Frost." Suddenly he looked sheepish. "Sorry Jack, I didn't mean to-"
"It's fine, man. I'd be worried if you didn't joke around all the time."
Bunny grinned at Elsa. "Pleased to meet you. Disregard my silly full name the blighter had so kindly brought up. Just call me Bunny."
She couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind."
"I'd love to shake your hand," North said. "but my own are covered in paint and wood chips." Despite his dominating figure and intimidating face, his voice was warm and friendly. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Elsa."
Sandy nodded at her and grinned, but didn't utter a word. Elsa could only assume that he was unable to speak somehow.
She quickly felt at ease once she saw that they were quite friendly. "It's so nice to meet all of you. Jack invited me here so I could see his art, and now I'm curious to see yours as well."
Hearing her say that made Jack uncomfortable. "I...uh, I'm gonna step out for a little bit. My pastel drawings are hanging outside. The spray fix on them might be dried by now."
Elsa turned to his friends with a confused look on her face. After Jack left, Bunny's eyes darted to the door before he said to Elsa in a muted voice, "Jack's stuck in a creative rut right now. Critique didn't go so well for him today."
Elsa stared past the open door where Jack had gone. Her heart went out for him. Criticism was always hard to swallow...no wonder he looked so glum when she came in. He hadn't showed her his work yet, and maybe he never planned to.
"I'm so glad you're here," Tooth said. "I've been getting tired of hearing stuff from the same people every day. I didn't want to say it when Jack was around, but I'd like opinions from someone who isn't a classmate or a family member. I just finished a piece, and I need a fresh pair of eyes to take a look." To save Elsa the trouble of getting herself behind the desk, Tooth turned her laptop around.
Elsa instantly liked what she saw. Tooth had drawn a charming picture of a two girls making a mountain of colorful paper cranes. "It's like a mix of Japanese anime and illustrations from picture books," Elsa said. "You might get this a lot already, but...it's very cute."
Instead of looking annoyed, Tooth beamed. "Yay! I'm glad you think that. Cute is what I'm going for."
"I like the colors you used," Elsa remarked. "They're soft and warm...like what I feel inside when I look at this." A wistful smile found its way on her lips. "It reminds me of the time Anna and I would always build a snowman during the winter."
"Oh, great! I'm glad you thought that. My art focuses on memories. I want to become an illustrator for children's stories someday. I want them to feel that warm fuzziness as they read, and remember it after years pass."
Elsa smiled. "That's so sweet. I'd love to see what kind of stories you'll create and publish in the future. Maybe I'll buy some from you." She tried to get a better look at the screen. "You drew all that on the computer?"
"No, not all of it," Tooth replied. "The sketch was done on paper, then I did touch-ups and coloring on Photoshop. For the past few weeks I've been testing the waters of digital art. It's been really fun so far."
Bunny raised his hand. "Hey Elsa, I want to know what you think of my work, too. I finished these three, but the fourth one is still in the works." He held up his series of paintings.
"I like the color on these, too. Beautiful Faberge eggs," she remarked.
Bunny looked pleased. "Thanks. I'm sort of obsessed with 'em. I love Easter and what it represents. I try to make my art all about hope. Should I make the eggs look fancier? More outlines and frilly stuff?"
"I think they're fine the way they are," she admitted. "Too much decoration would make it look crowded and excessive."
Bunny's thick eyebrows knitted as peered closer at his work. "Hmm, I see. I get what you mean. Thanks, Miss Architect."
She leaned forward in her chair to peer at Sandy's desk. "May I see what you're working on?" she asked him.
Sandy happily obliged. He lifted up his series of sand art for her to see. The circle motif was everywhere, like ripples from a drop of water, or diagrams of vibrations and seismic waves Elsa had seen from her physics textbook. After a few seconds, she said, "Is it silly to say that I feel drowsy when I see these?"
Sandy seemed highly amused by her remark. North chuckled. "No, not at all. His art centers on dreams, so it's only natural for you to react that way. I think that's what he wants, in fact."
Tooth drew her laptop closer to her and delicately brushed away some sand that had strayed into her work area. "While Bunny's going through a Faberge egg craze, Sandy's having the same with the ideas and imagery of Buddhism. Eternity and reincarnation depicted in circles, meditation, achieving Nirvana and seeing the void, all that jazz. My great-uncle is the head monk running a temple in the area, so Sandy stops by there a lot for inspiration and research." Tooth exchanged a quick grin with her silent friend. "I've bumped into him so many times that way."
In some ways, Sandy did remind Elsa of a monk. Plainly garbed, quiet and serene, he looked as if nothing or no one could disrupt the reverie of his tranquil content. But upon further scrutiny she sensed something else, something deep and troubling that unsettled him within. A feeling not unlike her own. She too tried to keep an air of calm and control, but that was not how she felt inside. Conceal, don't feel. Don't let it show. Maybe she was reading too much into it. She tended to be hypersensitive and overly analytical, a habit that Anna often pointed out.
And finally, Elsa wanted to see what North was working on. She pointed to the matryoshka doll he had made and painted himself.
"Is that supposed to be you?"
"Indeed it is, Miss Elsa. Open it and take a closer look."
She handled the wooden Russian-style doll carefully as she opened the top, only to find yet another doll within the doll. One by one she took it apart. "These are different aspects of you," she remarked.
The big man winked at her. "Clever girl. Care to venture a guess at what the final one could be?"
She scrutinized the last doll, taking note of its wide eyes. "A childlike center," she finally said. "A center filled with wonder."
Bunny threw up his hands. "Someone give this girl a medal."
Sandy made a little show of applause.
"Jack couldn't figure it out," Tooth said with a little laugh. "He just thought it had big eyes."
North's dark eyes lit with youthful energy. "Yes, Miss Elsa, my art is all about wonder. I live for the wonder I feel about everything in this world, and the wonder I hope to invoke in people who see my art."
Elsa looked to Jack's friends with admiration. "You put so much thought into what you create, and that's awesome. I'm supporting you all the way." She wanted to say that to Jack too, if only he had the courage and heart to show her his art earlier.
Jack returned to the classroom, his drawings in hand but turned away from sight. After hearing thoughtful insights from the others, Elsa wondered what his art had to say about himself. She didn't want to pressure him with a request, so she said, "I'd love to see you've done, Jack."
He felt pressured, anyway. Jack stowed away his drawings under his desk and sighed. "I don't know if you'll like it. My teachers didn't."
"Show 'em to her, mate," Bunny gently prodded. "She looked at some of our stuff, but she came to see yours most of all."
"Don't let critique get you down," Tooth said.
Finally, Jack handed her his sketchbook and pulled out his drawings for her to see. He looked away uncomfortably and felt hot. "I apologize in advance for any crap you might find in there," he mumbled.
Elsa looked through his art, marveling at each new sight. "What are you talking about, Jack? These are amazing."
"They're okay..."
"No, I really mean it. I'm seeing more than just a bunch of pencil lines. It's like I'm looking through a window, out into a world you created." She looked up at him. "To be honest, I didn't expect you'd be the kind of artist to draw landscapes."
He couldn't help but chuckle. "Most people think I look like someone who would draw graffiti and tattoo art, but I tend to surprise them."
"You surprised me, for sure. But I love it, Jack." It pained her to hear how he sounded so insecure. "You should have more confidence in your talent," she added. "People can't like and accept your art if you don't like and accept it yourself. Not everyone can do landscapes. They're quite hard to do, actually. Most people are more comfortable with drawing figures, rather than trying to capture the expanse and grandeur of a landscape on paper or canvas."
He nodded a little. "Yeah. I see what you mean. Some people aren't great at drawing backgrounds."
"What compels you to draw landscapes? Winter, in particular?"
"I just really like winter." Jack sighed and rubbed his head. "But some of my teachers say that I may as well be a nature photographer instead of an artist. They say that I have no direction, or I don't know what to say. And they're right. I like winter, but that's pretty much all I can say about it."
She continued to press him. "Well, what do you like about winter?"
"I see it as a time to have fun. Most people just think it's all doom and gloom. I don't see it the way they do."
"There, that's your artist statement."
"What is?"
"You think that winter's fun. Use your art to convince people who think otherwise."
"Great idea," North remarked.
Jack chuckled. "You're saying that I turn my art into propaganda?"
"Not exactly," Elsa replied. "Try to offer a different perspective. Make people see a side of winter they never thought of seeing. Like warm colors and happy memories. Bring life into the landscape. Show animals that thrive in winter. Show people that skate and ski and throw snowballs."
Bunny nodded in approval. "Playing with perception, eh? I like that."
Jack was simply blown away. A wide grin spread and rounded his cheeks and his face visibly brightened. "Elsa, you're the best. You're my ultimate muse."
She only smiled modestly. "I just love winter as much as you do."
He felt warmth spread all the way up to the tips of his white hair. Not even praise from his mother and sister made him feel that way. There had be something special about Elsa, no doubt about it. He was going to take her ideas to heart. He would improve his figure drawings, narrow his focus on what he wanted to say through his art. All for her sake, if not his. And speaking of figure drawings...
Jack couldn't help but cringe as Elsa reached his sketched portraits. He pulled them out of her reach. "I'm still working on those," he said quickly. "I'm not very good at drawing them." Then he smirked. "I tend to make Bunny look ugly on purpose, though."
Bunny retaliated with playful yank at Jack's hoodie. He winked at Elsa. "You're lucky. Jack only shows his journal to really pretty girls."
"No, I don't!"
"Yeah, you do. Back in high school, at least."
"This isn't high school now, is it? C'mon, Bunny...she doesn't need to know that."
"Sure, she does. It's a compliment."
Jack said nothing, and Tooth awkwardly averted her gaze. She used to date Jack back in high school, but it didn't really work out. Without any fuss, heartbreak, or drama that usually preceded such a situation, the two quietly broke up to remain amiable friends.
Elsa broke the awkward silence as she checked her wristwatch and said, "I think it's time I go back to my school now."
"Aww, but we love having you here," Tooth said.
Sandy nodded in enthusiastic agreement.
"Want me to take you back?" Jack offered.
"Thank you, but I'll be fine getting back on my own." Elsa gave him a small, tight smile. "I won't make the same mistake twice, and my last class with him ended before I came here."
Only Jack knew who and what she referred to. Elsa learned the hard way not to take shady shortcuts between campuses. It was good for Jack to know that she'd stay away from Pitch Black for the rest of the day. Elsa waved goodbye to Jack and his friends before turning in her wheelchair and wheeling herself out of the classroom.
Jack realized he had been staring after her for too long when Tooth nudged him in the ribs. "You liiike her," she crooned.
"No, I don't!" he sputtered. "I-I mean I do, but just as a friend. I haven't known her that long to jump the gun and ask her out."
Bunny chuckled. "Says the guy who went out with more girls than I count with both hands."
"Let's just say I learned from that experience. I want to take it slow." Behind his crooked smile, Jack was serious. Hardly any of his relationships had lasted long. Sometimes the girl was a nasty piece of work, but most of the time he would simply lose interest. Jack was never really one for commitment, from girlfriends to career aspirations. His first dream at five years old had been wanting to rule the world. Then he wanted to be a hockey player, an Olympic skier, the lead singer for a rock band...the list went on. Art was the only thing that stood the test of time. Well, more like most of the eighteen years of his life. In some ways he envied Elsa. She seemed quite successful and dedicated, with a clear idea of what she wanted in her life. Someday he'd find his own path, too.
Whatever his center may be, Jack wanted Elsa to be part of it. She played a big part in helping him find that center, after all.