Warning: Possible triggers here if you suffer from nyctophobia (fear of the dark) or nihilophobia (fear of nothingness). Possibly fine though since I have both and I wrote the thing!

Freefall

You asked how I survived the fall. Here let me tell you a thing.

I did not die in the blackness as a human should have done – as anyone would have done who was not at least a little immortal. Instead space opened out before me, sucking at me and surrounding me with black, empty nothing.

People think that fear of the dark is fear of the things that could come out of it and upon you unawares. That the fear of the monster under the bed is the fear that it will bite your hand off in the night. It's not. It's the fear that in truth Nothing will come at you, Nothing is under your bed at all and that Nothing is all that you will ever find and all that you will ever be. Fear of the dark is fear that it will never end, not even just that you will never see the sun again but that the sun will, in fact, never rise.

This is what I fell into when I fell from the Bridge. This is the abyss into which you threw me. This is the void that stared into me and in doing so ripped everything out. This was the night that never ended. You say it is ended now and your naivety makes me laugh into the hollowness of my insides.

Nothing happened to me when I fell and Nothing continued to happen until time ceased to exist. I existed for want of a better phrase – in that state fro an eternity of Nothingness until I was cored out and filled with the dark echoing Nothing around me.

And this is why I never even made a sound when I fell. Because the scream you hear in the night is nothing to the terror that only begins when the screaming ends. And that is what I did – continually stop screaming when I had never even begun.

This then is what you seek to cure. Would you help me? Could you help nothing to become something? I never had much of a Self to begin with, now I should say I am non – existent.

Then is it a strength or a weakness in me that I fight my Nothingness and try to stamp my mark onto everything I touch, even if that is only to destroy. If I can be – in any way – is that not now an achievement? Cannot every impact I make draw a little of that void out of me and, living in the world as I am again now, will not something enter me to replace the gap? And if I hurt you enough could it not be your goodness that fills me?

Because I think I do begin to see the dawn begin to break, though it is not the sun rising over the hills. You always were the day to my night and I did not just live in your shadow I was that shadow. There is comfort in this as there is in your breaking through my darkness with your light. Because all men need their shadow or become strange and insubstantial themselves. If I am your shadow then it is possible – just slightly – that you might need me.

You asked how I survived the fall. Here is the short answer brother – I did not.

But if anyone can therefore tell you or tell me who I am that remains – it is you.

You have always been as much a part of me as I am. Now you are the part of me that remains alive.

Can that part call back the rest?

_x_

I genuinely mean this to be a one shot, but new bits of Loki – speak just keep coming to me in no particular order so here they are being thrown! I apologise for the….no I take it back I don't apologise for the randomness! Welcome to my nightmare!