Evelyn's pov
"Look at me!" I spat viciously. Heads snapped towards me. "You talk about me as if I'm not here, like I'm an invalid! I saw what I saw do you not think that this involves me too!" Anger coursed through me, rising like a coiled serpent from within. Deep breaths. It seemed to be growing, my fury and rage. I was losing control. For the second time today I was losing control as my temper grew. Emotions coursing, glowing so bright refusing to diminish no matter how much I tried to control them.
Shocked eyes watched me, accusing me.
"Miss Potter calm down, with your current choice in acquaintance do you really think we can trust you?" Dumbledore replied calmly, his eyes twinkling. That damned portrait rambling on about respect to elders, hardly helped right now ether.
"Even if Tom and I had never spoken you still wouldn't speak a word to me would you? What the hell is happening to me? I was that serpent, I saw Arthur Weasley dying and in that dream I was the cause. Nonetheless it happened. Do you think I should know? It was as if I did it, me! For all I know Voldemort possessed me or something. What is going on?" I demanded, fierce panic thrumming like a humming bird through my veins. What if that was me? Could Voldemort really have done that to me? Calm down. I pictured Tom. He'd reassure me, help me but that wasn't what I needed right now. I needed blunt truth.
I needed it like I needed air to breath.
"This is a port key to Grimmerald place. It'll activate in ten seconds." He shoved a quill into my hand.
"Wait what!" I yelled. "I need answers Dumbledore and-" The familiar wave of nausea swept me over as that damned piece port key swept me away.
I winced, pain stabbing up my elbow as I crashed. Damn that meddling old coot! Port keys and I have never been the best of friends this is partially why. The flames of my anger raged swiftly, how dare he rid me of my answers! How dare he not tell me what happened! I saw a man almost die tonight, and he expects me to be complacent with his-oh heavens above… I saw a man almost die, at my hand or rather his. Voldemort's. No… Arthur Weasley had done me no wrong, he was innocent unless you counted being manipulated as a crime. He's dying.
"Heather?" My eyes widened at my godfather's voice. Embracing me in an embrace, the joy written on his face was almost unbearable. A man almost died tonight. A good and honest man almost died, or could be dead. All this my fault. "Heather? Heather what's wrong?"
"Arthur Weasley has been attacked." I whispered, stunned.
"What do you mean he's been attacked? Heather was there an attack on the school? What was he doing there?" Panic rose in his voice. "Are you ok?" He demanded. "Are you hurt?" His concern for me almost made it worse somehow, made the pain worse. It should have been me attacked by that wretched viper!
"I'm fine. He's not. I think he's going to die." I felt the sting of tears as they threatened to fall. Remain strong Eva. You've seen death before and survived- barely. A snide voice muttered inside me, you festered in guilt for months after Cedric's death. I was being so selfish. Imagine the pain and grief of that felt by his children, of his wife. Ginny. She was going to be devastated. This would hit her far worse than it hits me.
"Heather calm down what happened?" Sirius hushed. At least he hasn't turned on me, but then again has he heard? I haven't even wrote him a letter since the befriending Tom, for fear of his rejection. No one's told him. He'd blame me once he heard. Once he hears what happened. It is my fault, I deserve being blamed; it is my fault.
I couldn't help but sob as the horror sunk in. "He's dying and it's all my fault."
"What happened? It's not your fault Heather, I know you Heather; you're your parent's daughter. They'd be so proud of you." His words of comfort made it worse somehow. My parents…they'd blame me for befriending their future murderer but Tom…he's so…words can't describe him. He's cunning, intelligent, noble, loyal…The very epitome of all the houses actually. He could fit into any house with ease. How could he ever become Voldemort? How?
"They wouldn't….It is all my fault." I wept. "I collapsed and saw him being attacked by a serpent of almighty size and yet I saw the snake. Every strike I tasted blood, every emotion I felt. It was my anger, my fury, my hatred…and now he's dying. He's dying because of me!"
"Heather I know you, you would never do something like that. That anger , that hatred must have been a vision of some kind. I don't know how, but if it truly happened as you say…then Heather it must be both a gift and a curse. You information could save him. The fact you saw that could save Arthur. Heather if anything you've given him a chance. It is not your fault." He whispered.
"It is though, recently I've been losing control of my emotions. What if I'm losing control of myself Sirius?" Something was going to turn me into a monster, what if I'm already losing myself. "I was the snake, I was the snake in it. Every strike, every blow was me. I revelled in it. I revelled in its blood, in the cries of terror. What if I'm losing myself Sirius? What if I'm going insane? I never wanted to inflict pain of the Dursleys, no matter what they did to me. When I was bullied I never longed to inflict pain on them. That desire was never there. What if its growing Sirius? What if it's growing every day?" I'm losing who I am, and I cannot escape.
"Listen to me, you're not losing yourself. You're not mad. It's our choices, our actions that define us. We're born with potential Heather. We're born with potential to cause good and evil, sometimes you cannot escape doing both. It's up to us to lessen the damage we inflict. I know you Heather, your strong, so strong. Desire to do something, doesn't mean you have to act on that desire. If your strong enough to see truth, your strong enough to act as you know is right. I trust you. I know you, while you may make mistakes as we all do, you'll never lose track of what is right." He hushed.
"It felt real Sirius. It felt so real." I was the snake.
"It was real, but it wasn't you. It was the serpent. You felt the serpent's feelings, they weren't your own." Empath. No. They claimed I was an empath, but that cannot be the reason. Sensing feelings, a symptom. I have felt feelings…but never as strong as that. If I was truly an empath, that wasn't the result of it. Never have I felt things that strong. "Your mother was an empath. She couldn't help it. She was so sensitive to emotions, maybe you are too."
"That still wouldn't have caused feelings like that." I shuddered. "That was me Sirius, me! It made me want to do unforgivable things."
"Did you? You are not a serpent Heather, you're a human being. You could never strike out as a snake. Only an animagus could and you aren't one yet. Being one is hardly something someone without training could do. You collapsed. You weren't there. How could it be your fault? Don't do yourself of doing the wrong of blaming yourself. You collapsed, you're lucky yourself you were found. In a state like that you could have seriously injured yourself. Collapsing in a state like that normally causes great strain of the person." He sounded so reasonable, so logical.
"I wasn't in any danger, Tom was there." I dismissed his worry. It was Arthur Weasley who deserved worry and panic, not me.
"Tom?" He asked.
"My boyfriend." I stepped carefully, saying Tom was the dark lord's past wasn't the best idea.
"Boyfriend?" He blinked stunned. "Is this why you stopped writing prongslet? Why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend."
I averted my gaze. "I'd thought you'd object." I was treading on eggshells.
"He isn't taking advantage of you is he?" Sirius demanded, a fierce, protective sheen sparked in his eyes. "He better not be taking advantage of my little goddaughter!"
"He's not, in fact he's the perfect gentlemen." I calmed him.
"How come I haven't heard of this Tom before?" He asked.
"Well…"
"Well what?" Suspicion crept into his gaze.
"He's umm…" I trailed off, wondering how to phrase it.
"He's what?" His gaze left little room for evading.
"He's a slytherin." I bit my lip. I winced, expecting a rain of splutters and shouting. I looked up, studying his face. Shock. Pure shock. I blinked. Laughter spurted from his lips. Laughter? What's so funny? "Sirius you know I'm being serious right?" Mentally groaning, I winced great. It only made him laugh harder. "Sirius I'm completely…" Think , another word for serious… "Sirius I'm not joking!" That would have to do.
"I know." He chuckled. "From the look on your face before, I'd been expecting you to say that he's the son of the Voldemort or something like that." I paled, thankfully he wasn't watching me that closely. "Being a slytherin isn't that bad once your mother had a best friend in slytherin, anyway there could be worse. He could be slytherin and mad like most of my family or mad and slytherin. Take your pick." I couldn't help but snigger slightly.
"I think mad and slytherin because that suggests being mad is your predominate trait, rather than being slytherin. Slytherin is a set of characteristics you can't escape ether way. So mad and slytherin is definitely worse." I laughed answering.
"That is something your mother would have said." Sirius grinned. "She'd be so proud. Everyone compares you to your father, because you inherit his hair colour and quidditch talent but really you take after Lilly so much. Every day you grow more and more like her it's staggering. You know your father would have had a fit if he heard you were dating a slytherin." He chortled. "Your mother on the other hand she would have been so proud you weren't accepting house boundaries. She had friends from every house you know. Your reaching there from what I've gathered. Once you break down the toughest barrier the others soon fall. Slytherin is the hardest to breach you know, for a gryffindor that is."
"I've never thought of it that way." A small smile played on my lips.
"It's true. It's as true as night and day. Everyone has a bit of every house within them. Everyone has bravery, intelligence, loyalty and cunning to some extent. Houses merely separate you into the predominant feature. Lily showed me and James the stupidity of the system. She hated it." Sirius murmured. "She was right too."
I blinked. "She was. All it does is cause prejudice. Slytherin is believed to be dark because of a few wizards and because of all its hatred they turn to those who understand them. Slytherins. They don't trust the other houses, I don't blame them. They turn to their own, and in there solitude can become jaded. They value loyalty more than anything because there are little who will stand by them. Gryffindor. Bravery. Because of it's heroes it's believed to be a good light house. There are many types of bravery. Some of the smallest acts can be the bravest of them all and it is them that are forgotten. Huffelpuff. Loyalty. They're known as the duffers because they are loyal, loyalty requires bravery. Those who are most loyal tend to be followers though so they get left behind. Those in the spotlight don't have to be loyal. Being loyal means your selfless and kind. Ravenclaw. Intelligence. They're known as the geeks. Some love to learn, others are wise. Why should we insult them for being smart? It is stupid. All these are stupid images, making you pursue one trait. All are equally important but that gets lost."
"Exactly." He grinned.
"Cunning means intelligence of some sort. Using cunning means you have a goal, ambition. You need bravery to pursue it do you not? Loyalty. Without loyalty all cause is lost. It can be misguided yes, but it is vital. Without loyalty your alone. Without loyalty your cause is worthless because none but you can fight it. It doesn't matter how much you fight because in the end you cannot trust a soul. Eventually you'll fall because everyone will betray you at the drop of a hat and your goal is rendered useless. You think what is the point? Every house can be pursued to the extreme." I blinked, shocked.
"Exactly, brave without thinking or planning. You become reckless. Loyalty to the extreme leads to your' downfall when you trust everyone so much you become naive. Intelligence without cause leads to a wasted potential where you'll never achieve anything worthwhile. Cunning leads to suspicion and leading a half-life with no one to watch your back because no one will trust you. Your exactly like your mother." He smiled. "You've broken slytherins barrier, any others?"
"Ravenclaw." I murmured, thinking of Luna. "Gryffindor, though technically that is my house."
"So you've yet to breach Huffelpuff." He smiled knowingly. "Your left with a house you have no idea to breach. With your mother it was Ravenclaw."
"How do I breach Huffelpuff?" I asked.
"Be yourself, talk to them, and help them. It's not rocket science. With slytherin and ravenclaw it was partially respect. Here it's loyalty and kindness." He smiled. "Try smiling for starters. It helps. It really does."
I laughed. "Did my mum succeed?"
"For a time." He murmured.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"James terrorised slytherins, he was a teenager though so you cannot judge him entirely on that. Your mum's best friend was a slytherin, James' favourite target actually. James took a prank a little too far, embarrassing him in front of your mum. She tried to help, her friend lost control of his temper and said something she couldn't forgive." Regret flickered through his eyes.
"Let me guess… it was mudblood wasn't it?" I winced.
"Yes." He spoke solemnly. "Because she wouldn't forgive him, slytherins lost trust in her because she gave up on him. She saw it as a sign he had gone completely dark."
"One thing you never do is give up." I grimaced. "Giving up shows you don't care enough to fight. Considering my mum was a gryffindor it didn't mean she wasn't brave enough to fight, but to the slytherins that she couldn't be bothered. Insult one, you insult them all. I guess she avoided slytherins all together to avoid him, showing she didn't care enough to fight for friendship with any slytherins."
"You understand them well." He smiled weakly. "Yes. Fundamentally your right, but everyone has a breaking point. You'll have yours."
Breaking point. Could something like my mother and her friend happen with Tom and I? Could that be it? Something will happen. A turning point. What could it possibly be? Whatever it is, it turns us both to madness. Christmas. Fast approaching Christmas, quick on the horizon. "I know. I guess no one knows what it is until they meet it do they? They only know once it smashes."
"No need to be so morbid, I bet you won't meet yours soon." I will though. I smiled weakly at his words before wincing at a crash. My eyes widened. I prayed that was Arthur, that I was mistaken. No. Arthur wouldn't crash. Unlike me, he actually knew how to use a port key properly. "Doesn't anyone know how to use a port key?" he groaned.
"How do you use one properly?" I asked, ever so innocently.
"Don't you start right now." Groaning further, he exited to see what the noise was about. Oh. Not being able to use port keys. Here barely after I arrive. Ginny, Fred, George and Ron. Because of me there father almost died, or is dying.
"I can't be here, I can't." Shaking my head in dismay, I cursed Dumbledore. Why send me here? I wanted to stay at Hogwarts! I wanted to stay away from here. I couldn't stay here and invade on their grief, their mourning. Besides if I stay here then Ronald will kill me, literally. A fight would erupt in seconds, and I wouldn't have the heart to defend myself because I know I'd deserve it.
I darted out the room, swiftly running upstairs. Find a room. "Who are you dear? You seem oddly familiar." A voice, somewhat harsh asked. I blinked, jerking my head towards the sound. "Why do you look so familiar?" A ragged looking women asked.
"You saw me in the summer ma'am" Politeness couldn't hurt and being overly formal couldn't hurt, well considering that you didn't know the actually age of the portrait it couldn't hurt. Depending of the era, being overly formal would help prevent me from offending her. Before starting Hogwarts, I'd never have dreamed of trying not to offend a painting. Considering this one was rather temperamental, it was deficiently a good idea not to irritate it too much. Even so, magic is amazing even if you do get angry paintings. Thank heavens for it, even if it did land me in a whole lot of trouble.
"I remember seeing a tonne of those wretched red-headed children, and a pathetic mudblood however I do not remember seeing you. I'd remember you if you were one of those light worshipers." She sneered. "Why did you come here? Why don't I remember you?"
"I tried to avoid everyone but Sirius so it's not too surprising ma'am." Not a good idea Evelyn. Don't mention Sirius. Gosh that summer was awful, seems my so called friends really didn't care about me. They abandoned me after all.
Wagburga tilted her head. "Why avoid everyone?"
"I saw someone die, they abandoned me for weeks without a single letter, not even a how are you coping, and left me with magic hating muggles." I shrugged. Stupid, it was really stupid how it still irritated me after all this time. Why couldn't I let this go? We weren't even friends anymore.
"What's your name child?" I blinked, unsure how to answer.
"I don't know anymore." I shrug, answering honestly. "Some call me Evelyn, Eva Rosa, Rosa, Heather Potter…. So many names, each trapped in their own way."
She whitened slightly. "You're her?"
"Who's her?" I asked softly.
"You can't be her, I must be mistaken, my memory must be fading dear, because I swear the first three were names that the lady of Echoes. She who can never be named. All the dark fear her mention, it's dangerous you see. She is as dark as my lord. Two on opposing sides. She hasn't been seen by any mortal man but my lord. Myths say the two were once in love dear. Unseen yet always there. Both of past and present their loves reigned. Love of poison. Mention of her is a death sentence should he catch you speaking of her." Nausea swept across me. "Dear are you ok?"
"Fate seems to be binding me, the light want me to be their saviour, but I cannot. I can't. Do that and I destroy my own heart. I'm no killer. I am nether light or dark, belonging to nether side yet…yet somehow I'm meant to destroy Voldemort when no one else can." She hissed at his name but I ploughed on. "How is a child supposed to succeed where adults have failed? I cannot be their saviour, I can't! Yet…they won't let me be ether. Vold-the dark lord." I corrected remembering her hiss of anger. "The dark lord wants me dead, I can't not defend myself. At least if I want to live I cannot."
"Fate isn't your master, it is our future. Your future is created by you, by your actions and that of others. You cannot fear the future, fearing the future is like fearing your shadow and past. You create it, you make it as you wish. Live child. My life is over, yours is not child." She glared. "Live it!"
"I'm afraid of what I'm becoming."
"You are who you are, no one should deny you that right! Change it! Are you a woman or a man? Men are idiots, plunging into things recklessly, we women plan. We succeed. Live as you choose. Be who you are and don't bow to anyone. Beat fate, for he is nothing but an idiotic man who's meddling with your life. Men are idiots, child. Us women are superior. Show them who's boss girl." I couldn't help but smile. I liked these Blacks.
"I will ma'am." I grin.
"Don't call me ma'am, child. What is your bloodline?" She asked.
"Potter." I answered nervously.
"You're the girl those idiotic order members are trying to control? Beat them child. I'll not have a child like you be ruled by those fools. You're of black blood child. None of Black blood will be beaten, not as long as wizards breath air. Your grandmother was a Black child. Know it and depend on it. Don't let them control you. Call me Aunt, child. It is close enough to the truth." She smirked.
"Heather?" I turned shocked.
Standing there was Ginny. "Hey Ginny. I'm so sorry." I grimaced, heart pounding. Please don't think I'm a monster, I am though…
She shook her head. "You've got nothing to be sorry for Heather, it wasn't your fault. You were at Hogwarts, you collapsed in Tom's arms. I saw him pacing outside Dumbledore's door, looking like an avenging angel. He's so worried about you Heather. He has no idea what you saw."
"You do though." I murmured.
"I didn't see it through your eyes, but I can see your wallowing in guilt. Ron doesn't know you're here. I take it your trying to avoid him. Smart move but it won't work forever you know." She smiled sympathetically, but she looked incredibly pale. Tears stained her face. She'd been crying. While she tried to keep her calm façade, it was just that; a mask.
"As soon as I spot Dumbledore, I'm going to insist on being returned to the castle for the holidays. I can't stay here. I just can't. I'm nothing but an intruder to your grief Ginny. I can't help but blame myself for this. I can't stay here." I turned to head upstairs.
"Heather Potter don't be a coward! You are just as much a part of our family, if not by blood but by friendship. Ignore Ron. Look at yourself Heather. You look like your tearing yourself apart over this. It was not your fault! Tom would hate to see you like this Heather! He would. You care about my father, you saw him attacked and you think that you don't deserve to be here? It's because of you my father has a fighting chance. If you hadn't seen what you had then he'd have none. By the time they found out it would be too late. Thanks to you there is a chance they'll get to him in time, thanks you he might live!" She hissed.
"You don't get it Ginny! I saw everything from the snakes perspective!" I yelled.
"That makes what you saw even more traumatic for you. I know you Heather Potter, you'll shy away from everyone and everything if you don't accept that this is not your fault. It isn't. Have you seen yourself, looked into the mirror? Your scar is bleeding, your icy pale. You don't look well. You've got scratches covering your arms and legs. Your beating yourself up over this and it wasn't your fault. You were at Hogwarts, Hogwarts and you claim it's your fault." I saw people crowding at the bottom of the stairs.
"Heather dear it isn't." Mrs Weasley affirmed softly, I blinked surprised she of all people was defending me.
"It is…" I shook my head.
"Dear no it isn't. Honey you were at Hogwarts, how could you have possibly have been in the ministry? Everyone saw you when you had collapsed, no magical transportation, no nothing. They just saw a frightened girl, thrashing in her sleep. You weren't there dear. It wasn't your fault. If anything you've saved him." She hushed. I spotted Ron's face, he was glaring at me but he was the soul person. He hadn't told them obviously.
"How? He's still dying isn't he? No one could come through wounds like that without… not to mention the venom." I shivered. "It's all my fault."
"It is for trusting Riddle!" Ron spat, anger flared within me. While I wasn't naïve enough to believe Tom was harmless, he was the future dark lord after all, he would never have done something like this.
I blinked startled as a resonating slap ringed through the air. Ron Weasley was left rubbing his saw cheek, Ginny glaring at him like the goddess Morrigan. "Don't you dare blame ether of them you insensitive idiot! It most certainly isn't the fault of ether of them! Have you forgotten how well Voldemort-" Everyone flinched at the name. "-get over it! It's just a name! If you fear the name how can you expect to fight him and his followers, which is your common goal is it not? You know how well Voldemort knows her, how he knows her as well as he does himself. He knows you, know your girlfriend, and knows me even. He knows everyone at Hogwarts, but her best of all. He knows exactly how to strike at her, knows how much this would hurt her and make her doubt herself. It is only because of Riddle's presence he hasn't acted more openly with her this year. He knew that Riddle would arrive, this year! That is probably why he risked his secrecy by sending dementors after her! Striking like this, is a way he could. Christmas is approaching is it not? The hour is approaching when past and future collide and that is why he could strike now. I doubt any of you will tell Riddle why she collapsed, he doesn't know." She glared. "That is why he could act."
"If she hadn't trusted him, betrayed us for him-"
"Enough!" Ginny yelled. "She never betrayed anyone for him. He never asked her to choose, that he would not do. Don't you see? Christmas is when it happens, when he changes. Not now. He wasn't as he is now, not yet. That all changes at Christmas. It is not his doing, and by sure it isn't Heather's!" Her eyes narrowed into slits, as she fiercely defended my honour.
"You don't know that!" Ron hissed. "I can't believe your defending him, you know what he did to you, the shade which was his past!"
"What is going on?" Mrs Weasley demanded. "Ronald Weasley I cannot believe you of all people are accusing Heather of this!"
"But Mum!" He protested.
"No buts and that is final." She hissed. "I've never been so ashamed of you in my life! Accusing Heather of doing this! After all she has done for this family and you blame her. Have you forgotten how she saved Ginny in her second year! It is thanks to her Ginny is alive and well. I know your worried about your father, we all are but that doesn't give you an excuse for blaming her for this."
"Did you blame me Ron?" Ginny asked softly.
"Blame you for what?" He asked puzzled.
"Blame me for being fooled by the diary in second year. You know, when he used me to open the chamber of secrets that year. When he used me to paint the wall with blood, when he used me to petrify the students? Did you blame me then?" She asked coolly.
"No…No of course I didn't." He stuttered.
"Then by no means should you blame Heather for this. Say you're right, say your right about Riddle. She'd still would be just as guilty as me for the chamber. Why can't you trust Heather's judgement on this for now. She of all people knows more on this than you do!" Ginny hissed.
"Riddle? Who is this Riddle?" Sirius asked.
"Tom, Tom Riddle." Ginny murmured, glancing towards me nervously.
"What's Heather's boyfriend got to do with this?" He asked curiously.
"Ronald thinks he's going to be the next dark lord." Ginny replied, I blinked impressed by her wording. "Yes he's slytherin, exceedingly clever and intelligent but he and Heather seem like two halves to a whole literally. She didn't trust him as far as she could throw him first, gradually though the pair came together."
"What? He's-" Ron spluttered, protesting before Ginny stamped on his foot.
"Don't you dare Ron." She hissed. "The pair have little time left at all, you don't need to make is sour! Christmas, Christmas, she'll be stuck here until then anyway! She's torturing herself over this anyway!"
"Look, I'm really sorry for intruding, I really should go back to Hogwarts." I started.
"Dear, don't listen to him. He's just very idiotic when it comes to stereotypes dear. He'll come round eventually." Mrs Weasley sent a harsh glare Ron's way. He shrank back further. "Dear, you have no reason to feel your intruding at all. Your practically family Heather dear. You care about him as much as we do, you have every right to be here." Ginny sent me an encouraging smile. "Ginny is right Heather; it wasn't your fault. It isn't your fault at all, the only fault lies on Voldemort. It is far from your fault. We owe you so much dear, its thanks to you Arthur might still live."
"Mum is right Heather." I didn't really believe her. I will become as dark as Voldemort as soon as Christmas passes, for all I know the change is gradually coming. I could be growing more and more like him every day until one event makes me snap. I fear that day, the day when I lose myself yet I know that the day I lose myself I won't fear it at all. I'll revel in it. Feasting on the chaos I've caused. I won't long to go back.
Then I'll have truly lose myself.
A.N: Sorry for the wait! I hope it's been worth it. I'll try and update soon, within two weeks. I've really struggled writing this chapter. I've tried it from at least five different angles before I came up with this one. I hope it's ok :D Please review as always! The next chapter should be easier to write. I'm really sorry for the wait, I hope your satisfied with this chapter!