Author´s note:
First thank you for the Danish wellwisher for your review. It meant a lot. Sorry for updating a bit later than planned. Please tell me what you think…
'Cause you can't call a doctor,
And just tell him where it hurts,
You weigh the choice to live or die,
And don't know which is worse,
Stumbling through darkness,
Grasping for a shred of light,
Wrestling your demons,
'Till you reach the other side,
2007 by Beth Crowley
Rosé Hill – September 2001:
September 11, 2001 was made a day, which was written into our history books, because of the terror and the horror that happen that day. Too many people lost family, friends, co-workers, and so on. For me it was the day I lost my child… Well not just my child, but also Claûde´s child. Maybe that was why the child had to die, before it had made it to our world. I do not know… I was 12 the first time I was pregnant because off rape. The rapes Claûde made me live through.
"Angel, are you lost in that mind off yours?" Qin, a teacher in history, asks me. I lost my child 5 hours ago. I am lost. Who am I? Why did Claûde have to make me have an abort? I do not. I have ever told anyone, what he does to me…
"Angel. Are you okay?"
"What? I am sorry."
"Please come with me. I think we need to talk." I fake a smile and say: "There is no need. I am just a bit tired. I am sorry I disrupted your teaching. It will not happen again."
Denmark – April 2015:
You fascinated me
Cloacked in shadows and secrecy
The beauty of a broken angel
I ventured carefully
Afraid of what you thought I'd be
But pretty soon I was entangled
You take me by the hand
I question who I am
Teach me how to fight
I'll show you how to win
You're my mortal flaw
And I'm your fatal sin
Let me feel the sting
The pain
The burn
Under my skin
Put me to the test
I'll prove that I'm strong
Won't let myself believe
That what we feel is wrong
I Finally see what
You knew was inside me
All along
That behind this soft exterior
Lies a warrior
My memory refused
To separate the lies from truth
And search the past
My mind created
I kept on pushing through
Standing resolute which you
In equal measure
Loved and hated
You take me by the hand
I'm seeing who I am
Teach me how to fight
I'll show you how to win
You're my mortal flaw
And I'm your fatal sin
Let me feel the sting
The pain
The burn
Under my skin
Put me to the test
I'll prove that I'm strong
Won't let myself believe
That what we feel is wrong
I Finally see what
You knew was inside me
All along
That behind this soft exterior
Lies a warrior
Lies a warrior...
You take me by the hand
I'm sure of who I am
Teach me how to fight
I'll show you how to win
You're my mortal flaw
And I'm your fatal sin
Let me feel the sting
The pain
The burn
Under my skin
Put me to the test
I'll prove that I'm strong
Won't let myself believe
That what we feel is wrong
I Finally see what
You knew was inside me
All along
That behind this soft exterior
Lies a warrior
The pictures come to life
Wake in the dead of night
Open my eyes
I must be dreaming
Clutch my pillow tight
Brace myself for the fight
I've heard that seeing
Is believing.
"Hallo Angel. I am sorry that I disrupted you. What were you singing?" My brother Wrath asks.
"It is okay. Warrior by Beth Crowley. She is the best singer ever. What can I do for you?"
"Is it true that you are planning on moving?" I look at him. Who told him? And if he knows the rest knows.
"Yeah, it is. I cannot stay here forever. You know that. I have always said that I one day would move."
"Yeah, but none of us ever thought that it would happen. Not as long as Lucy still lives." I close my eyes and say: "I do not think Lucy has that long left." As I say that Wrath closes his eyes. He knows. They know that it will not be long. The music room is not long feels the same. It is cold. I want to move and never ever come back. My hands are shaken. I open my eyes to see that Wrath is still watching me.
"Hey Athal, do you know where my children are?" Athal looks at me with the look why-should-I-know-that.
"Crap. You do not know, do you?" He shakes his head.
"Okay, thanks." I say and run forwards the garden where they may be. As I get closer to the garden I hear laugher, which makes me hopeful. Not too hopeful I dream. Our garden is big on believably big. So it may take me a while before I find them. I look and look, but I can only hear laugher. Jessie's laugher.
"Jessie, where are you?" The only answer I get is laugher.
"Jessie?! Please. Where. Are. You?"
"Playing hide and seek?" a voice says from behind me. Victor. I sigh and turn around to see him.
"Not with my knowing. But they are children, so one never knows?"
"Ooh, that kind of hide and seek…"
"Yeah. How long are you going to say?"
"Want me going?" I look at him with a hard face.
"No."
"Want me gone so much?"
"If I wanted you gone, you would not be here."
"Is that a threat?"
"I do not do threats. They take too much time. I believe in removing things I dislike. Quickly. But I was not trying to make a threat towards you."
"Okay. Let me help you find your children." he says.