I hope that you like it. And please tell me, what you think…

I can't bring myself to say goodbye
I walk with my head up, say I'm fine but that's a lie
Your face will always haunt me
It's my comfort and my curse
I can't imagine any feeling could be worse
Than this goodbye
- "This goodbye" by Beth Crowley

Denmark – May 2015:

"Okay, so do we stand?" Victor asks. He is clearly nervous. So am I. He leaves it up to me to decide. I sight.

"Come." I say and take Victor with me. As we walk, I think about, what I want to say. And I do not think that Victor and I are meant to be right now. I mean the man has a pregnant girlfriend. Victor should not miss any off the baby-parenting things, because off me. I will not let him, because I know that children are a blessing. But on the other side I want to be with him. I do love him after all. But I do not want him to walk out on that poor child. We go to the garden and sit on the bench my grandfather proposed to my grandmother by. I close my eyes, as the memories from that moment flies over me. I have many gifts, but this is one off the most beautiful ones. Memories. I smile. Memories are powerful and can touch people, even if they are 100 years old. Memories are important. They mean something… So does, whatever there is between Victor and I. It matters… But my choose it made. So I think…

"Victor… I do not know how to say this." I begin. Not a great beginning.

"Please, do not leave me. I do not I can handle it. Please Angelus, do not leave." Victor says with big tears in his eyes. No, I have made the man I love cry. Why am I such a bitch? I do not deserve him. I never have. And making Emma pregnant is faith´s way off telling me. He is better without me. When first the pain is going, then he will be happy. I have to believe that.

"Victor, please do not cry. It will all be okay. Hey, I love you. It will be okay." I whisper into Victor´s ear, as he cries.

"It will all be okay." I say.

"No, it will not, because you are leaving me. Nothing is okay." Victor says with one off this sore voice one gets after crying.

"But let me in least explain. Let me explain, why I did, what I did." Victor says. I do not know one word that could describe all the pain that I now see in his eyes. I am fear off, what he would do, so I nod. He begins: "Emma and I first met, when I was in college. I was a… let us just say I was not a good boy to others then mother. I made a lot of mistakes, which most of them include Emma. She was… is a good girl, who just wants to have fun. And boy, did we have fun! I was young with this idea about love, family and desire. And Emma, she just fit into the box. Emma is, if you have not noticed human, and therefor very different then us. I guess that some off it for me too. Her being different than me. We began dating pretty soon, after our first meeting. Like I said: She fit just into the box, so I knew what she would do and say, even before she did it. I thought I was happy with, what Emma and I had. But somewhere I always knew that she… and I was not a good and healthy couple. We both saw other people on the side, while pretending that we both were faithful. And so we both became very good at pretending. But that is not the life I want to live. I do not want pretend. I want you." Victor says. Wow, that hits very hard.

"So what you are saying is that the child that Emma is carrying may not be yours?" I ask. But I do not care – okay, off course I care, but it is not importing, if Victor is the father. The importing thing is that… I love him, and I thought that I had lost him. He is the importing thing.

"I spoke to Emma about the child, and she seems to believe that I am the father. But when I return to America, we will run a test to see, if I truly is the father."

"How do you feel about it? Being a maybe father?"

"I… sort hope that the child is not mine. Because I want to children with you. Not Emma."

"I think that we… if you are interested that we should try to make it work. I do not care if the child is yours. I love you for some random reason, which I do not know. I love you. And I want this… us to work." I say and as soon as I do Victor´s face lights up like the New Year's Eve. He kissed me with a lot off desire and hope. Mostly hope I think. I cannot make him leave. He whispers: "I love you too. And I am never going to let you go. I will not lose you again." I look at him and say: "You never lost me. I always from the bloody beginning loved you. Still do, for some reasons that I do not fully understand. But I love you, and I have never loved anyone – maybe my children – but no one else as much as I love you. When are you going to understand that? I do not know how much clearer I can make it."

"It is okay. Victor is a bit stupid sometimes, but he is over his head in love with someone. So you are the one? I am Xavier Benedict, but call me Xav, darling." One off Victor´s brothers come forward. I think that he is the 5 son. Maybe I am not sure.

"Back off, Xavier. Now." Victor says. Clearly he is not too happy about his little brother finding us.

"Well hallo there Xav. I am Angelus Penedragon. And you must be Victor´s lovely little brother, who will never call me 'darling' again." I say with a big smile. I look up at Victor and see that he is smiling. He really loves his family. So do I. And he is apart off mine, now…

"Why not, Cupcake? Penedragon… So you much be the youngest one. Funny here I thought that all Penedragons were guys. I must have been mistaken." Xav says. I look at Victor, then at Xav and again at Victor and say: "First he calls me 'darling' then 'Cupcake'. What is with that? Can he not see when to use such words? Because this is not the time for that. Then he calls me a boy. Are all Americans blind, or is it just your little brother?"

"He does not know when to close his mouth. And those nicknames – I hate them too. Most Americans are not blind, just Xav. Hi, I am Crystal, his soulfinder." A very tall girl says. She is taller than me. Crystal.

"You have my sympathies."

After the Benedict family leaves, the pain in my stomach is worse. I rarely feel pain, but this… this is almost killing me.

"Hey Angel, are you okay?" Morgana, one off my sisters in laws asks. She is one of the few I like off them.

"No, I do not feel so good."

"You do not look so good either. I am going to the hospital; would you like to come with me?" I nod. I feel very sick.

_A few hours later_

"Angelus Cassandra Pendragon, I am doctor Helen Johnsen. I have looked over your results, and I am sorry to tell you that you have cancer. To be more preside you have cancer in ovarian. I am so sorry, but you will never be able to have children again…"