6 – Everyone wants to see the Surface
The elevator hummed quietly, carrying Subject 2905 and Calculus to a higher level in Aperture. He sighed, and reflected on his misfortune that Jester had not helped him. The eyes of his mask were dark. GLaDOS had clicked them off in anger.
"I'm still waiting for my apology." GLaDOS said finally.
He rolled his eyes. "They're going to the surface."
"I've seen it. You're not missing much; except the beautiful deer. I really don't think you would appreciate them. So what's the use?"
"I've surprised you before. So where do we stand now?"
"Well, I was just going to kill you and get it over with, but then I realized I still need someone to slow them down while I set up new traps. During that brief power outage they disabled the emancipation fields."
"You want me to fight, or distract, Jester?"
"Subject 2903…" She countered. "…could be satisfactorily distracted using any object with highly reflective surface. Against you, I don't expect much of a fight; not after the way he walked all over you just a minute ago. But, these are desperate times. Desperate, tragic times…"
Subject 2905's mind was racing. He'd neverheard GLaDOS uncertain, or even perceived her as unprepared for anything.
"How many are there?"
"There can't be more than four. I'll test their strength, and adjust my tactics accordingly…before they reach the surface. That's where you come in."
The elevator stopped, and the eyes of his mask flicked back on, bringing the world back into being. Subject 2905 wobbled out of the elevator onto platform and hitched Calculus onto another transport rail. The room was wide, tall, and packed with sliding and twisting platforms that composed a horrid mess of a 3D puzzle.
Seemingly infinite paths through the puzzle revealed themselves every other second between the mechanical twisting and shifting of panels and towers around hard-light bridges and open tubes that gushed orange gel. From moment to moment, the entire face of the room was changing, and appeared different as all the components continued to swirl. All of this lingered above a floor of acid.
"If I do this, will you let me go?" He asked.
"Why do you all want to leave? You won't find anything like this up there."
Subject 2905 didn't want to chance upsetting her further by disagreeing, so he repeated. "If I do this for you, will you let me go?"
"It's not like this is any great favor you're doing for me, but…we'll see."
Unable to think of any other option Subject 2905 set to work. Shooting a portal at a choice location in the puzzle, he then walked to the edge of his platform and placed another portal two stories below. He dropped, fell through the floor, and then came through the ceiling on the other side of the room, precisely onto a passing platform.
In a succession of swift, fluid maneuvers, he began navigating the multilevel puzzle, leaping from one panel to the next, by foot and by portal. He utilized a deadly laser, redirected through two portals, to cut loose a ceiling panel, which rotated downward and blocked a pipe gushing orange gel.
Then came a loud and abrupt cackle of laughter, and upon looking up 2905 saw three pinpoint eyes staring from an exit door high above. Jester stood tall, his fingers seeming to twitch with each excited word sputtering through his mask's processors,
"Look who it is did you get yourself discarded yet?"
Subject 2905 genuinely couldn't hear him, his rate of speaking was very rapid, and the test chamber was thumping constantly.
"…what?"
"Oh boy I guess not so she's got you hunting me? Come on Weird Eyes you're not that kind of test subject are you?"
Subject 2905 didn't reply, unable to shout while nearly out of breath. Though he was close to Jester in terms of distance, the lasers and shifting panels actually made it a very long way to the exit.
"It can't be that hard to make her mad she's already angry. Just try again and think of how beautiful it must be up there this time of year."
2905 leapt to a passing platform, just barely sticking the landing and having to flatten himself against the plate in order to keep from falling off.
"Could you be quiet for just a few seconds?"
Jester was not intimidated. He removed a few glass-encased gel grenades, which adorned the vest resting on his HEV, and began to juggle them.
"Come on Weird Eyes don't be such a spoil sport I know you want in. Sunny skies and grass and food and fresh air as far as the eye can see! Or maybe you just want it for yourself—tsk tsk tsk—I'd have to smack you again for that."
Subject 2905's nerves rose tenfold as he climbed. As soon as he was forced to take his eyes off Jester, he heard.
"Catch, Weird Eyes!"
Dodging without looking, a gel grenade passed by just above his head and impacted the edge of the platform on which he stood, splattering blue gel on the corner.
"Strike one!"
Now he looked up, and saw another grenade sailing straight for his head. With little room to move, he cringed and watched it splatter blue gel all about his feet. The platform lurched, and after stumbling into the gel he felt his boots rise and fall; he was starting to bounce right off the platform. Digging his heels hard into the goop to anchor himself, 2905 dared not move as the platform rose higher. Jester let out another dry cackle.
"It's like those dunk tanks I always loved but now I get as many shots as I want!"
Jester had replenished his supply of grenades, and was starting to perform elaborate juggling tricks before he threw each one. Subject 2905 used a few seconds while Jester artfully tossed a grenade up from under one of his legs to leap to the next platform, with the aid of the blue goo.
"Now you're thinkin'."
Subject 2905 climbed through the puzzle furiously, dodging grenades and the continuous hazards of the test. Platforms swung over his head, and glass capsules passed between his arms and legs. Harnessing his reflexes, he managed to catch one of the grenades with his portal gun.
Jester ceased to juggle, and knelt upon the edge. "Nice catch you gonna try and send that little piggy back to me?"
The platform on which Subject 2905 stood rotated upward ninety degrees. He impeded his fall into the lake of acid by slipping the grenade into his pocket and grasping the upright edge with one hand, and draping his other arm over the edge without letting go of his portal gun.
"Too slow! Wow even the Test Chamber doesn't want you to win that's just depressing come on Weird Eyes I'll be your moral support!"
Jester seemed on the cusp of another bout of taunts before catching sight of Calculus sliding overhead. He stood, and his gaze followed him unceasingly until he had turned completely away from 2905.
"You!? You-you-you-YOU-U!" Jester let out a wolf-like snarl and drew a grenade. "Oh what I wouldn't do to smash one of these right into your little round face!"
Subject 2905 looked to the right, along the path that the tilted platform was following, and saw a large slab of gray concrete blocking it. The platform tilted flat again, and 2905 climbed upon it and stood up. He had few seconds before the platform would begin to pass underneath the slab and force him to fall; there was no room under the slab even for his fingers if he held onto the side of the platform.
Without a second thought, he cast the gel grenade onto the face of the slab, splattering it in white gel, and cast a portal onto it. Then he fired a second portal high above Jester. 2905 leapt into the first, and careened down towards his foe, who was still barking threats against the three-eyed core.
"Life's been good for you hasn't it you finally managed to make someone who won't even help his own kind! I'll never forget it: you tricked her-"
Jester let out a painful cry after 2905 landed and bash him off the perch and down towards the acid lake. In a flash, Subject 2905 placed a portal onto a panel passing by just underneath him, and a second directly on the spot Jester had previously stood. Jester fell through the portal, and bounced into the air before him.
2905 stretched out his leg for a kick, but Jester caught him by his calve, and dragged him down through the portal.