Hallo. I am sooo sorry that it took so long for me to update on this story. It has been a few crazy weeks, but from now on I will update more regally due to the fact that I have now vacation.

I'd like to say we gave it a try
I'd like to blame it all on life
Maybe we just weren't right, but that's a lie, that's a lie

And we can deny it as much as we want
But in time our feelings will show

'Cause sooner or later
We'll wonder why we gave up

"Almost is never enough" by ARIANA GRANDE

Fall of the year 2017

Harriet did not make it, and therefore I left the hospital one day later with a baby. Not what I had foreseen. I named her Juliet Harriet Pendragon. Juliet after Zaccy´s dead soulfinder. Harriet after her real mother. And last but not least I gave her my last name. I hope that Harriet is sitting up on a sky and liking my name for her daughter.

USA – September 2017

Victor and I are just sitting looking at one other. Victor says: "I know that I have done a lot of stupid things, but you and I are not one of them. I love you, and yet you are the person that I have fucked over the most. I fucked Emma this fall, because I am an idiot, who do not know, what I had, before I lost it. Before I lost you, I did not know how much that I loved – love you. And I do – I love you way more than I have very loved anyone else. Emma and I… we were… is not a good couple. We tear one other down. But we tried, because of Alistair, our son. But it became too much for Emma. She wanted a really life with a man, who loves her. So she left for England, where she is born. She went home to her family, who does not know anything about me or Alistair. She never told them anything about any of us. This pissed me of. Why did she not tell her family anything about us? This… was like that she was… hiding something. When I finally got the courage to ask her, she told me that her family would not allow it. They would dislike me and the fact that we have a son together. A son, who is born outside marriage. I love my son, and when I heard her say that I lost it. I told her to go to hell and never come back. She left without even trying to take Alistair with her. She did not even care about him. I looked at my son after she left. I could not – cannot understand, why she did not try to take him with her. I am glad that she did not. I cannot live with him. He is the light of my life – along with you. I know that you are with Zaccy, but I love you and want a life with you. With you and all of your wonderful children. So what I am trying to say is: Will you give me another chance?"

"I am not happy about you and Emma. You fucked me over. I loved you – I still love you. But you fucked me over. It was like, when you had me, you simply stopped doing all the things that it took to get me. Why should I go back to you? You left me. You knew that I have rules. I never go back to a person, who has left me, because if they can leave me once, they can leave me twice. Or fuck me over twice. You do know where I went after I was told that I was free of cancer? I went to you. But you… you were sleeping with Emma. I loved you. But in that moment I truly thought that I lost all my love for you. I was broken, before I met you, but you… you broke me even more. Why did you break me even more? I know that what it means to be broken. It means that you are human, and broken is kind of beautiful. But… why break me? That is not, what soulfinders do… They rebuilt one other. That was not, what you did. Maybe in the beginning, but every time you were with Emma, you tore me down. You made me feel that I was not good enough for you. That I was not, what you wanted. That she was, what you wanted, and that you only were with me, because of our soulfinder bound. Nothing more. That is, why I am with Zaccy. He loves me for, who I am. Yeah, he is still in love with Juliet, his dead soulfinder, but he wants me. Me. And he would never break me down, because of another woman. Never. I love him, but not like I love you. You know that there is a story behind every person. There is a reason for why they are the way that they are. That is something that you should think about that, before you judge someone. Or maybe you should just stop judging people. I am with Zaccy, because I love him, and I know that he would never fuck me over like you did."

"I know that I fucked you over. I love you. But you did not answer: Will you give me another chance?"

"I do not know. I still love you. But I do not know, if I can move past the fact that you fucked me over."

"I know, but think about what we have."

"You mean what we had."

"Yeah, but I think that we can have that back, if we try."

"You know that even, if we try the past will still be in the way."

"We can move past our past. I swear by God."

"There is only one goddess, and her name is Death. And the only thing that we say to Death is: "No today." So what you did this swearing by Death. Do you want to take it back?"

"No. You are worth swearing to Death for."

"I think not. But again it is our life, not mine."

"It is – Our life together."