Hallooo. I know that it has been a while, and for that I am sorry. But I am back… Here is the newest chapter; I hope that you like it. Please let me know, what you think.

Today I caught myself smiling for no reason…

Then I realized that I was thinking about you.

USA – The fall of 2017:

I have seen Victor being unfaithful and Harriet die giving birth to Juliet. That is a lot of pain and sorrow. The only thing that I wanted was to be begin fresh… be someone new, someone without the pain… Therefor I moved my family to USA, where I had brought a house. My little family and I would be living there with three roommates; Lucy, Nadia and Daniel. I knew Lucy from a mission in USA, and I had kept contact with her in all this years since that mission. And somehow we ended up as roommates. The house that I brought was big – very big. Big enough and with enough room for all of us to live here without anyone killing anyone. There was simply space for all of us. But I could not shake the feeling of not being done with Victor. I had a feeling that one day I would see Victor again. So I called him to set up a meeting. That phone call was very awkward for me… maybe as awkward as it was for Victor to take it. But I called, he answered, and we met. The meeting was at a dinner. He had the boy with him. Cute little thing about six mounds old give or take. Victor was clearly the father of that boy. Victor looked tired, but he lighted up, when he saw me. He put down that boy and gave me a hug. Awkward but still… We sat down as a waiter came and handed us some menus.

"How are you?" Victor said shortly after the waiter left. I looked at him and said: "I am working on it. What about you?"

"I have not slept since… God I do not remember. Please I am sorry. So sorry. I know that I am an A class asshole, but can you forgive me?"

"I forgive you, but I can never forget what you did."

"So where does that leave us?" Victor asked. I was about to answer, when the waiter came to take our orders. A black coffee to Victor, hot chocolate with whipped cream to me and milk to that boy. When she left, I said: "I love you. I truly do, but I need space."

"You mean that you need space from me?"

"Yes. What you did… was… and with her of all human on this Earth… you picked the one, who has given you something that I can never give you. A child. A son. A heir." I said and nodded towards Alistair Benedict.

"You know that it meant nothing…"

"That is a lie. A child changes everything. Now it is all about the boy… - You will do anything to make him smile… To see him happy and to prevent him getting hurt… Can you truly say that you put me before him?"

"No, I cannot."

"That is what I thought. You will be an amazing father, Victor… But you and I… We need to take a break to see other people… We need space from one other to then figure out what we want for us…" That was hard for me to say, but it was for the best. Shortly after he and that boy left… After I said: "Goodbye." I watched him and Alistair walk away, the tears started to run down from my cheeks. I cried… I cried so much that people in the dinner looked worried at me. They looked at me like I every second could break into a 1000 pieces. Maybe I could… I was no longer sure… - Not about anything. I was no longer sure about who I am. I knew how it sounded, but it was the truth. Victor had been a part of my life for so long. I could not remember who I was, before met him. I knew that what we had was over. And now… now I had to try to live without him. And maybe we would even meet again, but I doubted. Now the only thing to do was… was to go home – go to bed and simply cry myself to sleep. This would not be fair to Lucy and Nadia, but I preferred to be alone. Therefor I walked to the house…, which I tried to call home, but when I said home, when my thoughts went to the old house in Denmark that the rest of my family had lived in for as long as anyone could remember. I could feel myself getting tired, and maybe that was why I did not recognize the man, who was walking towards me. When I finally recognized him, I ran towards him and into his open arms. He looked at me, and I said: "What are you doing here, Zaccy?" He looked at me with burning eyes and said: "Juliet is dead. She has been dead for a long time. She would not like the way that I have lived my life. She would want me to move on with my life instead of only living half a live primarily in the past." Zaccy had for all the time that I have known him; he lived in the past and only living half. He had always been obsessed with Juliet´s memory. But today it felt like he was really here. To the first time in all the time that I have known him. He looked at me like he saw me… He really saw me…

"I know about Victor, about the cancer and about your newest child. And I am willing to do anything to be with you. I just want to be the one who holds you tonight and any other night. If you will let me of course…" There was something in his voice that I had never heard before, and maybe that was the reason that I said: "I would love that." The smile that he sent me, made my heart skip a beat, and almost made me believe in true love. Almost… And yet we both knew that this was not forever…

Russia – September 2017:

The first thing that I remember is pain. Unbelievable pain. Then the questions like: Where am I? What happened? And so on. Then I hear people talking Russian, so I guess that I am somewhere in Russia. And since it is Zuko, who has kidnapped me, so I believe that I am somewhere near or at the family house. The family house is the house that Zuko and I with the children lived in, while he and I were married. Good… I know who kidnapped me, and where I am. That is a beginning. As my head clears up, I look around. I am clearly at the family house… which is normally guarded by 50-100 men/women with weapons, who are trained to keep some people in and others out… I hear a door open, and I watch Zuko going into the room, where I am being held. There is no guards in the room, so he and I is all alone. And Zuko has none with him.

"My little bird, how are you today?" He sounds like did, when we were still a couple. Then he kisses me… What the Hell is going on?

"Little bird, please answer me… What is going on?" He sounds heartbroken, because I do not answer him. What is going on?

"Zuko… What am I doing here?"

"Why should you not be here?"

"We are no longer married."

"No, we are not, but that will change soon."

"What?"

"We are going to marry soon."

"What about the addict?"

"She is dead."

"I would say that I am sorry, but I am not. She is the reason for the end to our marriage."

"You are right. So right. But I did not see it, till it was too late. And by then you were gone, and she was dead."

"What about your son?"

"Do you mean Deke? He is our son." When Zuko says that, I laugh. He looks at me weirdly, and he says: "He is our son, so why are you laughing?" I look at me and say: "Deke is not your son through that you were the one, who gave the semen. That is, what you are a semen donor. I am his parent – his only parent. Do you understand?" This does not make Zuko happy, so he hits me repeatedly times. And some time I lose consciousness.

"Angelus, wake up." Victor says silently and shakes me. I open my eyes and see the man that I love standing before my very eyes. There is just one problem: Zuko is standing before him holding a gun, which is pointing at Victor, and before I can say anything, Zuko shoots Victor. He shoots Victor… Victor… Zuko… Victor… I am shaking while crying out Victor´s name. Victor… Zuko…

"Wake up, Victor." I cry.

"Wake up… Please I beg of you." I say crying. Why is he not waking up? He cannot be dead. Dead… no, no, no… He cannot be dead. I forbid it. Victor needs to be live – I need him alive. He needs to be alive. Then I lose it… When I lose, I really lose. Having the powers that I do can be wonderful, but also a curse… In this case I lose it. Last time I lost it, I almost destroyed a city. A city full of people. I killed 473 people… There is a big differentness between killing and murder. I should know. As a soldier: I have killed, but as a human: I have murdered. I have murdered a lot of people. Countless people. On so levels I understand that I do not deserve Victor. Damn I know that I do not deserve Victor dead or alive. But somehow I found him, and I fell for him – And somehow he also fell for me as hard as I did. And now he is dead… It is all my fault.

"Victor!" I yell high. So high that it clearly shocks Zuko.

"Why are you yelling?" Zuko yells. Victor is just lying there, and the blood is floating out of him. I am shaking, and I yell back to Zuko: "It is my entire fault that he is dead… Victor is dead because of us… It is all because of us."

"No, it is not my fault." Zuko yells back.

"It is all yours fault, my little bird. If it had not been for you, he would still be alive – not lying dead here on the floor. If he had never met you… when he would still be alive." Zuko yells. No, no, no… My breathing gets heavily, while I stare at the man that I once married, and I once loved… till I got enough of that life with a man, who loved his mistress more than me…Yes, both of us – Zuko and I had affairs, but none of them were allowed to be long termed affairs. And that deal… that deal broke Zuko… and with that he broke our marriages into a billion pieces. And I lose it. Too many memories… With all of my powers lose, the building falls down around my ears. A circle of air is the only thing that protects me… and Victor. Powers like mine are both a gift and a curse. When I use as much of them as I do today – I simply use them up till there is nothing left. After that it takes me weeks to get all of my powers backs. Zuko is dead now… because of me. Like Victor. Did Zuko deserve it? Some days I would say yes, but others no and come with a lot of arguments of why that is. I killed him… While I let in the guilt, I do not see what is happing right in front of me. I first do, when I heard him say my name.

One day later:

"Victor Benedict, do you take this woman to be your wife till only death do you part?" the priest asks. Victor looks at me with a big smile and says: "I do."

"Angelus Pendragon, do you take this man to be your husband, till only death do you part?"

"I do. And even in death he will still be my husband."

"You may kiss the bride."