By Leela Starsky.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The Millennium Falcon's arrival back with the Alliance was met with much fuss. A crowd had gathered around the ship before the ramp was properly down, and generals Rieekan and Madine were waiting for them at the bottom of the ramp. Leia watched their consternation grow as they realised that Solo and the Wookiee were not on board.
Luke had made her promise to see Gizela before they were de-briefed, but Leia didn't think she would have a choice. She and Luke were too much of a security risk. Leia forced herself to smile for Rieekan; he looked so relieved to see her. Madine looked suspicious as usual, particularly when Yoda had appeared on the ramp.
"Where's Solo?" the blonde general snapped.
"Han and Chewbacca were captured," Luke replied, and Leia suspected he'd deliberately left off the 'sir'.
Leia let Rieekan embrace her and wondered whether she and Luke would have joint or separate de-briefings. But, before she had time to think, let alone contact a medic, Leia found herself redirected into the Supreme Commander's office as Luke and the generals continued on to the de-briefing room.
Feeling perturbed, Leia settled in for what she surmised would be a mini-debriefing. Either that or the Supreme Commander wanted to inundate her with information about the current state of the Rebellion. Information the princess just wasn't in the right frame of mind to process. Nevertheless, Leia decided that she could use the opportunity to request official leave to rescue Solo. She didn't think her chances of being granted the leave were very high, but felt compelled to try and do things the 'right' way to start with.
Looking at the head of the Alliance, Leia couldn't help wondering what the woman considered so urgent that it demanded her attention now.
"You wanted to see me, Supreme Commander?"
"Yes. Leia, there's something you need to be made aware of before we go in to the de-briefing," the woman told her without meeting her eyes, then indicated the chair opposite. "Please sit."
Leia sat as Mon Mothma inserted a datachip into her computer, and found herself wondering about the significance of the Supreme Commander calling her by just her first name. She couldn't remember the last time the Chandrilese former senator had called her simply 'Leia'. It was always 'Princess' or 'Princess Leia'.
Mon Mothma turned the screen so that Leia could see it as well. "This was bought on Negavan by one of the Rouge Squadron pilots," the woman told her.
Leia frowned at Mon Mothma, then at the screen as she waited for the image to appear. She suspected the Supreme Commander was attempting to get her interested in the Rebellion's next military action by showing her some outrage or injustice perpetrated by the Empire. Was already rehearsing what she would say to the woman as an explanation for her non-participation when the screen came to life.
Leia leaned forward a little to see better and her eyes widened with shock as she immediately recognised the room on the screen. Not to mention the couple enthusiastically copulating on the bed in the middle of it. Nausea slammed into Leia full force and she put a hand over her mouth to muffle her gasp of shock.
"It was brought to our attention several weeks ago – out of concern for your safety. The pilot in question thought it might help us to find you and it was, in fact, how you were traced to Bespin.
"As far as I know, this is the only copy on the base," Mon Mothma continued conversationally, "but I could be wrong." She might have been discussing the catering for the next official function.
Leia could not have felt more devastated. As if discovering the Imperials had been watching her most intimate moments with Han on Cloud City hadn't been bad enough, now it seemed the bastards had sold their surveillance data galaxy wide. She looked at the Supreme Commander, her expression one of horror and mortification, and found herself being coldly scrutinised. There was no pity or understanding in the woman's eyes, just disappointment and condemnation.
Leia looked back at the screen to see that the image had shifted to a close up of Han's passion filled face as he enthusiastically mouthed her breast. Leia winced as she heard her own encouraging whispers. She closed her eyes momentarily, struggling to suppress her body's urge to vomit, and attempted to disassociate herself from the couple on the screen. Tried to regain control of her emotions by pretending it was someone else.
Then she heard Mon Mothma say, "I felt it was necessary to make you aware of the data's existence as it will be a major component of the de-briefing."
Leia tried to ignore the animalistic grunts from herself and Han on the screen as she forced herself to meet the Supreme Commander's eyes. Not content with simply taking Han from her, Vader had taken her most private moments with Han and turned them into something cheap, tawdry and disgusting. And while she knew Vader probably wasn't responsible for the data's distribution into the general populace, he obviously hadn't done anything to stop it either.
And now Mon Mothma was capitalising on it.
"This was an Imperial Surveillance recording," Leia told her flatly.
"I am aware of that," the woman replied. "A lot of time was spent studying it to find out where it had been recorded and the sort of security risk it might represent to the Alliance."
With dismay Leia realised that the data had been analysed to the finest degree by goddess knew how many people… She looked back at the screen and felt her gorge rise; had to swallow several times before it settled back into her stomach and sat there like a huge lump. For a moment she wondered how many people had seen the data but dismissed it as something she had no control over. The fact that the Supreme Commander was now attempting to shame her with it infuriated her.
One thing was certain; whether or not the Alliance defeated the Empire eventually, there was no chance of her having a career in politics after this. There was certainly no way she would be taken seriously among Rebel Alliance hierarchy any longer. Leia swallowed bitterly. So Vader had killed her life with the Rebellion too. Steadily taken everything from her until all she was left with was herself.
It was almost liberating.
For a moment Leia wondered whether she should really ruin the Supreme Commander's day and tell her about the pregnancy, but swiftly decided it was none of Mon Mothma's business.
Leia heard herself shriek delightedly on the small screen between them, and couldn't help watching as Solo rolled them so that she was on top. Leia-on-screen then proceeded to rock her hips enthusiastically in his lap, ardently and eagerly fucking her lover.
"This is an Imperial Surveillance recording," Leia repeated irritably. "Han scanned for surveillance devices as soon as we arrived-"
"Of course he did," the Supreme Commander agreed without looking at her and the sarcastic edge to her comment was unmistakable.
Leia stiffened angrily. "I am not going to apologise to you or anyone else for something Han and I thought we were doing in private," she snapped. "The fact that it has since become an object of pornography is nothing less than a complete violation of our rights! And to confront me with it the way you have…" Leia could feel Dark Force tingling at the edge of her awareness, beckoning her to use it, and felt even angrier that Mon Mothma could draw such a response from her. She glared at the woman. "Making it seem like we were committing some sort of crime," she finished. "How dare you."
"I understand, Leia," the Supreme Commander said, suddenly placating, while she switched off the screen and removed the data chip. "Sometimes I forget how young you are. This was an error in judgement-"
The comment about her age infuriated Leia even more. "The only error in judgement I consider we committed was in trusting Han's scanner!" she told the woman hotly. "I refuse to let you make me feel ashamed of what we did! Han and I were having sex. So what? Billions of humans do it everyday! Even if it had just been casual sex between us, you have no right to treat me as though we were doing something-" Leia hunted for the right word then finished, "depraved!"
"No, I wouldn't call your behaviour 'depraved'," Mon Mothma agreed stiffly, "but I'm sure your father would not have approved."
For a moment Leia was rendered speechless. She felt so angry that she was almost tempted to tell the woman who her real father was. That it was her real father who had ordered the surveillance, which had produced the data that had so horrified and scandalised the Supreme Commander.
But, instead, she felt a cold acceptance settle over her and got to her feet. "I herewith officially resign from the Alliance," she said flatly.
"Now, Leia-"
"After that recording," she told the Supreme Commander matter-of-factly, and indicated the now silent screen with her hand, "no one is going to take me seriously. There is no place for me here."
"Leia, you're being unreasonable."
I'm being unreasonable? Leia thought, then smiled to herself. I'm only just getting started!
"I resign all rank and privileges," she continued, "and will leave Alliance sanctuary immediately following the debriefing."
Ignoring Mon Mothma's request to return to the desk, Leia headed for the door, but the door opened before she reached it to reveal Yoda standing on the other side. He fixed her with a gaze that told the princess in no uncertain terms that he had felt her brush with the Dark Side, then turned his attention on the Supreme Commander.
Mon Mothma's reaction was memorable to say the least. She got to her feet and regarded the Jedi Master with shock as she managed to stammer, "Master Yoda?"
So she knows him, Leia thought with profound curiosity. How interesting.
"Await you at the de-briefing we do," Yoda said in his distinctive manner, and Leia had no doubts that he meant both her and the Supreme Commander.
"I guess we'd better get a move on then?" Leia replied sarcastically, and was once again the recipient of Yoda's displeased gaze. She caught Mon Mothma glancing at her and could have sworn the woman looked guilty. He makes her uncomfortable, Leia realised. This is going to be very interesting.
Stifling an arrogant smirk, Leia led the way out of Mon Mothma's office and into the room a little way down the corridor that was commonly used for higher level meetings and de-briefings.
"Here they are," Rieekan announced cheerfully as they entered, and smiled warmly at Leia.
The other generals, Dodonna and Madine, barely glanced at her as she entered the room and Leia found herself looking to Luke for reassurance, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. That was when she realised they'd already been watching the data from Bespin. The data Mon Mothma had just shown her.
Turn around, Leia told herself. Turn around and walk out. You don't have to take this.
Rieekan and Antilles were the only ones there who seemed prepared to look her in the eye; Antilles even started to smile at her. But the expression that flitted across Mon Mothma's face as she took her place at the head of the table was one that Leia could only describe as victorious.
The woman smiled coolly at everyone in the room and her smug confidence rekindled Leia's anger. Which ironically gave her own confidence a much-needed boost, and she forced herself to sit in the vacant seat beside Luke. Yoda had taken up position at the opposite end of the table from Mon Mothma, in a chair that had been adjusted for his size.
Madine jumped straight to the point. "Princess, the Supreme Commander has made you aware of the data we have in our possession?" Leia did not reply, her answer implicit in her silence. She made a point of activating the small screen in front of her so that she could see what they were referring to, and was faced with the frozen image of herself, Solo and Chewbacca in the cell on Cloud City. An image that triggered a physical response so painful that Leia almost couldn't breathe. Han was lying on the hard pallet, just returned from his session on the scan grid, and she was comforting him.
Madine carried on. "Commander Antilles has brought back an unedited version," he said. "One that shows your Imperial incarceration on Cloud City."
Leia was having trouble taking in his words. This was exactly how Solo had looked the last time she'd seen him. Haggard, traumatised… She jammed her hands between her knees so that the others wouldn't see how much they were shaking and wondered how Madine and his cronies had managed to watch so much of the new data already. It didn't occur to her, in her current state, that Antilles had been through the data already and had brought selective points to their attention.
"There is a discrepancy in the data we have of your time on Bespin," Madine continued. "A period of time while Solo and the Wookiee are being tortured when you are not under surveillance. We need to know exactly what happened to you in that time."
Leia swallowed and tried to recall her time with Vader dispassionately. "Vader took me to the surveillance room," she said. "Made me watch while they tortured Han." She looked across at the blonde general and found herself being coldly scrutinised. Just like Mon Mothma had done. Leia felt a deep-seated defiance flare up within her and there was a challenging note in her voice as she added, "Told me some stuff. The usual, you know."
"'Told you some stuff'," Madine quoted, then smiled sarcastically and asked, "What stuff?"
Leia felt a sudden and irrational desire to tell him, but recognised it as a purely selfish desire to shock. Shock them all with the truth. But she curbed her desire and replied flatly, "He gloated about the surveillance; about watching Han and I." No one said anything, but she heard some of them shift uncomfortably in their chairs. Her eyes dared Madine to question what she meant and he averted his gaze.
Looking at the blonde general, Leia realised that the man's appearance had changed since she'd last seen him. She hadn't seen him for over two months and used the puzzle of trying to figure out exactly what had changed to distance herself from the trauma of the memories they were forcing her to dig up.
"Of course," she added sarcastically, "he didn't mention he was going to sell the surveillance galaxy wide."
Leia could feel the discomfort in the room and wondered whether it was being amplified by the Force or if she was just more sensitive to the underlying tension.
Dodonna cleared his throat and switched off the data flowing to their screens. The image of Solo vanished as he asked, "And on Vader's ship?"
"I was locked up the entire time," Leia replied flatly. "I saw nothing and nobody until we got to Coruscant." She glanced sideways at her brother and added, "Not even Luke.
"I was brought before the Emperor briefly," she continued. "He seemed to find me very amusing until I almost succeeded in killing him with Vader's lightsabre." That declaration animated them somewhat, but Leia ignored their murmurs of disbelief and added, "Then he used Force lighting on me."
The revelation that the Emperor was a Force-user and, more particularly, a Dark Force user was not lost on those present. They were definitely excited now, and started arguing about the ramifications. Yoda launched into a portentous dialogue about the Sith, but Leia found it difficult to keep her attention focussed on the discussion. The images Mon Mothma had forced on her kept repeating in her head. Over and over and over… Han holding her, caressing her, loving her.
The desperate ache she had been carrying in her heart since Solo had been put in carbonite suddenly became unbearable and she felt tears spring in her eyes. She wiped a hand across her face in an attempt to conceal the tears with a not entirely false display of tiredness, and felt the gentle touch of a hand on her leg.
Luke's hand. A subtle squeeze that told her he was there for her. A sign of affection and caring that made her desire to cry even stronger. Leia put her own hand over his and repeated the gesture. Solidarity between friends. Friends who had so recently discovered they were siblings as well as offspring of the second most evil being in the galaxy.
The pain around her heart intensified and Leia closed her eyes; felt a soothing balm through the Force from Luke and drew it to herself gratefully.
The questioning had shifted to their escape from Vader's Super Star Destroyer and now they were interrogating Luke about his Jedi training as well as about the Jedi Master he had brought back with him.
Looking at the small, green Jedi at the end of the table, Leia couldn't help wondering what their reactions to Yoda had been. She got the distinct impression that Mon Mothma was the only one who fully understood the ramifications of Yoda's re-emergence onto the political stage. But that could have been because the Supreme Commander was the only one among them who remembered the Jedi Master from the days before the Empire. The Jedi Master's agenda was anyone's guess, and Leia was looking forward to hearing his answers when the questioning turned to him.
They questioned Leia about her time on Dagobah and Leia expressed little but her irritation at being there when she should have been rescuing Solo. Luke had deliberately omitted any reference to her having Jedi abilities and Leia did not contradict him. Nor did Yoda, much to Leia's relief. She was more than happy for them to think she had ended up on Dagobah simply because Luke had insisted on going straight back to Yoda after escaping from Vader. And they seemed reassured that Luke had returned to his Jedi Master for guidance after spending time with Vader.
Thinking about Vader turned Leia's thoughts to the child in her womb and the difficult path ahead of her. The threat from the Emperor disturbed her deeply, and Leia sought the comfort and reassuring presence of her daughter, felt an answering caress. I love you, she told her daughter silently. No matter what happens, I will always love you.
Leia had come to the conclusion that Palpatine intended to make a Dark Jedi of the child she was carrying. A new Sith Lord. Not only was she Vader's genetic stock, the fact that Solo's mother had been a Jedi would doubtless add weight to the Jedi gene-pool coded into every cell of the child's body. It would increase her desirability to an irresistible level as far as the Emperor was concerned, and Yoda's portentous warnings that the child was already very strong with the Force simply confirmed that conclusion in Leia's mind.
For the first time, Leia seriously considered the course she would need to take to keep her child safe, and wondered what Han's suggested solution would be? Flee to the other side of the galaxy? An echo of the wish he had shared with her just before they'd reached Bespin came back to her: The full fantasy; run away together.
Leia raised her eyes to look at Yoda and then at Mon Mothma. Perhaps that was the answer?
Leia wondered if she could avoid telling the Alliance about her pregnancy. She had vowed to leave, so it was not something they needed to know. The thought of leaving the Alliance, of giving up what had essentially been her reason for living since Alderaan, was almost crippling. Yet, what else could she do? After the data that Mon Mothma had shown her…
Leia closed her eyes as the images flooded her brain once more and mingled with the treasured memories there. Seeing Han make love to her was bringing all her desperate feelings of loss to the fore. Her need to hold him, and be held by him, was all encompassing. And thinking about the torment she had felt from him on Dagobah…
Helplessness was not a feeling Leia Organa handled well, and the tears trickled out from under her lids despite her efforts to contain them, burning trails of scalding embarrassment down her cheeks. So she took refuge in controlling her emotions the most effective way she knew how: by summoning her anger. Anger she couldn't help but focus on the leaders of the Alliance, particularly Mon Mothma. To feel so belittled by someone she had looked up to and respected all her life left her seething.
I hate you, Leia thought vehemently, and opened her eyes to glare hotly at the object of her ire. Mon Mothma was completely focussed on the Jedi Master at the other end of the table, arguing about security.
I hate you.
Something slapped her hard enough that she saw stars and, bizarrely, Leia finally recognised what it was about Madine's appearance that had changed. The general had somehow sprouted a thick head of hair! For a man who had always kept his thinning hair clipped short, to find him with a sudden and obviously unnatural, thick head of hair was seriously amusing. Han is going to have a field day with this one, she thought, then she slipped into unconsciousness.
….
Leia woke to find herself in the medcentre with no recollection of getting there. She was in a private room, under dim, sleep-shift lighting, and sitting at the end of her bed, on her bed, was the Jedi Master.
Leia shifted, attempting to work moisture back into her tongue, while trying to remember how she had got here. Moving made her aware that she had something strapped to her left arm, and she paused to look at it. Raised her arm to confirm it was nothing more insidious than an infuser, then let her arm flop back onto the bedcovers.
She remembered the debriefing, or part of it. She thought she remembered getting angry…
Leia looked at the small, green Jedi on the end of her bed and decided that he was the reason she was in the medcentre.
"What'd you do to me?" she croaked dryly, and started to sit up.
Nausea crashed over her like a wave and she hastily covered her mouth, scrambled out of the bed and into the ensuite 'fresher. The down side of being hydrated was that it meant there was something in her stomach to throw up.
Some minutes later, she emerged from the 'fresher looking haggard and wrung out, and fell back onto the narrow bed, laying as she fell, too exhausted to be bothered rearranging herself into a comfortable position.
Was it really worth all this suffering? Did she want the child that much?
Leia took a deep breath and dismissed the question as the irrational rambling of a woman at the end of her endurance. She twisted her head slightly and regarded the Jedi Master with one eye.
"Are you here to protect me, or to protect everyone else from me?"
One ear twitched, but Yoda remained silent.
A medic entered the room, doubtless brought by her brief absence from the bed, and fussed checking her infuser and the bio-readings on the small screen behind the bed.
"How are you feeling, Princess?" the medic asked automatically.
"Terrible," Leia replied with feeling.
"Were you vomiting?" he asked and Leia nodded, realising he probably knew why.
"Can you give me something for the nausea?"
"You'll have to discuss that with Doctor Shalleron in the morning," he said. "Can I get you anything? A drink? Something to eat?"
The thought of putting food in her mouth almost made her retch again, yet Leia knew she was hungry.
"Soup?" she murmured hopefully.
"I'll see what I can do," the medic said, and left the room, closing the door behind him.
Leia looked back at the Jedi and, sighing at the inevitability of the lecture she knew she was about to get, forced herself to sit up. Her stomach rolled, threatening to send her back to the 'fresher, and she hung her head in her hands and moaned to the universe in general, "Oh, goddess…"
She felt his approach down the bed and opened her eyes to find herself looking at two scaly, clawed feet. She stared at the feet for a moment then, summoning her courage and resolve, raised her eyes to meet his. And saw in them a very deep concern.
"Much anger in you, Leia Organa," he said portentously. "Like your father."
The first words he'd said to her. On Dagobah. Leia felt her mood darken in direct response and growled, "Did you just come here to insult me, or are you here to tell me something constructive?"
"Return with me you must," he told her matter-of-factly.
"What?" He wanted her to go back to the swamp?
"Return with me now or walk your father's path you will."
Leia felt a genuine stab of fear. She could feel the truth in his words. And in them found an answer to the dilemma of keeping her child safe. She would run away to Dagobah and stay there for as long as it took. Until her daughter was grown if necessary.
But first she had to rescue Han.
"I have to find Han," she said. "But I promise-" Her words trailed off as Yoda lowered his gaze sadly. "Master Yoda," she said, using his title for the first time, "I promise I'll come."
His eyes met hers once more. "Paid for his arrogance with his hand, your brother did; what will the cost for you be? If you walk the Dark path, Leia Organa, take your child with you, you will. Will your lover thank you then?"
Leia buried her head against her knees and fisted her hands in her hair, her face screwed into an expression of torment as she relived Han's agony.
"You're asking me to choose between Han and my daughter?" she said through clenched teeth.
"Others there are who can save your lover," he said.
"No!" she said reflexively, then felt a calm certainty settle over her and looked at him as she repeated, "No." She found herself searching his gaze as she said with conviction, "If I don't go he'll die." She looked away for a moment, stunned at her own surety, then looked back to see evasive regret in the Jedi Master's eyes. "And you know that. Don't you?"
Yoda dropped his gaze to her belly and admitted, "Concerned you will do the Emperor's work for him I am."
"Do you think I would do anything to endanger my daughter?"
"To save your lover? Yes."
Leia opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "Like your mother," he said gravely. "Saved your father, but nearly lost you in the process."
Leia sat back aghast. So Yoda had known her mother was pregnant, had known she was not Bail's child. All these years…
Sudden revelation swept over her and she said, "You put the blocks in my head. To stop me from using the Force. To protect me from Vader."
"With your mother's help and consent," Yoda admitted.
Leia looked away, into her past, as so much of it unexpectedly made sense. When she looked at him again her eyes were full of reluctant gratitude. "You saved my life on the Death Star," she said softly, and Yoda inclined his head briefly, a humble acceptance of her appreciation.
The door hissed open and the medic entered carrying a food pack. He eyed the small Jedi suspiciously then smiled at Leia as he handed her the package.
"It's a green soup," he told her apologetically, "but it was the best I could do."
Leia gave him a reassuring smile and said as she unsealed the package, "I'm sure it'll be fine." But the moment she looked at the yellowy-green liquid, Leia knew it wouldn't be.
The air triggered a thermal reaction to a chemical in the soup, heating it in her hand and, a moment later the soup's distinctive aroma reached her. Leia thrust it back at the medic and fled to the 'fresher.
The medic smiled apologetically at the Jedi Master. "I think it's the colour," he said. "Human women do it every time. Pregnant ones anyway." He looked awkwardly at the pack in his hand then at the 'fresher door. "I'll go see if I can find something else," he muttered.
Leia emerged warily from the 'fresher a moment later and winced as she realised she could still smell the soup. She found herself longing for the soup that was on the Falcon and wondered if they'd let her out of the medcentre to go get some.
The medic returned as she was climbing into the bed and she eyed him doubtfully.
"Dry biscuits," he assured her, handing her another package and a large cup. "And sweet, carbonated lemon." Leia pulled a face and he assured her, "I've been told many times it's the best cure for nausea." He shrugged. "Maybe it's the sugar? It seems to work though."
Leia took a tentative sip of the sweet, fizzy drink, then another. And another. Then she burped. She looked at the medic and realised that she did feel marginally better.
He smiled. "Call me if you need anything," he said, and left the room.
Leia took a decent swig of the fizzy lemon and decided to give the biscuits a try. Tentatively nibbling on one, she turned her attention back to Yoda.
"What now?" she asked.
"When well enough to travel you are, return to my world we will," he said.
"After we rescue Han," she corrected.
Yoda sighed heavily. "Come see you later I will," he said, and climbed off the bed.
Leia watched him leave and felt profound relief as the door closed behind him. She felt as though even her thoughts were under scrutiny whenever he was around.
Yoda hadn't answered her question of whether he had caused her abrupt departure from the debriefing, and she deliberately hadn't asked him again. But, if the chrono beside her bed was to be believed, she had been 'asleep' for at least eight hours. Something that had to have been Force or chemical induced. Leia wanted to talk to Gizela, and she wanted to talk to Luke. She took another drink of lemon and wondered how cross her brother would be if she woke him. Perhaps he would bring her some soup from the Falcon?
She turned and looked at the bio-display beside the bed and wondered if she'd been scanned. Wondered if her baby had been scanned. Wondered if she could access Solo's file and find out when he'd had his last contraceptive shot.
Although Leia had accepted her pregnancy, she still wanted to know how it had happened. Yoda's appraisal that it was Force inspired just wasn't good enough; Leia had to have a scientific explanation. Despite the fact that she and Gizela Shalleron had been friends for several years now, Leia fully expected to be reprimanded by the woman for being irresponsible enough to get pregnant. She remembered her own outrage when Gizela had offered her a contraceptive shot before she and Solo had gone on their ill-fated mission to Ord Mantell. Like the rest of the base, it seemed Gizela had assumed that she and Solo would finally 'do it' enroute. They hadn't of course, but the irony was that if she had taken the offered contraceptive at the time, she wouldn't be pregnant now.
Leia suspected that Gizela would offer to terminate her pregnancy and wondered how she would justify her own unwillingness to comply. Terminating it would solve so many problems, starting with the Emperor and whatever he had planned for the child. But, having felt her daughter, touched her soul so to speak, Leia knew she would fight to the death for her.
She finished the last biscuit, washing it down with the last of the carbonated drink, and contemplated her room for a moment. Still feeling hungry, she decided to go in search of more, and hoped the night medic would leave her alone.
Opening the door, Leia peered out into the main medcentre area. There were several patients on the critical beds in the main area, and all of them appeared to be asleep. The medic station was unattended, and she guessed he was with another patient. As she oriented herself to the familiar surroundings, Leia couldn't believe her luck. She was in the room beside Gizela's office. Which had to have been Gizela's doing. Making sure there was no sign of the night medic, Leia closed the door to her room, ducked into Gizela Shalleron's office and closed the door behind her. If the medic noticed the alert on his screen that she was out of her bed, with any luck he would simply assume she was in her 'fresher throwing up the biscuits and fizzy lemon.
With the practiced ease of someone who was used to accessing information illegally, Leia matter-of-factly sat in her friend's chair and activated her terminal. Normally she would have been able to access the data using her own high-ranking codes. This time, however, she had to assume that, until she was cleared as a risk to Alliance security, using her own codes would register as a security breach, lock her out completely, and have security down here investigating the attempted breach. And there was also the chance that Mon Mothma had taken her resignation seriously, in which case her personal codes would definitely be locked out.
Unwilling to take the risk, Leia spent the extra time and hacked into the system the underhanded way. She knew Gizela would not be pleased, but that was something she could ignore. A moment later she accessed her own file and scrolled quickly through the data until she reached the most recent entry. Gizela had given her a full, comprehensive scan. Not taking any chances, it seemed.
The first shock came when she realised that Gizela had given her daughter a file name of 'Organa-Solo', and her immediate reaction was to wonder how her friend had known Solo was the father. She felt an automatic affront at the medic's assumption, then realised that the data from Bespin was a pretty good clue.
Leia wasn't sure how she felt about giving her child that label; Organa-Solo sounded so… married. She couldn't help wondering what Han would think about it. Would he be affronted that his name had been used? Or pleased?
The second shock came with seeing the scanned image of the child growing inside her. Leia was aghast at how much like a baby she looked. The body was small in proportion to the head, but Leia could see the child's arms and legs quite clearly; could even make out fingers and toes. She wondered what she had expected to see? Some sort of blob perhaps?
The child on the screen was moving constantly; rolling and kicking, and Leia stared at her in awe. Here was the presence she had been feeling since Dagobah. Seeing her like this made the child more real somehow, more alive. Leia pressed her hand against her belly and wondered if her daughter was moving like that right now. And, if so, why she couldn't feel the acrobatics.
As an afterthought, she studied the written data beside the picture. It gave her all her daughter's current statistics as well as the results from the various tests Gizela had run. She didn't understand all of them but, from what she could tell, her daughter seemed perfect. She had ten fingers and ten toes, two eyes, two ears, a mouth, a nose…
Leia frowned and increased the magnification on the child's face, then gazed in wonderment at her daughter's features and found herself suddenly overcome with emotion. Astounded that she and Han had created something so complex. So perfect.
Without trying.
She reduced the image back to its original magnification and noticed an estimated delivery date at the bottom of the screen. A date that was only five months away, which was a frightening prospect. No, Leia corrected herself, not frightening:terrifying. From the little she knew about childbirth, it was anything but pleasant and potentially dangerous for mother and baby.
This was something to take into consideration if she was seriously planning to run away to Dagobah. The prospect of giving birth in a swamp was anything but appealing. What if there were complications? And if she left the Alliance, what medcentre could she go to? Where would she be safe?
Leia rested her elbows on the desk and hung her head in her hands. Her life had always been complex, but these new complications made her old life look positively simple. So much to worry about. And to make ninety percent of it go away, all she had to do was terminate the pregnancy.
And that was out of the question.
She was lost in thought, staring at the image on the screen, when the door opened. Leia looked up guiltily, then felt a slight lessening of her guilt when she realised it was Gizela standing in the doorway. She started to offer an apologetic smile, but quickly smothered it as her friend's expression turned even stormier.
Leia hastily got to her feet as she said, "I was just-"
"I don't want to hear it," Gizela snapped. She moved in behind her desk as Leia stepped away, and checked to see what files the princess had been looking at. Gizela Shalleron was only a little taller than Leia, with fiery red hair and a Corellian temperament.
"Interfering in medical records is worthy of a court martial, Princess," the medic said darkly, and Leia frowned at her friend. It was unlike Gizela to react with such hostility.
"I didn't-"
"You did!" Gizela hissed angrily. "If anyone but me had walked in that door, Leia, you'd be under arrest right now." She sat, indicating for Leia to do the same. "And I am livid that you would put my staff in the position of having to report you!"
Leia remained standing. "I looked at my own file. Nothing else," she said.
"It didn't occur to you to call me?"
"The night medic said I could talk to you in the morning…I didn't want to wake you."
"As it so happens, I wasn't in bed, but I would much rather have had the chance to tell you to piss off and be patient than be called in by one of my staff who didn't want the responsibility of reporting you. I have a medcentre full of patients, Leia; I really do have better things to do."
"I'm sorry," Leia said contritely, and started for the door. "I'll go." Her friend's reaction was totally unexpected and she intended to return to her room so she could put as much space between them as possible. Until Gizela had calmed down at least.
But the medic got to her feet. "You'll sit," she said firmly, pointing at the chair on the other side of the desk. When Leia didn't leap to obey, the redhead stabbed her finger at the chair and repeated, "Sit!"
Leia sat and Gizela settled once more, checking the file Leia had left open.
"You've had a look, I see." Leia nodded and Gizela continued, "The pregnancy itself seems perfectly healthy. There's no damage or scarring from the genetic testing. The placenta is in an excellent position and is functioning perfectly."
"Why can't I feel her?" Leia asked.
"You'll start to feel her from about 14 weeks," Gizela said. "Maybe earlier, but with a first it's usually 14 weeks. She's six centimetres long – perfect for seven weeks gestation." Abruptly she looked up from the data-screen at Leia, her expression serious. "You do have options you know."
Leia knew exactly what the medic was suggesting and told her flatly, "I'm not going to terminate, Giz."
"I'm not just talking termination, Leia. You also have the option of putting the pregnancy on hold so to speak. Remove the foetus and place it in cryogenic suspension. That way you can replant it in your uterus when you feel the time is right or, if you so choose, find a surrogate womb."
Leia found herself unable to breathe as a hot wave washed over her, followed by a surge in the ever-present nausea. Freeze her baby? The similarity to what had happened to Han made it unthinkable. She put a hand over her mouth as her stomach heaved and was unable to make eye contact with her friend.
"Nausea bad, hmm?" she heard Gizela ask, and nodded.
"Can you give me something?" Leia asked from behind her hand.
Gizela sighed and said apologetically, "If this was an Imperial medcentre, yes. But, as you know, we only have the bare essentials. And hormonal nausea treatment is just not something you stock for in a triage situation."
Leia nodded. So she would suffer the nausea.
"I've heard it's the worst part of the whole pregnancy deal if that's any encouragement," Gizela said.
Leia closed her eyes for a moment, willing the nausea down, and tried to distract herself by thinking about something else.
"How did you know?" she asked, then clarified, "About the tests."
"Luke told me when they brought you in here. To tell you the truth, I'm surprised you're still pregnant. That particular test invariably results in the loss of the embryo."
"Then why am I still pregnant?"
Gizela considered for a moment, then admitted, "I honestly don't know. Luck? The two weeks of enforced bed-rest that you had on the Executor would have helped."
There was a lengthy silence between them, then the doctor asked, "Have you thought of a name for her yet?"
Leia shook her head. "Han told me he was sterile," she said quietly, knowing she needed to ask the question that had been plaguing her since she'd discovered she was pregnant.
Gizela frowned. "He should have been," she agreed and busied herself at the terminal. "He's been having the con-shot for years…"
"Ten years, he told me. I thought maybe he'd missed his last shot?"
Gizela had obviously called up Solo's file because she spent a moment reading then shook her head. "Nope. He had it just after we got to Hoth."
"Then how am I pregnant?"
Gizela appeared genuinely flummoxed. "I have no idea." She read further down his file then said, "Wait a minute…"
Here we go, Leia thought cynically. The great medical fuck-up that caused it all.
"He had an exceptionally long bacta emersion after that cave-in you were both caught in."
Leia nodded. "He nearly died."
"It doesn't make sense though…" Gizela muttered.
"What?"
"Well, the bacta washed the contraceptive out of his system."
"It did?" Leia was alarmed. That was a side effect she would need to keep in mind for the future.
"The problem is," Gizela continued, "Han's been on this so long he's effectively sterile."
"Obviously," Leia muttered churlishly.
"Even with it being washed out of his system it should have taken him at least four months to reach full potency." Gizela frowned across the desk at Leia. "If he'd been trying to get you pregnant, it probably would have taken at least a year."
"So… what are you telling me?"
"I'm telling you he didn't lie," Gizela said firmly, and met her eyes to add emphasis to her words.
"Then how?"
"The only thing I can think of is that it had something to do with whatever it was that brought him back from the brink of death. That was nothing short of a miracle. And for him to achieve such high potency in such a short time..."
Leia blanched as she abruptly remembered her unwitting use of the Force that had brought Solo back from the dead. The way it had healed him completely; even cured his frostbite… and Gizela's astonishment that he had seemed healthier than before.
The medic sensed her unease immediately. "What?" she asked. "What have you thought of?"
The pregnancy was her own doing Leia realised suddenly, albeit unknowing. The bacta had removed the contraceptive from Solo's system, but she had returned him to full potency. Luke's little Jedi Master had insisted the conception was Force inspired and it seemed he was right.
"It was me," Leia confessed. She sighed and wiped a hand across her face, and muttered, "Goddess, I did it to myself!"
"You're not making sense yet."
"I have the Force, Gizzy," Leia admitted.
"The Force?"
"Luke said it was me at the time and it turns out he was right. I healed Han somehow and-"
"Are you serious?" Gizela's disbelief was palpable and she almost laughed.
It was the sort of reaction Leia herself would have been guilty of not so long ago. It was the sort of reaction she had given Luke when he'd first voiced his suspicions about Solo's miraculous recovery. Leia's expression told her friend that she thought it was anything but funny and Gizela hastily stilled the humour in her voice.
"I'm sorry," she said quickly, "it's just so-"
Leia shook her head tiredly. "It's all right, Giz. The whole thing is insane." A thought occurred to her and she asked, "What happened in the debriefing? How did I end up here?"
"You fainted."
Leia regarded her sceptically and wondered whether her friend believed that or if she thought she was protecting her. Leia knew she hadn't fainted. Something had hit her.
"Is that why the Jedi is here?" Gizela asked. "Because of you?"
Leia nodded reluctantly. He doesn't trust me, she thought. He thinks I'm going to go bad…
"And the baby," Leia said. "He wants to protect her."
"From?"
"The Emperor."
"The Emperor?! What does he want her for?"
"He wants to make another Darth Vader out of her."
"He thinks she's Force sensitive, too?"
"He doesn't think it, Giz." Leia sighed and admitted sadly, "Yoda, Luke, Vader. Even Palpatine. They could all sense her."
Gizela sounded deeply disturbed as she opined, "That is seriously creepy." She considered for a moment, then asked, "And you have it too? Why wasn't this picked up when you were a child? Weren't you tested?"
"Yoda put a block on me as a child. Made sure I didn't…manifest."
Gizela immediately leapt to the conclusion, "Because of the purges!"
Leia wanted to tell her friend the truth; longed to share the burden, but this involved Luke too and telling someone else, bringing it into this part of her life, would make it far too real. Instead she took refuge in her friend's assumption and simply nodded.
"How's Luke?" she asked, deliberately changing the subject.
Gizela smiled as she replied, "Considering what he's been through, he's doing remarkably well."
"Is his hand-"
"They did an amazing job with his hand," Gizela said. "We'd have been hard pressed to do anything near that standard. He's very lucky."
Lucky? Leia couldn't even comprehend the term in reference to what they'd been through, but before she could say something to that effect Gizela admitted, "I was just watching the Bespin data that Antilles brought back. Seeing Luke go up against Vader like that… It's a wonder he's alive at all."
Leia felt her face burn with embarrassment and picked at imaginary imperfections in the weave of her pants so she wouldn't have to meet Gizela's eyes. Nevertheless, she growled darkly, "Mon Mothma was very selective in the part she showed me."
Gizela winced and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry," she said.
"I've resigned, you know."
Whatever Gizela had been expecting her to say, it wasn't that. Leia could hear the surprise and confusion in her voice as she said, "You what?"
"From the Alliance."
The medic considered her response for a moment before replying carefully, "Leia, the Alliance is your life."
Leia still couldn't meet her friend's eyes.
"You resigned because of that data?" Gizela clarified, then assured her gently, "It was an Imperial Surveillance recording, Leia. There was nothing you could have done about it."
"I know, I know. I just wish…Mon Mothma saw it that way."
"So, your resignation was a reaction to her showing you this?"
"Among other things."
"Like being pregnant," Gizela surmised.
Leia wished that her pregnancy was the only reason, and said, "Like having to find Han."
Gizela wiped a hand across her face and muttered, "I can't believe he's alive either."
The pain and terror she had felt from Solo washed over Leia afresh and she told the doctor in a voice that brooked no argument, "He is."
Nevertheless, from the expression that flitted across the doctor's face, Leia got the distinct impression that her friend was allowing her the fantasy of believing she could rescue Han. Anything to help her cope with the loss.
Well, if Leia had her way, she and Luke would be on their way to Tatooine by tomorrow morning, and the Alliance could make of it whatever they wanted.