Storybrooke, Maine; Pre-Season 1

Letting him sleep her in her house had been stupid. Making him breakfast the next morning had been downright idiotic. In a moment of weakness, she'd let old memories get in the way of what really mattered. Her revenge.

Hurting Jefferson wasn't worth anything if she was there to tuck him in at the end of the day.

But when he'd shown up at her door in the middle of the night screaming her name, he'd almost (for a few brief seconds) looked like a reckless, handsome young portal jumper who she'd foolishly believed to be worth loving. That had been a long time ago—back when she'd been quite rash herself.

There were a lot of memories to not think about. Sometimes, when she caught him staring at her from across the bar or the grocery store, she couldn't keep them all down. Their first dance—he'd shown up out of the blue, and she'd invited him to her chambers.

Not for romance—just to tell him that there was nothing he could do for her.

He hadn't kissed her then, but she hadn't told him that he couldn't come back. In hindsight, it should have been obvious what was going to happen. Maybe she'd even known it at the time. Not that she'd end up sleeping with him—that didn't matter.

Sleeping with him hadn't been a mistake.

Falling in love with him was what she'd done wrong, and she'd paid dearly for it.

Things were different now. They were both well out of love—they had been for years. Leaving someone in Wonderland was a good way to go cold turkey on a relationship.

Sometimes she thought that maybe she should have left him there, with her mother, to rot. That things would be better if he never got caught up in the curse. Then, the first time she'd seen how much he was suffering in Storybrooke, any doubts about Jefferson's ultimate fate had vanished.

In Wonderland, he'd been too lost in madness to truly feel the pain that he deserved. Here, he could feel pain—and she could watch him hurt.

Letting him into her house had been a one-time mistake. Regina supposed that it had been late. If she'd left him there to tire himself out, he might have caused a scene. That was the last thing that she needed.

The next time that she saw him was two weeks later at the grocery store. He looked well-kept, but tired. Although Jefferson had always been incredibly vain, the importance of appearance in the Land Without Magic had brought his routine to a whole new level.

She wasn't sure which of them spent more time on their hair.

"Madam Mayor." He said dryly when she joined him in the checkout line. "Always a pleasure to see you."

"And the same to you, Jefferson." She said tenderly, warmth spreading through her chest when she saw out utterly exhausted he looked. Had he even slept since their last encounter? "I hope that you've been well."

"Wonderful." He laughed, and set down a bottle of whiskey on the conveyer belt with just a little too much conviction. It was followed by a few more mundane items—pasta, broccoli, a prescription from the pharmacy in the back of the store. At least he was eating.

She didn't want him to die. Not when there was still time for him to hurt more.

The girl beyond the counter smiled at both of them. In the Enchanted Forest she'd been a servant in King Leopold's castle—someone sent to spy on Regina to make sure that the young queen was behaving.

In Storybrooke, in the past that had never been, she'd gone to high school with Regina and Jefferson. It was easy to keep the memories of her Storybrooke persona at bay. She was self-aware. She knew that they weren't real.

Despite that, it was disconcerting to know that both she and Jefferson remembered a past that had never been. Remembered awkwardly fumbling in the backseat of Jefferson's car at age sixteen. Regina deciding that they should just be friends. Jefferson's face when she told him.

The fake story that the curse had weaved for them was much more innocent than the truth. Much safer than Jefferson fucking her in Leopold's bed while the king and his precious snowflake were away for the weekend, leaving Regina behind and all-alone in the castle.

As they left the grocery store together, Regina enjoyed the way that Jefferson tensed whenever she looked at him. Between them there were only two bags of groceries, and the hatter took the queen's without being asked.

They paused at the mayor's car, and he set down her bag in the trunk of her care without a word.

"Thank you. I'll see you around, Jefferson." She said as he turned to leave.

"No." Jefferson's grip on his groceries tightened. He met her gaze for a moment, and his indifference toward her slipped for just long enough for her to see a madman behind his carefully styled hair and designer jacket. "You won't."

She watched him go and rolled her eyes. Even if they tried to avoid one another, Storybrooke was a small town. It was inevitable that they'd see one another, even if it was just in passing.

It wasn't until she'd settled into a nice, hot bath at the end of the day that she realized what Jefferson had really meant when they'd parted ways that afternoon.

As she tore out of her driveway five minutes later in a t-shirt and sweatpants with her hair still soaking wet, she went over the curb and knocked over her neighbor's recycling cans.

xxx

The first thing that Jefferson remembered when he woke up in the hospital was someone with a familiar voice screaming at him while Beethoven's Fifth played in the background.

It could have almost been Regina, but it couldn't have been Regina.

The first thing that Jefferson noticed when he woke up in the hospital was that he was alive.

He was alive.

It took a few moments for his body to catch up with his mind. His limbs felt too heavy, and even though he knew that what was happening was wrong, his thoughts were too fuzzy to focus.

When he tried to tip the IV out of his arm so that he could go back home and finish what he'd started, he realized that he was restrained. The only thing he could do was laugh.

No, he couldn't even do that—his throat was too raw. His mouth felt like it was full of cotton. His head felt like it was full of sand. At least now Victor knew how mad he really was. The doctor had never seen him in Wonderland. He had no idea what the portal jumper had become.

No, not Victor. Dr. Whale.

Victor had been his friend. Dr. Whale was a stranger. Oh—and he was here.

"Mr. Maddon." The good doctor was standing over him.

"Doctor." Jefferson whispered, his voice raw and raspy as he met the other man's gaze. The lights were too bright, but he didn't have the energy to complain.

"You tried to kill yourself." At least Whale wasn't beating around the bush.

"I did."

Whale scribbled something down on his clipboard. Jefferson didn't care.

"You have a visitor."

"Hopper?"

"No."

"Well, you might as well let in whoever it is." Jefferson sighed, and stared up at the ceiling.

"You're sure you're not too tired?"

Jefferson tried to laugh again, but ended up coughing.

"Oh, Doctor—I'm always tired." He swallowed hard. "Send them in."

"Very well." He heard Whale open the door, and murmur something to whoever was at the door. If not Hopper, then it was probably another specialist. A counselor. Someone to tell him that he had so much to live for.

"Jefferson."

He went from relaxed to tense in less than a second, his eyes widening as he turned his head to look at Regina, who was sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed. She looked terrible. No make-up, sweatpants—damp hair.

So it had been the queen who'd saved him. How had she known? He thought back, and let out a deep breath. Of course. After the grocery store. He shouldn't have said anything.

He didn't have anything to say, so he just grunted to show that he'd heard, closed his eyes, and lay his head back.

"I hope that you're pleased with yourself." She continued, her voice just a little too high for her disdain to be completely sincere. "Now instead of spending your time in the wonderful home I made for you, you're going to be strapped down and sedated for the next few days."

He didn't reply right away, his memories and identities swimming around in his head—bouncing around and not making any sense. He wasn't sure what was real.

"That's great." He finally said, keeping his eyes closed. "Mr. Maddon's an addict, you know."

"Of course I know." Regina let out a short laugh. "We went to high school together, remember?" She said sarcastically. "I was there when you started popping your daddy's pills."

"And I," Jefferson would have crossed his arms, but he couldn't. "was hopelessly in love with you, Madame Mayor."

"Oh, I knew that much." Regina laughed. "I loved you, too, for a little while."

"I guess some things are true no matter what world you're born into."

"I guess so." Regina agreed, and they fell into a brief and awkward silence. "You can't die, Jefferson. I need you here. I need you here, so that you can suffer. Don't you dare do this again."

"Can you really blame me?" Despite himself, Jefferson could feel tears welling up behind his eyelids. "I can't do this anymore, Regina. I can't. I've been hurting too much for too long."

"How do you think I feel? How do you think I've always felt—in part, thanks to you?" Regina's tone of voice dropped. She'd clearly remembered that she didn't love him anymore.

"It's not the same, Regina—you took back control of your life. I will never, never have that so long as I live in this fucked up world of yours." He drew a deep breath. "You can't make me live like this anymore." Opening his eyes, he turned his head to meet her gaze. "There's no one here to save me, least of all you. You want to destroy me."

"That's right." Regina's lips were drawn into a thin line. "I'm not going to save you, but I'm also not going to let you die." She stood, and gave his shoulder a quick pat. "Get some rest."

Jefferson heard the door open and shut, closed his eyes, and willed his memories back to the Enchanted Forest.