I'm shocked by the amount of reviews I received for Chapter 1. I truly hope I don't disappoint with this story. I'm still rather rusty after my hiatus. Thank you.
Finn walked through the empty hallways, not sure why he was back at McKinley, wasn't he done with school since he was dead? He didn't even know what day it was, since he quickly found out that ghosts didn't really seem to care about time, so it was like they didn't have any internal clock telling them to wake up or go to sleep because they were tired. Finn wished he had that ability when he was alive and into those awesome MW3 marathons with Puck and some of the guys, but no he had to die to get the ability to have no sense of time. He knew it was a weekday since there were students sitting, bored, in the classrooms as he roamed the halls, and the clocks said it was in the middle of fifth period, so he would have been in U.S. History, if he were still alive.
So taking the initiative, something he definitely didn't have while he was alive, Finn went to Mrs. Cox's class and was thankful that she kept her door open. He didn't know if he was able to walk through things yet and he was honestly afraid to try. Whenever he seemed to try things when he was alive, they always ended with him being hurt or really embarrassed and he didn't want that happening to him as a ghost. Finn smiled picturing himself stuck halfway through a door, his legs hanging out one side while his head was on the other. He wondered what Rachel would say if she saw him like that.
Smiling at that thought, he quietly walked into the classroom making sure not to bump into anyone and sat down at his still empty seat, just like he was in class, and looked around. No one looked different really. Their lives were going on while his came to a sudden stop. He really didn't like that feeling that there was no more future for him, while everyone got to look forward to theirs. College, marriage, kids, jobs, growing old, falling in true love, everything he was now going to miss out on, things he had looked forward to before. He felt a white hot heat start to flame through his body, the angrier he got about being stuck as a sixteen year old for all of eternity or whatever the hell he was in, the hotter he got.
Suddenly, Finn heard the fire alarm go off and the fire sprinklers engage, dousing everyone in the room in the nasty black, stinky water that had sat in those pipes for years. Screams swirled around him as everyone ran towards the exit, while trying to cover themselves from the rancid water as they evacuated the school. Through all the commotion, Finn just sat there; mad at his dead end situation. Even though he was pretty sure he wouldn't burn up since he was already dead, Finn got up stalked out the door and through the hallway where a few stragglers were still trying to make their way out, and then came out into the sunlight with the other students.
Finn walked around the students as they mingled along the edge of the parking lot, away from the school, and wondered if any of them knew he was even there, watching them. Suddenly it hit him that he had shown up at school, so something that involved him must be happening, since his first two experiences of him just showing up out of nowhere involved him. But what was at school that whatever was controlling him sent him there? This ghost thing was not easy. It would have been easier if he was like the ghosts in the horror movies and just pissed at the world and went after all their enemies and people that were just mean, but he wasn't in a movie, and he was too nice to be like that.
As he continued to wonder around the sea of students, lost in his thoughts, he found himself, near the school, outside the auditorium entrance, and saw a single figure sitting on one of the benches. His body tingled in recognition of the small figure in a green checked skirt and black sweater, hiding her face with her hair draped over her pretty face. He wasn't sure if she would be able to see him, and he didn't know how to show himself to her, but he could at least sit beside her. Rachel had been so nice to his mom and grandma at his funeral when she didn't have to be, and she had actually worried about how he felt being at his own funeral. So the least he could do was keep her company, whether she knew it or not.
As he sat down beside her, he heard her, "Hello Finn Hudson. What brings you back to McKinley? Shouldn't you be somewhere else now that your funeral is over with?" Finn frowned at how cold Rachel sounded. It was a complete turnaround from how she was at his funeral.
"Hi Rachel. Um, I'm not sure why I'm here at school to tell you the truth. I'm a little confused to be honest." Finn rubbed his neck as he could practically feel the anger come off of her in waves towards him. What had he done? "Rachel, are you pissed at me? Did I do something to you during my funeral? If I did, I promise I'll make it up to you. You're like the only person that can hear and see me and it's really lonely, I think, being a ghost."
He saw her tip her head and peer at him from beneath her bangs. He hoped she could see him, because he wasn't sure if she could or not. He always saw himself, but he didn't know how he appeared to others. "Finn Hudson, on the day of your funeral, I see you. I talk to you. I lie to your grandmother, pretending to be your girlfriend for you, and then you disappear for four weeks. I haven't seen you for a whole month! Do you have any idea as to how confused I was? I conversed with and saw a ghost and then you just disappear. I started to think I was going insane!" Finn heard Rachel's voice start to rise in pitch and volume as she kept talking, getting me distressed.
"Shhhh, shhhhh Rachel" Finn covered her mouth with his hand hoping it would quiet her, and it seemed to work because she stopped talking, "First, I don't think I have a lot of control over this being a ghost thing. I don't know where I was for a month. Hell, I didn't know I was gone for a month! Shit, for me, my funeral was like yesterday and now I find out it was a month ago! I'm just a little freaked out here Rach." Finn ran his hands through his hair nervously; trying to understand everything Rachel was telling him as well as keeping her calm. He finally just took one of those calming breaths Coach taught him to do before an important play. If he stayed calm, then Rachel would stay calm and wouldn't draw attention to the two of them. Taking a deep breath and making sure his voice was low and calm, he looked at the pretty brunette and smiled, "I'm also like really, really thankful that you did all of that for me at my funeral, especially making my Grandma Ruth happy like that thinking I was with a nice girl. You helped my family when they needed it, and I'm like really grateful." Finn couldn't hide his smile as he talked to her, glad she had a reason to be pissed at him, even though he wasn't in control of it. Then it dawned on him that he had been gone for a month, a frown forming on his lips, "If it's really been a month since the funeral, how's my mom doing? Is she okay? Is Burt taking care of her? I saw that Burt asked her to marry him."
Finn rolled his eyes at Rachel's dramatic gasp, even though he didn't know her well, he was familiar with the gasp, experiencing it with Kurt all the time, "How did you know she was engaged?"
"I saw the ring on her finger at the funeral. I'm not the smartest guy around but I do know what an engagement ring on a left ring finger looks like and means. Give me a little credit. Plus, she's my mom." Finn could feel the tightness again in his chest signaling his want to cry, but knew he wouldn't be able to.
"Well, Kurt and Burt have been so supportive and loving with her. They're very sweet and endearing. Um, the hospital gave your mom a two month leave of absence to help her deal with your death. Kurt says she goes and sees a counselor three times a week." Finn watched Rachel carefully while she spoke, paying close attention to her deep brown eyes. He watched her tuck some hair behind her ears and wished he was able to do that for her. "I go over for your family dinners now. You're mom asked Kurt to invite me to come. I- I'm not trying to take your place or anything; I just think your mom likes me there for some reason. I know she hasn't asked Quinn though, even though Quinn was your girlfriend." Finn watched Rachel look down at the ground, embarrassed. In the background, Finn heard the wails of fire sirens coming from the engines flying into the parking lot. The sound brought both of their attentions to the far side of the parking lot, where all the students were gathered by the faculty.
"Finn, I really need to get over to the teachers. They have to check on all students and I'm sure Mr. Schue is going insane trying to figure out where I am, since I told him I was going to the library, but went to the auditorium instead." Finn watched a blush of embarrassment color her cheeks at being caught not doing the right thing. She quickly tried to explain herself to him, even though it didn't bother him that she had lied to a teacher, "I just needed to sing, get out some of my emotions before I snapped, between classes, glee, Kurt and your mom, and just not knowing where you were, I've been pretty high strung and ready to snap. I was in the middle of singing Defying Gravity when the alarm went off, and I came out here. I really need to head over to Mr. Schue now. Are you coming?" He stared at her, because she was asking him to come with her, even though he couldn't be seen by anyone but her.
"Why do I need to come with you? It's not like I'm apart of anyone's head count anymore." Finn sarcastically chuckled as he stood up and went to reach for Rachel's books, but remembered, he couldn't pick them up.
"I know, but you can keep me company. I know when you are near me, or when you touch me." He couldn't help but smile at the coy smile that played on her lips as she started walking towards the glob of students standing at the perimeter of the parking lot.
"How, besides seeing me, and you can't always see me, remember?"
"You're cool. When you touch me I mean, that part of my body becomes cool, and when you're walking and standing by me, there's a cool breeze. I had that cool breeze follow me through your dinner after the funeral, and you put your hands on my shoulders when I talked to your Grandma Ruth. My shoulders were cool while I talked to her." Finn's mouth dropped open at that revelation, and snapped it shut at Rachel's giggle as she came up to Mr. Schue announcing her arrival.
"Rachel, where in the hell have you been? You know I had security searching for you?" Finn heard the worried fury in his former Spanish teacher's voice as he watched the man squeeze Rachel in a life embracing hug.
"I'm sorry Mr. Schue. I real-"
Finn was shocked at how Mr. Schue just cut Rachel off, "Were you in the auditorium Rachel? I need to know." That wasn't like him at all.
"Um, yes sir. I'm sorry. I won't ever do that again, I promise." Finn watched as the teacher kept hugging Rachel and sent another student somewhere. Finn could "see" the student getting the paramedics and having them follow. Finn moved to Rachel's side as he saw the paramedics come into his normal vision. Something obviously wasn't right.
He watched as Mr. Schue leaned down to look at Rachel in the eyes, and talk to her like a small child, "Rachel, I need you to get checked out by the paramedics. After the fire alarm went off, administration did their normal all clear check and a gas leak was found in the auditorium from the boiler system underneath it. We have to make sure that you're okay. You're lucky though, that alarm going off might have just saved your life; because you were gone long enough it could have truly hurt you. So I want you to follow the paramedics and do whatever they say. I'm going to call Miss Pillsbury to meet you at the ambulance." Finn watched as Mr. Schue turned away and pulled out his phone while the paramedic grabbed Rachel by the elbow and started guiding her away from him. When he tried to follow, his feet wouldn't move. They were planted in that spot, and no matter how much he tried, they wouldn't budge, leaving Finn alone and helpless again.
Rachel paced back and forth in the small space that was Finn Hudson's bedroom. How could someone so big have a room that was small, even for her? It was Friday and that meant family dinner night at for the Hudson/Hummel house, and she had now somehow become a part of it. She didn't know why she was so nervous and anxious tonight, but she was. It had been two weeks since she last saw Finn, and he again just disappeared making her question her sanity, but she was pretty sure that it wasn't like he didn't want to be there.
When the paramedics had guided her away from Mr. Schue and Finn, she had looked back to see him struggling to move towards her, but it was like he was cemented to the ground. She watched as he struggled and reached out to her, almost desperately trying to touch her, wanting some type of touch, but he couldn't. The last thing she saw of the tall quarterback before she was guided into the back of the ambulance was his face scrunched up in confusion and loneliness.
She had actually cried at how he looked when the doors were closed on her, separating her from him. The paramedics took it as if she were scared what had happened to her and worked on comforting, when in reality, her heart ached for the tall, sweet innocent boy that was once again alone in a world and life he didn't understand.
She seemed to be the only one he had.
It had shocked her to learn that he hadn't seen his mother yet, but it seemed like he didn't have a lot of control over what he did or where and when he appeared. Something was controlling him, but he didn't know what, and she honestly had no idea.
After pacing for a good ten minutes, Rachel finally just lay down on Finn's bed and waited until she was called down for dinner. She was supposed to be with Kurt in his room, but he was on the phone with Blaine, and there was only so much sappy sweet talking even she could take before she went Santana on him, so she just snuck out and into Finn's room. When she had entered, it smelled stale, like it had been closed up for two months, which it had been. She wasn't sure why, but she snuggled into his pillow and his smell still permeated the fabric. As a ghost, he didn't have a scent, and now she could relate a smell to him whenever she saw him, which would be nice. As she squeezed the pillow to her, she looked around his room with the boyish cowboy wallpaper and the different bands and sports posters adorning the wall, Rachel could picture Finn living in this room. As she lay there, listening to Kurt's muffled banter through the wall, she felt a cool breeze over her.
He was here. He was back.
She hoped she was right and it wasn't the air conditioning, and as she opened her eyes, she couldn't hide her smile to see the six three quarterback standing there, gazing down at her with a look in his whiskey eyes that she couldn't place, a small half smile on his lips. "Hi Rach. Should I ask what you are doing in my room and why I'm here?"
All she could do was shake her head, she had tried to figure out why he popped up at random times. It made perfect sense why he was at his own funeral, but it didn't make sense why he had shown up at school. "I can explain. Kurt is talking with Blaine on the phone, and those two or even a little too sugary sweet in their relationship, and that's coming from me, someone who once made her boyfriend matching cat calendars. I just couldn't take it, so I came in here for some peace and quiet. No one knows I'm in here. Your mom has kinda kept this room closed up, except for her coming in and laying down."
"My mom comes in here and lies down, like you are?" Rachel felt tears start up as she heard the pain in his voice. She didn't trust her voice so she just nodded. "Wh- What about you, why did you come in here besides getting away from Kurt? Why didn't you go downstairs and help my mom cook or something?"
"Well, I really don't know you Finn. I mean I know your reputation and things from Kurt, but I don't truly know you, and you never seem to be around long enough for me to get to know you. I thought I might get to know you better if I sat in your room for a bit and just observed and take in your essence."
"My essence? You mean like what the chick in Lost Girl sucks out of people?"
"Yes, your essence. And I have no idea what or who Lost Girl is, but your essence is kind of your spirit, your personality, what makes you, you. And from your room, you are exactly what you look like, an All-American boy next door, you like sports, bands, video games and keeping your room messy. I bet if I snuck my hand under your mattress, I'd find some Playboy magazines since you don't have pin ups on the wall."
Rachel couldn't help but smile when she saw Finn turn bright red, in a pale sort of way, at the mention of Playboys. She couldn't hold in her laugh when she heard Finn mumble, "I hope Kurt got them out before mom got in here." She watched as he took a seat at the bottom of the bed as she continued to hug his pillow. It was disconcerting though that the bed didn't dip when he sat down. "So besides me being who you thought I was what else have you discovered about me?" She watched him look at her in interest. She realized Finn honestly wanted to know what she thought.
That made her suddenly nervous, no one ever wanted to know what she thought, so she buried her head into his pillow and breathed in his scent again, "Well, I know that you loved your mother, because of all the pictures you have around the room of the two of you since you were a baby. And might I add you were an adorable baby. Um, you seem to really be into music, not just from the posters and your CD's, but also from that drum practice pad you have on the desk. It's well-worn as well as the drumsticks. You played drums?"
She watched Finn nod his head and glance longingly at the drum pad and sticks. She felt bad since he couldn't pick anything up. "Well, that and now I know what you smell like?" Rachel gasped when she saw Finn look at her like she was nuts. Did she really just tell him she knew what he smelled like? "Um well, I mean a person's sense of smell helps people relate and induce memories and I now I can relate to you a little better since I know what you smelled like when you were alive. That sounded really creepy didn't it?" Rachel watched Finn smile at her.
"It didn't sound creepy at all, especially since you're trying to get to know a dead man. So what do I smell like? Quinn always said I smelled like I'd been out in the heat mowing, even right after I took a shower." Rachel saw his brows crease in remembrance, and she had to fight the urge to reach out and touch him, to soothe him.
"Well you do smell outdoorsy, in a really good way. I don't know it's just like a really fresh clean scent. Too me it's fresh cut grass and clean rain and new leather and just boy. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's just a very masculine, earthy smell. It's rather a sexy, alluring smell if you ask me." Rachel looked up after describe his smell as her nose was buried in his pillow, and saw Finn with a perplexing look on his face.
Just as she was about ask him what he was thinking, they both heard Carole Hudson's voice come upstairs, "Kurt? Rachel? Dinner is ready. Come on you two! And Kurt, tell Blaine I said hello too." Rachel got up and walked to the door and turned to ask Finn if he was coming, when she froze at the look of pure anxiety that filled Finn's face. She knew he was scared to see his mom.
"Come on Finn. I'll be right there next to you through the dinner, or I should say, you'll be right next to me. I'll help you get through this Finn, I promise." She just naturally reached out to touch them, but then realized they couldn't touch and let her arm drop and kept the door open so he could follow.
Rachel sat down in her normal spot at the table, across from Kurt and to the right of Carole, and directly in her view was Finn sitting at the extra chair that sat against the wall, directly behind Kurt. As they all started eating the vegetarian meal that Carole had fixed for Rachel, it was silent except for the clinking of silverware against porcelain. She kept sneaking glances behind Kurt and watched as Finn's face screwed up in sadness. His eyes were totally fixed on his mom, his gaze never wavering as she watched him cry without tears. Her heart broke seeing him like that, but there was nothing she could do right now, not during the dinner. She kept blinking back tears that she knew were there. She wouldn't cry in front of Carole, she couldn't. She knew that would cause Carole to start to cry and then Kurt and then poor Burt would be stuck trying to comfort all of them.
Luckily, Burt brought the attention to himself when he started talking about the gas leak at school. Pointing his fork at both herself and Kurt, Burt stated, "You both were really lucky there was that malfunction in Mrs. Cox's room and set off the fire alarm and sprinklers. If it hadn't, Rachel could have died of from carbon monoxide poisoning or from the gas blowing up from a spark. It was a really bad leak according to Smitty down at the gas company. What's really funny though is even though it had to be a malfunction in the alarm system, Tom Warner, remember him Carole, the guy I bowled with last year? Anyway, when they ran a systems check on the alarm system to figure out why it malfunctioned, it didn't show a malfunction; it showed that there was a sudden spike in the temperature and heat in Mrs. Cox's room causing the alarm to go off. Funny thing is, Figgins questioned Cox and all the kids in the class, and no one saw anything hot in the room to set it off. It's really weird, but lucky. Who knows what would have happened if that alarm hadn't gone off, evacuating the school."
Rachel sat there stunned for a moment, her face reflecting Finn's equally stunned one as Carole's quiet voice filled the dining room, "I- I don't know what I would have done if I had lost both of you Kurt and Rachel, especially so- so soon after my ba- baby boy. Excuse me." Rachel watched helplessly as Carole got up and ran from the room, emotion overtaking the fragile woman. Rachel felt a cool breeze fly past her as Finn ran after his mother.
She knew he was going to try to contact his mom, her heart told her and she had to be the one to convey it to Carole. Getting up quickly to follow Carole up the stairs, she heard Kurt comment after some awkward silence, "Hey Dad, I think you need to check the heater, it was chilly in here all through dinner." Rachel walked up the stairs and saw Finn's door wide open, and she knew what she would see, before she even entered. As she stood in the door, she saw Carole clutching onto a small baby blanket that had seen better days, tears racking her body, making Rachel's heart hurt. She saw Finn, kneeling next to the bed, his hands stroking his mother's hair. When his hand accidently touched her neck, Rachel saw Carole shiver from the coolness of his touch.
She saw Finn look up at her, his eyes so sad and lost. Giving him a brief understanding smile, she sat opposite of Finn and gently rubbed Carole's back, trying to comfort the distraught mom. She looked at Finn and as his voice wavered, "Tell her Rachel, please, tell her that I love her and miss her every day. Tell her she did a good job raising me. Tell her my heart hurts because hers does. Tell her that her baby boy will always be with her. Please tell her that Rachel. Please." She looked directly in his eyes and saw him plead with her to tell his mom what he had said, but she knew she couldn't or at least the way he had said it.
Summoning all the times that her papa had talked to her when she was upset, Rachel channeled him as she talked to Carole, "Carole, I know I'm just a teenager, and I don't know what it is like to lose your child. The only thing I've ever lost was my cat Mr. Buttons, and even though it doesn't compare, I always knew that I had made Mr. Buttons happy and that he still loved me even though he wasn't with me anymore, and that I still loved him. You just have to know that Finn loves you, even though he isn't with you anymore. That love will never die. He will always, always be with you. Don't let this grief consume you. If it does then you're going to forget the love the two of you had, and I'm sure wherever Finn is, he still needs your love, and he will always, always be with you, no matter what." Rachel hadn't realized that she was squeezing Carole's hand tightly. She felt coolness on her hand, and looking, she saw the large hand and long fingers of Finn's covering her and his mother's hand with his. A quick glance showed that he was grateful for what she said, and as Carole sat up, wiping her eyes with a tissue, Finn retreated to the wall.
Rachel was enveloped into a hug, a motherly hug that she melted into. "Thank you Rachel. Thank you so much. You are so wise for such a young girl. Thank you sweetheart." Rachel felt Carole kiss her forehead before standing up and leaving.
After that encounter, Rachel couldn't stay in the Hudson/Hummel house anymore that night. She was drained and just wanted to go home, slip on her purple and silver star flannels and snuggle with Snuggles her stuffed cat and just relax. After giving her goodbyes, Rachel started walking towards her house slowly. She again felt a cool breeze next to her and knew it wasn't the fall night air. She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and just stared at Finn; her emotions frayed and on edge and she just didn't want to deal with him, so she took it out on him.
"WHAT? What do you want Finn? I told your mom what you wanted. I've done all kind of things for you! Every time you're around me I either become physically or emotionally drained! What do you want from me? Huh, what do you want from me?" She knew she was in breakdown mode, but she didn't care, and right now seeing the tall boy standing in front of her was just too much. Not caring if he was a ghost or not, she put her arms out and pushed, but instead of going right through him, like she expected, she was touching a very cool, but very solid Finn Hudson.