Finn stood on the darkened sidewalk in total shock, because instead of Rachel pushing right through him, like he had expected, but instead she was stopped by him being truly there. Like really, solidly there. He could even make out his shadow from the porch lamps that illuminated the sidewalk. In the sudden nanosecond it took for them to connect, they both jumped back just as quickly and Finn went back to that wavy, transparent like state he had gotten used to seeing. But it still unnerved him, and from the shock on Rachel's face, it did her too. Her eyes were wide with disbelief, her mouth opened in amazement and he could almost feel her shaking in fear.
The shock of what had just happened caused her to start to walk backwards, her hands covering her mouth trying to keep her scream in, and Finn watched as her small heel caught on the pavement and she started falling backwards. He instinctually reached out to grab onto her to keep her from falling, but his hands did nothing but grab nothingness as Finn watched in horror as she fell onto her as, hard. "Rachel! Rachel are you okay? Please tell me you're okay. Rachel talk to me, please. Say something." Finn couldn't keep the worry for her out of his voice.
He fell to his knees besides her, his hands running over her body, checking for cuts and bruises. He may have been a ghost, but he did still have the sense of touch, even though things felt slightly different to him now. Everything was much warmer than normal, so taking someone's temperature was off limits now, but he could still feel if things were soft, hard, rough, smooth and so on and right now he was feeling for broken bones and scraped skin.
When he touched her cheek, she turned her emotional brown eyes on him, a look glinting from them that he couldn't read, but then he was never able to read girls. Then she opened her mouth, it literally knocked him on his ass, "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? YOU WERE REAL FOR A SECOND! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH A FUCKING FREAK?" Finn was momentarily shocked because, one Rachel Berry just cussed up a storm, something he was sure she never did, two she was yelling at him, on a sidewalk and he was a ghost, but to passer-by she was yelling at thin air and three she was pissed as hell and he didn't know how to calm her down.
Finn tried putting his hand over her mouth, but that didn't work because his transparent hand didn't muffle her voice and she just kept yelling stuff he didn't understand and he was pretty sure the neighbors were going to start looking out their windows at the crazy girl, so Finn did what he used to do with Quinn when they first dated and she started to rant, he leaned over and kissed her.
It wasn't a hot open mouth kiss, he didn't think it was possible for a ghost to do that, but he let his lips brush over hers, his mouth slightly open and something worked because her mouth opened slightly and he could feel her warm breath on him. Her lips were so soft and warm, for a second Finn forgot he was a ghost and cupped her cheek and tried to lean more into the kiss, to only literally fall over as he suddenly passed right through her and fell flat on his stomach.
That was new.
Finn scrambled up when he realized he was literally lying through Rachel's body. He stood there and looked down at a very confused Rachel Berry as her fingers kept rubbing her lips. What did she feel when he kissed her? He knew she felt coolness when he touched her, but could she actually feel his lips on hers? Expecting to be yelled at again, Finn crouched down again and looked directly in the eye, "Rachel?"
"You kissed me." Leave it to Rachel Berry to state the obvious and make him very nervous from that simple statement.
Rubbing his neck nervously, Finn wasn't sure how to respond; yea he kissed her to shut her up, but there seemed to be something about that kiss that was just wow, even to a dead man. "Yea well, you were yelling at me, and you wouldn't stop even when I covered your mouth with my hand, so I did what I used to do with Quinn. I kissed you." Finn didn't realize how fast Rachel could move, but her hand snaked out and slapped him across the face, and he solidified for the brief second her hand came into contact with his cheek, the sting creating what felt like electricity shooting through him. He just knelt there as Rachel pushed herself up and glared at him as she stalked down the sidewalk, her speed indicating she wanted to get far away from him as quickly as possible, and when he went to take a step to follow, his feet were again stuck.
Whomever or whatever was controlling his afterlife, figured he was finished for the evening, even though Finn knew he wasn't. He wanted to follow Rachel and explain himself and talk about him becoming solid and the kiss and if she felt the electricity too, but it obviously wasn't in his cards for the night as he was stuck in place. Frustration coursed through him as Finn let out an animalistic scream at the top of lungs, releasing his frustration and confusion the only way he could at that moment, hoping that his "puppet master" would get the hint, and if any living person was nearby when Finn screamed, they would have heard a low, menacing growl from a hidden animal.
Finn just sat there on a bench at the mall of all places. He was haunting the fuckin' mall of all places, his least favorite place in the world when he was alive, and now he was sitting on one of the benches with all the old men watching people walk by. Why in the hell was he at the mall? What day was it? How long had it been since he kissed Rachel and she turned him into a solid ghost? How pissed was she going to be this time? Finn gingerly rubbed his cheek absently, still feeling the sting and her pure anger on his cheek. It was like it was never going to go away. A deep sigh left his lips as he just sat there and people watched. He watched an old man sniff the air suspiciously. Did his sigh sound like a fart? If it did that was fucking cool and really funny, and he was so going to sigh around Puck at some point. He figured Puck would appreciate a good ghost joke, but that still didn't explain why Finn found himself at the mall, the land of teenage angst and old people's social club.
So he sat there, watching lovey dovey teens hold hands and steal kisses as they walked, which Finn actually longed for. The kiss he placed on Rachel that night stayed with him, the memory of her soft lips still lingered on his, even though he knew time had elapsed, he just didn't know how much. It meant something if he still could feel her lips on his, didn't it? That's when Finn saw Rachel walking arm in arm with some curly haired kids with blue eyes and a smarmy smirk on his lips. He immediately didn't like the guy. As he stood up, Finn moved his foot to test if he was going to be allowed to move or not, and was happy to find his movement wasn't restricted, so he jogged after Rachel and her not much taller partner.
As Finn got closer to the back of the couple, he saw Rachel's back stiffen suddenly, turn her head and glare at him, anger emoting from her deep brown eyes. Finn stopped in his tracks realizing that she was super pissed at him still. With a shake of his head, he just knew he needed to follow Rachel whether she wanted him to or not.
Besides, what could she do to him? Oh yeah, touch him and beat the crap out of him with her ninja strength. Weighing the options in his head, Finn marched on, following the couple, because what could the worst thing happen to him, he was already dead.
Finn fell back a few paces to keep his coolness away from Rachel as he followed them to the other end of the mall and watched as they entered the brightly lit, overstuffed store known as Claire's. To Finn it was the land of pre-teen squealing girls. He had gone into the store once with Quinn and had a twelve year old grab his ass, so he ran out and refused to ever go back again. The little girl with acne and braces had actually squeezed his ass. He remembered all he did was straighten up even more, look behind him to see her hand on his back pocket and a brace face leer aimed at him and he just took off out of the store, pissing Quinn off.
"I'm a ghost; no little girls can see me. I'm a ghost, no one can see me. I'm a ghost, my ass is safe." Finn kept chanting as he psyched himself up to enter the store to follow Rachel and curly hair. Even though Finn had fallen through Rachel after he had kissed her, he wasn't totally sure if he could just go through things. Maybe it was a total fluke like him being solid when she touched him? Not wanting to find out, Finn made sure to stay out of the way of people and things as he walked through the crowded store.
"I'm cold." "Why's the air conditioner on in November?" "It's awfully chilly in here," were some of the phrases he heard as he kept a look out for Rachel and her friend. Then he saw them towards the back corner, Rachel was trying on different headbands, and curly hair was trying on scarves, both of them talking and smiling at each other. Finn didn't have to worry about being stealthy, but he couldn't hide how he affected the temperature, and when he was close enough, he saw Rachel turn towards him and mouth, "get away from me."
"Why?" Finn shrugged, not having to hide his talking since no one but Rachel could hear him, or at least he sure hoped not.
He watched Rachel turn to curly hair and hand him her headbands, "Jesse, I need to run to the restroom. Um, sudden female issues if you understand. Can you hold onto these for me? I just need to take care of this condition and I'll be right back, okay?" Finn watched as Rachel placed a kiss on this Jesse kid's cheek and starting walking out of the store, and Finn followed like a puppy about to get punished.
He followed her until they reached one of the long, empty hallways that held the unused bathrooms and security offices. Luckily Rachel didn't actually go into the restroom, but turned around and stopped Finn in his steps; the anger and hurt in her eyes were palpable.
Finn listened as she talked in a harsh whisper, so different then how they had talked before, even when she was pissed at him, "Why are you here Finn? What possible reason do you have to be at the mall of all places? Are you following me? You're haunting me, aren't you? Just let me have a normal life, I'll give your mom messages from you and stuff, but that's it. You are just too unpredictable. You're here one moment and then gone for like four weeks and then just show up again. Its nuts. Crazy. Driving me looney. Can you just leave me alone Finn? Please just leave me alone." Finn was stunned. He watched tears start to fall down Rachel's soft cheeks and a heat surged through him. He had made Rachel so upset; she wanted nothing to do with him.
She just needed to understand though.
As he went to rub her cheek, he watched her visibly shrink from his hand. Withdrawing it and letting it fall to his side, Finn spoke softly and full of remorse for something he couldn't control, "I'm so sorry Rach. I don't have control over any of this." Finn motioned between the two of them, because he didn't. It was like a chess master just deciding to place him in a situation when they felt like he was needed, he was a pawn. "If it were up to me, I'd be around all the time or not at all, this coming in and out has really screwed me up because I don't realize how much time has gone on, and I know, I know that it must really screw you up because I'm like a jack in the box, you know I'm there, but just don't know when I'm going to pop up, and neither do I." Finn leaned against the wall and hoped he didn't fall through, because he seriously needed the support. "Listen, you have every right to be pissed at this situation, but please don't be pissed at me. I don't have any control over this. I wish I did. Hell, I'm sorry you ever got involved in this craziness, but someone picked you to see and hear me. To me that makes you special, and if you don't want me around because I'm driving your life crazy, then I'll do my best to leave you alone. It's not worth you hurting so much because of something that is beyond your control. I'm, I'm sorry for all of this." Finn pushed himself off of the wall and started to walk back down the hall. He meant it; he would stay away from Rachel if that's truly what she needed. It wasn't like she asked for any of this craziness, and if he could relieve her of some of it, then he would.
As he started down the hall, he felt a small warm hand on his arm, and he didn't feel like air anymore, but felt solid. He looked down and saw a small hand gripping his elbow, essentially stopping him in his tracks again and a sweet, confused face looking at his. "Finn. I'm sorry. I know this being a ghost is hard on you, and I'm again being selfish only thinking of me, but it's hard on me too. Everyday I'm wondering if I'm going to see you or what's going to happen. Fortunately or unfortunately I am always involved with what happens with you and it keeps me on edge. I'm always looking around the corner thinking that you are going to be there, but you aren't, generally. Why was I chosen to see you? I barely knew you outside of your reputation for the most part, but I am the only one that can see, hear or talk to you? That's really crazy."
Finn physically gulped, because through her rambling Finn realized what issues his death had caused Rachel, and she had turned him solid again. He wasn't sure if Rachel realized he was solid, but he sure as hell did. This was the third time it had happened and each time was when Rachel touched him. Was she a witch or something and that's why this was happening?
Finn kept looking down at where Rachel's hand touched his elbow and the warmth that radiated from that connection out through his body. "I turned you solid again, didn't I? Why can I do that? It doesn't make sense."
Finn couldn't hold back his smirk as he looked down at Rachel, questions and curiosity obvious in her eyes, which was a hell of a lot better than the anger from before. "Does anything about this make sense Rachel? Like really, you can see and talk to a dead person. Me. For some reason I can touch you all I want, but I stay a ghost, but the second you touch me, I'm solid as a rock."
"I wish it did make sense Finn, because it would make my life so much easier, but right now it is what it is. I understand that you can't control what happens to you. You don't control when and where you show up. You really don't do any of this on purpose. For some reason I've been chosen to be your connection to the living world, even though neither of us knew each other. And for whatever it's worth, I will do my absolute best to help you, but you just have to understand, while you are being a ghost is hard to understand, try being a living person dealing with said ghost. Besides being overly confident and resolute that I am better than most of the Neanderthals of McKinley, I've now become paranoid expecting you to pop up anywhere, and if you ever pop up in the woman's restroom, perform an exorcist on you." Finn watched as Rachel scrunched up her nose in thought, and then relaxed and stuck out her hand to him, but not touching him.
"Well, how about this, I Rachel Barbra Berry, promise to help you, Finn Hudson as much as I humanly can, without judgment or anger since your life has been completely annihilated and you are starting over from scratch. I will be sincere, quiet and attentive to your needs as a ghost. Agree?" Finn smirked and grabbed Rachel's small hand firmly to shake and watched a shiver run over her entire body.
"Sorry about that. So what about the rest of your day? Want to hang out with a ghost at the mall?" Finn lifted his eyebrows in question, hoping she would say yes.
"I'm sorry, but I can't Finn. I left Jesse at Claire's over a half hour ago and he's probably going to send security looking for me, so I really need to go, but I promise that I will be my pleasant, understanding self, the next time I see you." With that Finn watched Rachel literally skip down the hall towards the concourse doors. When she reached them, she turned and gave him a cheeky smile and blew him a kiss before disappearing through the doors.
Finn sat there for a few minutes, shocked at the change in Rachel's demeanor, but he understood her anger but was relieved she was in a better mood. If he was in her shoes, he knows he sure as hell would be furious over constantly being left high and dry, but Finn knew he wasn't in control of that, so with a shrug, he pulled himself off the wall and headed toward the concourse.
The busy movement and noise of the concourse was a huge difference from the quiet back hall he had just been in, and it took him a minute to adjust. He was rather shocked that he wasn't cemented when Rachel left, like he had been after every time he had dealt with her. It was a good omen, and an even better one was the smell of sugar/cinnamon pretzels from Auntie Anne's. Walking over, Finn stood and watched as the warm pretzels came out, taking a deep whiff and rolling his eyes back in pleasure. It really sucked that he wasn't hungry anymore and didn't eat, because the pretzels smelled delicious. As he stood there and just watched the workers, he heard her voice order a pretzel and three drinks.
There she stood, Quinn Fabray in all her Cheerio glory. Behind her were Santana and Brittany giggling and taking their drinks Quinn had ordered. Curiosity about how his girlfriend was dealing with his death, Finn decided to tail her. Since no one could see him and he was just so tired of being so damn serious or sad, Finn decided to act like those goofy detectives in comedy movies and started hiding behind counters and rolling around corners and just all sorts of silliness as he trailed the unholy trinity as they shared a pretzel.
As the trinity got near the exit, Finn pressed himself against the vending machine and watched the three girls separate. Not really caring what Santana and Brittany did, he kept his eyes on Quinn as she walked out the door and then three minutes later walked right back, almost running towards the food court. Why would she be running to the food court? Did she forget something? Finn stopped his silliness and jogged to stay up with Quinn. As he got closer to her, he watched her enter the employee entrance of Luca's Pizza. Quinn didn't work? Why'd she go into the back of the pizza place?
Finn waited as the door swung open and he slid in and looked around only to hear a moan that used to be all too familiar with. Following the moan, he saw Quinn and his friend Sam Evans making out against the baker's table covered in breadsticks waiting for the oven. Finn's eyebrows rose in surprise that Quinn had moved on so quickly, but it was what Sam said when he pulled away that shocked Finn, "Baby, when can we finally come out in the open about us. I mean it's hot as hell to be sneaking around, but we've been doing this for six months now. When Hudson was alive it was a little harder, but he was so clueless he didn't see it, but he's gone baby. Let's come out to the world, please?" Finn watched as Sam used his huge lips to trail kisses down Quinn's neck. Finn felt a white hot heat start to take him over again, one that consumed him, but it's what Quinn said next that sent that heat out into the environment.
"Sam, I'm still the widowed girlfriend. I'm milking all the sympathy for what it's worth. All I have to do is mention Finn and have a tear trickle down my face and the teachers do what I want. Besides, I can use Finn's death for publicity for Winter Court and even Prom Court. I'll be shoe in. The only thing that would make it better is if I was invited over to have dinner with Kurt and his parents, but they keep having Man Hands over instead. I think Finn's mom is as clueless as he was." That last statement sent all the energy that had built up in body, shooting out into the room. He watched as the breadsticks literally floated up and started pelting the two teens and the fire in the oven flame out into the open, burning the outer bricks.
Finn went to turn and leave, but his feet were cemented, and all he could do was see the mess that happened in the back of Luca's Pizza.
Rachel walked along the sidewalk on the abnormally warm November afternoon, arms linked with Kurt and Mercedes. After her talk with Finn yesterday, she felt better. She had been self-centered in her anger over Finn not being present every day. After Jesse had dropped her off with a promise to have dinner sometime soon, Rachel had spent the evening thinking about the predicament that both she and Finn had found themselves in, but no matter how bad she thought she had it, poor Finn had it a million times worse because he was dead. She wasn't sure when she would see Finn again, but she was determined to totally apologize to him again. She wondered if Finn would be able to eat her famous sugar cookies.
"Well Rachel, what's with the smile on your face? I haven't seen you with that big of a smile in a while," Mercedes asked, squeezing her friend's arm slightly.
"I'm just thinking of a change in a relationship that has happened for the better. It's just making me feel better, more at peace," Rachel answered as she smiled again, but it disappeared when she looked over at Kurt and him forlorn face.
Rachel was worried about her friend; he wasn't his normal happy, snarky, judgmental self. Mercedes must have noticed too when she voiced Rachel's concern, "Come on Kurt. It's been almost three months since Finn died, and I know grieving takes time, but you're not the same Kurt at all. I even noticed that you wore the same outfit twice, in the same week. I mean Kurt that is so not you, so why don't you let Rachel and me help you. Come on Kurt, let us help." Rachel and Mercedes both gave Kurt their lost puppy dog eyes, knowing he couldn't tell them no.
Spinning them around, Kurt grabbed both girls into a hug, "Thank you ladies. It's just that Thanksgiving is, um was one of Finn's favorite holidays, and with him not being here getting excited about what his mom was going to fix and he and my dad talking about the games being played, it's just a little sad. In fact Carole asked dad if it was okay if we went out to eat this year. I just feel so helpless since I can't do anything for her." Rachel felt Kurt's tears on her shoulder and just hugged him tighter.
Pulling away Rachel put her hands on his shoulder padded shoulders and looked directly in his eyes, "Well, how about all of you come to my house for Thanksgiving then? My dads and I will have a healthy Thanksgiving dinner and they've wanted to have you guys over, but they've been called out of town for business a lot lately. So why don't you ask your Dad and Carole to come for Thanksgiving? I bet Mercedes would even make her famous sweet potato casserole for the dinner. You know you can't resist that casserole."
"That casserole goes straight to my hips, but it's so good," Rachel smiled at Kurt finally relinquishing, "Alright, alright, I'll ask, but I'm not going to promise anything. Have your dads call later and we can tag team them okay? Come on Mercedes, we need to get over to the salon for our manicures. Bye Rachel. Call me later okay?" Rachel giggled as she waved goodbye as her friends linked their arms and walked toward the salon.
This is one way for her to help Finn, by making sure his family was happy and healthy. Rachel nodded to herself as she started towards the park for a longer walk. She was lost in her own thoughts as she walked until she saw him sitting on a bench in the shadows of the tree line. His red jersey and white number five standing out against the trees, making him very obvious, if people could actually see him. She looked around to make sure no one was around to see her when she touched his hand, making him appear. "Finn, what's wrong. You look awful."
"Well, geez Rach. I'm dead. Dead people don't look good, because we're, you know, dead." Rachel heard the contempt in his voice, something very un-Finn like.
"Finn, what's wrong? I'm here to help you and look I'm not even mad at you for just showing up. So please tell me what's wrong?" Rachel tightened her grip on him, imploring him to answer.
Somehow in twenty-four hours, Finn had become sarcastic and sullen, maybe that's where Kurt's personality went? "I'm a dead tool, that's what's wrong Rachel. Even dead I'm still the world's biggest tool." Rachel was shocked when Finn ripped his hand out of hers and stood up disappearing instantly. Rachel stood up with him but fought the urge to reach out and touch him to make him solid again.
"What happened Finn? Please tell me. I'm here to help you, I think. So please please tell me." Rachel could feel the heat of Finn's anger as well as strong sadness coming from his as he looked at her with pain evident in his eyes.
"Let's walk in the woods, I don't need anyone to see me talking to air, and become a bigger freak, okay?" Rachel started towards the path and hoped that Finn could follow, and was pleased to feel his cool breeze on her back. When they had gone far enough down the path and was sure no one would be there or see them, she stopped and turned facing the tall quarterback.
"Now Finn, tell me what is wrong, exactly. Don't leave anything out Finn. I promise I'll help you."
She saw his face scrunch up like he wanted to cry, but no tears came, but his voice was full of tears, "Yes- yesterday after you left I walked out into the mall and saw Quinn, Brittany and Santana, so I followed them. Then I followed them when they left, Quinn came back into mall and went to the fo-food court. She went into the back of Luca's Pizza and started tal-talking to Sam. Then they started making out. They'd been seeing each other even be-before I died. She was just using me for my po-popularity and now she's using my death for sympathy and stuff. She's keeping Sam on the side while she plays the heartbroken girlfriend. I'm such a fucking TOOL!" Rachel watched as Finn's scream scattered the birds that had been in the trees. She grabbed onto his hand and instantly felt the comfortable weight of his hand in hers as the tears flowed down her cheeks. She was sad, but she knew it wasn't her tears she was shedding.
"Finn, you weren't a tool. You are an incredible human being with a huge heart. Even though I didn't know you when you were alive, I've learned through Kurt, your mom and even you just how big your heart is. You believe everyone and see the good in them, even when they're mad at you. Yesterday you were ready to leave me alone because you thought you were making me miserable. What kind of tool would do that, huh? Huh?" She kept pulling on his hand to punctuate her point. She watched as a very small smile escaped his lips.
"You're a good man Finn; don't let a harlot like Quinn Fabray ruin you."
"I watched her make out with Sam though. I- I got so mad that I got really really hot and then all of a sudden the oven caught on fire and the breadsticks started flying everywhere. It was really weird, and then I was pulled away and showed up here at the park. Don't know how long I'd been sitting there on that bench." Rachel saw the misery on his face.
Finn looked miserable with agony of his face. She hated how that Quinn Fabray had played and used Finn for her own gain, while he was alive and even now in his death. She wanted to go up and smack her, but violence was never the answer. She also felt something else; she felt the emotions that he was feeling, hurt, betrayal, pain and it overtook her. Even though she knew these weren't her emotions, they overwhelmed her as she started to cry again, large hot tears streaming down her face. Even though she wanted to stop, she couldn't, all she could do was stare into Finn's face and watch all these emotions she was feeling flit across his face.
She was feeling his emotions. She was crying his tears.
Slowly, she felt the emotions dissolve, her tears ending, leaving her with soft hiccups. She looked up into Finn's eyes and saw something she couldn't recognize. She felt a cool, callous thumb stroke her cheeks, wiping away the remnants of her tears. She wanted to smile up at him, but instead she leaned into his large hand and reveled in the contrast of his cool touch against her hot tear soaked cheek.
"Finn, I…" she couldn't even explain what had just happened. It was too intense. All she could do is open and shut her mouth.
"Would it be weird if I understood what you mean, even though you didn't say anything?" She could feel Finn tense as he asked the question, probably thinking she would call him stupid or dumb for asking it.
Shaking her head, she just kept ahold of his hand, "No, that's not weird. You and I obviously just shared a rather strong connection. Now I don't know how I am going to solve your problem with Quinn, but I promise I'll figure something out, okay? Now, you need to go back being your happy go lucky self." Rachel turned to let go of his hand and walk away, but she felt Finn's grip tighten on her fingers. When she turned back to look at him, she was shocked when he leaned over and kissed her cheek, his cool lips felt scorching hot against her cheek. As he pulled back, he whispered in her ear, "Thank you Rach."
As he pulled back and let go of her hand, he disappeared altogether, with Rachel not knowing when he would return.