CHAPTER EIGHT – FOUND AND LOST
Woo Bin toyed with the glass in his hand, rolling its contents around with no intention of actually drinking it. A large hand swept down out of the dark, smoky atmosphere of the club's private room and slapped him on the back, jarring him from his reverie. "You did well today, Young Master, congratulations. Your father will be pleased."
"Komawo," Woo Bin returned, trying not to grimace too much at this praise. He and his personal detail of men had returned from a successful meeting negotiating terms to launder money for a smaller gang of drug dealers from Thailand. His father had wasted no time in pulling Woo Bin in from the fringes of his work. This had not been a particularly difficult or dangerous assignment, but one that profited his father and landed Woo Bin squarely in the thick of things.
It had barely been a week since the meeting with his father but Woo Bin already felt like a different person living a world apart from everyone else. In that time he had decided that one reason people called it the "underworld" was because what you really were and how you really felt had to be constantly concealed under a lie of what you were supposed to be.
Under the surface appearance of filial obedience to his father, his feelings had been a maelstrom, swinging wildly from outrage, shame and a sense of panic that he was being buried alive to an explosive rage at his father, himself, and his fate to a numb acceptance.
He had been fighting to regain his belief in the lie he had once told Yi Jung – that it didn't matter to him what anyone said or thought about him and the path he had to take. The problem was what he thought about it now, and despite his deliberate efforts to speak and act with as much cool detachment as he could summon, he could feel his grip slipping.
Teachings from the Sunim swum around and around in his thoughts, "Poverty with dignity is better than wealth based on shame…Don't escape when you have a problem because there is always a way to solve it… By amending our mistakes, we get wisdom. By defending our faults, we betray an unsound mind." (The Sutra of Hui Neng) - the new ideas pricking at his raw conscience until he wanted to scream. If he couldn't find a way to silence his internal conflict soon he was afraid he would snap and become a danger to himself and others.
He had taken his father's orders not to return to the temple or have contact with Jan Di one step further by attempting to silently back away from all his closest friends – the only ones who mattered were the ones he was afraid might get hurt. He had replaced his cell phone without entering anyone's digits – not that he didn't have them all memorized anyway. It might only be a small step but it was a beginning.
Woo Bin sighed and returned his attention to rolling his glass and trying to let his mind go blank. Twenty minutes later, Woo Bin jerked his head up as a familiar voice pierced his consciousness. "I know he's in there, let me in! Look, you know me, what's the problem here?" Woo Bin nodded to the guard at the door who let an irate Yi Jung past.
Woo Bin sighed and stood up. He had expected Yi Jung to be the first to come looking for him but he'd hoped he wouldn't have to deal with him quite so soon. He motioned to Yi Jung to join him and retook his seat, still not daring to look him in the eyes.
Yi Jung just stood, glowering down at him. "What the heck, Woo Bin?! What is going on with you? What happened to your phone and why wouldn't Kang Dae let me in? Why did I have to hear from Jan Di that something was wrong?!"
That last bit surprised him and he finally looked up at Yi Jung, "What do you mean?"
"You heard me! Do you know how many places I've been to trying to track you down? I never thought I'd find you at your father's club, you always hated this place!" Yi Jung exclaimed.
Woo Bin winced, glancing around as all his men were giving Yi Jung their undivided attention. "Shhh! Keep your voice down!" he pleaded.
"Not until you give me an explanation Song Woo Bin!"
Some of his men were beginning to stand up, taking a posture that indicated they were ready for anything. Woo Bin darted up, grabbed Yi Jung by the wrist and started moving toward the door. Yi Jung pulled away, "Ya! I'm not leaving!" he protested.
"I can't talk here," Woo Bin muttered back through clenched teeth. They approached the back door that let out onto the alley way but Chul Moo stepped in to bar their way. "Master Woo Bin, you know your father wanted you to stay within my sight until you were safely returned home."
Woo Bin responded with a look so hard and fierce that the older man stepped back slightly in surprise. "Just don't disappear again," he said quietly, moving aside. "You know he'll come down on us if we return without you."
"Araso. Komawo, Chul Moo," Woo Bin replied, his expression softening. Yi Jung looked alarmed and somewhat confused at this exchange and followed his friend out into the poorly lit alley behind the club.
They stood on opposite sides of the narrow alley, neither quite sure where to start now. "So, what did you mean about Jan Di?" Woo Bin began.
Yi Jung's earlier glare was replaced with a look of confusion and concern as he thoughtfully regarded his friend. "She came over tonight to ask about you…" he started, absently gesturing to the car across the street, where Jan Di sat nervously waiting.
Woo Bin's eyes grew wide with worry as he realized the potentially problematic situation his well-meaning friend had created by bringing Jan Di. "You idiot! What were you thinking bringing her with you to a place like this!" Woo Bin exploded at his friend.
"Ya! You know how stubborn she is! She wouldn't let me leave her behind. She was really worried about you and so am I, pabo!" Yi Jung shot back.
Woo Bin could see that Yi Jung was stung by his words, after all, he had never lost his temper with any of the F4 before. No matter how stupid they were acting, Woo Bin had always been the patient one. Now however, Yi Jung was the only safe outlet for the flood of frustration, anger and despair he could no longer contain and all his worst fears came pouring out as an accusation.
"Wae? What did you think, Yi Jung? Did you think we could just go on forever playing around with our lives, just the same as it's always been? You, of all people, knew the way things were going to have to be for me eventually! What place did you think there would be for you then? Do you know how many friends my father has, Yi Jung? None! There's no room for it in our world!"