Disclaimer: Nope, I still own zilch. –Sobs.-
Chapter Summary: Sirius finds himself more than a little surprised...
A/N: Oh my goodness…it has been over a YEAR hasn't it?! I can't express how sorry I am. x.x M'sure you all want to thoroughly kill me. Well…I suppose I can start with the fact that I got taken up into the world of Harry Potter Role Playing, and could not find myself enough will to tear away to finish writing the next chapter of my story. Ugh…and then Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out, and I was depressed for the longest time, because…it was all…over… And then, on top of that, there was my first year of college which is now officially over and which demanded tons and tons of my attention.
I know this might not all be classified as enough of an excuse from all of you, but…well…maybe at least some of you can understand what I was going through. –Sighs.- Again, I apologize profusely, and I hope this chapter is worth the horrendously long wait. xP Maybe yes, maybe no, but…well…we shall see, eh? For those of you still with me from the beginning, THANK YOU, for any new come-ers…THANK YOU, too. And for those somewhere in the middle, I love you just as much.
While I may have my ups and downs, I never plan on dropping this story…ever. I love it far too much. And with that…I am BACK, you guys, and will be answering all incoming reviews! –Grins brightly.- Now onto that long awaited chapter…
Chapter 33: Old Lingering Feelings
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They say time heals all wounds, that with time you can get over just about anything that has been done to you. They say that with time comes the 'all forgiver' who can finally pardon the person who has wronged them in some way or other. Apparently the creator of these statements had not taken into account one Severus Snape, one Sirius Orion Black, and one Harry James Potter.
After all, the wrongs that had been done to Severus Snape, had yet to be forgiven by the greasy-haired man. He still hated Sirius and everyone associated with him as much as he had while in school, and the same could be said for Sirius in Severus' direction. Wounds that time was very unlikely to ever heal… Harry was a different case than the other two, of course. He did not hold any hatred for anyone, really. Fear, dislike, and those of that kind, yes, but definitely not hate.
No, the wounds Harry had were no where near the same of Severus' and Sirius'. Harry had been abused by his Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, to the point where it had taken him more than while to trust both his guardians completely and fully…and that was without mentioning how wary he 'still' was around new people he met. He was a wary child, and that was probably something that would never leave him completely. A wound that while might have started to gradually heal, the internal scar…that imprint…that unconsciousness, would forever be with him.
Perhaps time 'does' heal all wounds, but scars are always left. Hopefully one day those will start to disappear on their own…time, itself, would tell.
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"I don't think this is such a good idea, Remus…I mean…" the Black trailed off, shaking his head as the two proceeded through the corridor toward the office Dumbledore had told them.
"…Are you saying you don't trust Harry?" the Lupin asked, shifting his gaze to his friend as the two walked.
"No…no, that's not it at all. I trust Harry fully, I know he would never let himself be swayed to Voldemort's side…I just…it's just…" Sirius frowned before glancing over at Remus. "I don't trust Malfoy, I don't trust Malfoy at all, even 'if' he had a momentary change of heart to help Harry out. No one changes in a second. I was the way I was since birth, but m'sure that is not the case with him, m'sure of it."
The lycanthrope silently pondered over this, knowing that the canine Animagus had a point…no matter how much anyone would prefer to doubt it. "Well –"
"And then with Xantos being the one to 'train' him! Any speck of Light that the kid had will be put out before Christmas even 'gets' here!" interrupted Sirius angrily, as if finally letting all the thoughts he had had while up inside Dumbledore's office out of his system.
"I know what you mean, Pads…" Remus nodded, effectively calming his friend somewhat. "But no matter what, no matter how small a chance we have to be a good influence on Draco, we have to take it. We have to let Harry be a good influence." He paused for a moment before continuing with, "Granted, there'll always be the chance that Draco, himself, will be an influence on Harry, but…but we just have to hope we're raising him well, that we have done a good enough job that any Darker influence will just bounce off."
Sirius heaved a resigned sigh. "Guess this means we'll be spending at least some of our holidays with Snivellus for company," he muttered begrudgingly.
"Don't tell me that that was what this was all really about, Siri."
"No, it wasn't…but it was…slightly a part of it… Slightly."
Remus John Lupin could not help but roll his eyes and heave a sigh, himself. Sirius never changed.
The day was a bright one. The sun streamed in brilliantly through the windows of the corridors, lighting up everything thoroughly. There was even a lovely breeze that kept things nice and cool, carrying with it the sounds of the many various voices of students making their way back to school from Hogsmeade village. Everyone loved these Saturdays for that reason among many; rainy Hogsmeade days were extremely rare, something for which the students were always grateful.
The two long-time friends soon found themselves on the Defense and History floor of Hogwarts Castle, and in front of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher's chamber door. They had to admit that, only an hour or not, they already missed their Harry dearly, that had yet to – and probably never would – get over having almost lost him forever. Being away from him at all, let alone for long periods of time, was no where near being on their list of things to get done.
And with that, Sirius stepped forward and knocked on the door a few times. The two did not have to wait terribly long, only a little shuffling could be heard inside before the door was promptly pulled open.
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A day had not gone by before Xantos had decided to start training and teaching Draco. After their lengthy conversation, the eldest living Potter had proceeded to take the child outside to see all that the kid had 'said' he could do…in action. He did not push too terribly hard, he knew better than to strain the young boy, but he definitely wanted to set his sights on all of the powers first hand. After all, reading is one thing, seeing is totally another.
The platinum blonde had not exactly been ecstatic about the idea at first, afraid his mother might come home and see him, but Xantos had assured that that would not happen. As it were, he had been right, and as time progressed, showing off his powers became more and more fun. He even learned a few things that made using water not as draining as it usually tended to be.
Xantos was an interesting person, the silver grey eyed 6-year-old had to admit to himself, and he definitely knew how to make something that did not seem like fun in the past, seem very fun now in the present. He wondered if it would always be this way, or if things would ever change. He, sadly, did not have an answer for himself there, and it was not like he could read the dark golden-brown haired wizard's thoughts… But well…there was always hope, right?
Hope.
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"Alexis??" both men said in unison, equal looks of disbelief etched on their faces.
Said strawberry-blonde was unable to prevent the amused smirk that tugged at her lips. "I'm remembered! It's an honor, boys, really," came here teasing, good-natured reply as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I was sure five years would have whipped your memories completely…well, at least somewhat."
Remus laughed at this before stepping forward and meeting the girl in an embrace. "Alexis! Merlin, it's so good to see you! It really has been too long," he finally said, regaining his voice after the initial surprise of seeing her. "Defense professor! Wow!"
"I know! Really!"
The grinning light brown haired werewolf released his old friend, who was also grinning, before glancing back at Sirius.
The Black was the only one of the three did not have a bright grin on his face, a rarity in and of itself. Instead, he seemed annoyed, if not a little sad about this meeting. Spotting this, Alexis' smile faltered a bit…she knew just as well as Remus did why Sirius was likely not the happiest person in the world to be seeing the girl.
"…Er," the lycanthrope cleared his throat uneasily, glancing between the two.
"Erm…hiya, Siri…" the girl greeted gently, bringing her hands to clasp behind her back a little uncertainly.
The bluish-grey eyed male looked at her long and hard for a moment, the tension about him something more than a little noticeable. But before he had even opened his mouth to say something in response, if he was even planning on it, a happy squeal – evidently ignoring the tension completely, or else perhaps to happy to notice, sounded.
"Padfoot! Uncle Moony! You're back!" And a millisecond did not pass before the black elegantly haired man's legs were wrapped in a tight hug. Sirius' gaze dropped quickly to his Godson, whom he took no time to kneel down to hug properly.
"Course we are, Prongslet!" he greeted happily, all former tension in him disappearing at the sight of the young boy. "Couldn't very well leave you for a long time, now could we? No way!"
The grinning 6-year-old pulled away from the embrace and swiftly planted a soft, childish kiss on his Godfather's cheek, before dashing the few feet over to hug his Uncle Moony and repeat the whole process with him. Sirius smiled fondly, affectionately throughout the whole thing, before straightening himself up once more, Remus soon doing the same, as well.
"Look at what Miss Alexis gave me, look!" Harry exclaimed happily, lifting his hand to show off the Golden Snitch the Defense Professor had given him. All eyes drifted to the object in the young boy's hand.
"Is that…" Remus murmured, seeing the faintly etched initials of 'JP' on the ball.
"…It is…" Sirius murmured, leaning forward to get a better look at the thing. "Can I see it, kiddo?"
"Mmhmm!" the raven haired Potter replied, handing the gold ball to the man who proceeded to inspect it meticulously.
"Hey, er…why don't we all come inside, the students are due back any moment…" Alexis interjected, bringing the attention back to her. She smiled sheepishly at this.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, come on you two," Remus answered for them with a nod, following the girl into her sitting room, Harry coming after him, and Sirius begrudgingly entering last…though not without glaring daggers into the back of the Lupin's head.
Alexis took a seat on her sofa, Harry hopping up next to her while Remus plopped down next to the Elemental. With a sigh, the Black situated himself on one of the arm chairs.
"Isn't it great, Padfoot? It was my Daddy's!" The child was positively bouncing where he sat, and the dog Animagus could not prevent the smile that touched his lips.
"It's wicked, Prongslet. We'll definitely have to play a game of Quidditch when we get back home," he placed a subtle emphasis on these last words, directing them to Remus who merely diverted his gaze.
"Sirius…honestly. You can't still hate me…" Alexis finally voiced, looking at the man with a sad gaze.
"Why not?" the Black retorted stiffly, speaking to her for the first time. Harry blinked a few times, confusion evident, his bright small slowly disappearing as he truly allowed himself to sense the feelings in the room other than his own, shifting his gaze to Remus, perplexed.
"It's okay, they'll work it out…" the werewolf mouthed to his young Charge, shaking his head for the Potter to just…dismiss this for now. They 'would' work it out…er…eventually…
"Because! I'm not in love with him anymore, Sirius! I haven't been for years now…it's over between us," she insisted. "You know that."
"I don't care! You were…you were…" his voice shook briefly. What? 'The One'? How cheesy did 'that' sound? Horrendously. The first girl he had actually pondered dropping his 'player-life' for? The first girl he had seen as more than just a nice stress-relieving shag? Yeah…maybe once…maybe at one point, but he definitely did not see her as that anymore…not after she had cheated on him so terribly. And with who! Merlin and Agrippa! Not even after a million apologies.
He just…just could not trust her on any of what she said or promised. Granted, he had left and cheated on more than his fair share of girls while at Hogwarts, but he had never given his heart out like he had with Alexis… Maybe he had deserved it, maybe karma did indeed exist, but he did not care. "…I don't care, it doesn't even matter anymore. I can't forgive you, Summerlin. I just…can't. Might as well not even bother trying," he said, a coldness taking over his tone.
"But…Sirius…" It was her voice's turn to waver unsteadily, eyes beginning to shimmer a bit. She really was terribly sorry…she knew it had been a mistake, her worst one, because it had not really even been love she had felt for him…her true love had always resided with Sirius Black, but…well, Xantos had been one hell of guy at the game of seduction. Knew all the right words, all the right moves, all the right strategies to get what he wanted, just like Sirius and James, and, and…
"No," the bluish-grey eyed male growled, pushing himself up to his feet roughly. "Don't you dare cry, you don't deserve to." His eyes flashed before he spotted his Godson and gave him an apologetic look, not even bothering to look at Remus, before storming out of the Defense professor's chambers and out into the halls of Hogwarts, slamming the door behind him.
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Harry was left in a stunned silence. The emotions coming off his Godfather had been crazily complex. Anger, hatred, love, hurt, betrayal, and that was only to name the few Harry was able to recognize right of the bat. Hurt and anger had to have been the biggest, however, and the emerald eyed wizard was sure he had never, ever, seen the man that upset before. It was…well, it was bordering on scary. What had just…happened? Everything had been fine one moment, and had gone horribly wrong the next.
Remus was left in a similar state. Granted, he had known of Padfoot's feelings in regard to Alexis, but…apparently time had yet to heal that particular wound…that particular 'deep' wound. He felt terrible for Alexis, having known her true feelings about the whole thing and what had happened between her and Xantos, but…explaining to Sirius her sincerity in regards to her apology and affection for him would be close to impossible.
There was no person more hardheaded that Sirius Orion Black. Or a person who held grudges so deeply other than him and Snape, and maybe even Xantos, himself. Amber eyes shifted from the door his best friend had just exited from, to Alexis, who had a single tear rolling down her face as she nibbled on her lower lip to stop it from trembling. For the first time in his life, the Lupin was at a loss of the proper thing to say.
Bringing a hand up, the 26-year-old girl wiped at her check to remove the tear, doing her best to control herself. She supposed she should have expected as much of a reaction from her former boyfriend…but she had not…or perhaps she had just…hoped... Not that that had apparently done much good. Forcing a small smile onto her face once she was sure she had gotten herself under enough control, she looked down at Harry who was looking up at her with a deep considerate sadness in his eyes…as if he knew exactly how she was feeling.
"I'm…sorry about that, Harry…" she murmured softly.
The Potter boy did not answer her, he merely through himself onto her and wrapped his arms around her neck tightly. "Don't cry, Miss Alexis…it's okay…Padfoot's just having one of his days, he has 'em with Moony, sometimes, too. I'm sure you really are sorry for whatever you did…I know you are…" he whispered softly into her ear.
The girl was thrown off for a moment, before new tears prickled at her eyes and she wrapped her arms around her best friend's son's frame, resting her forehead against his small shoulder. "…Thanks, Harry…" she said, barely above a whisper, after a few minutes of her own shoulder shaking some, though the boy heard her just fine.
Soon enough the two separated, and Harry seated himself next to Alexis once more, taking a hold of her hand comfortingly as his own guardians had done for him when he had needed it, happy to be able to do the same for someone else.
"I…umm…" Remus sighed, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his head embarrassedly, though more than a little proud of Harry for his understanding nature. "I really am sorry, Alexis…I had kind of…thought that maybe he…"
"It's okay, Remus…really," she smiled softly at him, appreciatively.
The Lupin returned the small smile before shifting his gaze to Harry. "You ready to go back up to the Hospital Wing with me, cub? No doubt Madam Pomfrey is having a cow that I'm taking so long…"
Harry nodded knowingly before sighing and looking back at Alexis. "Thanks for everything Miss Alexis. I really hope I get to see you again."
"Me too, Harry…me too."
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After both gave the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor a tight hug, Remus and Harry left Alexis' chamber, hand in hand, to begin the trek back up to the Hospital Wing. Hoping not only that Sirius would be there, but that Madam Pomfrey would at least let the Lupin go either today or tomorrow. After all…Remus certainly was feeling much better thanks to her various treatments.
"…Moony?"
"…Mmhmm, cub?"
"Why doesn't Padfoot like Miss Alexis? She's great! I like her bunches."
"Erm…" The lycanthrope pondered over his answer for a few beats. "It's not that he doesn't like her…I think he does, it's just…your Godfather can be pretty stubborn."
"…Oh…" Not that the 6-year-old understood.
"Let's just say that Sirius doesn't really take lightly to getting hurt by people he cares about. You'll understand better when you're older, cub."
Harry nodded somewhat and fell into silence for the rest of the walk. He did not completely understand, but it was clear he did not have to. One day he obviously would, but for right now it was okay that he did not. He just…really hoped Padfoot finally realized that Miss Alexis was really a good person, and that she really was sorry. If he did not, well…then the Potter would be unable to see her that often, and that would not be good at all. She was his Mummy's bestest friend! And fun, too!
The castle was steadily filling with students, but Remus was well versed in the secret passages of Hogwarts, and the pair found themselves in front of the Hospital Wing before long, being immediately greeted by one Madam Poppy Pomfrey.
"Merlin I was beginning to wonder of that meeting with Dumbledore would never 'end'! You need your rest Mr. Lupin, Mr. Potter!" she fretted, ushering them both to their respective beds.
"Seriously, Madam Pomfrey, we really are feeling much better, I promise," the werewolf assured the woman, but sat himself down on his assigned bed anyway, to calm her, his young charge doing the same.
"Hmph…" She gave him a suspicious look before sighing. Remus had never lied to her before about how he was feeling in regards to health. "Maybe yes, but still…just a little more rest. You can both go home first thing in the morning."
"Alright, thank you," Remus smiled. The Healer nodded, glad that he was agreeing with her. And with that, she bustled off to her office.
The patients shared a little a soft chuckle before they relaxed onto their respective beds. As it were, Sirius was not in here. This did not worry Remus too much; he knew the Black's 'Separation Anxiety' issues in regard to his Godson would not allow him to stay away for long.
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At least they would all be leaving soon, going back hopefully in less than a day, and then things could go back to…his, Harry's, and Remus' version of normal, and no more memories of Alexis and what she had done to him would have to consume his waking thoughts.
Sirius had just needed to get away for a bit, that was all. Seeing Alexis again so abruptly had thrown him off for a bit…well, more like a lot, but he would not admit that to anyone, no matter how obvious he had made it seem. It took him a few moments of sitting on the Hogwarts Castle steps to realize he still had James' old trusty Golden Snitch still locked in his hand.
"…I miss you, Prongs…" he murmured to the ball, lifting it up to look at before shaking his head of building up emotions. "It'd be…a whole lot easier if you were still here for me to talk with…" He trailed off, lowering his hand and his gaze to the numerous steps beneath the one he was located on.
Granted, Remus was always a great person to talk with, but there had always been something comforting when he had had talks with James. He could remember the hazel eyed Potter completely, as if he had been alive yesterday, down to the exact way he sounded when he used to laugh. The comforting way he used to talk when the occasions called for it. Remembering was easy for him. He never forgets all the stupid things they used to do. Sure, for some people, it was probably harder to remember, but not for him…never for him.
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-Flashback-
Sirius sat on the floor of the 7th Year boy's dorm, his back leaning against the side of Prongs' bed. The messy haired Potter, on the other hand, was sitting on his bed, legs hanging off the edge next to his best friend. They had been silent for going on an hour now, a rare thing for the two of them, regardless of how late the hour was.
"Pads?" James Potter voice, lying himself down on the bed, legs still hanging off the side as he looked up at the top of his four-poster bed, resting an arm casually over his chest.
"Mmm?"
"I'm here for you…you know that right?"
"…'course I do, Prongs…"
Another pregnant silence ensued, the two boys just settling in each other's company. That was all the Potter heir had to say until the dog Animagus was ready to talk to him about what had happened…what had made him so upset. And it did not take very long for Sirius to do just that…it rarely ever did when it came to confiding in his best friend, who had to be the most unbiased ear to speak to.
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Sirius glanced back up to trail his gaze around the Hogwarts grounds, before pushing himself back up to his feet. Many students were entering the castle, the sun starting to set in the sky. How long had he been sitting out here?
"Hey, look, it's Sirius!" came the familiar voice of one of the Weasley children.
Bill and Charlie Weasley approached the older wizard with grins on their faces, and Sirius found it comforting that he was able to form one himself. That was a start, James used to always say. "Hey, you two, just get back from Hogsmeade?"
"Naw," Charlie sighed, "I'm a fourth year, and Bill's a sixth…it loses it's novelty after a while, we only go every now and again. Percy starts next year and he's already complaining about not being able to go visit the 'historic sites' until third year."
"Yeah," the eldest Weasley offspring rolled his eyes. "Anyway, we just got back from visiting Hagrid," Bill stated.
"Oh, I see. Tell Percy sorry about you not being able to visit Hogsmeade and all that…guess he has me and my school friends to blame for that one."
"Why?" both boys asked in unison, curiosity raised.
"Haha, just a prank we pulled second year that banned all second years and lower from ever visiting the place again. McGonagall…well, she wasn't happy, to say the least."
"Wicked…must'a been huge, could you tell us about it?"
"Maybe next time, I've gotta get back up to the Hospital Wing," Sirius smiled apologetically.
"Awe…well…alright, then. Tell Harry and Remus 'Hi' for us! Mum and Dad sent a letter this morning saying they'd probably come and visit tomorrow to check up on Harry. Ron's been begging them non-stop," Bill rolled his eyes, but smiled none-the-less.
"Heh, sounds good, you guys can come on up tomorrow, too, if you want."
"Okay, cool, see you later!" And with that the brothers were gone, into the castle and proceeding up the stairs to the Gryffindor Tower.
Sirius looked after them for a few beats before turning and proceeding up the stairs as well, but in the direction of the Hospital Wing.
Thankfully, he did not run into either Dumbledore – who set the whole thing with Alexis up, he knew it - , or Alexis, herself. He arrived in the Hospital Wing without so much as a single encounter. Sadly, however, Harry was not awake to receive his Golden Snitch when he arrived. The messy haired Potter had apparently drifted off to sleep at some point between the time he had arrived and the time Sirius had gotten back. The boy's Godfather moved over to him to tuck him in properly and to plant a tender kiss on his forehead before turning to his friend.
Remus, unlike Harry, was wide awake.
"…Hey," the bluish-grey eyed male greeted sheepishly, taking a seat in the chair in between the two beds.
"…Welcome back," the lycanthrope replied, picking up a bar of chocolate from the nightstand and handing it to the Black.
Sirius would have cracked a 'chocolate-addict' joke were he not feeling so uneasy, knowing his friend was not going to let the days events just slide without a discussion. Remus was not like that.
"You missed dinner."
"Ugh…" Sirius groaned, never having liked missing a meal, taking the offered chocolate. "…Thanks."
"Mmhmm…"
The Lupin waited patiently for his friend to finish what would be his dinner for the night, more likely than not, until they got home tomorrow, before saying, "…We need to talk."
And Sirius took in a deep breath, releasing it in a long heavy sigh.
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A/N: And that is it for chapter 33! Whoo, finally, eh? –Nervous chuckle.- I really hope you all can find it in your heart of hearts to forgive the long wait. T-T I promise it won't be anywhere near as long the next time around! Kk? Kk?! Erm…anyway, for those of you who would like to know, I have officially started my own forum on here for Prongslet and my other story The Beginnings, so that we can all chat and what-not. :-) I would love to talk with you all!
http: / www. fanfiction. net /myforums/Japanime1/407876/ (no spaces, obviously)
Also, I have updated my profile and added a poll. –Nod, nod.-
Also, I have gone back and edited ALL the chapters in this story, and added some stuff here and there.
Also, the next chapter of 'The Beginnings' will be coming out VERY soon, as well as the editing of all the chapters there, also.
Now then, onto this chapter's curiosity filler!
"How do you like Alexis? Think Sirius should ever forgive her, or definitely not?"
Just curious. xD
Another random question is whether or not you guys are happy to see me back? I'm kinda scared to find out. O.o
ANYWHO, enough with all of this, I believe I shall let you all go now. Until next time – which will not be too long, dear Constant Readers (dude…who says that all the time in their books? First correct answer gets all my love in the world).
-Chloe
-Japanime1