He had sat down at the dining room table, more like forced to sit at this one particular seat at the dining room table. When Rachel had shooed him out of her room, it was like powers to be had pulled him to that spot and was keeping him there. He had tried to sit at the head of the table, but he was pulled back to this particular chair. He couldn't move from it if he had wanted to.
Then he heard the doorbell chime A Star Is Born, and his eyes went towards the front hall, knowing who was going to walk through the door. His mom would stand in front of him again, and he couldn't touch her or talk to her or hug her anymore, and that was nothing but pure torture. He loved his mom, and seeing her hurt so much just killed him even more. He held his breath as he watched LeRoy Berry open up the front door and hug the person that had stood there, which Finn knew would be his mom. He didn't have to see her to know it was her, he could just feel her. Sure enough when LeRoy stepped back, his mom entered, holding her pie basket that the smells her pumpkin and apple pies wafted from, making his mouth water since they were his absolute favorites.
Finn looked at his mom, like really looked at her, and definitely didn't like what he saw as she handed off her basket. She was thinner, and not in a healthy way. She looked tired with wrinkles appearing where just four months ago there were none. Her hair still looked the same, no extra greys or anything, but it had lost the shininess it had before. The smile she had on her face was not her natural smile, it was the "I'm here, let's get this thing over with so I can go home" smile. Finn didn't like it, not one bit. His mom was a happy person, that was incredibly strong-willed and determined, and now? Now she just looked like she lost all need to live.
Finn tried to get up out of the chair, to go to his mom and wrap his arms around her, but something kept him cemented to the damned chair and no matter what he did, he wasn't budging. So he sat there at a total loss and watched as Kurt and Burt came in and someone ask about where Rachel was, and as if on cue, she came walking down the stairs, looking absolutely gorgeous. The brown and white dress wrapped around her body and showed off all of her curves, which Finn had to admit were hotter than hell. Her hair was at the nape of her neck and his fingers just itched to play with the loose hair that fell from the style. The shoes she had on made her legs look incredible and he was stuck in the damned chair, unable to touch her and show her how much he appreciated her. He saw her glance over at him with a small smile playing on her lips as she went and greeted his mom with a hug and kiss on the cheek. Then he watched Rachel grab his mom's face, holding her cheeks and kiss her nose, just like he always did. How did she know that? He watched his mom tear up for a second and then grab Rachel into an even tighter hug.
Finn fought his feelings. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't become jealous. He wouldn't get upset because something bad always happened when he did and he didn't want anything ruining this day. He just wanted to move out of the damned chair and interact with his family in his own, new way, but it was like he was strapped to it and no matter what he did, he was stuck. His emotions swung from utter sadness of how lost his mom looked to anger over being shackled to the damn dining room chair. Unable to keep them contained, Finn screamed in frustration at one point, causing Rachel's eyes to go wider than normal and Kurt to comment that it sounded like a banshee screaming under the dining room window. Finn watched Burt walk over to the window, right next to him and look out, "Aw Kurt, it was just a fox. I saw its tail as it ran back into the woods. Poor thing probably wanted some of this delicious food. Now come on let's eat." Finn watched Burt rub his hands together as he walked around the table towards the living room where his mom sat with Rachel, LeRoy and Hiram. He heard Burt call out, "Hey Hiram, do you have a draft in the dining room. There's a cold spot right by the window. If you want we can look at it after the game."
Even through his anguish Finn smiled a little over Burt's comment on the window and wanting to fix it. That was one thing Finn will always remember about Burt, how he always wanted to fix things for others. That was one reason why he liked him so much and kind of wanted to be like him, fixing things for others. Being the nice guy, the go to guy. Burt was a really father figure for Finn, and now he didn't have the chance to be guided and molded by him. His chest ached in sadness, the tightness overwhelming.
Finn placed his head on the table and covered his head and ears with his hands, not wanting to listen to the bustle of food being set on the table and people talking and carrying on, none of them, but one, aware that he was even there. He looked up to see Rachel studying him, and all he could do was give her a pathetic smile and small shrug, because despite this being his favorite holiday and everything, he felt awful. He wanted to be a part of this celebration so much, and he was stuck in a chair, invisible to the one person he didn't want to be. He looked at his mom, who was seated next to him, looking more at ease then when she had walked in, and he knew it was due to Rachel. Rachel was the person to make his mom happy now, and it made him jealous, just a little.
He hated being dead. He hated that he couldn't hug his mom anymore, or lay his head in her lap and let her stroke his hair to calm him down. He hated that he couldn't grab her cheeks and place a kiss on the top of her head like he always did, or sit down to one of her amazing home cooked meals. He didn't get to smell whatever detergent and softener she used on his clothes that always made him feel like he was wrapped in her arms when he got dressed or went to bed. He missed her voice and how the timber would calm him down, even if she was mad as hell at him.
He missed his mommy. He missed being her son. He missed being her baby boy.
Finn watched longingly as everyone seemed to make a fuss over his mom and he was just stuck there, unable to do anything, even touch Rachel. As everyone took their seats around the table, Finn noticed the only seat not taken was the one he was sitting in, and the only person that hadn't sat down yet was Rachel, since she was making sure everything was out and everyone had everything they needed, like the good hostess she was. He saw the look in her eyes when she realized where she would have to sit and he watched as she tried to find another place to sit, any place other than the chair he was currently in. She wasn't that lucky when he heard her daddy say, "Rachel, sit down in your chair honey so we can say grace and thanks and begin. Let's go sweetie." Finn's eyes kept a lock on hers as she nervously made her way to the seat he was currently occupying, playing with her necklace the entire time, and keeping her hands off and away from him. It would really suck if she accidently touched him and he appeared in the middle of the Thanksgiving dinner and totally freaked his mom out. That would not be good. So he sat up very straight in the chair, pressing himself into it and placed his hands beside him, gripping the seat so that he didn't touch her. He could not appear at this dinner.
Finn made sure he kept his eyes on her so that she could easily sit through him, like when he fell through her the one time and how he passed through the door. He watched as she kept her hands on her necklace, playing with the different lengths of chain and the stars that hung from them. As long as he could see it, he could pass through it, and right now that meant being able to pass through Rachel as she literally sat in him, and as long as she didn't touch him, they could get through this.
Except this time it didn't feel like it normally did when he passed through something. Usually it was like he was walking through air, there was no resistance or anything like that, the only thing is he could see the inside of whatever he passed through.
That wasn't happening now though.
As Rachel sat down in him, it was like her body was soaking up his body, like a sponge. He noticed that soon his legs were gone and only hers remained, and slowly the rest of his body seeped into hers. When it finally came to their heads, he felt his meld into hers, like a Vulcan mind meld, and he was seeing what she was seeing, feeling what she was feeling and just everything.
He was fuckin' Rachel Berry, and it was weird.
He had control of her body, but he could still hear her, like she was talking into his ear, and right now, she was scared as hell. It was like he could see her in his mind, and hear her, but he couldn't feel her and it was fucking weird. He needed to see if this was really happening to him? Her? Us? Finn jumped up from the chair, knocking it over and saw everyone look at him, and then he felt his mom's hand. He looked down at his mom's worried face, "Rachel honey, is everything okay?"
"Um, I have a sudden girl issue to deal with, I'll be right back!" Finn wanted to sprint, but calmly righted the chair and walked towards the stairs, not tripping or falling over the heels that Rachel wore. How in the hell did women wear heels? They were like walking on stilts.
As he walked quickly up the stairs and towards her room he heard Rachel, very loud and very clear, "Finn! I have girl issues to take care of? And why are you in control of my body and I'm like in this little prison somewhere? What did you do to me? What in the hell is going on?" Finn could "see" Rachel stomp her foot and when she did he felt a pain in his head.
He wanted to move his lips and talk, but he was pretty sure that would make him certifiable. So he had to think of what he wanted to say, "Rachel, I don't have a fucking clue as to what is going on! I wanted to move out of that chair, but something kept me there, and then you sat down and I just kinda got sucked up by you and know I'm you and you're in your own head, I think? I don't know, I'm confusing myself, but I think this is a possession, like in that movie, The Exocist, but I won't make your head turn all the way around or spew pea soup. Promise. Just let me get to a mirror and then try to figure things out, okay?"
Finn saw Rachel sit down side-saddle on the ground and pout. He wanted to help her, but he still didn't have a clue as to what was going on. He went into her room and made a beeline for the bathroom and the mirror. Finn's mouth dropped open because staring back at him wasn't him, solid or transparent, but Rachel Berry in all of her gorgeous loveliness. When he went to move his hand, it was hers that stroked the cheek. When he opened his mouth and sang a note, it was her lovely voice he heard. The only thing that wasn't hers was the eyes. Her deep bottomless brown eyes were replaced with his whiskey colored eyes, and there was no way to explain the sudden change, because Rachel clearly had dark brown eyes just a few minutes ago. He didn't know what to do, or why her eye color had changed to his, but then he heard Rachel answer his question, "Because Finn, your eyes are the windows to your soul, and right now, it's your soul that has control of my body, so it's your eyes that are the window to the your soul, it's just in a different form right now. We just need to figure how to get you out and me back though, that's all."
"Well, I don't know how, and I think the powers-to-be wanted this to happen and that's why they kept me in that damned chair, for me to possess you. Trust me Rach, I tried to move, but I couldn't. They have some really fucked up plan and I guess you and I will just have to go along with it."
While he was relatively calm, Rachel wasn't, and he didn't blame her, "Well, I'm not happy about this. They are letting you use my body. I didn't give permission for this. It's my body. I have the right to say what happens to my body and I don't have any say right now and it's wrong. Just dead wrong." Finn could see how angry Rachel was, but there was nothing he could do. He could just feel that until whatever was accomplished that was supposed to be accomplished, he was in her body, he just hoped it happened soon, because a pissed off, imprisoned Rachel Berry was going to give him a headache from hell, and there was no way he could kiss her and calm her down, not like this.
"Okay Rach, I'm going to walk back downstairs and I'm going to have to have your help in how to act and stuff so we don't set off the parental radar that something is wrong, okay? Please just help me. I actually have a chance to be with my mom today in a solid state, and I just really, really need it. Will you help me?" Finn put on his best puppy dog face to get her to agree and when he looked in the mirror he saw Rachel's face doing it and even he knew would give in to whatever she wanted with that look.
Rachel must have been impressed too, "Wow, I really look great with that puppy dog look. I'd even give into me looking like that. Okay fine, I'll help, but I'm doing this under protest Finn. You are using my body against my consent and will, just for the record."
"And just for the record, I think you are the most awesome girl in the world Rach. Thanks." Finn put on him biggest smile, which wasn't a smirk in Rachel's body and walked carefully down the stairs and back to the chair. "Sorry everyone, but nature is nature. Now let's begin."
Rachel rolled her eyes over what Finn had just said, because that clearly didn't sound like her, and she watched as her dad's just looked at her curiously, but there was nothing she could do about it. Finn had fixed her bangs through her directions in a way that his eye color was hidden behind them. She just hoped that Finn would remember that he needed to act like her, since he was using her body, or he would get her a seventy-two hour pass to the nearest mental ward. She watched as he sat down and when her daddy started saying grace, Finn grabbed his mom's hand and she heard him internally sigh contently, happy at the simple touch, and as she looked at him, the real him, she saw his eyes close at the feel of his mom's hand in his. It was the first time he had felt her touch in four months, and sadness overwhelmed her at thinking about how much he loved his mom and had missed her.
When daddy had finished grace, Finn didn't let go of Carole's hand, and Rachel had to give stiff kick to make him release it, and he did so, but very reluctantly, and Rachel could see the curious look that Carole gave her.
"Finn! Finn I know you can hear me! You are me right now, so please act like me. I know you don't know me that well, but please let me guide you." Rachel listened, hoping that he would at least agree, and when she heard "Humph" she knew he would. She continued to watch what Finn did in her body and when he started to reach for some turkey, Rachel stomped her foot again, which she was pretty sure made Finn physically wince. "I'm vegetarian you moron! I'm not going to eat turkey. Stick to everything that doesn't have meat, and no pan sauce either." She could hear Finn murmur but couldn't make out what he said as he filler he plate.
As the meal progressed, she noticed that Finn didn't really talk to anyone other than his mom, and that wasn't very Rachel Berry-like. He needed to talk to everyone. "Finn, stop just talking to Carole. I talk to everyone. I'm the consummate hostess, so talk to Kurt and Burt. Talk to my fathers. Please, or they are really going to suspect something." Rachel knew she was in whine mode, but she didn't care. She had a reputation to maintain, and Finn wasn't going to ruin it.
"Rachel, I've missed my mom for the last four months. I haven't gotten to touch her or talk to her and I just miss my mom Rach. You have no idea how much I miss her. I'll admit it because you're the only one that will hear it, but I am a momma's boy. It's always just been me and my mom, and now neither of us have the other, just let me be greedy right now okay. I'm sure you can come up with some awesome reason why you acted this way if anyone asks you, but right now, just let me have this, okay?" Finn's desperation and need for his mom was evident and even though she could be conceited and selfish, she could understand his need.
As dinner finished, she watched as Finn started to grab glasses and put the dirty silverware in the them, something she would never do, and Carole noticed. "Rachel let me help you collect the dirty dishes, and you really shouldn't put the silverware in the glasses, it's a good way of chipping them. I always had to remind Finn of that, but he never listened. He just said it was the only way he could carry the silverware without dropping it. He was such a silly but clever boy. I miss him so much." Rachel could hear the tears being held back, and she knew Finn did by the way her body was trembling as he worked on keeping his tears back.
"Walk Finn, get out of the dining room now! You already did something out of character, but totally in character for you, and it has set your mom off, now go," Rachel whispered rather harshly since he had screwed up. She forgot that he was the only one that could hear her, but she was used to Finn being the invisible one and not her. She felt Finn jump up and go upstairs, despite the calls after her. She was taken off her feet when Finn must have dropped himself down on her bed, because she could feel her body heave with very heavy sobs. "Finn. Finn you have to settle down. She couldn't calm him down by rubbing his back since she was stuck inside her own body, so she did the next best thing and just started to hum. She felt some of his sadness leave to where he was at small whimpers. She felt badly for him.
And then Carole walked into her room unannounced.
"Rachel. Rachel honey, I'm sorry if I upset you downstairs. It's just that what you did reminded me of my Finn so much. I miss him every day, you know. And to be honest, I have lots of happy, silly memories with him, but it's like they're locked away and I can't get to them,but you collecting the silverware the same way he did just unlocked a few good memory for me. I'm so sorry I upset you. Please let me hug you."
Rachel wanted to tell Finn that he shouldn't, but who was she to deny him a hug from his mother, something he has craved for the last four months. If her birth mom had wanted to give her a hug, she wouldn't pull away, but fall right into it, and that was exactly what Finn did. She could literally feel Carole's arms around her, pulling her into a deep and loving hug, one that Rachel could even feel even though she was imprisoned in her own body. She could feel Finn cry internally, the pure happiness and joy overwhelming him at the feel of his mother's arms around him. She could tell thatl he did not want to let his mom go, but after a much too long hug, she felt him pull away reluctantly.
"Thank you for the hug mo- um Carole. I don't know what came over me downstairs, but the hug, that was exactly what I needed. Thank you." Rachel watched as Finn tucked a piece of hair and looked at his mom shyly. She had to admit that even though he wasn't an actor, he did a damn good job of pretending to be her.
And then Rachel heard Carole's stunning response, "Oh honey. You know, in these last four months, you've become a daughter to me. You have been an absolute joy and blessing to be around. If you ever need a mom's hug again or just someone to talk to about things, please come to me. I miss being a mom, so just, if you want, think of me like your mom, okay?" Rachel's mouth hung open at that. Carole thought of her as a daughter? Wow. Even her own birth mother wanted nothing to do with her, but Finn's mom was happy to consider her one. That was really messed up in some ways, but also really awesome.
What wasn't awesome though was Finn. When Carole had told Rachel that, she felt Finn stiffen up immediately, his jaw tighten. He was pissed, and when Carole left the room, all hell broke loose. Rachel could feel herself, her soul, start to grow in her body, pushing up against Finn's that was still there. It was a very surreal feeling, one that she was pretty sure she didn't want to experience again. What made it even more surreal was the fact that little ole her was pushing huge Finn Hudson out of her body.
It came to a point that she had grown so much that they were pressed against each other in the most intimate way, parts brushing against each other. Rachel could feel a hardness against her stomach that was both scary and exhilarating. What she did notice though was Finn had snaked his arms around her waist and had locked his hands together, pressing her even more firmly into him. It was almost impossible for her to tell where she ended and Finn began, but as she grew and pushed him out, he seemed to have some invisible force trying to pull him out of her. The only way she could tell was when she felt a tug on her waist and he would hold onto her more tightly.
He didn't want to leave her body.
Well, no one was going to take over her body, Rachel thought, it was hers. She was going to be the only one in control of her body from now on! So despite the extremely cramped conditions within her skin, Rachel worked her arms up and used all of her strength to push against Finn, trying to get him to budge. She tried again and this time, the outside force was pulling too and he was gone, leaving an unsettling emptiness in her body that her soul quickly filled back up, but it just still didn't feel right. She was also left laying on her bed, totally exhausted, a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead from the exertion and her abs feeling like she had just finished a thousand crunches on top of menstrual cramps.
When she rolled over on her bed, grasping her stomach, she was met by the Finn's whiskey colored eyes that were at half mast, his chest heaving from the exertion of being expelled. While he attempted to rest, Rachel looked into his eyes, like really looked at them, not thinking about the fact that he was a ghost or anything like that, but that he was a soul that had emotions, and what she saw was heartbreaking. His whiskey eyes were pools of sadness, heartbreak, despair and absolute terror.
He was just broken.
Through empathy and compassion, Rachel reached out to him and cupped his cheek, turning the 6'4" quarterback solid, and as she caressed his cheek with her hand, his tears flowed through her. Even though is kept her off balance not to have control of her emotions, she truly felt every emotion that was going through Finn. The sadness, heartbreak, anger, loneliness and betrayal that he felt flowed through her, and she was unable to control it. She knew it was because they were touching so they were connected and she was experiencing his emotions and at one point she tried to push back away from him, but he had once again snaked his arms around her waist and held her tight. Every time a new emotion took over, he pulled her tighter to him and buried his head in her chest. Instinctually she started running her fingers through his hair, lightly scraping his scalp with her nails in a soothing manner, and after a few swipes, she felt his muscles start to relax and his emotions start to calm down and in turn, hers did too.
As she kept raking her nails along his scalp she felt a shiver run up and down his spine, a reaction she wasn't expecting, and he even seemed to snuggle even closer to her, to where she wasn't sure where he ended and she began. It was like they had become one.
And then she heard it. She heard him mumble against her in a teary voice, "Please don't ever leave me. Please don't replace me." As soon as she tried to speak, her arms were empty and he was gone