SONG: Medicate ARTIST: Breaking Benjamin
..."...You tie me up...I've had enough...So medicate...Medicate..."...
"You kissed her? Seriously? Did she punch you in the balls or something?" The grin on his face confuses me.
"She kissed me back. I'm really sorry Jake."
"Why the hell would you be sorry?" He chuckles; confusing me further.
"You're my best friend."
"So; it's not like she's my wife or anything. I don't own the girl; she isn't even my girlfriend; she isn't even my type."
"You're not mad at me then?"
"No; I don't give a shit. Did you like kissing her?"
"Yes."
"Did she like kissing you?"
"As far as I know; I mean she wanted to kiss me again so that must mean she did right?"
"Wait; I'm confused. If you kissed her and she liked it then why didn't you kiss her again? Please tell me it wasn't because of me." His light brown eyes soften as the conversation takes a more serious turn.
"It was because of you. She said it wasn't right that we kissed while she was involved with you."
"She said that?" Jake runs his hand over his unshaved face in an absentminded gesture as he shakes his head in disbelief.
"Yeah; she said she knows that you two aren't serious or anything and since you two never really laid out any ground rules so to speak then she needed to have a talk with you about your situation."
"What about you Landon? What do you think about all of this?" Sincerity is heavy in his tone. Normally Jake is always playful and sometimes annoyingly casual about everything but deep down he has a very serious side to him.
"I feel like an asshole for kissing my best friends girl. I am full of guilt because even though I knew it was wrong I still kissed her. Even after we kissed and talked about how wrong it was; I still wanted to kiss her again. If she wouldn't have got out of my bed then I would have kissed her again."
"You smooth fucker you; I can't believe you spend a half an hour with her alone last night and then bam you got her in your bed the next day. I worked on her for almost a week before she let me in her pants." There it is; there's that playful tone that I am so used to hearing from my best friend.
"I can't believe you are making jokes right now Jake."
"Why not? Listen to me Landy...listen closely...I. Don't. Give. Two. Shits...if you like her and she likes you then good for you man. Don't worry about me; there is a ton of pussy out there for me. I want you to be happy and if Faith makes you happy then that's all I care about. I will care if she hurts you though; she seems like an alright chick but to be honest I really don't know anything about her so just be careful okay."
"It probably doesn't matter anyhow...I think I might have scared her off."
"Why?"
"I kind of got shitty with her. I didn't mean to but things were kind of awkward because we kissed and I made a joke to try and lighten the mood; she snapped at me and told me to stop making fun of myself. I might have went a little overboard when I told her that I would rather make jokes than be all doom and gloom. I told her she doesn't know me and she doesn't know what I went through...I asked her to leave."
"I'll talk to her for you; she'll come back."
"I don't want you to do that. If she wants to see me again then I want her to come to that decision on her own; I don't want you to guilt her into it."
"I wouldn't do that; I don't need to guilt her into coming to see you. I only meant that I was going to tell her I didn't want to see her anymore; to tell her that if she likes you then she should...date you or whatever you two decide."
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here Jake; I barely know the girl."
"Sounds like you know more about her than I do and you did make out with her already."
"I didn't make out with her it was just a kiss; there wasn't even any tongue; it ended before it even really got started."
"Yeah well let me tell you something Landon. I might not know a whole lot about that girl but what I do know for a fact is that she's a horny little thing. Half the reason why I never got to know her is because I was too busy fucking her; so you better start exercising that tongue of yours if you plan on starting something with her."
"Exercising my tongue?"
"Yeah and you should probably watch some lesbian porn to perfect your oral skills too. The girl likes to fuck and since your dick is broken then you are going to want to find other ways to get her off."
"You are so filthy." I say seriously but end up grinning when he starts to laugh.
"Look bud, I'm only trying to give you the inside scoop about her. She seems to be a pretty clean girl and all but you might want to tell her to wash that thing really good if you plan on putting your tongue anywhere near it; I mean you and I are tight and all but I wouldn't lick something you blew your load into unless I knew it was clean first."
"Christ! Will you shut up already?" I almost growl as my anger flares.
"Chill Landon." He chuckles.
"Say something does come out of all this; are you going to be okay with it?"
"Oh...that's your serious tone...okay no more fucking around. I promise you that when you two get married I will be on my best behavior."
"Jake..." I say with a sigh.
"It's cool Landon. Really; no worries."
"Well that's good but like I said it might not even matter anyhow. I doubt she will talk to me again after I was so rude to her."
"Nah; she gets off on that shit so you're good there man. Besides you already kissed her and with those luscious pink lips of your and those dimples; she will be knocking down your door in a day or two. Good thing you've got long fingers; you can always finger fuck the shit out of her."
"Damn it Jake! Be serious for a minute will you? I'm not saying that Faith is going to be my girlfriend or anything but what if she is? I can't have you talking shit like that all the time to me and I'll be damned if I can let you be rude to her either."
"Do you have any idea how hard that is going to be for me? Faith and I spit out endless insults to each other all the time; it's how we converse. I can see how serious you are about this by the way you are looking at me and I promise to do my best to watch my mouth from now on when it comes to her."
"Who knows maybe you might actually end up liking her; she's really funny and she is really very different from the way she looks."
"I know how funny she is but what do you mean she is different from the way she looks?"
"I get that she looks all Goth or Emo or whatever people call that look but it's just for show really."
"Maybe it's Emo-Goth?"
"Well this has been an interesting conversation." I say as I roll my eyes at him.
"Sorry bud; I get what you are saying and for your sake I hope you are right. I wouldn't want my best friend to have someone I can't stand for a girlfriend."
"Thanks Jake."
"Don't mention it; so since I'm already here is there any food in your fridge or should we just run down to Sonic?"
"I think dads cooking fried chicken for dinner; he should be getting home soon."
"Fried chicken takes too long; I'm hungry now. I'll be right back; I'm going to go make a sandwich or something."
I watch Jake leave my room and seeing that his blond hair looks like it could use a trim; I make a mental not to see when he's free so we can go get our hair cut at his aunt's shop.
When I wake up; the sun is just starting to set outside my bedroom window and there is a piece of paper on my lap. I lift it up to see Jake's sloppy handwriting.
I LEAVE YOUR ROOM FOR FIVE MINUTES TO MAKE A DAMN
SANDWICH AND YOU GO AND FALL ASLEEP ON ME. IT WAS
RAINING WHEN I LEFT SO I STOLE YOUR JACKET. I WILL GET
IT BACK TO YOU TOMORROW OR SOMETHING.
J
The smell of fried chicken coming from the kitchen tells me that my dad has made it home and I can hear him whistling as I make my way into the kitchen. I fight the urge to laugh when I see him dancing as he pokes the chicken in the pan with a fork.
"When did you get home dad?"
He spins around and waves his fork at me as he smiles.
"Not long ago. I didn't see your bedroom light on and I couldn't hear any noises from in there so I figured you were sleeping."
"Yeah I fell asleep. Did you see Jake or was he already gone when you got here?"
"Jake? I thought that Faith girl was here."
"She was but she left and then Jake came over."
"Oh...no, no Jake but I thought maybe the dirty dishes in the sink were from him. Honesty that boy needs to learn how to clean up after himself. You never leave dirty dishes in the sink and you have crutches; Jakes on the other hand is just a lazy brat."
"I'll wash his dishes dad; he probably was just trying to be quite."
"Stop making excuses for him. That boy always leaves messes when he comes over here. Don't scowl at me Landon...I'm not saying I don't want Jake around...I know he's your best friend...I am just pointing out that your friend is a slob."
"Like I said; I'll wash his dishes dad."
"It's already done. This chicken is done too; get a plate and I will give you some of it."
When dad and I get our food and take our places at the kitchen counter he just sits there grinning at me while I begin to eat my food. I put my fork down and after I swallow my food I narrow my eyes at him.
"Let's hear it already dad; I can see by the way you are looking at me you are about to explode from all the questions you want to ask me about the girl that was here to see me today."
"Where did you meet her?"
"At the concert last night but it wasn't until we went to Sonic afterwards that I really even got to talk to her. Jake had to run home and unlock the house for his mom and I stayed with Faith; we talked the whole time Jake was gone."
"Wait a minute...is she Jake's girlfriend or something?"
"Sort of but not really."
"Careful son. You know the old saying: bros before hoes."
"Dad!"
"It's just something people say but you know what I mean Landon. Jake's your friend and you don't want to let some girl mess up your friendship."
"You seem like you have this all figured out don't you dad? How do you know that Faith and I aren't just friends? How do you know that you aren't just making a big deal out of nothing right now?"
"Oh please! I wasn't born yesterday Landy. I saw the way you looked at that girl and I also saw the way she looked at you; the way she hugged you; the way she kept her hands on you longer than she needed to. The girls hot for you kid; don't pretend you didn't notice."
"I kissed her." I blurt out.
"You did?" My day has a surprised look on his face. "That's a little fast isn't? You know what forget that last questions; you teenagers nowadays seem to let your hormones control you. Did she kiss you back?"
"Yeah but then we both decided that it was wrong because of Jake and all."
"Are you going to tell Jake about this?"
"I already did. He's okay with it; he wasn't serious about her anyway."
I watch my dad's face turn down into a scowl before he takes a bite of his food. I continue to watch him as he eats his food; I can tell he has something he wants to say and is just thinking it over before he does. When he closes his eyes and sits his fork down he exhales a small sigh before looking at me once again.
"Did you believe him?"
"Huh?"
"Did you believe Jake when he told you he was 'okay' with you moving in on his girl?"
"Yes, of course I did. Why wouldn't I believe him?"
"Look bud, I know Jake. That kid loves the shit out of you and he would do literally anything for you so..."
My dad trails off but I managed to fill in the empty words that he didn't speak.
"Jake wouldn't do that would he? I mean there is no way he would just...hand her over to me on a silver platter just because I like her. No...I believe him...he said he wasn't into her; he said she wasn't even his type; he said he only hung out with her because she..." Now it's my turn to trail off.
"Puts out? Is that what you were going to say?"
"Dad! Don't say shit like that please."
My father begins to laugh a little too hard at his bold words and my surprised reaction; I end up rolling my eyes at him and scarf down the rest of my food so I can get away from him.
"Slow down Landon; you are going to choke." He chuckles. I shoot him a dirty look but I slow down my eating and after I swallow the food in my mouth I set my fork down and turn towards him.
"Just...don't okay; don't say things like that about her."
Dad gives me a soft smile and nods his head in understanding. "Your old man might be a little out dated but I still know how you teenagers are these days. In my day you didn't even hold a girls hand until probably the third date but you brats nowadays seem to jump into bed before you even know each other's names. I just hope with all the resources that are available this day and age that you younger crowd are at least being safe. How Jake doesn't have a few kids yet is beyond me; so that must mean he's not too stupid."
"Can we stop talking about this now dad?"
"Relax Landon. It's not like I'm giving you the sex talk or anything; you are almost eighteen so I think we are way past that by now. I'm just making conversation over dinner with my son."
"You need to find better dinner conversation dad." I roll my eyes as I get up off the stool and lift my plate to carry it to the sink. "Here, put your dish on top of mine and I will take it to the sink for you."
Dad sets his plate on top of mine and runs his hands through his hair. "Do you want me to get the water started for you then?"
"No, I can do it but can you do something with the oil in the frying pan; not sure I am coordinated enough to take care of it."
"Sure kid."
It takes me an hour to wash the dishes and wipe the counters off before I turn the kitchen light out and go into the living room to watch some TV with dad. The first time dad insisted I wash the dishes I thought he was making a joke because surely he was expecting too much from me. He wasn't joking though and after two and a half hours and two broken glasses and one broken plate I managed to finish the job. Dad sat at the counter the entire time and kept pushing me to continue and finish the job. I cursed at him; I yelled at him; and by the time I was finish I was so exhausted that I ended up crying while I wiped the counters off. Dad gave me a hug and a pat on the back and told me that I needed to learn to push myself a little bit. At the time I was so angry at him for making me do it; normal people could have gotten the job done in ten minutes instead of my two and a half hour ordeal. That was almost a year ago and now I can work my way around the kitchen like a pro; well a pro on crutches but still I get the job done.
Looking back on how much dad pushed me and all the mixed emotions I went through as I attempted to do something that comes so effortlessly to other people; I was proud of myself for completing the seemingly simple task without giving up. It's funny how a simple chore that I do a few times a week has helped me in other ways. Being able to make my way around the kitchen while carrying a glass of water or a plate of food while using my crutches has given me enough coordination that I can pretty much do most things without help from anyone.
As I sit on the couch pretending to watch some crime scene show; I find myself thinking of all the things that I have overcome since my accident. The challenges I have met and mastered make me not only proud of myself but thankful to my father and to Jake as well. Jake tends to coddle me a little more than he should but he also pushes me. His suggestion to go to the gym a couple of times a week to strengthen my upper body has also helped me with the everyday task that most people don't even think about. It gives me a warm feeling in my chest when I think about how much my dad and my best friend care about me. I glance over at my dad with the intentions of expressing my gratitude to him but find him sleeping with his head propped up against his fist. I finish watching the show that is on the TV with little interest before deciding to go to my room to listen to music and draw before I feel tired enough to go to sleep.
I don't have a favorite genre of music because it depends on my mood when I choose to listen to music. I love to listen to music while I draw because the music gives me inspiration and sometimes the music finds its way onto the paper as my hand seems to have a mind of its own. Going to the Five Finger Death Punch concert yesterday gave me my fill of the heavy music that I love but right now I want something slower. Before I can second guess myself; I push play on my IPod and the sweet and haunting voice of Lana Del Rey begins to fill my bedroom. The black marker in my hand begins to glide across the page without much thought in my head.
I focus on the music that surrounds me and find myself mumbling the lyrics to the song 'West Coast' as the ink begins to stain the page in front of me. Halfway through the song 'Black Beauty' I realize just what it is that I am drawing; Faith's long hair flows over her shoulders and the black streaks that I have drawn down her cheeks show that she is crying. I still my hand and look down at the drawing and find myself confused by it. Why would I draw her? Why would I draw her crying like this? I give up on finishing the drawing and shove my sketchbook into my dresser and lay down in bed with a deep sigh. I wish I could show the drawing to Jake to see if he could make sense of it; Jake always manages to be able to interpret the drawings that I can't seem to understand. For some reason I decide that it would be best not to show him this particular drawing; I don't know why but for some reason I think maybe I don't want to know what drawing a crying Faith might mean.