Disclaimer: You want to know what I OWN?! I'll tell you what I OWN…nothing, nada, not a friggin' thing! How unfair is that to my wallet?!
Chapter Summary: Harry finds out...
A/N: I must say, that it's times like these that I'm glad I'm working on both my stories at the same time, because while one's currently lighthearted, the other can counter-act for me by being not-so-lighthearted, and vice-versa. Never a dull moment. Erm… I apologize for the last chapter's cliffy, and the general grief that came with the 'thought of Harry going back to the Dursley's'… Most of you all reminded me of Sirius! –Smiles lightly.- Which I think is actually pretty good, because that means you love him as much as I do. –Grins.- You all know that song D.H.T. song 'Listen To Your Heart'? …I was listening to it like…non-stop while I wrote this chapter. Actually, I'm always listening to 'some' song over and over while I type a chapter…I'm such a music addict! xD Siriusly! Music gives me inspiration… Anywho, enough on all of that, on with the chapter!
Chapter 38: No One Said Life Was Fair
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There are many different types of loss in this pitiless world. There is the loss of a parent the loss of a sibling, the loss of a lover or spouse, the loss of a grandparent, the loss of a pet, the loss of a close friend, just to name a few… And what brings all these substantially diverse levels of loss together? ...More often than not, it is heartache; the feeling of having a piece of one's very essence being ripped right out of them.
But of all of these various forms of personal and emotional loss, there is likely none worse than that of losing a child. As most first-time parents come to realize, their world revolves around their child…that miniature human is their everything; their pride, their joy, their heart, their laughter, their air, their very life. Every single smile from the shy to the excited that they get from the youngster, every giggle, every attempt the child does to copy them, every grin, every smirk, every discussion, every hug, every kiss on the cheek, every 'I Love You' is worth more than the purest of pure gold.
The sad part of all of this is that while most receivers of loss believe they cherish what they have…they do not realize just how much…until it is gone…or well on its way to 'being' gone.
No one in all of Wizarding England could better understand this concept - this horrendous feeling - at this precise moment in time save for Sirius Orion Black and Remus John Lupin. Never had they thought that they might lose their very 'light to the shadows', the most precious person to them, a mere – terribly short in their opinion – five years after getting him back in their lives. And not only did they have to lose him, but they had to return him – personally, because it was not like they would let anyone else do it – to the very same child abusing Muggles they had saved him from.
They supposed it was kind of stupid of them, the past two years, to assume – thanks to nothing bad transpiring – that maybe life had finally decided to be fair to them…maybe it had finally decided to make up to them the loss of the love and friendship of Lily and James Potter. Just maybe… But how wrong they had been. 'Assume' really did make an 'Ass' out of 'u' and 'me'. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me…and now life was just laughing at them for falling for it so easily.
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Sirius was not sure, exactly, for how long he had been resting in Alexis' warm embrace, soaking up what little comfort he could find considering the prospect of what laid before him…was not sure, exactly, for how long he had sobbed against her…but what he did know was that when he turned his red, puffy gaze towards the empty classroom's window, the sun seemed to be setting…and he seemed to have rung himself dry of tears. He felt spent.
"…We should probably go…" he heard himself murmur reluctantly, voice a little croaky. Leaving would mean facing reality, when staying would just be so much less difficult to bear, but he knew he could not delay things forever.
"…Yeah, probably," the Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts professor sighed softly. "Are you sure you're…okay?"
The Black gave a humorless, dry chuckle that had her almost shiver with a sudden feeling of chilly recollection…it was the same kind of chuckle he had given the day he had found out about her and Xantos Potter. His head lifted off her shoulder a bit, so as to actually look at her properly, bluish-grey eyes so much duller than she was used to seeing them…they lacked that mischievous twinkle they always tended to hold. "…I'll be as far from okay as possible until Remus and I have Harry with us for good."
And for a moment she was sure he was going to be overcome with another wave of emotion, but he closed his eyes and took in a steadying breath, releasing it slowly, to fight it back. He had to get a better grip on himself, he knew, he had to be stronger than this…for Harry's sake.
"I'm so sorry…" she murmured, and the restrained emotion in her own voice gave clear evidence to her sincerity. "…I…I wish this didn't have to happen to you, Siri. …You don't deserve it."
It was the feeling of lips pressed gently against his temple that made the Black open his eyes once more, realizing guiltily quickly that maybe he was being rather selfish. After all…he had held so much against Alexis over the years…been bitter, despite knowing that it was clear that she really regretted what she had done to him, truly wished it had never happened…and these past two years he had been pretty much an arse to her, even with Harry and Remus welcoming her with open arms as a friend. And yet, even with all that, here he was taking this all in – comfort she was offering him that he did not feel that, from her, he was warranted…how could she still…love him? – but that yet he was not rejecting. A little selfish? Maybe. …Yeah.
"I know…" he whispered when she pulled back to look at him, and perhaps it was the softness in his tone that led her to understand that he meant that as more than just her being sorry for what was going to happen with Harry. Her clear blue eyes shimmered with new tears. For a moment he had the biggest urge to kiss her, to tell her he completely forgave her, to tell her they would be all right again, that he still loved her deeply… But he did not think he was ready for all that. Not right now…not in the midst of losing Prongslet. …He was vulnerable; not ready… He was…he was nowhere near ready. …That would take time.
"Thanks, Alex…I really…well…it means a lot to me that you came down here for me…" he smiled a faint, wavering smile, forcing lips to twitch in the opposite direction from which they wanted to go considering the circumstances, before sliding out of her arms and pushing himself gingerly to his feet. Out-stretching a hand to the strawberry blonde, he helped her up to her feet as well. "We should go…"
"Yeah, lets go," she nodded, composing herself a bit before dusting off her robes. "…And, it was nothing, really. …You're welcome."
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By the time Sirius and Alexis returned to Dumbledore's office, Remus had had time, as well, to get a better hold on himself. He had taken all of this as hard as Sirius had, if not maybe a little harder – if that was possible – but was just really much better at keeping things inside. …Sometimes he wished he was not…
Arthur had been a lot of help, actually, though, telling him that he and Molly would do everything they could to help in this…that they were there for the family of three. Granted, Remus was unsure of what all the Weasley's 'could' do, but just the thought that there was a family out there that cared so much for Sirius, Harry, and him really did mean a lot to the Lupin.
Amber eyes looked up as the oak door opened and Sirius entered for the second time that day, followed by Alexis. The Black's gaze met the Lupin's, both echoing the same feelings with one look…they were going to lose Harry, however short a time it may be, and the mere thought was devouring them from the inside out.
The Alexis and Sirius took their previous seats on either side of Remus, the canine Animagus opening his mouth but being cut off by Dumbledore.
"There is no need to apologize for earlier, Mr. Black…I had actually been expecting something akin, I assure you," the elder wizard smiled sadly. "I imagine the two of you…would prefer tomorrow over today, in regards to your temporary separation from Mr. Potter, am I correct?" …That was Dumbledore for you. Straight to the topic at hand. Better to pull the band-aid quickly rather than slowly lest it just hurt more to remove.
The last true remaining two of the infamous Marauders released heavy sighs and nodded at this. Of course they were going to take the extra friggin' day! The knowledge that they had to take Harry back to the Dursley's was killing them enough as it was, how much worse would it be without a proper, temporary, good-bye?
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The Order meeting was dismissed soon after, Dumbledore informing Sirius and Remus of specific information they needed to remember when speaking to Harry concerning their current situation. Information that neither found particularly comforting in the least, but reluctantly knew just as well were rules best followed.
Sirius, Remus, and Arthur made their way slowly through the corridors of Hogwarts, silence reigning between them. It was actually not until they were nearing the Entrance Hall that either of the three spoke at all.
"…I can't do this…" the ebony haired man whispered to himself, running a hand restlessly though his elegant hair.
"Sirius," Remus implored, glancing back at the male who had stopped walking, Arthur doing the same, coming to a stop themselves in the empty corridor.
"Moony! This is a death sentence for him, and we both know it…" the Black murmured in a somewhat loud whisper. "He's not allowed to use magic on them because they're Muggles? We can't go and stay with him ourselves while he's there because the Dursley's won't bloody approve of it? They're going to kill him!"
Remus nibbled on his lip and shook his head once, mostly in denial. "We won't leave him there long enough…" he began uncertainly.
"Five minutes would be enough! Dursley's a whale of a man! Ugh…we can't do this!"
A good deal of the color in the lycanthrope's face left, making him appear a good deal paler than he usually was. He knew Sirius had a point…a horribly valid one, but…but…"Then what's our second option, Padfoot? Run? We'd be fugitives! We can't do that to Harry, either!"
"At least he'd be with us and alive!" Sirius retorted almost desperately, like a drowning child trying to grab onto 'something' for survival.
"We'd have Muggle and Wizarding authorities chasing after us - that'd be mental! - and it'd only be delaying the inevitable! We'd lose Harry thanks to misconduct!"
Sirius groaned, leaning back against the corridors stonewall. He felt like punching a wall again, for lack of other objects, but his right hand still throbbed in remembrance from earlier, and so he thought better of it. "If only there was some way we could—" go with him and 'not be recognized for it'… the Black let the rest of his sentence die on his lips, bluish-grey eyes widening to an almost comical size as he stared off into nothing.
"W-what is it, Sirius?"
"…We're taking him back," the twenty-eight year old replied distantly.
"…Is he usually this much off his rocker?" Mr. Weasley inquired gently.
"Usually it's just for show…" Remus answered awkwardly.
I'm going with him! Sirius thought to himself with a definite nod, jumping away from the wall to face the two men in front of him, who merely blinked a few times, clearly confused.
"Siri--?" the Lupin began bemusedly, though the flicker of their usual brightness that had entered his best friend's eyes gave him an odd sense of hope in the midst of the loss.
"We'll talk about it later, come on…it's getting late."
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Emerald green eyes glanced warily between a hesitant Lupin and an uncertain Black. Something had happened up in the castle, he knew, and now they wanted to talk to him. They had been acting odd and very much off kilter ever since coming to get him earlier…their emotions had been everywhere and nowhere, and they did not even joke around and talk with Tonks like they usually did… Actually, even Mr. Weasley had not seemed up to his usual. Perhaps under other conditions – them not having taken so long, for one - this might not bother Harry so much…but for some reason it all gave him a horrible sense of dread…of foreboding. In fact, something told him he likely did not want to hear what they were going to say…
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-Fifteen minutes earlier.-
"It's getting late…" Tonks murmured, returning to her normal appearance after having just done her best at impersonating a duck. The sky had taken a very twilight hue, darkness soon to be falling completely, and it was definitely getting a bit chilly.
"Yeah…" Harry nodded, glancing back towards the castle. He felt unease about the idea…Padfoot and Moony had never taken this long talking to Professor Dumbledore before.
"I bet they'll be done here in a—" Ron began, but was promptly cut off.
"Padfoot! Uncle Moony!" the messy raven haired eight year old next to the red head called before scrambling to his feet quickly, easily having spotting the approaching men, relieved to see them.
Ron was up a moment later, followed by Tonks who was smiling brightly.
"Wotcher, Sirius! Remus!" she greeted as the men approached, "Hullo, Mr. Weasley. Took you all long enough. I told Charlie and Percy they could go on inside for dinner, and that'd I'd watch these two," the pink haired Hufflepuff relayed, nodding towards Ron and Harry. "They ate already, too, because Charlie came back out to bring 'em some stuff from the Great Hall."
"Thank you, Nympha—er, Tonks," Remus amended quickly at her developing glare. "We appreciate it." He offered the girl a weary smile that caused her to blush faintly - not that he noticed - before shifting his attention to Harry who was looking up at his Guardians with a contemplatively odd look on his face.
"Is something…wrong?" the young Potter inquired tentatively after a moment, his earlier relief all-too-quickly being replaced by confusion. Padfoot and Moony's emotions were…whirlwinds, really, but Harry had been able to pick his way through them to spot certain ones that did not make him feel good – himself – at all. Loss, anguish, reluctance, anger, fear, apprehension, dread, grief, pain… What had happened up in the castle? The fact that his question merely intensified the emotions he felt off the two men only made things more confusing.
"Er…" Sirius shifted his gaze back to Tonks, ignoring his Godson's question for the moment, opting for that rather than lying. "We've really got to be going, Dora…"
"Awe, but I was hoping—"
"Maybe next time, yeah?" Remus cut in kindly, and the fifteen year old sighed.
"Oh, alright…" she conceded resignedly. "I guess I should probably be going to get dinner, anyway… See you Harry, Ron, it was fun," she offered the boys a wave, smiled at Sirius, Remus, and Arthur, and moved passed the group towards the castle.
"Bye Tonks!" the young boys called after her, Harry a little less enthusiastic than Ron was.
Remus and Sirius did not look like they wanted to linger or talk much on the Hogwarts grounds…in fact, as far as Harry could tell – which was a lot – they looked to be doing their best to stay as composed as they currently were, which made the young Potter feel a good deal nervous…if not a little surreal. What had happened? They had never acted like this before…
Harry soon found himself saying his good-byes to Ron and Mr. Weasley – who actually bent down to hug him tightly, which only added to how surreal things were beginning to feel – before being led towards the edge of the Hogwarts ward boundaries.
He wanted to say something, to ask again about what was wrong, but found himself merely biting his lip, instead, closing his eyes tightly, waiting silently as the familiar sensation of apparating occurred, left hand being held by Padfoot and the right by Moony. Opening his eyes once more a moment later, he found himself a few feet in front of their home, night having fallen by now, the place looking oddly ominous with no lights on.
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"Prongslet…Harry, you know…I mean, you know how much we love you…don't you?" Sirius began tentatively, doing his best to keep himself in check – easier said than done, as he was quickly realizing - , Remus doing the same next to him. The three occupants of Marauders Abode could be found sitting cross-legged on the floor in their sitting room, the older two leaning back against the sofa, Harry in front of them, forming what could have been described as a triangle.
Harry's young - and still so innocent - eyes continued to glance between them uncertainly before responding with, "Of course I do, Padfoot…and I love you guys, too,"
Sirius and Remus felt their chests tighten at this response…it hurt, it hurt worse than anything, because Harry was so sincere about it…so sincere about loving them back, and now look what they had to tell him!
"Cub," Remus began, deciding that one of them had to direct the topic in the direction it needed to go, and not wanting that person to have to be Harry's own Godfather, "…Dumbledore got a letter today from…your aunt and uncle."
Confusion shone in the Potter heir's eyes for a beat before comprehension dawned on him, a flicker of alarm passing through his green gaze, heart speeding up a bit in his chest. "H-He…h-he did?"
The two men nodded solemnly. Merlin, why did this have to happen! How did the Dursley's even find out about the difference between laws?? Who had been their bloody informant? Whoever it had been, the two men were already thinking of none-too-pleasant ways to rip them apart piece by piece.
"W-what…er…" the messy haired boy began. Oh, he did not want to know! But he found himself clearing his throat a little and asking anyway, "…why did they write him?" As his Guardian's emotions deepened, something hit him…pieces started coming together…the emotions, the foreboding, the unease…this was about him. The Dursley's had written about him. That was why the emotion that danced just beneath the surface of the two across from him was so intense…why they looked like someone had told them someone they knew had died.
Harry felt like he had just been doused in a bucket of cold ice water. "It was about me…" he concluded aloud in a whisper, more to himself than the other two, just as Sirius had began to trust himself enough to open his mouth.
Sirius and Remus looked more than a little surprised at their charge's aptitude for deduction…how easily he was able to perceive things; they could almost see his thought process through his expressive gaze. "Harry, they want you—"
"N-no!" Harry cut in suddenly, almost desperately, a panic gripping him so swiftly – the same he had felt all those years ago – that he had almost shouted it. Memory upon memory of his aunt and uncle filled his thoughts…from near-fatal bathtub encounters with Aunt Petunia, to everyday beatings and lashings from Uncle Vernon, and daily punches and hecklings from Dudley.
"Harry…" Sirius murmured gently, voice wavering as he reached out impulsively for the young Potter. But the boy quite visibly flinched back with a mixture of incredulity and fear, his thoughts running away with him. Emotion shimmered in the eight year old's eyes that easily ignited the same in his Guardians.
"You don't…y-you don't w-want me anymore?" Oh, how he did not want to believe that…oh how that would kill him…
"Of course we want you!" the two men affirmed desperately, in unison, emotion spilling out of their attempted tight grips. And Harry wanted to believe them…wanted to believe them so terribly…
"T-then w-why—?"
"It's them that don't want you with us. They want you back—"
"A-and you're r-really going t-to…" Harry did not want to finish his sentence, swallowing thickly as tears began to fall down his smooth cheeks. It was all starting to make sense…
Sirius' and Remus' hearts broke at the sight.
It was the lycanthrope who reached for the boy this time, who surprising did not flinch away, but rather allowed himself to be pulled up against the werewolf in an embrace…however tensing himself significantly.
For the first time in the Potter's life he actually felt like Flaming away from the two men… Go back to the Dursley's? Go back?? …But he could not bring himself to flame away, either, because he did not want to ever leave them … He felt so horrendously torn… Their emotions told him they did love, did want him, but they also told him that what was going to likely happen was out of their control…something they could not save him from so easily, and it hurt like an old re-opened wound to honestly know it.
"Prongslet…" His Godfather's voice broke, and Harry could feel the pain in it, but instead of looking over at the man, he allowed himself to untense a little in Remus' arms, burying his face in the werewolf's shirt as sobs began to shake his frame.
"P-please don't… P-please d-don't make me go b-back…p-please…" he whimpered, very much begged, shaking his head against Moony's chest, arms wrapping around the wizard tightly, as if his life depended on it.
The two adults looked at each other for some answer to this, for some way to ease the boy, but…how could they? What answer could calm the eight year old's despair at going back? There was nothing.
"I-If…I've d-done s-something w-w-wrong… I'm s-s-sorry! B-but please--"
"No, cub, you haven't done anything wrong!" Remus cut in earnestly, shaking his head as he rubbed soothing circles into the child's back. "It's those sad excuses for human beings--!"
"They want to keep you away from us, Prongslet, they're the ones forcing this... But we're going to fight to get you back…I promise you. …They're going to regret having done this to us," Sirius said fervently.
Harry did his best to rein in on himself as he processed this information, gradually managing to turn his sobs into sniffles, and his sniffles into sporadic hiccups. He was going to have to go back because that's what the Dursley's were forcing the two men to do? The Potter heir felt a sense of defeat at the thought, a hopelessness forming in the pit of his stomach. And finally he turned his head to glance at his Godfather with red, puffy eyes. His bottom lip trembled as he opened his mouth to ask just a single question, "Do I…d-do I have to go back all b-by myself?" All alone? …Alone…
Sirius blinked a few times, quickly remembering what he had realized earlier, and he shook his head. "No, kiddo…I'd never leave you alone with those people…ever, I'd run away with you first, if that were the case," the Black replied honestly, and the relief that shined in his Godson's eyes warmed him from head to toe.
Remus, however, looked more than a little confused. "But Dumbledore said—"
"Dumbledore, shmumbledore, Moony…he said 'we' couldn't go with Harry…but he didn't say anything about Padfoot being unable to go."
Realization dawned on Remus instantly, and a relief filled the werewolf so intense that he nearly felt light headed with it.
"Padfoot!" he repeated incredulously, as if needing to hear the thought verbalized to believe it. "Sirius! …You're…you're a genius!"
A faint grin twitched at the corners of the Black's lips, "I try."
On any other occasion his grin might have been a wide, lopsided one, but considering the fact that Harry would still not be 'with them' he did not feel much like grinning at all. Not to mention that this also meant that Remus would be alone for a while until Dumbledore helped in getting this all cleared up through Muggle court, and told them what they needed to do to carry this through to completion.
This last thought apparently echoed through the Black's soon forming frown, because Remus was quick to say, "Don't even start. You're going with him tomorrow, I'll be fine by myself knowing Harry's got you there. …It's not for forever."
The two looked at each other for a few beats, melancholy nipping at their insides. It was clear, though, why Sirius had not voiced his idea to Remus immediately after getting it. After all, the fact that Remus' school friends had become illegal Animagus' was information not even Dumbledore knew of…let alone Arthur Weasley, who had been with them in the corridor.
Harry laid against the Lupin, still wrapped in the man's arm, trying his best to go over all of this in his mind. He was going back to the Dursley's…but not for forever, because Padfoot and Moony wanted him with them and not his aunt and uncle…Padfoot and Moony still loved him. This had not even been their idea…would have never been their idea…. And he was not going alone…oh thank Merlin he would not have to go alone… Sirius was going with him! As a dog, sure, but just knowing that his Godfather would be there with him would be an amazing comfort.
After a few beats, Sirius inquired gently, "Are you upset with us, pup? We won't hold it against you if you are…" he trailed off for a moment before swallowing somewhat thickly and said barely above a whisper, "…I'm so sorry…"
Harry, who was still sniffling some, fixed his previously 'far-away' gaze back on his Godfather. "Mm-mmm," he shook his head 'no' before glancing up at Moony, who sighed softly and somewhat reluctantly let him go, allowing the young Potter to move the few inches over to Sirius.
The eight year old allowed the canine Animagus to wrap him up in his arms instead, wrapping his own arms around the older wizard and resting his head right under Sirius' chin. "I'm not mad, Padfoot…m'just…" he paused for a moment, closing his eyes to fight back more memories of his times at the Dursley household, before finally whispering, "…scared…"
"I know, kiddo," Sirius murmured softly, pressing a tender kiss to the top of the Potter's mess of hair, before resting his chin on top of his head.
Me too… the Black thought to himself, glancing over at Remus who had a sad smile on his face. While Sirius had thought of the perfect way to go along with Harry, that did not mean much on safety against the Dursley's other than growling, barking, and threatening nips…which would hopefully work, because were the Dursley's to see the dog transform into Harry's Godfather…well… The twenty-eight year old would definitely be in hot water for 'trespassing', which would not be good for their case in the least, he was sure. And if he bit them? Then he would likely get thrown outside and it would all be for not…
The emerald eyed Potter silently reached out an arm for Remus to scoot the few inches over to them, which after only a moment the werewolf did. Which allowed Harry to move to sit on the lap the mens' side-by-side legs formed, resting himself against the two of his guardians, arms wrapped as far as they could reach – which was not too far – around each of the two wizard's middles. Sirius and Remus, smiling affectionately, in turn wrapped their free outside arms around the eight year old.
There was no reason to say it right now…they loved him with everything they had, and he knew it, and they knew he felt the same for them.
If Harry was only going to get one more night with both of them for what could be a day, a week, or more, then he wanted it to be with them all together…he wanted to be near both of them.
Despite there still being a few things to talk about before tomorrow afternoon, and despite still having to pack some things for the young Potter, the three males relished in each other's silent closeness. And before anyone could have realized it, the hour now quite late, sleep took them all by surprise.
It was picture perfect, really, Harry against the two who had the sofa holding them up, Sirius' head having landing on Remus' shoulder, and Remus' on Sirius' head. It was nice, though, considering this might or might not be the last night of a semi-peaceful sleep they would get for a while…
Tomorrow would be a new day.
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A/N: And that's an end to another chapter of 'Prongslet'! At least this end did not make me feel as teary as the last one…I didn't think I could do that to myself, or you, twice in a row. :( …Wading through angst is saddening… Fluff is so much cuter! xD But, eh, it's all necessary to make well rounded stories. –Nods Knowingly.- Anywho, tell me what you all think, and whether or not you're still upset with me for the last chapter. –Faint Grin.- I promise to update again soon.
And now onto this chapter's 'Curiosity Filler'!
"Of those of you who have read J.K. Rowling's 800 word prequel to the Harry Potter series, revolving around James Potter and Sirius Black some three years before Harry's birth: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT?!"
Me, personally? I was ECSTATIC throughout the whole – short - thing, but I'll give you more details on my feelings in my replies to your review/answers…like my favorite parts and stuff. OMG, though, I'm still trying to get over having read it. xD James and Sirius are my favorite characters ever next to Remus! And this prequel completely enforced that. I sooooooooo want a real hard-backed prequel now!! Ugh… I WANT ONE SO BAAAAADDD…
Meh, enough about me…I've rambled enough as it is. But, if for some reason you have NOT read J.K.R.'s prequel (I must first say: what's wrong with you?!) here is a link to read it! mugglenet . com/ app/ news/ full story/ 1684
Without the spaces, of course. –Grins.- I'd love to know your thoughts! Both on her story, and this chapter of my fic. –Nods.-
Until next time, dear Readers,
-Chloe
-Japanime1
