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Chapter Eighteen

I'm eating one of the nicest desserts I have ever had the fortune to indulge in; an apple tart direct from the bakery in Town. I could never even afford their bread before I became a victor but now I find that I'm treating myself to their delights a little more often, although I try not to flaunt my wealth in front of the whole district.

However, on this occasion there is a large group of us eating this amazing pudding because it's the annual dinner in 12 for this year's Hunger Games victor, a seventeen year old from 1 called Satin Banks. She is the second victor since I won and all I can think about when I look at her is the four tributes that have died on my watch. I'd do anything to have them sitting where Satin is and eating apple tart.

Mine and Titam's tributes died in the bloodbath this year and I spent the rest of the Games hopping from bar to bar with Chaff once Titam was safely asleep in his bed. As much as I respect and appreciate Titam he doesn't understand how I deal with things; he pretends it's not happening whereas I prefer to blank it out. That's why Chaff has become an important ally during my trip to the Capitol each year, not to mention that he's equally as keen to join the rebellion whenever it actually happens.

Satin seems nice enough, for a Career, she's happily making small talk with everyone but it's clear that she pities our small district, it has none of the glamour or glitz that 1 has. She's playing the gracious victor well but it's obvious that she can't wait to get out of here and move on to 11.

When the inevitable dancing occurs Satin asks me to dance with her and, despite my many protestations, she persuades me to engage in one dance.

"So, how are you enjoying life as a victor?" I ask, feeling that I should say something but I'm not sure what. I've seen this girl in action, she's as ruthless as they come and it's difficult to engage in conversation with someone who you've seen mutilate fellow tributes.

"It's great! I love my new house and all of the attention I'm getting!" She squeals. "Although, I do have something I want to ask you, Haymitch…"

"Yes?"

She's looking at me straight in the eyes now. "Well, when you won did...did..." She turns her gaze away from me, "did you have as much fun as this?"

"Err…yeah, I suppose."

Thankfully, the song soon comes to an end and she leaves to go and dance with the Mayor, who seems very flustered by her proposition. I decide it's time to go and seek out Titam to see if he wants to leave, too. As we're walking home talk quickly turns to Satin and how much Snow must love her.

"It's unfortunate, though, what's going to happen to her. No one should have to go through that," says Titam.

"What?"

"Haymitch, she's gorgeous. And we all know what Snow does with the gorgeous ones."

I nod, finally understanding. That must have been what she was trying to talk to me about earlier, she wanted to know if Snow had planned the same life for me. Those idiots in the Capitol think that when we win the Games our lives suddenly become perfect but they haven't got a clue. I would swap all of this if it meant going back to my poverty stricken life in the Seam, it sounds like heaven compared to the life I have now.

"I've got something I need to tell you, Haymitch," he stops and sits down on a nearby bench, gesturing for me to do the same.

"What is it?"

"I've got lung cancer. I don't know how long I've got left but it's not looking good."

I feel like someone has punched me hard in the stomach and I'm landing on the ground with a loud thud. How can he have cancer? He's not even that old! I can't lose Titam yet, I just can't.

"But you could afford the treatment!"

"It's too late and, to be honest, I'm not sure if I want to fight it."

"Not even for me? For almost three years you've gone on about us sticking together and now you're just bailing out!" I shout and walk off, heading in any direction I feel. I can hear Titam shouting after me but I ignore his cries, I just want to be alone right now.

I'm desperate for a drink but everywhere, including The Hob, is closed now and I haven't got any at home. I stomp my way through Town and only stop when I reach the square. A small crowd has gathered and I'm keen to see what all the fuss is about, being a victor in 12 means I usually get invited to everything official but whatever this is I've been left out of it.

I walk a little closer and I can see that a small fire has been lit and two people are sitting next to it, toasting small pieces of bread over the flames. This is one of our marital traditions in 12, after the couple have had the official ceremony they have The Toasting. I don't know how long it's been around for but any married couple in 12 will tell you that they don't feel married until they've performed this little tradition. It seems odd to have the ceremony on today of all days but the workers at the Justice Building usually have very few spots for weddings; they can seem too trivial to some.

I can't quite see who the couple are so I walk further towards the square without getting so close as to cause a disruption, I may have my faults but I wouldn't ruin someone's wedding day. I can finally make out their faces and it both saddens and delights me to see that it's Drake and his now wife, Herma. They've been going out since they were my age and Tilly and I were always sure that they would get married one day. I just thought that I would have had an invite.

They're both grinning from ear to ear and I find myself also smiling; I haven't seen Drake and his family look happy for years. Finally, they have something to celebrate. I look at Drake's parents and whilst they are clearly happy I can see that their expressions are tinged with sadness, I wonder if anyone else can see it or if I've just become more adept at noticing pain. They all know that Tilly should be there, celebrating one of the biggest events in Drake's life.

I find a bench and look down on the celebrations, wishing more than anything that I was there, too. I'll send a card or something, maybe a gift as well, although I doubt they'll accept it. They've all made it quite clear that they don't want me in their lives anymore.

When Titam dies I will truly be on my own, my only companions will be the other victors that I get to see once a year and the poor tributes I'll have to mentor. It's best that way, though. Anyone who gets close to me just risks being killed by Snow and I refuse to put someone through that, again, let alone how horrendous it will be for me.

I just hope that 12 has enough white liquor for its pathetic excuse of a victor.