Here is a little more. Sorry it has taken a couple of days for me to update. I've been busy. Hopefully I'll have more posted tomorrow. Thanks for reviews...they always make my day when I read them. :)
Olivia looked at Elliot, her head propped up on her arm and wondered what she'd gotten herself into. She'd wanted to be with him…it felt right…but now, staring at him as he lay in her bed, covered only with the white linen sheet, she questioned everything. She hated wondering if she had made a mistake, but she couldn't push the thought out of her mind. Elliot Stabler was naked and asleep in her bed in the middle of the day, and she felt guilty about it. Maybe it was all the years she'd spent denying her feelings for him while he was married to someone else or maybe it was the fact that she'd spent the past three years hating him for leaving her, but no matter how much she'd wanted to do this, she wondered now if it was a huge mistake.
She heard her son's happy squeals through the baby monitor and knew she was lucky his nap had lasted longer than usual. She sat up, leaning over to grab her robe from the spot on the floor where she had dropped it that morning and with her sudden movement, Elliot opened his eyes and smiled at her, "Where are you going?" he asked grabbing her arm and squeezing her hand. He sat up and leaned over, kissing her softly. "Stay in bed for a while."
"Noah's awake," she motioned toward the baby monitor, and smiled at her son's giggles.
"He's not crying," Elliot said. "He's entertaining himself…"
"He needs to be changed," Olivia insisted as she stood up and pulled on her robe. "Besides, I like to play with him in the afternoon after his nap. He's used to it. I don't want to leave him in there all alone."
"Liv, he's fine," Elliot insisted. "If a kid is awake and laughing instead of crying, you should leave him alone. It's good for him to learn to soothe himself without you having to be constantly at his side." He smiled, "Trust me on this…I've had five babies."
"And I have one," Olivia walked toward the door. "And I want to spend the afternoon with him," her voice was frustrated as she walked out of the room. Elliot watched her storm out of the room and instantly knew something was wrong. He hadn't mean to question her parenting, but he knew she took it that way. He could hear her talking gently to the baby through the monitor and he smiled. She was a good mother and Noah meant the world to her. There was no denying that.
He got dressed and walked into the living room just as Olivia was carrying Noah in from his room. He took the baby's tiny hand and tickled it softly, "Did you have a good nap, little guy?" he asked with a smile. The baby chuckled and Elliot looked at Olivia and grinned, "Your mommy and I had a nice nap too...if you wanna call it that." He flashed her a mischievous smile.
"God Elliot," she rolled her eyes. "Don't say things like that to him." She sat down on the floor with the baby, rolling a ball to him that Noah grabbed and immediately tried to fit in his mouth despite the fact that it was much too big.
"You have no sense of humor," Elliot teased as he sat on the floor with them and put the baby in his lap, helping him roll the ball back to his mother. "He's not even a year old, Liv. He doesn't understand…you are being way too uptight about things."
Olivia shook her head, "I am not uptight," she insisted. "I'm just trying to be a good mother."
Elliot looked seriously and sighed, "You are a good mother. Look at him. He's happy…he's healthy…he's loved. Liv, this is one lucky kid."
Olivia rolled the ball back toward Noah and he immediately picked it up, putting it to his mouth and slobbering on it. "I don't want to lose him," she admitted sadly.
Elliot shook his head, "You won't. Why would you even say that?"
Olivia shrugged, "I'm afraid at the adoption hearing the judge will say I can't have him. I've had that fear since the day I first brought him home."
"I thought you'd already adopted him?" Elliot asked, confused. "You said you adopted him."
"Technically, I haven't yet," Olivia explained. "He was being bounced around between foster homes and the judge said I could foster him for a year and at the end of that time, she'd grant the adoption as long as everything was okay and going well. I'm scared I'll make a mistake."
Elliot nodded, "You're still his mother, Liv. A piece of paper signed by a judge isn't going to change how much you love him…how much he loves you," he handed the baby to her and she cuddled him close. "I have no doubt he will legally be your son at the end of that year." He looked at the two of them and smiled, "You know…when Maureen was born, I was nineteen years old. I had no idea how to be a parent, but I figured it out. I know Kathy and I made mistakes…me especially…but for a nineteen year old kid I think I did pretty well even though I was scared. If I could do it back then…you can do it now."
"I'm forty-six, El," she sighed. "Not nineteen. This is my last chance…I can't make a mistake. I can't lose him. I love him too much," she held back the tears that were forming in her eyes.
"Hey…" he looked at the two of them and he understood her fear even though he knew it was unfounded. There was no way the judge would take Noah from Olivia. "What do you say we stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and try to have a nice day together?"
"Okay," Olivia nodded.
Later that evening, after Noah was sleeping soundly in his room, Olivia and Elliot curled up on the sofa eating Chinese food and watching a movie on television. "This feels like old times," he smiled. "Right? How long has it been since we've had late night Chinese food together?"
"Three years," she reminded him, trying not to sound bitter about it. Elliot had been trying all day to make her feel better, but she still had a nagging feeling that this whole thing was a huge mistake, and she couldn't figure out why.
"Yeah," his voice saddened and she knew she had hurt him. "I guess that makes sense." He took a bite of his food and then changed the subject. "I have to go to work tomorrow…so I guess…"
"You're going to leave?" she asked, a little too eagerly.
"Well I can," he offered. "Or I can stay tonight and leave early in the morning. It's your call, Liv. I don't want to overstay my welcome."
She shook her head, "No…of course you can stay if you want to. I just didn't know you were working. I figured since you'd retired…I don't know what I thought you were doing all day."
He laughed, "I couldn't exactly live on my retirement, Liv. Did you forget I have two kids in college right now? I've been working at a security firm over in Queens. We hire security guards for local businesses, celebrities…things like that. I'm head of security, so I don't get out of the office very often. I pretty much just train the other guards and assign them to clients. Not much stress…less pressure than police work…"
"Sounds great…you must really like it," She knew she sounded insincere, but she couldn't imagine Elliot as anything other than a detective and part of her pitied him for having to take something else to make ends meet.
"It pays the bills," he shrugged. "And I know you're thinking I miss being a detective…but I don't. I couldn't do it anymore, Liv. And I'm okay with that."
She nodded, "I'm glad you're okay with it."
Hours later she was lying awake in bed, staring at the red numbers on her alarm clock as they moved from 2am to 3am to 4am. She couldn't sleep and when she turned over to take her eyes off the clock, she was staring at Elliot instead. Watching his chest rise and fall, she wondered how it could be so easy for him to make love to her and drift off to sleep while she replayed everything over and over again in her mind. She'd slept with him twice in one day, and both times it had felt right. She'd felt safe and loved and protected. So why was she panicking afterward? What was she so afraid of? She rolled back over, taking one last look at the clock and forcing her eyes closed, determined to keep them that way until morning. She was too exhausted to think anymore.