He smiled
'That train trip was great for me but what hurt me the most was hearing your voice and knowing how much i hurt you'
She was starting to get tears in her eyes
'I don't know what to say..'
She was thinking that maybe this break wasn't going to do them any good
'I need you to understand that I'm not here to prevent change, I'm here because I love you and don't want to let you go'
He was shocked at his own words, he was definitely becoming a hippy, Amy knew he hated the physical contact between them so, for both of them, she made a decision
'I am cancelling this break under one condition: No physical contact. No kisses, no hugs, no cuddles, anything.'
'I can live with that'
He looked relieved and she wasn't sure if it was because she cancelled the break or because she cut the physical contact.
In the light of their new paradigm, she tried to take her legs from where they were but he grabbed her knees.
'I can agree to this, but why?'
'Being your girlfriend is far from easy, it's physically and emotionally draining and I'm tired. 5 years Sheldon, 5 years and all I could get out of you was a make out session on your couch like we're teenagers, don't get me wrong because I loved it, and you were thinking about the flash! In my mind you're always a priority, I find myself constantly thinking about you but in your mind The Flash was more important than your girlfriend, I feel like a puzzle piece, I fit there but that's it.' Her voice tone was calm and honest but you could hear the pain behind her words, she continued ' I realise now this break won't do us any good, but since you always hated the physical part I'm cutting it. That's good for you because you hate it and for me to keep my head on the ground'
She looked at her hands and then looked at her legs and she could see that his right hand was brushing her leg, barely touching it, going up and down. He looked lost in his thoughts, until those blue eyes stared at her.
'It's true that I don't like physical contact but you're the exception to the rule! Good for me? Far from it. You show me something, I find myself loving it and thinking about it constantly and now you take it away, how is that any good?'
She was surprised at his statement, surprised was an understatement.
'The flash was one of the many things crossing my mind and in that moment I had no idea of what I just said. You asked me if any of them were you and truth be told, you're around 80% of it. I have an eidetic memory so I recall every single one of our kisses. You take me out of my comfort zone and I don't care! Do you remember where I was sitting that night?'
'your spot?'
'No, I was in yours, and I didn't care one bit, I had too much going on on my mind to even think about where I was sitting'
She looked sad but had a tiny smile on her face
'Do you know how that made me feel?'
'No, I suck at reading facial expressions, you've said so yourself.'
'Terrible, it was like a kick in the stomach, I felt like I wasn't good enough to be constantly on your mind. Do you have any idea of what it feels like to have someone you love hurting you so deeply that you cry yourself to sleep?'
'What?' He looked terrified at the though of her crying until exhaustion
'In 5 years I've lost count on how many times that happened. I don't want you to feel pity nor sorry, I want you to understand my position. You say mean things to me that I know you don't really mean them but you still say them, so there must be some truth in there. I love you, I really do, but I still have some dignity.