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I do not own the Hunger Games nor its characters.

Chapter Thirty

Everyone in 12 is assembled in the square, waiting for Mayor Undersee and Finnick Odair to take to the stage. The families of our dead tributes stand nearest the front of the stage whilst everyone stands around, hoping that the whole thing will be over, soon. We're meant to celebrate the Hunger Games and its victors but when you're last victor was sixteen years ago and has since become a drunken mess, it's easy to see why no one has a smile on their face. I could go inside the Justice Building and watch the proceedings with Mags but I prefer to watch these things on the outskirts, if I have to show up I don't want to look like I'm too enthusiastic about celebrating teenage killers.

Eventually, the mayor takes to the stage with Finnick behind him and, despite the somber mood, a few of the teenage girls can't help but stare at our latest victor. I understand, of course. He has blond hair, bronzed skin and sea green eyes that make him the perfect example of what a victor should be and what the Capitol goes crazy for. It was revealed in his post-Games interview that ninety per cent of his sponsors were female.

The mayor finishes his speech about how great Finnick is and then hands the microphone to the only-just-fifteen year old who may look like a Capitol model but is clearly a little nervous.

"Thank you for that speech, Mayor Undersee," he says, "My ego is now well and truly inflated." He gets a few laughs from the crowd and even a smirk from me. Unlike me, his wit isn't laced with malice but with an endearing charm. "I'd just like to say how grateful I am to the people of 12 for welcoming me here, you've all made me feel very humble." I don't listen to the rest of the speech because I know it's just a load of rubbish constructed for the cameras, I'm sure Finnick had some input when it comes to the witty lines but we all know the truth; he's only here to represent Snow's control over us all.

The dinner held in the Justice Building is as boring as ever; Finnick sits at one end of the table charming the mayor and his family, his young daughter is perfectly smitten with him, whilst I sit next to Mags at the other end of the table and make my way through a bottle of wine.

"So, how have you been?" She asks.

"You don't want to know," I say and take another sip of wine.

Mags sighs, "I do care about you, Haymitch. I've known you a long time and if I could just flip a switch and make you happy, I would."

I give her a kiss on the cheek because I'm not sure what else to do. I know she cares for me and there's not much I wouldn't do for her, either. "Thank you, that kid is lucky to have you as a mentor."

"Iif I'm honest, that kid might well be the envy of all of Panem right now but he knows what's going to happen when he turns sixteen and I don't know what to say to him. Will you-"

"Mags," I interrupt, "What do you really think I can say to him?"

"Please, Haymitch. He knows if he doesn't play along Snow will kill his family."

I finish off my wine and agree to talk to him once the meal is over, although I'm still not sure what she expects me to say. I never had to go down that route, Snow had already taken everything I loved away from me by then so there was nothing to protect. He would be better off speaking to Gloss, a guy from 1 who won two years ago and who Plutarch has informed me is involved in Snow's prostitution game. Although, he doesn't seem like the most approachable of people.

Once the dancing gets under way I skulk off to a corner with a bottle of white liquor and sit there until a nervous Finnick approaches me. This kid is really going to have to turn it on if he has to be the nation's next sex symbol.

"Hey," he says and pulls up a chair next to me.

"Hi, Mags said you wanted to talk."

"Yeah, although I feel like a prize idiot. I feel like I should know how to handle all of this." He flashes a smile at one of his prep team as she waltzes past with the Mayor, who looks ridiculously uncomfortable. "I don't know what Mags has told you but all Snow wants me to do this year is to go out for dinner with my sponsors because, you know-"

"You're under age."

"Right. And then he's probably going to reveal what he really wants. I just don't know if I can do it, I mean, I love my family but would he-"

"Kill them?" I snap, "Yes, without so much as a second thought. I know form first hand experience." I can see that my words have shocked him slightly but my years of tact are well and truly behind me, now. "I get that this is a horrible thing to consider and, trust me, I'd happily mutilate Snow for what he's about to put you through but would you rather be forced to sleep with rich Capitol women or see your family all killed in front of you?" He doesn't answer me so I pass him my bottle of liquor and he promptly downs the rest of its contents, which does make me laugh, the kid's a fast learner. "You've got eighteen months before anything serious has to happen. My advice is to think of ways to cut yourself off from it, you'll only have to endure it for about a month once a year and then the rest of the time you can spend with the people you genuinely care about."

He nods and I can see in his eyes that he understands. I feel like he would be a huge asset to the rebellion, he must hate Snow as much as the rest of us, even if he is from a richer district and he proved to be quite resourceful during the Games. I suppose we'll have to see how he behaves over the next few years. He stands up to leave but I grab his arm before he can walk off.

"One more thing," I say, "DO NOT let Snow see how much he's hurting you, that's just letting him win. You're going to have to become a great actor and be the handsome playboy that the Capitol expects, okay?"

"Yeah, I get it. Thanks, Haymitch."

I feel awful, I've basically just told a fifteen year old boy to prostitute himself out. I know it's his only chance of keeping his family alive but, still, it's sickening. I say goodbye to Mags, who begs me to try and make myself a little happier before she sees me, again. I just smile, I'm not in the habit of making promises I can't keep.

Four months later and I'm stumbling back from The Hob after another night of heavy drinking, I still have no idea how I'm still alive. I survived the Hunger Games and I seem to be surviving liver damage, it would be the greatest cosmic joke if I turned out to be immortal. That would probably the worse punishment anyone could hand me.

I've got another two months of loneliness before I have to head back to the Capitol; a time that has grown to become bittersweet. I may get to see my only friends but I also have to watch as two of my district's children meet a bloody death. I wallow in my own self-pity as I head through Town and pass out on the bench, the stars in the dark night's sky seemingly taunting me from above.

"Haymitch, wake up! Are you okay?" A sweet voice is saying from above me but I can't quite place it. I slowly open my eyes to find Vieve standing over me with a look of concern that I have seen so many times. I sit up and look at her beautiful face; she's cut her strawberry blonde hair so that it stops just below her chin but it suits her perfectly.

"Vieve," I whisper. I don't know what else to say, I haven't had a conversation with her in years. Just saying her name is soothing.

"Are you okay? How long have you been out here?"

"I don't know. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be getting back to that precious family of yours?" I know I shouldn't be jealous but I am and I can't hide it, despite how much I want to talk to her. The alcohol just amplifies any emotions that I'm feeling.

"Fine, I'll just leave you to make a show of yourself to the whole district!"

"Yeah, you do that. You've got a habit of making people think you care about them and then suddenly changing your mind!"

I can see tears forming in her eyes but I don't do anything to comfort her. I want to hold her and kiss her, I always have, but, even in my state, I know it would be wrong. She made her choice.

"If you really think that I left because I didn't love you anymore then you didn't know me at all. Maybe one day you'll figure out that I was trying protect you!"

"What?" I move closer to her and her eyes lock on to me with an intensity that I've missed for so long. This was the look she'd give me when she was both angry and telling me how much she loved me, I didn't realise until now how easy it can be to confuse those two emotions.

She moves slightly closer and her lips are almost on mine but not quite. She's close that I can hear her heart beating. She still smells of flowers.

"I'll always love you, Haymitch," she says, "I just want you to be safe and happy."

She wipes her eyes and walks away, not looking back once as she disappears in to the streets of Town and leaving me feeling completely dumbfounded.

How can she love me when she chose to leave me? And how can she expect me to be happy when I'm not with her? I've never stopped loving her but, not for one moment in seven years, have I ever thought that she might still feel the same. How can she when she traded me in for her perfect family?