Amelia stood out front of the restaurant waiting for him and when he arrived, they both went inside. So many memories inside those four walls…quiet dinners while he'd courted her the first time. Even when he didn't know that's what he'd been doing.
She'd been married still though her husband abandoned her and once he'd slammed a guy to the wall when he'd made some crack comment about Amelia not being able to hold onto her husband.
He'd proposed to her in there as well after some false starts when one old friend of his or another tried to lure him out of his ranching lifestyle to go riding off across the plains.
He seated her at a table like he'd done so many times before and she smiled her thanks at him. After ordering, they fell into talking.
"You sell any horses?"
She shook her head.
"We had someone come and take a look," she said, "but they're not as ready as they wanted. The training takes time you know."
"Yeah and patience and a tough hide."
She suppressed a smile.
"Ethan did it hurt that much?"
He remembered that day he'd tried to ride a young buckskin and had been tossed in due order. He didn't walk straight for a day or two after that. But he'd wanted so much to succeed at ranching and even more to like it.
"My pride mostly…"
"Part of training horses means spending a fair amount of time on the ground."
He sipped his drink that Scotty brought to his table.
"I did figure that out," he said, "and decided being a gunslinger was safer."
He saw her face change and knew he'd just reminded her that hadn't been true at least not for him. Oh he hadn't died yet but he came close and each time he'd cheated death, it had exacted its cost out of those around him.
Mostly Amelia…
"I'm still here and I don't plan on going anywhere."
She sipped her own drink.
"I know that you'll say that and mean it but sometimes life has other plans."
He nodded knowing he couldn't argue against that.
"Yeah… I learned that when I inherited a family I barely knew I had."
She smiled, her eyes sparkling.
"But that's the nicest kind of change of plans Ethan. It's made your life richer hasn't it?"
He couldn't deny that but it'd been a rigorous journey too. Amelia had helped him travel much of that road even as it pushed her away from him for a while.
"You coming back has done that too."
He caught a flash of some resistance in her eyes but she smiled back at him.
"Ethan…I missed you a lot and the children…I can't believe I said all those things about not wanting your sister's children…I don't know if I'll forgive myself for that."
He sighed.
"Amelia you got scared by what happens. I should have paid more attention to that."
"You'd just been shot Ethan. You were lucky to have any faculties working at all and I didn't give you the chance or the time…I couldn't leave fast enough."
It all seemed to come more freely now between them.
"The children missed you a lot."
She looked up as the waiter brought them their meals, placing them in front of them. Amelia started fidgeting with her food right away. He didn't know what was going on with her but he wasn't so sure it was the past that intruded.
At least not their past…
"I wish I hadn't left when things got tough but I did."
He reached his hand out towards hers, brushing her fingers and after hesitating, she took it. He squeezed it within his own looking at her.
"Amelia it's the past…and my lifestyle pushed you too hard."
"Maybe…but I should have been stronger."
He paused.
"I think you were strong enough…to walk away."
She narrowed her eyes looking at him.
"I…"
"The demands that my lifestyle made on you…they weren't fair Amelia. But I'd convinced myself I couldn't change…that I wouldn't change. That I was making these choices for all the right reasons and it justified what I did."
"Ethan…you did very brave and good things. It's just hard to be on the sidelines worrying about whether or not you'll come home."
He heard the emotion in her voice, enough so he knew she still felt a part of what had driven her away but she didn't let it push her this time.
"So what did you want to talk to me about Clara?"
She'd changed the subject on him and he remembered why they were there.
"I don't know yet if Daggett has plans to bring his gang here but I want to be ready for them."
Amelia rubbed her forehead.
"Ethan…Daggett's very dangerous. He didn't want to let Clara go."
"Because she could earn him a lot of money…?"
"That was part of it…a big part but he…I don't know the rest of it…but I know I don't want him to find her."
Clara mattered to Amelia in ways he didn't understand and that she didn't share with him.
"How many deputies besides Dakota do you have?"
"He's the only one but I can get more," he said, "There's Darrin's hired men but I'm not using them."
She nodded, her eyes looking away from him.
"I don't trust those kind of men," she said, "They can be just as bad as the outlaws."
Ethan knew as much from experience and figured her stint in managing a bank probably taught her the same thing.
"If they do come here Amelia, I'll find a way to stop them before they reach Clara."
She nodded slowly and he knew she trusted him on that.
They finished dinner and walked back to where they'd tied their horses. The night was peaceful, the moonlight streaming through the trees lining the street. Some had been planted in the past year and Amelia hadn't seen them until she returned.
"I had a good time," she said, "I remember when we used to do this a lot."
"Yeah…those were some good times."
She nodded.
"Amelia, I want to see you again."
She blinked at him.
"Ethan…I don't know…"
"Know what? How you feel about what I said?"
She paused for a long moment and he read so much on her face then. Some of what he recognized, a lot he did not.
"I don't know…Ethan I don't know if I can bet that woman."
He stopped and so did she.
"Amelia I've changed too…but not the way I feel," he said, "I didn't know how much I really missed you until you came back."
She bit her lip.
"I missed you too but I can't do this…I can't promise you anything…and…"
"Who said anything about promising? It's just; I want to see you again."
She looked troubled at what he said but he didn't know what he said wrong.
"I don't know if I can go back."
He set his hand on her back without thinking and she moved away from him out of reach. But he didn't know if she noticed what she'd done.
"I don't want to go back either. I'm talking about moving forward."
"I don't know if there is any forward for me Ethan," she said, "There's so much you don't know…about me."
"Then you can tell me can't you?"
She just took another step backward while looking at him. That puzzled him.
"Amelia…"
"No I think it's just time for me to get back to the ranch," she said, "Thank you for dinner…"
She walked away from him back to her horse leaving him standing there totally stunned, too stunned to respond.
Amelia drank her tea thoughtfully in the porch in front of the main house. Bella had come out to join her and they watched the wind rustling through the trees. Felt the warmth dissipate from the night air with each breath.
"So how did dinner go with the marshal?"
Amelia just looked at her hands after setting her cup aside.
"We talked…business about Clara."
That was partly true, that was the only part of the conversation that flowed smoothly.
"And then…because you were gone a while."
She thought about saying nothing but she wanted to talk to someone and Bella never judged her since they'd met.
"He wanted to see me again."
Bella nodded.
"Oh that's all…I thought it was something really bad."
Amelia looked at her.
"I think he wants to go back to the way things were before I left."
"What makes you say that? Maybe he just wants you to be part of his future."
Amelia shook her head.
"That can't happen."
"Why?"
Amelia rubbed the back of her neck.
"You know why…"
Bella paused.
"Are you going to let what happened dictate your whole life?"
Amelia frowned.
"I'm still trying to make sense of what happened. There's no way to define it or how I feel about everything now. I sat there and I felt like I used to when we ate there…when we were together but then I just feel like I'm watching us…and I'm not part of it."
Bella sighed.
"I know that's part of it but you can't let it control your life," she said, "You have to focus on what you want and go after it."
"I don't want him to know."
Bella leaned forward.
"You didn't do anything wrong Amelia," she said, "He's not going to blame you."
Amelia looked down at her hands again.
"But it changed me and that's the part I can't get past…"
Bella put her hand on Amelia's shoulder.
"You can if you just take it one step at a time instead of trying to change all at once."
Amelia wanted so much to believe her but it was almost like another part of something deep inside her had taken over. That's the part Ethan wouldn't understand…she didn't understand it herself.
"You know why you really came back here," Bella said, "at least be honest to him about that."
Bella got up and walked back into the kitchen leaving Amelia alone with her thoughts.