Chapter Eighty-Eight
Tomoyo led them to a small room in the castle's medical wing. "Hinata-sensei," she said, nodding to the woman crushing herbs in the corner. The apothecary looked up from her bowl, then stood so she could bow properly. Syaoran balked, all the words fleeing his mind as he recognized her. Doctor Yamura?
The woman rose from her bow, several strands of hair falling over her face. "Yes, Tsukiyomi-sama?"
"I'd like to introduce you to our guests. This is Fai, wizard of Ceres, and Syaoran, traveler of dimensions. They wish to hear of Kurogane's condition."
Doctor Yamura nodded to them, her plain kimono swishing at her feet. Still too startled to speak, Syaoran simply inclined his head. "I see," she said shortly. "As you wish, Tsukiyomi-sama."
Tomoyo smiled, then retreated through the door. "I'll have the servants bring you both more suitable attire," she said to Fai on her way out. "And you'll have a place to sleep within the hour." She slid the door shut behind her, leaving them alone with the apothecary.
On impulse, Syaoran asked, "Excuse me, but does your last name happen to be Yamura?"
The woman fidgeted, her dark eyes zeroing in on his face. She blinked slowly, as if waiting for him to withdraw his question, then sighed. "That's correct. Is this information important to you?"
He floundered for a moment. "Well . . . It's just . . . I met someone like you. In another world. She was my doctor." At the woman's confused look, he clarified. "My healer. In a place called Infinity. She tended my wounds after I was . . ." Tortured in a basement. "Severely injured," he finished awkwardly.
"A healer." Hinata smiled to herself. "I've always considered my work a calling. I suppose it's not so strange that, if there are other versions of me in different worlds, they would also end up healing others." Her smile waned, and she sat down in front of her stone bowl. "Sit down. There is much to discuss."
Syaoran sat cross-legged, mimicking the posture he'd seen when the Other had glimpsed Kurogane's memories in Recourt. Since Doctor Yamura—Hinata—didn't react, he assumed he'd gotten it right.
"Tsukiyomi-sama spoke of you. She foresaw our meeting in a dream."
He nodded. He knew about this Tomoyo's abilities.
"She also assures me that Kurogane-san will heal, though my training defies that prediction. Nonetheless, if anyone can survive slicing off their own arm, it would be him."
"Did you know him before he left?"
She grimaced. "Oh, yes. Obsessed with slaying assassins, that one—it's a wonder he didn't get himself killed. And he's a horrible patient. Doesn't listen to direction. Gets up and walks around hours after a serious injury. When I saw him half an hour ago, I thought he'd finally run out of luck."
Syaoran tensed despite knowing what Tomoyo had dreamed. "Will he . . . Will he recover fully?"
Hinata paused, her dark eyes piercing. He fidgeted, looking down at his blood-spattered sleeves. He wondered how much was Kurogane's blood, and how much was his own.
"No," Hinata finally said. "The arm's a loss, as I'm sure you've realized. He's suffered severe blood loss, and he was in shock when he arrived here. We have a team of healers working on him now—all specialists. I was in the middle of making him some salve to put over his wound after they stitch it shut, but I expect it will be a few hours before he's out of danger."
"Oh." It felt like all the blood had rushed out of his head, leaving him dazed. He stared at the floor-mats, unseeing.
"That said, he's physically fit and, due to his size, can afford to lose more blood than a normal person. Barring unforeseen complications, he should make it out of surgery alive."
Fai nodded. "That's good news."
"He'll be very weak when he wakes up. He'll argue about it, but he'll need help moving around." Her eyes slid over to where Fai sat. "Forgive me if this question is inappropriate, but Lady Tomoyo explained your . . . condition to me, so I must ask: when was the last time you took blood from him?"
Fai tilted his head back, mumbling to himself. No, not mumbling, Syaoran realized. Counting. "It's been at least nine days. Possibly longer. And I don't . . ." He faltered. "I don't take enough to harm him."
Hinata nodded curtly, and Syaoran imagined Doctor Yamura writing on her clipboard. So strange, he thought, shaking his head. A world of different values, customs, and beliefs, yet they are still so much the same.
Someone tapped the other side of the paper wall. "Hinata-sensei?"
"Come in."
The wall slid open, and a girl of about fifteen stepped through, bowing as she entered. "I apologize for disturbing you. Tsukiyomi-sama has requested you prepare medicine for severe burns. A group of demon hunters just returned from the outer province and—"
Hinata raised one hand, halting the torrent of words. "It will be done. Go retrieve some gauze from storage."
Syaoran watched the girl hurry away, suddenly uneasy. If there are going to be more patients, there will be less people watching over Kurogane, he thought. "Will you need any help?" he asked. "I don't know anything about medicine, but I can—"
"Tell me something. Did the woman who shares my image ever care for more than one patient at a time?"
"Well, yes, I'm sure she did. But . . ."
"To become a healer of my level, you must learn to juggle priorities, patients, and responsibilities. If I were incapable of managing more than one patient at a time, I would never have pursued this career. You need not worry about Kurogane-san. He's being tended to." She stood, pulling her hair back into a bun. "I wish I could speak to you both at length, but for now, I have other duties to attend to. I'm sure Tomoyo has sent servants to prepare your rooms by now. You will wait there until someone gives you permission to see your companion."
Permission? he thought. "Isn't there any way we could see him now?"
"No." She paused, hand resting on the edge of the door, then sighed. "You cannot control the outcome of this. Don't let yourself grieve over something that hasn't happened yet." She slid the door open and stepped out, leaving him staring at the paper wall, heart aching.
Fai rested a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry. Kuro-rin will be just fine."
He shrugged off the hand, knowing he was being needlessly cold but not caring enough to apologize. Fai sighed, then changed the subject. "In any case, we should check around and see if our rooms are ready."
Syaoran drew his coat tight around his body, remembering the day Kurogane had bought it for him in Infinity. It felt like years since that day, though it had been less than six months. Their relationship had still been platonic then, more like a mentor and student than lovers. Perhaps if they hadn't stayed in Infinity so long, their relationship never would have developed beyond that. Perhaps he'd have fallen into a better world, one where he didn't need the crutch of Kurogane's affection to hold himself together. Perhaps his own affections would have withered like a plant left to die in a drought.
Regardless, he'd lose something precious if the ninja didn't wake up.
"Ah, excuse me," Fai said as a girl in plain robes passed by with a stack of sheets. "I was wondering if our rooms had been prepared yet."
The girl glanced up, eyes focusing on Fai's eye patch, then hastily looked away. "Down the hall, third room on the left," she whispered, pointing. Her colorless face reflected the muted light like the moon reflected the sun. She's terrified, Syaoran realized.
If Fai noticed her fear, he showed no sign. "Thank you."
The girl skittered away, nearly dropping the stack of sheets as she raced around a corner. Syaoran trailed after Fai, following more out of habit than any desire to see the room that had been prepared for them. That girl was actually afraid of him, he thought, looking up at the vampire. Afraid of what he was, or what he would do to her.
The thought unsettled him. While he hadn't exactly bonded with Fai after Tokyo, he'd gotten used to the man's vampirism. It was strange to remember that not everyone knew, or that most who did know feared him. How awful would that be? he wondered, looking down at his feet. To know that most people think you're a monster . . . to have them believe you're an abomination. Or a curse. His mind flashed back to the images he'd seen in Ceres. Fai's own family had labeled him a harbinger of misfortune. Surviving in such a place would have been a constant torment. I've been cruel to him, Syaoran realized. I've shut him out all these months, never taking into account how much he was hurting. I spent all that time thinking he didn't care, yet I've been just as oblivious to his suffering as he was to mine.
They reached their room. Ashamed, Syaoran spoke. "I want to apologize."
Fai looked back, sliding the door open. "For what?"
Syaoran stared at his feet. "I . . . For a while, I stopped trusting you. I ignored you when I could and pushed you away when I couldn't. I looked at you with suspicion when I should have tried to see your perspective. I was wrong, and I've been treating you poorly because of it. I'm sorry."
Fai tilted his head to the side. "You were right to be suspicious. I lied. I betrayed all of you. I killed Sakura." His voice wavered a little at the last part.
Syaoran shook his head. "You're one of us. I allowed myself to forget that."
Fai looked at him for a long moment, then tousled his hair. "Don't worry about it, Syaoran-kun. It's not something you need to be sorry for."
"Even so . . ." he said, thinking back to the moment he'd stopped time. It seemed almost like a dream now. A nightmare. Without that wish, Fei-Wang Reed wouldn't have been able to set his plan in motion. Fai might not have been born a twin. He might never have had to go to that valley.
A sad smile crossed the wizard's face, but unlike his smiles in Infinity, it seemed genuine. "It's over, you know," he said quietly. "I lost my brother and my king. I lost my whole world."
And it's my fault, Syaoran thought, unable to say the words.
"But you know," Fai continued, tilting his head back. "I think it will be all right now. It's . . . freeing to know that I don't have to keep those secrets anymore. That I don't have to lie to keep people from hating me."
Syaoran swallowed thickly. "I still wish it hadn't cost so much."
"Ah, right." Fai's smile brightened, and Syaoran sensed the man had misunderstood. "I know I can't stop you from worrying, but Kuro-pyon is big and strong—he'll be just fine."
"Right," he said, dropping the subject. You'll have to explain everything to them at some point, whispered a small, dark voice in his mind. Your wish. The costs. You can't keep it from them much longer.
No one can keep a secret forever.