Disclaimer: Do I look like a cow? Wait, don't answer that...

Chapter 6

"I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut," I groaned.

"You think?!" Ed shouted.

"Do you really think NOW is the time to be arguing?!" Al yelled. We struggled against our attacker, but were helplessly outmatched. He tore through Al's armor like butter, and obliterated Ed's arm in an instant.

"Prepare to die!" he cackled, arms glowing. Ed's arm is trashed, I can hardly stand, and Al was holding himself together through sheer willpower.

How did we end up in this situation again? Oh right, I had to tempt fate with my big mouth.

I had just gotten out of the hospital and was partaking in one of my favorite pastimes, pissing people off. Only thing is, Al was embracing his inner mother hen and ruining my fun.

"Alphonse! For the last time, I can walk on my own! I don't need you mothering me!"

"You just got out of the hospital!" Al protested.

"For a head injury! My legs are fine! I am completely healthy. Stop acting like I am made of glass! I almost prefer when you two didn't talk to me," I groaned.

"What can I say? Near death experiences bring people together," Ed teased.

"My reputation as the snarky sass master is ruined!" I lamented, "People are going to think I am nice!"

"No they won't," Ed assured. I glared at him.

"Let's just hope we don't have any other near death experiences for at least a week." And that is when shit his the fan.

"Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Youngest state alchemist in history." Three heads whipped around to see a man emerge from the shadows. Oh yeah, totally not suspicious. All that is missing is a white van and free candy!

"Ed, I think one of your stalkers found us," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. The stalker ignored me and continued his approach. I can feel the creeper radar ringing again.

"Who are you? What do you want?" Ed snarled.

"I normally try to avoid involving children, but for you I'll make an exception." He removed his hood and we get a look at our attacker's face. Dark skin, white hair, sunglasses, and a large X-shaped scar in the middle of his face. Scar, the state alchemist hunter. I took a couple steps back.

"Edward, Alphonse," I whispered, "we need to get out of here. Now. This man is-"

His right arm glowed and he moved to attack, but Ed narrowly dodged. The wall behind us was instantly destroyed.

"Run!" Thus, the chase was on. We ran through the city, the killer hot on our heels, only to be trapped in an alley. Just my luck. I had to go and tempt fate. Oh, we can't possibly have our lives threatened again! We hardly survived our last battle. No, we can't possibly have time to recover. That would actually be helpful and convenient! It's against the rules for anything in our lives to be easy!

Yep, that's how we ended up in this mess. Now we're going to die at the hands of a maniac with a killing fetish for state alchemist.

"Wait!" My thoughts were interrupted by Ed confronting Scar. "Am I your only target? Or are you planning to kill the others?" Edward Elric, what the hell are you doing? You can't seriously be stupid enough to bargain with a-

"No, I will only kill those who interfere with my objective."

"If you swear to let them go, then I offer my life to you." Oh my god. You really are that stupid.

"You have my word, alchemist." He moves in for the kill.

"Ed! Please run away!" Al pleaded. "You can't throw your life away!"

"You can't just sacrifice yourself!" I shouted. "No way am I letting you take all the glory as a martyr!" I attempt to attack, but he swats me away like a fly. Curse you small areas! Arial combat is useless if I can't get in the air!

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Scar cackled. "What do we have here?"

I looked up to see him holding my pocket watch. God freaking dammit.

"Looks like I get a two-for-one deal! Who knew I would find another state alchemist? It must be my lucky day!"

I cringe. "I swear, if I survive this, I am going to throw that damn thing off a cliff."

BANGBANGBANG

"Not so fast! We've got you surrounded!" Look who's here! The military, saving the day at the last moment.

"You're under arrest for the killing of state alchemists," Roy declares. I've never been happier to see anyone in my life.

"Fools, state alchemists are the real criminals. You deserve the ultimate punishment for going against God, defacing the natural balance of the world."

What. "Are you serious?! You have been going around MURDERING people! Isn't that against 'God's' laws?! You are a religious nut-job who kills using 'God's Will' as an excuse! I may be an alchemists, but I haven't MURDERED anyone!"

He lunges at me, only to be stopped by Hawkeye's rein of bullets. "I will not hesitate to kill you, heretic."

He's calling me the heretic?! "Look in the mirror," I mutter. "You're using alchemy as your freaking murder weapon!"

"You dar-" Scar's rant was cut off by spikes coming from behind.

"HALT SCAR! COWER BEFORE THE POWER OF THE 'STRONG ARM ALCHEMIST'!" The two engage in battle, leaving me forgotten.

"THE YOUNG ONE IS INDEED CORRECT! YOU USE ALCHEMY, YET OMIT RECONSTRUCTION! FACE MY JUDGEMENT! THE JUDGEMENT THAT HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THROUGH THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!"

As they fight, Hawkeye prepares a shot. Scar avoids the bullet barely, his glasses being knocked off revealing blood red eyes.

My hope shatters. We're doomed now, this guy is a freaking VAMPIRE! A vampire that uses alchemy!

"You're an Ishvalin," Mustang states. Right, an Ishvalin. Not a vampire. Heh heh... Good thing I didn't say that aloud.

Scar growls and destroys the ground, escaping into the sewers. Ed scrambles to his brother's side to check on him.

WHAM

That had to hurt. Al chews Ed out for being stupid, while Hawkeye checks on me. Once Al calmed down, Mustang took the three of us to headquarters.

"So..." I say once we reach Mustang's office, "What's an Ishvalin?"

"Well, it looks like I have no choice. I need to visit Winry," Ed announced.

"Who's Winry?" I asked, my head was still spinning from our history lesson courtesy of the Colonel.

"She's my mechanic. I can't fix Al with one arm."

"Yay! Road trip!" I cheer.

"Haha, no. You're staying here. I don't need you tagging along. You'll just be in the way."

"What happened to 'near death experiences bring people together'? I'm a part of your team!"

"Yeah, well we don't have to be together all the time! Just appreciate having some time off!"

"As much as I love listening to hormonal teens bicker, you both need to LET ME FINISH!" Mustang yelled, slamming his hand on his desk.

"Sorry," I mumbled. Ed just scowled and leaned back in his chair.

"Fullmetal, you still need an escort. He should be arriving-"

The door burst open with a shower of sparkles. "ELRIC BROTHERS, IT IS MY HONOR TO BE YOUR MANLY ESCORT!"

"-now. Have fun!"

Ed stared at Mustang with a look of horror. "Is it too late to have her go instead?"

On the day the boys were returning, Hughes took me to the station where I was waiting patiently for their train.

"WHERE IS THAT FREAKING TRAIN!" Well... maybe not so patiently.

"Nia, you're scaring the civilians." Hughes gestured to the clump of people shaking in fear. Oops.

"Good! They need to fear That Alchemist. Submit to me!"

Hughes stared at me. Dang it, I said the last part out loud. Quick, change the subject!

"Umm... I also missed them."

"Ha, I knew it." I spun around. Ed and Al were standing behind me. Ed was smirking, and Al seemed to be bouncing. Well, as close to bouncing as a suit of armor could get.

I clenched my fists. "What are you talking about?"

Ed's grin widened. "No matter how you act, your just as soft as any other girl," he teased.

I growled, while Ed just chuckled. Who does he think he is?

"Um, brother, I think we should tell her about what we found..."

"What?" I asked, unclenching my fists. "You found something? Tell me!"

"Alright already! Calm down, will ya?" Ed held his hands in front of him, blocking me from getting any closer.

"Just tell me! What did you find out?"

"We found out about this guy, Tim Marcoh. He told us about his notes on the Philosopher's Stone. Once we get them from the library, we can to decode them."

"That's great! Let's go!" I grabbed both their arms and dragged them.

"WAIT BOYS!" Armstrong shouted. "YOU FORGOT YOUR SOMETHING!"

He turned to two previously unnoticed soldiers, who stiffened. "YOU TWO, GO AFTER THEM!" he commanded, sending sparkles in their direction.

"Y-yes sir!" They scrambled to follow after the alchemists.

"No!" I cried, falling to my knees. "Now I'm sure the universe is out to get me!" I pounded the ground with my fist.

"Yeah... I guess we should have told you..." The two soldiers finally caught up. They both were panting, leaning against the wall.

"It burned down! We finally get a lead, and it's gone just like that!" Ed punched a charred chunk of debris.

"Actually, we might be able to help you with that," one of the soldiers said. "Major Hughes recently hired a woman who used to work at this library. I believe her name is Shezka."

Ed gapes, noticing the two soldiers for the first time. "Wait, when did you get here? Who are you people?"

"I am Denny Brosh, and she is my partner Maria Ross. Together, we are your new escorts!" the blonde soldier announced, striking a pose.

"Great, babysitters. Just what we need," I say, rolling my eyes. "Anyway, you mention a woman named Shezka? I think I met her when I first took my exam."

"She has a fantastic memory! With luck, she can copy whatever you need," Ross informed us.

"Yes, because we are so lucky. Whatever, it's worth a shot."

"Ah, yes! I remember everything I read! Just give me a while to write it all down!"

"Thanks Ms. Shezka, I owe you one," I promised.

"Just get me some time away from the Major and you have yourself a deal!" I nodded and returned to the others.

"Well, we have to distract Hughes for a bit, but it should be worth it," I told them. We started walking to Mustang's office where Hughes could be found regularly.

Ed groaned. "Did it have to be Hughes? I don't think I can take much more of his ranting about his 'precious daughters'!"

"Oh hush! It's a small price to pay for the information we'll get!" I retorted.

"But it's Hughes!" Ed whined.

"Did I hear someone mention Maes?" Mustang asked, sticking his head out of the office. "He just got some new pictures that you will be very interested in seeing." Shit, Mustang had the same look in his eye Teacher would get when it was time to 'spar'.

"You didn't," I siad, paling.

"Oh, I did. I never break my promises!" Mustang cackled.

"Nia, what is he talking about?" Ed threatened.

"Well, you see-"

"Ed! Nia! Just the couple I wanted to see!" Hughes bellowed, shoving us both to a nearby couch.

"WHAT?!" Ed screeched. I hid my face in my hands. Why couldn't Scar have just killed me?

"Don't deny it! I have proof!" Hughes pulled out some pictures and handed to everyone.

"... This is from the Tucker incident... HOW?!" Ed fumed.

"I have my ways," Hughes teased. "Besides, you are so cute together! Your pairing is second only to Hawkeye and Roy!"

Mustang spit out the coffee he was drinking. "WHAT?! Hughes, so help me I will-!"

"I finished!" Shezka announced, breaking the mood.

"Thank goodness," I said. "Now we can get to translating Marcoh's ...Cooking Spectacular: Over 150 Easy Recipes... What the hell? This is a cookbook!"

"Oh, we have everything we need," Ed assured. "Thank you so much for your help. Take this from my research funds as payment." Ed handered her a check. She took one look at it and fainted.

"So what, are we going to cook up some 'fabulously fun dishes for family and friends'?" I asked, ignoring Brosh and Ross as they attempt to wake Shezka.

"No! Are you sure your an alchemist? You don't seem like it," Ed sneered. I clenched my fists, seething "It's written in code."

"Right... code. I knew that!"

"Sure you did."

Words blur as my eyes start to droop. All around me is a sea of white.

"I can't take it anymore!" I scream. "If I have to look at ONE MORE piece of paper, I am going to maim someone!"

Brosh and Ross paled hearing this. They both took one step away from the door they were currently guarding.

"Shut up!" Ed snapped. "You're not the only one who is tired! Why don't you go do something useful? Look at a map or something!"

I grumble, but go back to reading. After what seems like hours, I hear papers drop. I turn and see Ed, standing with a horrified expression.

"No... There's no way!" His gasped, hand shaking.

"Ed, could you not figure it out?"

"No Nia, I figured it out. It's... it's horrible." He swallowed and looked up at us. "The main ingredient to make a Philosopher's Stone is... human life."

T/N: DUN DUN DUN! Oh please, like you didn't see this coming!

Teacher: I don't know, if they are still reading your shit, they might be too dense to remember.

Shush! Don't insult my wonderful readers! Besides, I think I am getting better at writing!

Teacher: Che! Not even in your dreams! I mean look at the Scar fight! It pains me to even call that a fight! It was pathetic! And son't get me started on the office scenes-

Okay! I think we've heard enough-

Teacher: Did. You. Just. Interrupt. ME?! *hellfire and thunder booms*

Damn it! I don't have time for this! I start college soon!

Teacher: You better be taking a class on how to not write shit!

*sniffle* Jerk

Teacher: I mean, what the hell?! You compared me to that pansy of a Colonel Mustang! Next chapter better have some maiming!

Hahaha, oh god help me. If anyone is still reading this, I'll see you next time.

Teacher: MAIMING!

Manga-neko signing out!

edit: If you haven't reread the story, go to chapter 1 and read it NOW!